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Another fishing trip

June 27, 2016

How my heart aches to see my son and not be able to pat or squeeze his shoulder and just tell him I love him and proud of him.    I did so often so I have no regrets    This is a picture of him after a long day fishing as we all gathered around to clean the fish.   We took with us Chase and Nick and went to Branson   What seemed like it might be one if the more dull vacations because we were not headed to Disney rides or the beach in Florida turned out to be one of the very best ever.  Having the boys together and giving them room to be boys proved a wonderful thing.   I knew in my heart I needed to bank up from just being the same and give him some room especially with his buddies around.   If you have a son around 16 you no doubt see this in them.  All part of growing up    We had quit a stronger of fish of which thre are pictures of and of course eating them is the ultimate finish.  Chase and Nick although good with a fishing pole were not well vested in cleaning so it be and a learning session.    It's been almost a year and a half now and I can say we now realize there will never be a tine when we have gotten over this.   Never a time when he is not thought about every day or a time when he is not considered in our thoughts in everyday life decesions.   When you lose a child it's different then any other loss although all loss of loved ones are terrible.  As I look at pictures or lay in bed nightly and play in my mind him coming into the bedroom and laying down with his dog or plopping his big self in between us in our king size bed to watch tv with us .  As I think of times gone by like this time which were only a few years ago I am dramatically faced with the realization of what life really REALLY is all about.   You see none of my effort to build and franchise a company, no amount of money or accomplishment means anything in the end.   I cannot say how thankful I am that somehow, somehow I didn't make the mistake of putting those things in front of spending time with my son   I cannot imagine the additional grief of regret that would be on me.   It was only a few days while I was still in shock that I started seeking heaven   I needed to know where my son is and it was and is very serious to me.   Since that time I can honestly say I have sought scripture and researched heaven daily and I see no end to it.     I have found a hundred tines more then I have ever heard taught and God has revealed so much more about it then is widely known.   This is one of only a few real means of peace and hope   Heaven is actually more real then what life we live here.  More real meaning every bit as real but 100000 tines better.     After losing my son both my wife and I have had to revisit much of what we believe the Christian walk is suppose to involve and how it is to be lived    Where does our ability mesh with Gods and so forth I cannot go into all of that here but want to end by stating heaven is a rejoining of family and friends in the atmosphere God ORIGINALLY created and desired.   The Fathers heart is to have His family around Him.   To let them live their individual lives but to be close to it.  To be the Father    Because we are children of God we are destined to rule and reign with Him.  We don't REALLY REALLY comprehend just how real our eternal life is.   TV will show a persons testimony of what is called a near death experience as blurred vision and a lack of clarity in order to depict the unknown yet nothing could be further then the truth.    Our life now is viewed as a journey.   We know now where home really is and we know that we will hold our son again.  I will see him together with all of his friends and all of you that knew him.   It's where we all go if we accept His gift of the cross.   No one will escape death so we should actually spend a little more time understanding it and even embracing it vs being afraid of it and never thinking about it let alone living like we know we will not live forever here 

Thank you to all who knew my son.  Please feel free to talk about him and post a story or a thought or a statement etc.  



One of many Fishing Memories

May 15, 2016

Here we were up in Lake Michigan with best of friends the Jett's   So many memories with them I can't begin to tell.  Here Robbie hooked into something and although I can't really remember the moment of the picture I do know instantly the heart felt joy of seeing my boy experience it.   The love in my heart runs so deep towards him is what makes the pain so severe to be away from him.   At this age he would think nothing of wrapping his arms around me and telling me he loved me or his mother   He was always proud to be out with me but I was the one who was most proud to be with him .

Weekend trip to Downtown Indy w boys

May 15, 2016

Chase and Aaron were both two of Robbie's best friends   They grew up together and although each have their own distinct personality they all flowed well together.

Here we went downtown Indy and stayed in a hotel for a night.  We got the boys there own room next to ours and boy did they like that   I was always of a mind this type of expense was well worth it.  I always knew memories our made from today's life, no other way.   I'm very very thankful I had and acted on that insight.  Robbie has several other great friends we hopefully have pictures of.   These are two of several that are great boys and great friends of my sons so they will forever also be to me 

Robbie Dad 

A wonderful girl Robbie cared for

May 15, 2016

Although Robbie had a soft spot for girls he had a few we could tell he was drawn to more then others.  Liz was one of those girls.  

