July 2013 - My Mom
Saroj Bala Bansal
  • 75 years old
  • Date of birth: Sep 14, 1937
  • Place of birth:
    Mawana, U.P., India
  • Date of passing: Sep 8, 2013
  • Place of passing:
    Fitchburg, Wisconsin, United States
If you only knew how much you are missed... Are you somewhere out there and can see us?

Dear Friends and Family, this memorial website was created in the memory of my dear Mummy., Saroj Bansal who was born on September 14, 1937 and passed away on September 8, 2013 from complications arising from Congestive Heart Failure.  She developed that as a result of Chemo in 1998 and would eventually succomb to it.  She will live on in our Hearts forever.

Please take a moment to visit with her and share some of your thoughts and memories.

She was born in Mawana, in U.P. State of India to Maaneshwari Devi and Ved Prakash Kaushik. She was the 6th of 8 siblings (3 brothers and 5 sisters).  Her mother suffered from High Blood Pressure and became paralyzed because of a stroke.  My Mom was only 18.  She took care of Naniji for almost 2 years when she died.  So she knew the meaning of hardship from a very early age.  She was married to my father, Sushil on December 25th, 1958 - an arranged marriage which would last over 53 years.  They lived in Meerut with my paternal grand-parents for most of their married life before moving to the United States.

We came to the United States on September 3rd, 1977.  Both of my parents worked very hard to make a place for us here.  Without them and their efforts, we would not be enjoying the good life we do.  She mostly managed a Gift shop in Virginia until she was diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer in 1993.  Cancer would recur twice again, both times in her lungs.  The treatments put cancer in remission but left her with diagnosis of Congestive Heart Failure and Type II Diabetes.

After my father's stroke in February 2013, she was left in very vulnerable situation and she felt very much alone and lonely.  Her depression got worse.  In June one fatal night she was advised to take Insulin when her sugar was already very low.  This sent her to ER the next day and there she had some episode which caused her Heart to almost stop.  She spent 11 days in Cardiology ICU at UW as none of the medicines would work anymore for her heart.  Finally they sent her home with Milrinone, a medicine that she had to take via portable IV.  But she never complained as this medicine made her heart squeeze better than it had in years!  She felt so good as soon as they started her on this medication.  She felt hunger - something that she had not felt in years.  And she was happy.  The picture on the top banner is from July 2013, just after she returned from ICU.  She looked and felt very well and happy.  But it lasted only couple of weeks.  Then the medicine stopped working and she would not recover.  She suffered a great deal in her last three weeks - both because lack of heart function (10% now) caused something that made her feel very very bad; and also because once she got better, she was so happy and wanted to live and had hoped to be around for some time longer.  Her strength faded away day by day.  And around 11:00pm on the night of September 7th, she stood for the last time.  She was in such distress!  We gave her the sleeping pill since she asked for it.  I loved her more than life itself but at that moment, I did not want her to wake up the next day.  She would have had trouble time breathing.  And one thing that she was terrified of was of being sent to a nursing home.  And I did not want that for her.  She fell asleep around 12:30.  Between 4:30 and 5am on September 8th, she slipped away just when we turned the lights off for half-an-hour.  My father was next to her on bed and I was at her feet.  This is all so unreal.  She used to say - "wouldn't it be nice to come back and see what people would say about me..."  I wonder if she can see us.

She is survived by her husband, Sushil; her daughter and son-in-law, Sandhia and Christopher; her son, his wife and two of their daughters; two brothers, Narendra and Upendra; and one sister, Vimla. 

Memorial Tributes
This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 2nd April 2014

"Dear Mummy

Why does it still feel so unreal that you are gone?  Whenever I look at that one picture of yours - you know the one where your face is brightened with laughter - that moment when you knew peace - every time I look at it and tell myself that you are gone, it hurts with a pang in my heart.  Chris's mom is also gone.  I miss her so much too.  Just come back for a few minutes and let me hold you.

Thanks for that time on the bench.  Even as we sat there and you were so weak, I did not think that you would be gone.  

