1yr ago today September 20th, I felt one of the worse wounds to my heart, as I awoke today, the realization seem all to real agian , and for an instant I had forgotten that Roy was gone my mind wondered off thinking Roy was just on a long vacation with his parents, however seeing my husbands remains , sadly brought me back to that moment and realization that he would never physically be with us, but no matter how long time passes by , every were I turn there is a sense of his presence , Images start to flash before my eyes at unexpected moments. , and its almost as I began to suffer (post-traumatic stress disorder, over the last few days knowing this day would come and more then ever i began to weep, when I pass roys chemo or oncologist or walking into an emergency room , I would shudder and lose my breath and look away quickly, When it came time to pick up Roys ashes, I felt anxious and panicked. As I drove to pick up Roys ashes I was in a state of suspended disbelief over what I was doing. When the container holding his ashes was placed in my arms , a sense of calm came over me because I was taking my husband home. I couldn't believe that these ashes contained my husband remains, but I was relieved that I could hold him again , as I did moments before and after his passing , I have been scared to face today, I feel sense of dagavou, every hour that passes by , brings back memories of things that were being done, things that were being said, family, friends gathering at our home, to see him once again , now 1 yr later, my sense of lost has become all to real again, the heartache is worse then before, I know in my heart that he is physically gone , but his soul ,his heart , his memories, his unconditional love is forever with me and our children, Roy was such a loving , caring person , who loved beyond anyone I knew, he was a fighter and never let his sickness change who he was , one in a million, and now a Very Precious Angel, good night my sweet husband, its time we let you rest in peace, I love ❤ you so very much miss you more then ever, till we meet agian , Papi chulo n Chula against the world!!!!