From the time Robbie was very young I am fortunate to somehow ( had to be God) know that I was able to impart life truths into him.  He was my right hand for most of his life wanting to be with me in every way   So through the years and hundreds if times I was able to casually say certain things the subject of girls was no exception.  I knew there would be a day when how he looked at girls would change   I knew he needed to know how to do that.   I spoke to him openly telling him one day he would begin to like girls where at that time they were either just part of who he knew or something to be avoided.   Robbie knew girls were to be respected and protected.  He understood one day he would meet one that would become his wife and that would be one of the most important decisions of his life   In that I talked to him a lot about the very real beauty he needed to see on the inside not just outside.  Over time he recognized this and clearly understood and was drawn to a caring tender nature.   

Although I believe there were several girls in his class he enjoyed very much being with and considered very very good friends I know Robbie had a special place in his heart towards Liz in the above picture.  She is several years older then him but Robbie was in many ways mature for his age.   There are several girls in pictures with Robbie who unfortunately I do not know and wish I did but we have become closer to Liz since Ribbie left and our hearts are glad to know what type of girl she is and that Robbie felt a closeness with her.   

I explain this because it paints a better picture of who Robbie is 

Would love to have some girls who knew Robbie to post a story or tribute.  I fear now because it took so long for me to put this site together that people will find it too difficult to post.   We understand but hope otherwise. 

We love you Liz 

Grief Unspeakable

April 28, 2016
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The video attached makes both Pam and I cry almost ecvery time we here it. 
Not out of just grief but a mixture of grief and joy.  Until this happened to us i never understood how brokeness could live with joy.  I never unde3rstood that some of the most loving people I have ever met are those who have suffered extreme.   This song is the cry of our hearts to our son.  
 I often listen to it as if Im talking to him.  Of course we cannot talk to the dead or those that pass as far as having a conversation with them but to talk to my son hoping possibly he can hear me or even if its just for my sake is a very real part of the healing process of learning to live here without him .
It may seem odd to some but we know in the deepest of our hearts that Robbie is better off in heaven.  This is noty a easy thing for a parent to say or even think.  We love our son more then we do ourselves and believe me being with him is and always was worth everyuthing to me.  Yet just as in the moment we had to decide in the hospital to let him go we continue to have to do that.  We do it though not blindly but with full undertsanding of what we have released him to.  That Robbie is now where ALL those who love God will be.  Robbie finished the race fast (just like him) and in reality he is a million times better of in my Fathers house under His care then mine.   In reality, in reality, we are very happy for him and we would not take it from him for our own selfishness if we so had that power.   Instead we now see life as a journey and we know our destination will be his mother, sister and myself will one day all be together again.   That is NOT wishful thinking, its a fact.    I have found peace in only a few places since losing my boy.  One place in in the midst and aftermath of extreme grief and weeping.  I can count on one hand how many times I have wept before losing Robbie and now it seems the number is too high to know.  But I have wittnessed something profound which is Gods grace and mercy in the midst of this degree of pain.   God will only let a heart break to a point.  Its a much deeper place then anyone would choose or hope it is yet nevertheless God does intervene.  He has every time.   Its a peace i cannot explain and not sure I can even try.  It comes like a slow warm wave that overwhelms the overwhelming grief.   Its not based in my hope of seeing him or anything to do with my mindset or belief.  Its clearly outside of myself and i know it literally is the hand of God that prevents me from actually perishing from a broken heart.    As God word says in 1st Thessalonians 4:13  -   But we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve like other people who have no hope.    Although our grief is at times still often severe we see a big difference between those that grieve with hope vs those that do not.  How terribly sad, terribly terribly sad we feel for parents to lose their children and not know this hope.                                If you are a parent please love your child.  It doesnt matter what they have done and it doesnt matter what you have done or not done.   Relationships are all that matter.  Trust me on that.  

The Story To This Song

March 12, 2016
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There are actually two very distinct things this song immediately means to me when i hear it.  One is its reflection of my heart and life as Robbies father and the other is from Robbies own heart and what has happened to him.


