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One Year of Missing Russ

April 15, 2012

A year ago today... seems so long and yet so recent.

Everyday we find ourselves wishing he was here to tell us one of his silly jokes; explain about something no one else seems to know except him; to ask for technical assistance on our darn computers or the password to something; to see his wonderful smile or raised eyebrow; to hear him play guitar with Katy and sing us a song; to watch him wiz through crossword puzzles; to watch Regis and Kelly in the morning over a lovely cup of coffee; to work on projects around the house or in our garden;  to watch him be silly with his granddaughters; or to just sit quietly and enjoy his calm, loving presence. We have these and so many other memories to give us strength in the days, months, and years to come. We see his touch in everything and his smile all day long. And really, there is a certain crow that seems to show up at the most unusual moments….

An old friend. . .

September 25, 2011

I just learned about Russ’ passing on FaceBook. We had become “friends” again in recent years. I have known Russ—or rather Rusty, as he was called back then – since the 4th grade when he moved to Camp Hill. I remember him and his family from both school and the country club, which our families both frequented.

 

Rusty was always very different from most of the other boys – he was much more mature and got over the “girls as cooties” thing much earlier. He actually was one of the first boys to have a girlfriend—a very pretty girl named Vicki Ryder. I think that may have been short-lived. But he was always popular and sought after by girls for his good looks and charm—even then. For some reason, I valued his friendship and never saw him as “boyfriend” material. He was just fun to be around and great to talk to about anything.

 

I particularly remember 6th grade— in Mr. Berner’s class. It was the year after John Kennedy was shot. The space thing was big. There was a group of boys who built “rocket ships” which they raced around the town of Camp Hill on Saturdays. Each week was a different launch – and always, only boys were allowed to be the “pilots”. They really didn’t want girls involved, but Rusty was always pretty cool and kind to the excluded girls – at least he was to me and made me feel somehow better. I remember hanging out at each others houses and talking about the world – as much as 12 year olds could.

 

We knew each other through junior/senior high school (in Camp Hill, the school was 7th to 12th grade) and we hung out with many of the same kids. As we got older, we became the hippie group, the ones that protested Viet Nam and had sit-ins to allow us to wear pants (for girls) and then to wear blue jeans. But I remember Rusty went away to a private school. I remember missing him being at school. I think I saw him again when we were seniors when I was making plans with some of those “rocket ship boys” to get a VW bus and travel around the US after graduation and out to California. I think Rusty may have even been a part of that plan. That never happened. We all went off to college.

 

We lost touch. I often wondered what happened to him over the years. I had looked for him on occasion, wanting to just say hello to an old friend again.

 

It is interesting that our lives must have paralleled on occasion. After graduating from Penn State, I went on to San Francisco where I met my husband in 1977—around the time Russ met Lynn, it seems. We married in San Francisco in 1979 and lived there for most of 22 years, then moved on to Carmel for seven years, and then Fresno. We both have one daughter, ours was born a few year’s earlier, in 1984 (no grandchildren as yet). I wish our paths had crossed again. It would have been fun to meet up and get to know each other’s spouses and children.

 

A few years ago, I found Rusty on FaceBook and discovered that he was also a Californian. We had a brief “conversation”. I had no idea he was ill. He was very brave. I wish his family nothing but the best—I know how lucky they are to have had such a fabulous spirit in their lives. Even though we hadn't seen each other in nearly 40 years, I will miss him too. He was a special part of my growing-up-years.

Celebration of Russ's Life - Tribute at Solana Beach Church May 14, 2011

May 15, 2011

Russ and I first met in 1977 at Thunderbird - over 32 years ago.  Lynn and Russ were an “item” even then. We were like the 3 musketeers back then on campus and later living together in Mexico together.  I had the honor to be best man for Russ & Lynn's wedding. Even then, when you think of soul mates or those folks fated to be together- I always thought of Russ and Lynn.  And I know Russ thought how lucky he has been to have Lynn as his wife, partner and best friend. He always thought he got the better part of that deal.
 
We remained friends after graduation, with Russ in Rochester and later in their first CA apartment in Menlo Park and later in Cupertino and San Diego. There are casual friends and there are deep, abiding friendships that mean everything in one's life. Russ was one of the latter - the kind that make all the difference in the world. Russ got me my first tech job by going to his boss and vouching for me. That simple act of faith from Russ led to my career in technology and to my relocation to California. I owe much of my success to Russ as a friend and mentor because Russ  was always there to help someone else out.  And that was just Russ, he always made the other person feel more special than himself. Which just made Russ himself more special.
 
