Memories of Ricky Allan Johnson, (1987 - 2012)

July 24, 2012

We were so close growing up I wish that hadn't changed. I still think about you everyday and wish it wasn't true, I wish I could have another day with you. We always would get mad at each other and not talk for a few months but we always seemed to forget why were mad in the first place and you'd be back at my house spending the night and we'd be playing stupid pranks on everyone lol, like when made that letter and convinced Pam someone was stalking her, she was so mad she wanted to call the cops on us. Anytime I was with u I was having fun, I wish we still could, you'll always be in my heart

When you you born

July 21, 2012

I was told that I was having a girl. I had dreams all dearing my pregnancy of me holding a beautiful Boy. So I didnt beleive the Doctors were right I Knew I was having a Boy. At my your baby shower everyone got girl stuff PINK I didnt remove the tags because I knew I have't to exchange gifts for my Boy.I started feeling contractions Thurday night so went to hospital to check they did ultrasound&told me No its ganna be alittle longer had two weeks before I'd be late. I was disappointed was ready to met you. So your Nana was worried she had to work&didnt want me to be alone just incase.So I went home with Margarie (Aunt Dawns Ex Boyfriend Steve Mom's) Who wanted you to be there baby(Adoption) but I had alot of older family friend that wanted my baby there must of knew you were ganna be (Special) also just like I did. So went home to Margarie's&stay in Steven's room fell asleep than about (5 o'clock) in the morning Friday(08/07/1987)woke up to contractions went to bathroom & noticed spotting.Went back to the room&started to time them they were getting CLOSER&HARDER.Did'nt want to wake Magarie so just sat on the bed breathing.Finally I heard her get up so went to livingroom to let her know.Shortly after her daughter Pam came&started timing them for me.They were few minutes apart we left to hospital(Scott&White) they checked again&they said your were coming today.I was admitted put me in a room.I waited&you took your time I had dilated to(10) was ready to push it took alot.I was wheeled into delivery pushed some more heard Doctor said you have a boy&than you(CRYED) nurses wrap you up.took a look at you than laid you on my chest.I looked into your eyes&tears ran down my face I felt something so strong inside my(HEART)that I never had felt so(Strong).I never seen a baby(Person)perfect beauty at God's best.I had for the first time of my(LIFE) you unconditional love,unbroken,unchaged,my SON 8.Lbs12.Ozs August 7,1987.I wish I could do it all over again.

I miss you.....

July 21, 2012

One month from today I lost the love of my life my best friend of many many years and my husband. I miss you so much that words can not explain. My heart is tourn in two and I do not know how to go on without you by my side everyday. I was used to talking to you at night laying in the bed watching our shows together. You would call me on all your breaks from work. What I would give for my phone to ring just to hear you say "I love you babe and I will see you in a little while". It breaks my heart to know that I can not hold you or kiss you or talk to you whenever I want to. You were the person that I could talk to about problems that I was having or if I had a bad day at work or if I could not figure my homework out you would sit down and try to help me and now I do not have that anylonger. I know that you are in a better place and happy and at piece now but I needed you here with me to raise our son together and to grow old with me. I just wish I could have had more time with you. I love you more than anything I have ever loved before. I miss you so dearly that sometimes I feel like I can not breath and I can not go on but then I think to myself that you told me to take care of our son and I know you want me to be strong but sometimes I do not want to be but I will for you and him, I have to be. I just know that everything that I am going to experience in life, you were suppose to experience with me. I do not know how I will feel the first day Ricky goes to school or gets his first girlfriend you were suppose to be here for things like that. I pray that you will be mine and our sons guardian angel from now on and watch over us and protect us and help our son make good decisions throughout his life. I pray that when I am sad and crying on days that are to hard for me to bare you will let me know you are with me and make me feel as if it will be ok my love. I wish you could wipe the tears from my eyes like you used to when I would cry at home in bed with you but you can't. I will try to be the best mother I can be to make you proud Daddy! I love you........you are and will always have my heart.......you will always be my husband.....rest in piece my sweet guardian angel..........~Momma Bear~

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