The Song Seen From My Heart and Life


The lyrics read     

I'm setting the stage for the things I love

And I'm now the man I once couldn't be

Nothing on earth could now ever move me
I now have the will and the strength a man needs


My perspective)   In my life there was a point where after i had finally really made Christ the head of my life and then after I met and married my wife, that I realized I was setting the stage for the things that i loved.   A great friend, brother and the man who led me to Christ, Mark Minnix,  once asked me when I  was confused to what God wanted me to do with my life, "what does the depth of your heart want?"  I realized then God wasnt needing me to change the world in some spectacular way but more so wanted me to live life, love others and love him.  It was simple.  I longed in my heart to one day marry a woman who loved God, have children who I could love and them love me and live life in midst of Gods purposes as they unfolded.   That is exactly what happened.  God blessed me in many ways yet life has also been riddled with much pain.  
I knew I was then the man that once before I could have never been without Gods love and merciful grace on my life and invading my heart, slowly constantly changing my life while He practiced forgivness constantly towards me.

I reached a point with my relationship with God where I knew Nothing on earth could now ever move me as I had experienced too much of Gods love, seen too many miracles and wittnessed his blessings to ever go backwards in my faith to Him.  i knew I had the will and the strength a man needs. 


The songs chorus sings

It's my will, and I'm not moving

Cause if it's Your will, then nothing can shake me

It's my will, to bow and praise You

I now have the will to praise my God

My perspective)
The strength God had built in me over my life I knew was for a purpose but only time would tell how all of how He would use it.  My determination and hearts convinced was that  It's my will, and I'm not moving and that Because it's Your will, then nothing can shake me.      I knew this in my heart  I felt I had this strength in me.  I knew I had that strength in me.  Time was going to tell but I would never of expected how.    God used my wife and I in teaching ministry at various churches in our lives and for several years we taught on marriage seeking to comfort married couples from and with the comfort we had received from coming out of our own rough areas.  I knew from a very young age my daughter had a strong annointing the Lord promised much about and we saw it manefest in her from a very young age.  We saw the same thing in a different way with Robbie.  I knew Robbie was learning life from me.  It was more then that it was life lived, it was all that God had showed me, any wisdom any and everything I had become was what was being imparted to Robbie.  To say that my son was all the best parts of me without the failures is to state it lightly.  
It's was my will, to bow and praise Him
I had the will to praise my God
I think I tell the story of a prophecy we received once from a man we had never met and knew nothing of us.  I was puposed to impart the mantle of what i had learned from God.  His annointing on me was to be given to my son as the prophet used Elijah and Elisha as a example.  Whatever I had was to be directly passed to Robbie and in him it would become magnified. Never in a million years would we have considered it would be only into his 16th year that it would be used. 




Now the song switches voices from a different singer
and the lyrics continue.    
( i see the different singer being relative to a different time of life coming upon me and a different way of seeing things, a trial such as i have never known) 

Complexity haunts me for I am two men

Entrenched in a battle that I'll never win

My discipline fails me, my knowledge it fools me

But You are my shelter, all the strength that I need


My perspective) 


After the day that changed my life forever.  The day my memory wants to flash back to that was truly the saddest day of my life I find that that Complexity haunts me for I am two men as I struggle in understanding what i thought I knew about God and healing and how I have felt at times betrayed by my Lord for not healing my son and letting all of us go through such undescribable pain.  I often feel like two different men Entrenched in a battle that I'll never win as I want to demand to know WHY and where is the Gode I have so pledged my life to and why has my family been so ripped from me ?
My discipline fails me, my knowledge it fools me I have no more strength inside myself to go on.  So much of what i thought I knew I now know there is more to it then i realized.  That I see through a glass dimly. 

In the midst of this horror and all the questions.  In the midst of the pain and the weeping to a point where my face is distorted and the heart feels truly broken, I know that He is my shelter, all the strength that I need


The songs chorus repeats
The songs lyrics continues

I'm learning to give up the rights to myself

The bits and the pieces I've gathered as wealth

They're nothing compared to the joy that You bring me

The peace that You show me is the strength that I need


My perspective) 


