Rob-
I wasn't going to write anything on here (read: wasn't going to accept that you're actually gone). But it's been over a month, and I was talking with your friends Ken and Peter and we decided it was time we do.
It's been hard, I'm not gonna lie, and I have so much to tell you.
I guess all I can do is hope that you can read this, so here goes.
---
You remember that conversation we had last year? We were talking about how I regretted not recording some of my phone conversations with Josh, because I missed his voice so much. After we commiserated with each other about our regrets, we joked around about recording each other's voices.
"Should I record this conversation just in case, Rob?" I had said, laughing, "Don't you dare die on me."
And you replied, "I promise I won't - wouldn't dream of it, V."
You fucking broke your promise, Rob. And I know it wasn't your fault but part of me can't help but resent you for it.
Because I don't have a recording of you. Because I'll never see you again in this lifetime, and that kills me inside.
God, I miss you so much. I miss your voice that always sounded like home, I miss your hair that would never stay flat, I miss your dimples and I miss your crooked smile. I miss the sound of your laugh, and the sparkle in your blue eyes.
I miss those cheesy statements you'd make all the damn time. I miss our inside jokes and fake arguments. I miss our deep AM talks and our advice sessions.
I just... I miss you.
---
Our journey, Rob... it really was just beginning. But we'll never see how it would have turned out.
We weren't dating for long... didn't have time to. I wish I'd said yes the first time.
But at least we had some time, right? I don't regret becoming close to you. Even though it's super painful now, I don't regret a second of it. I just want to make sure you know that.
Heads up if you're reading this somehow: I'm going to start writing to you in a notebook or something. Keep a lookout, yeah?
---
I don't know if I want to say goodbye to you, Rob. I still don't want to accept that you're gone.
The words "thank you" cannot mean enough, but they'll have to do till I see you again.
Thank you for the memories. Thank you for the jokes. Thank you for listening. Thank you for the advice. Thank you for making me feel like everything would be okay. Thank you for becoming so close to me. Thank you for opening up. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for being salty with me. Thank you for dealing with my (admittedly shallow at times) rants. Thank you for being my rock, and letting me be yours. Thank you for giving me so much comfort and love when I needed it. Thank you for the gifts. Thank you for the happiness and laughter and fun. Thank you for being so trustworthy, so adorable, so kindhearted, and so inspiring. Thank you for being you, and thank you for being such an important part of my life.
I miss and love you so much, and always will.
-V