Russ was a tremendous teacher on the value of being a good human being - it was a rare moment when Russ said a negative thing. For him the glass was always full. Even in fighting his disease, Russ always spoke of it as an inconvenience or something that had to be overcome. And for Russ, it was also about love his family, for the apple of his eye, Katie, and then for Charlie that gave him the will to push back on his disease. Few men have to overcome and fight so much to be with his loved ones – Russ did that for 15 years,since he was diagnosed in 1996. Russ set goals to be there for Katy and later on for Charlie – all out of love. Just remember Russ's Mohawk haircut, that he did with and for Katy – to get a sense of both his ability to laugh at himself and his love for Katy.
 
I'll always remember Russ for his sense of adventure, abiding curiosity, quirky sense of humor and ability to be passionate about so many things. He loved the unique nature of life - his collection of Mexican dog statues, cool old movies like “The Good the Bad and the Ugly” and interesting music like George Thorogood "Bad to the Bone”,Tom Waits and his favorite “More than a Feeling” by Boston, technology like his red Audi Quattro and the endless electronic gadgets --- Russ always made it interesting. One thing for sure, you would never be bored around Russ.
 
In the end, I'll remember him for his perseverance. Most of us get upset because we lose our keys or our cell phones. Russ stayed positive while they were taking parts of his body and living in pain. Russ was strong and wise like a 100 year old  oak tree that has survived many storms. Russ never mentioned how bad things were for him  - I only got the inkling of it from Lynn and from the times we tried to get together where he just could not.
 
Let me share one last memory of Russ.  I was coming to visit him in mid April when Lynn called me in Mexico City to tell me that Russ was near the end of his time with us. I spoke to Russ via phone from Mexico - russ could  speak in a whisper I told him of memories like driving with him in intense Mexico City traffic in the 70’s, his passion for Latin America, of life with him while sharing a house in Guadalajara together, and driving back to Thunderbird from Mexico with Russ when we lost our map in the middle of the countryside.  I told him that his friendship has been and always will be special to me as it is for us who gathered here today to celebrate his life.
Russ  will live on in our hearts and never be forgotten. Russ  is out there now smiling down on us with his russ smile and making others feel special through his memory.

Memories of Russ

May 12, 2011

I remember living in the Eichler house on Stendhal Lane in Cupertino, commonly referred to by many friends as Animal House 2. I was a gainfully employed single man living with two other guys of similar stature. We were paying $675 per month to rent a 4 bedroom 2 bath home in a quiet neighborhood that was soon to get noisy. We were all recent college graduates working in Sales positions for Xerox and IBM. With our $225 monthly rent payments, each of us a lot of disposable income which was typically disposed of on all the wrong things.

 One day, a fine looking couple moved in to the way nicer Eichler across the street. They looked cool, and young enough, that they might not even call the cops on us when we hosted one of our epic parties. We were right!
 
It took awhile before we got to know them very well. After some time, they became good friends and we had many memorable times together. While we were boasting about our jobs with Xerox and IBM, we learned that Lynn worked for Apple and Russ was employed by Grid Systems. While we were flogging copiers and printers, Russ and Lynn had the coolest computers money could buy. We were jealous.
 
Speaking of toys, Russ was always one to have the latest and greatest. Ever the aficionado of high quality audio gear, Russ would continue to revise and update his stereo system on an almost-monthly basis. “Hey Mike, I’ve been doing some research” was the typical preamble to a new acquisition that would make me drool. There was always that smile - very unique to Russ - which was an indication that something really cool was about to be acquired. It was a smile that only Russ could deliver. A smile worthy of a special name – the Russmile. Post acquisition, Lynn would say something like; “Ok Russ, what have you just purchased and why do you need that?” Russ was always doing research and always leveraging information to make the best decision possible. This was a trait that would serve him valiantly later in life as his research would focus on cancer treatment.
 
One day, Russ pulls into the driveway in a new Audi Quattro. Again, the Russmile. It was that boyish I-might-get-in-trouble-for-this-new-acquisition-look. Always on the leading edge, Russ was an early adopter of all new technologies. This was evident throughout the Knerr household. Their home was filled with every modern convenience. In the mean time, our bachelor pad was looking pretty sad. I can’t remember how many gadgets we borrowed from Russ and Lynn to fill gaping holes, in our empty arsenal of must-have household items, whenever we were pretending to entertain friends. All of us at the bachelor pad were longing for a time when we might own a house as nice as theirs. Hey, that married life looks good to me!
 
I remember when I helped Russ build a deck in his back yard. The plans called for supports every 6 feet however, Russ wanted the deck to be extra sturdy so we doubled the number of supports to every 3 feet. A lot more digging, a lot more work. “Hey Russ, are you planning to host a party for 100 NFL lineman?” I asked. “No Mike, I want this deck to stand the test of time.” Russ replied. In the end, the deck was bulletproof. After finishing this project, I remember standing on the deck, with Russ, drinking a beer and jumping up and down trying to make the deck squeak. No dice. It was as solid as concrete. I looked up at Russ and he delivered the patented Russmile.
 