Its been a year now and his mother and I miss him the same.  Nothing has really gotten easier but we are learning to give up the rights to ourselves as we so so deeply depend on God in the midst of our pain.  As we do I have noticed we simply no longer care about the same things we once did.  We are learning not only that we desire nothing in life anymore but God but that Robbie was never ours in the first place, he was Gods.  Giving up the right of oneself starts by understanding and whole heartedly believing that.   We are not our own yet I honestly believe most of the church today somehow has God as the editor not the author of our lives.   The bits and the pieces of our lives that we've gathered as weealth are nothing compared to the joy that God brings me.  I no longer care if I francise the business.  We no longer care what the world has to provide
The peace that He shows me is the strength that I need. Nothing else.  Nothing else ultimately matters then our lives being lived in His presence.  Yes God is with us here but the bible is very clear this is not our home and Jesus went ahead to prepare a place for us to be so where He is we can be with Him.  That is what matters.  Thats where I know Im going and Thats where God has given me a peace that surpasses understanding.  I am not saying my grief is gone or will ever be gone.  Robbie mother, sister and I will always miss him daily. Every day for the rest of our lives there will be a thought of what could of been yet Gods promise overshadows that.  It overpowers and trumps it.   Hoplessness is NOT part of our lives, on the contrary hope knowing we will see our son again is part of our lives   In that peace, in that fact is where God shows me the strength that I need.   
My wife and I see life differently now.  We view the rest of our life as a journey we must take to one day get to our home.   We are not sure how long it will take or what we will encounter along the way but one thing WE KNOW is we as a family will all end up together again one day.  A glorious day where we will be where Jesus lives and where God has His thrown.  Where He has prepared a life so wonderful that our ears eyes or mind has not been able to comprehend it.   
Until that day comes we've got to be children of peace


The Chorus repeats   

It's my will, and I'm not moving

Cause if it's Your will, then nothing can shake me

It's my will, to bow and praise You

I now have the will to praise my God


This is now my life.  Full of pain but not without Gods presence.  Full of dread of learning how to live life without my Robbie but not without the assurance i will see him again.  


I hear this song and my life is sang out

Below I will share how i also hear this song through my sons heart as i knew it so well.

    
   
   

      
  
  
       
  
     
  

Robbie and Friends

June 20, 2015

All our kids as well as all parents when they were young, have a separate life lived away from the home.  Its the life they are forming hopefully from what they have been taught or have become from a result of their surroundings.
When my daughter was born I had a very strong conviction I needed to do everything possible to give my children a edge on living life in the world they were going to live in.  I vowed and knew the Lord was good with me sending them to a christian school.   
 
We were thankful very early in both our daughter Christa and our son Robbie that they formed very good relationships with others from the school which will last forever.

Robbie like everyone had a core group of who he hung around with most although many many students at Horizon Christian School told us how much Robbie touched their lives even though they were not best of friends.
We as parents like to think we know our kids yet there is always going to be that life lived outside the home.  Since Robbie’s passing to heaven we have learned and heard many stories of his activities and adventures of which all greatly blessed us.   We have heard a few stories that are the type a kid normally doesn’t tell his parents but even those stories just made us smile. 
  
All of Robbie’s friends were great kids and we were thankful all of them were part of his life.  One thing is for sure is Robbie knew how to have fun.  
From the time he was a little guy I would tell him true stories of my life and he always loved to hear them.   I look back now and can see clearly the impact these stories and me sharing my life with him had on him.

I would encourage all parents not just to be a parent but to also be a friend to your kids.  Its said a parent should not be a friend to their children because you will lose the parent authority that is so desperately needed today. That is absolutely true however the problem isn’t in also being a friend to your kids, its when being their friend is first over being the parent.  That is where you will lose their respect.   I’m here to tell you if you keep the parent authority first and then allow a closer relationship by sharing your life, thoughts, strengths and weakness you can have a much better relationship that works wonderfully.  

The enclosed picture is just one of many that we do have but I can only post one with this post.  Others will be in the general pictures with all the others. By no means do these pictures represent all of his core group or all  his friends we simply just dont have more pictures.

Please if you have pictures or videos of our son we ask you would post them here or email them to me at Rindianalaw@outlook.com   It matters not how short the video or the seeming insignificance of the picture.   We would be grateful if you would share it with us.
Thank You      

 

