My baby boy how have I survived this long without you? It's been 6 years now since you left us. My son you bring a smile to me when I envision you calling out to me. I see your handsome face and think what if you were still here, would you be happy. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I will prepare the sweet potatoes just like you were here and save a chair with your plate. I wonder if you and grandpa are still telling jokes or is grandma telling you, "Que chulo mijo." You all are so happy now, pain free and I'm still missing you and my pain still comes in waves on a daily basis. Oh God!
Your Dad and I talk about your good days here with us, joking and laughing. I know Jaylah misses you, she cried for you on her 15th birthday when Jiovanna spoke about you at her celebration. It was beautiful celebration that you would've enjoyed. James, I'll love you forever until I see you again my baby. FOREVER 27

My one and only son Robert James celebrating his 5th anniversary in his heavenly home. I never thought I would bury a child but I'm reminded by God's word that our thoughts and ways are not God's, they are not like ours. Can I see beyond that blue sky of grandeur that God shows us daily. I can only imagine what it will be like when we see the streets of gold with that bright light shining and joy in our being in a forever home. I miss you son so much and know that you await my coming. I walk into your room and envision you sitting in your bed or calling out to me and saying "Who's my favorite Mom?" I can't hold you now but I still remember the feeling of your hugs and kisses. if only for a moment I could hold you and tell you I know why you decided to leave this world and tell you I'm not mad. I wish your depression would of been healed but I know God took you and allowed this tragic event to occur.  My baby boy you will be forever missed. My chiquito Mama loves you!

My first born child Robert James you have become a forever memory. My heart bleeds a daily pain. It is like a thorn pricking over and over into my flesh becoming soar and numb at the same time. Loving and letting go, which is it. The waves of sorrow settle in the dark of the night and I cry out to God for his peace to inundate my soul. My baby boy you suffered like no other. Selfish to want to keep you here. I want to hold you but you're too far away. I held you, cuddled you, loved you but it wasn't enough. Living with God one day at a time.