There was the time when Russ went retro and drives up to the house in a vintage Ford Mustang – way cool! A few days later, he rumbles in with headers installed and Russmiling from ear to ear. It was so loud! My roommates and I loved it. But, Lynn didn’t. 2 days later, Russ drives by in relative silence. The headers were gone. I guess there are certain purchases that just can’t be justified.
 
Soon enough, Russ and I began cycling together. Of course, he bought a very sweet bike supported with lots of research. We decided we would ride in the Sequoia Century together. This is one of the toughest 100 mile rides in the Bay Area. In order to minimize the potential agony, we start preparing for this ride by training on a regular basis. I really enjoyed all of the time I spent riding with Russ. We rode 100’s of miles together, over several months, training for the ride. There is a special camaraderie that develops between cyclists that is hard to describe - I had that with Russ. The Century was tough. We were in shape, but we didn’t eat enough. That was our first experience with bonking. Needless to say, my addiction to cycling was established with Russ, back in the early 80’s, and continues today, almost 30 years later. I recently signed up for the Sequoia Century, my second attempt, this year and will ride in honor of Russ on June 5th. 
 
Upon arriving back at Stendhal Lane after the Century, my roommates were serving Margaritas to neighbors and hosting a garage sale of sorts. The goal was to get neighbors to buy/take all of our junk. Russ and I had a Margarita, which hit us pretty hard after 100 miles in the June heat, and laughed uncontrollably as my roommates piled a flea-ridden sofa on top of a neighbor’s car. Then, we watched him drive down the street while everyone was celebrating the purging of our last item.
 
Our regular cycling time together continued until I moved to Menlo Park and got married. Soon thereafter, the Knerr’s moved to San Diego and we didn’t have the opportunity to spend as much time together. I really missed those rides with Russ.
 
I was shocked to learn when Russ was diagnosed with Melanoma. I remember discussing this news with him so very long ago and over a period of many years. I remember his positive attitude that never wavered. I remember all of Russ’ research on treatments; dietary, holistic, medicinal, experimental etc. He covered all the bases in typical Russ thoroughness. As time went on, the battle escalated. Russ continued to respond and persevere. And, in the heat of battle, there were still plenty of Russmiles to share with family and friends.
 
His loving wife, Lynn, and daughter, Katy, provided selfless support for so long. His good friends and support network stood by him throughout his ordeal. The care and love he received gave him so much motivation to live, to fight cancer, to love back, to watch his daughter grow into a young woman, to become a grandparent, to set an example, to be a hero to his family and friends.
 
Today, the word hero is used loosely. It is too often attached to athletes and other over-publicized media “phenoms of the week.” Very infrequently, are real heroes ever known or recognized. They fight a quiet battle with dignity and grace. They endure against all odds. They become a benchmark for survivorship against a terrible disease. They are Russ.
 
I can’t imagine anyone who exemplifies the characteristics of a hero more than Russ. I can’t imagine anyone who I’ve been more proud to know. I can’t imagine anyone I would rather have as a friend. I can’t think of anything better than a Russmile.
 

---Mike Mahan

2003 - Russ's 50th Birthday

April 23, 2011

 It was great to get the annual Knerr Holiday letter cause you never knew what was coming!  This one featured Russ in Belize on a bird watching trip for his 50th Bday.  

A Friend who made all the difference

April 22, 2011

I met Russ and Lynn at Thunderbird (Ms. Casebeer back then). Russ had the hippy afro look going.  Russ, Lynn and I were good friends - so much so that we shared a house in Guadalajara during our semester abroad. Good times and way too much tequila flowed. Russ and I teamed up to ace several tough courses at T-bird , while partying in style. We learned that we complemented each other at school and through that success, we created a long lasting bond. 

After T-Bird, we all went our own ways - I left to work in the midwest, Russ and Lynn found their way to Rochester. When Russ and Lynn found themselves in the Bay area I often visited Russ & Lynn on my visits from my overseas stints. I often told Russ, I'd love to get back to the West Coast and  gee, what if we could team up again?

Russ's support made all the difference in my life today - he got me my first job in technology and got me moved to the West Coast. Russ and I worked together at three different companies where we always were a successful tag team. Without Russ's support and influence - who knows where the Matrix would have taken me.  I owe Russ for 20 years of success in tech in the Bay area! 

There are casual friends and there are deep, abiding friendships that mean everything in one's life. Russ was one of the latter 'make all the difference" in the world friends. And while over the years we swung in and out of contact, whenever we got together, Russ welcomed me back as if we saw each other the day before.  

IWhat a terrific person. Russ my friend you will live on in our hearts.  

 

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