Missing you
Yours - Gudia"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 31st March 2014

"Dear Mummy

I wish you were here today.  I am sick with cold and something like flu.  You would have make a fuss and I would have been annoyed.  But now I only wish you were here to make a fuss.  If you come back and do that, I promise to never be cross with you.

Missing you.
Yours - Gudia"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 25th March 2014

"Dear Mummy

It is going to be 200 days tomorrow without you!  I miss you and miss your voice.  Sometimes I listen to old messages that you left.  Sometimes I feel an urge to call you and then remember that you are beyond where phone call can reach.  When you used to try to talk to me about how your days were coming to a close, I used to get mad.  I just could not imagine a day without you.  I am sorry that I did not listen.  I am sorry that I was trying to protect myself and did not understand that you needed someone to lean on.  You were scared and sad for having to leave us.  You were sad for having to leave me.  I loved you so much and I always will love you.  I wish I could have you back just for an hour so I could just listen to all you have to say; so I could hold you and hug you.

Miss you - Your's forever, Gudia"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 8th March 2014

"Dear Mummy

6 Months today without you...
I miss you so very much.  Every time I drive by our street, I see the sid walk where we took our last walk in October 2012.  I can almost see you there walking with me.  I miss that.  I wish we got to take one more walk... Thursday (March 6th) as I was sitting in the train to come home, I thought for a moment that I saw you in the Sr. Seat smiling and talking with someone.  

Love you, wherever you are.
Yours, always - Gudia"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 16th February 2014

"Mummy -- You called me in my dream on the night of 14th.  I asked you how you were because you didn't sound very well.  You said 'I feel better than before'...  That is all the conversation we had.  I wish I could see you...  Love, Gudia"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 14th February 2014

"Happy Valentines Day, Mummy.
You didn't leave me an address where I can send you flowers.  You shouldn't have left me so soon.

Missing you

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 13th February 2014

"Dear Mummy

It is so cold this year, so unusually cold!  If you were still with us, how would you have managed with the IV?  I often think about it.  I wish they didn't send you to hospital in June for low sugar.  You may still be around if it wasn't for that.  I knew that next hospital visit would be fatal.  You were left alone in the hospital and that was a mistake too.  I wish I had been in WI then.  

I miss you so much.  Now Chris's mom is gone too.  Noone to send Mother's Day card to.

Come and visit me in my dream soon.

Love you - Gudia"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 8th February 2014

"Dear Mummy

Today we said Our final GoodBye to Chris's Mom.  5 months ago on this day, I lost you.  And today on the very same day, bid her last farewell.  We lost her on the 1st.  now we dont have anyone to call Mummy or Mom.  You always used to ask about her.  Now she is with you - if there is somewhere to be after life.  I miss you so much.  I missed so much time with her because both you and papa kept me busy last year.  I wasn't able to spend any time with her.  I miss you both so very much.  

Loving and Missing you...
Yours - Gudia"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 3rd February 2014

"And this --

    When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

    When tomorrow starts without me, And I’m not there to see; If the sun should rise and find your eyes, All filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn’t cry, the way you did today; While thinking of the many things, we didn’t get to say.

    I know how much you love me, As much as I love you; and each time that you think of me, I know I’ll miss you too; But when tomorrow starts without me, Please try to understand, That an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand, And said my place was ready, in heaven far above, And that I’d have to leave behind, All those I dearly love.

    But as I turned to walk away, A tear fell from my eye; For all my life I’d always thought, I didn’t want to die. I had so much to live for, So much yet to do, It seemed almost impossible, That I was leaving you.

    I thought of all the yesterdays, The good ones and the bad, I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.

    If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while, I’d say goodbye and kiss you, And maybe see you smile. But then I fully realized, That this could never be, For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.

    And when I thought of wordly things I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.

    But when I walked through heaven’s gates, I felt so much at home. When God looked down and smiled at me, From his great golden throne, He said, “This is eternity, And all I’ve promised you.” Today for life on earth has passed, But here it starts anew. I promise no tomorrow, But today will always last, And since each day’s the same way, There’s no longin for the past.

    But since you have been so faithful, So trusting and so true. Though there were times you did some things, You knew you shouldn’t do. But you have been forgiven, And now at last you’re free. So won’t you take my hand, And share my life with me.