Fish or Swim The unexpected

May 16, 2015
<p>Many of our family vacations have been in Florida.  There is just something about the ocean and the different environment with so much to experience.<br/>On this particular vacation we wanted to go fishing yet because I personally have been sea sick many times we had to look for a alternative.<br/>We were down in the Florida Keys as far south as one can go in the states. We found a fishing guide who’s name was "Rob" who introduced a new type of fishing called Flat Fishing.  <br/> <br/>It gets its name because there are hundreds maybe thousands of square miles where the ocean is only 4-8 ft deep.   Because you can see the bottom they use smaller boats where the captain stands on a raised platform in the back and uses a push pole to move through the water while you LOOK for fish.  <br/>This particular day the water was exceptionally calm and literally like glass for as far as the eye could see.   The choice fish is what is called a Permit which basically looks like a big silver bluegill.   The method used to catch these fish is to see them, sneak up on them and then cast live bait fish in front of them.<br/>Because the day was so calm the guide told us odds were against us as the fish could actually also see us coming.  <br/><br/>We spent the day in the hot sun not catching anything except a beautiful day together, good conversation with our guide and the captivation of the water.<br/> About 2/3rds into the day we did see a big bull shark that actually came up to the boat and bumped it with its nose.  The captain told us it was one of biggest he had seen and called them the " Mean and Nasty" of the ocean stating they are extremely dangerous to people.   <br/><br/>In the last hour of the trip after having caught nothing things start to happen.<br/>Gary Smalley who is a well known Christian counselor and teacher says memories that are later cherished are always made up from things that happen to us.  Things we experience together.<br/> <br/>Rob our captain was disappointed with the days results but just as we are all thinking its time to start the motor and ride the hour trip back we see it.<br/> At least 300 yards away out in the perfectly still glass water we see movement of what the captain says is a school of Permit.    Just as he begins to push the pole and propel the boat in the direction we see a LARGE V shaped single wave another 300 yards from the school of Permit headed straight towards them.<br/>The guide says excitedly " Its the large Bull Shark headed to get lunch, watch as we are going to see something rarely seen" <br/> <br/>As we watch in anticipation being thankful for at least some kind of excitement we see the large single wave come up on the school of permit and instead of thrashing water, blood and carnage we watch it take the lead and the school of permit fish join it. <br/>The captain says "OH MY GOODNESS, ITS THE BIGGEST PERMIT I HAVE EVER SEEN"  and he quickly begins to push the boat with his pole with incredible vigor.    We both start to get really excited.<br/> <br/>  I had and always did prayed earnestly requesting the lord would make my time with my son a memorable one.   When Robbie was very young those types of pryers were 10 times more important and critical to me as young children will learn very quick if they think something is fun or not.   It is my own personal strong conviction that the love of the outdoors specifically hunting and fishing brings most men 9and women0 closer to God.  It puts a person in the midst of His creation and the beauty of it. <br/> <br/> The fish were moving at several knots but the captain was very very determined to get us close for what was sure to be a one chance cast.  I honestly did not expect the captain to make it.  We could both see and hear his agony in what it took to push the boat fast enough to gain 300 yards on these fish.<br/>Just as the captain was sure to become completely exhausted we were barely close enough to make what would have to be a near perfect very long cast.<br/>Of course my son wanted to make the cast himself and I had no reserves in letting him.  He was excited and things were happening fast.<br/>The captain shouts " Cast It Now" and Robbie let it rip.  The 6 in long bait fish flew through the air over 100 foot and LANDED RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BIG LEADER OF THE SCHOOL ! <br/> BAM  !  <br/> The big fish hit it harder then anything I have ever seen even on TV. <br/> Instantly the line on the pole zipped off the reel with a high pitched scream and the captain told Robbie to get ready to set the hook.<br/>The fish must of taken the line out 1000 feet before he yelled " Set It" and as he did my son gave the pole a yank like never before and the fight was on.  The fight lasted about 30 minutes and although I offered Robbie wanted to fight the fish and bring it all the way in.<br/>When the fish was pulled out of the water we could see just how big it was and it was huge for a Permit.   <br/>Pictures were taken and all three of us were so excited we temporarily lost all inhibitions and were screaming, high fiving and carrying on like three fish crazed men.  <br/> <br/>After the excitement died down a little and my son was allowed to let it go (they are not good to eat) the captain asked my son if he had anything in his pockets.   Strange question for the moment but Robbie answered and said no.   As fast as he said no the captain picked Robbie up and threw him over into the water !  <br/>Robbie came up laughing and half scared to death as he and I both had the thought of the Mean and Nasty giant Bull Shark.   <br/>We pulled Robbie in and we all laughed harder then we had in a long time.   The captain said he deserved some kind of initiation for catching the biggest Permit he had ever caught.<br/> <br/> The trip back was one i will never forget.   It was just a long boat ride on crystal smooth water with a Florida sunset in our face but it was special.   I told my son a life memory had just been made and it had.<br/> I weep now upon the completion of the memory<br/> You can see a line of pictures of this entire event in the main picture area.<br/>Love you son                                                       Dad                       <br/> If you liked this story you will love the others.  I have many many more. <br/>Please check back every week and remember post a comment and share the site.      </p> <p> </p>

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