    So when tomorrow starts without me, Don’t think we’re far apart, For every time you think of me, I’m right here, in your heart.

    Author Unknown"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 3rd February 2014

"Dear Mummy

I found this poem somewhere today.  I thought that this is something like you would say...

Love, Gudia

When I'm Gone

When I’m gone to the end of my journey and I travel my last weary mile. Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned, and only remember the smile. Forget unkind words I have spoken, remember some good I have done. Forget that I ever had heartache and remember I had lots of fun. Forget that I’ve stumbled and blundered and sometimes fell by the way. Remember I have fought some hard battles and won, eve the close of the day. Then forget to grieve for my going, I would not have you sad for a day. But in summer just gather some flowers and remember the place where I lay, and come in the shade of evening. When the sun paints the sky in the west, stand for a few moments beside me and remember only the best."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 1st February 2014

"Dear Mummy

It hurt me to turn the page of the Calendar as we are in February now.  Without you... time still keeps on moving.

Chris's Mom is coming to join you soon, it looks like.  Watching her is like watching you all over again.  I keep getting confused between her and you as I watch her.  I miss you so much.  And while it is time for her to go as she has suffered so much, it still hurts to say another Goodbye to another mother so soon...

Love you

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 30th January 2014

"Dearest Mummy

So many firsts without you!  Today is Chris's birthday and you are not there to call and wish him Happy Birthday or to sign his card.  You weren't there for mine.  First birthday without my mother - that was hard.  It is hard every day.  I think of you almost all the time.  

It looks like papa is a little better.  How happy you would have felt.  You would have probably tried sitting in car with him at the wheel again - without it moving.  You wanted so badly for him to get back to be the way he was.  

I was thinking that last year at this time you were feeling a little better and you were both planning a visit to India (secretly from me, of course because you knew I would be afraid for you).  Little did you know that in less than a month your lives would forever be altered!  I could and still can feel your anguish at losing your room, your life as you knew it for so many years and having to depend on people who looked down on you.  I wish you came to stay with me for few days.  It would have done both of us lot of good.  I wish...

Missing you.
Love, Gudia"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 8th January 2014

"My Mummy -- Where have you gone?  I miss you more than I can tell you and probably more than you thought I would.  You worried about what would happen to me when you were gone; so why were you in such a hurry to leave us?  123 days so far without talking to you!  Come to me in my Dreams...  I tried to keep you around - tried so hard.  But the fuss made you angry, didn't it?  

Who would make kheer for me?  Mathri and sel?  Papa and I were talking about it.  I will never get to eat them again!  Just like ammaji's alu-ka-halwa!  I can still taste and smell it but never will I ever get to eat it again.  

Oh mummy, it hurts so much when I think of that last week.  It hurts even more to think of those days after papa's hospitalization.  I should have listened to Seema jeeji's advise and taken care of you instead of staying with him.  He had several people looking out for him.  But you were so alone.  That night when I called from Maryland to talk to you, you were so frustrated and you were crying because you felt so alone and ridiculed.  I think of that it hurts my soul.  I should have hugged you and kept you close.  But now you have gone so far away. Will I ever see you again?  I want to believe that I would see you; and ammaji bababji; and tauji, chachaji and Bala taiji.  I still feel a pang when I think of you gone - it is so strange not having you some place around in this World!  Come back...

Love, your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 1st January 2014

"Happy New Year, Mummy.
You are safe in my Heart and in my memories.  I was afraid of facing New Year for fear of leaving you behind in 2013 and moving on.  But as someone pointed out that as every second passes, it becomes a memory.  Also that a parent never really leaves its children.  So you will never leave me.  I am a part of you and you will always be with me.  I wish you were here so I could touch you and I miss you.

This year of 2013 has been a very bad year.  It still feels unreal and you feel like you are only a phone call away.  But you are much farther away.  Never will you call me again.  Never will the phone ring and I will hear your voice at the other end!

I love you, mummy.


This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 25th December 2013

"Happy 55th Anniversary, mummy.  I was with you in Wisconsin at this time last year.  We were probably fighting :-)

We miss you.  Hope you will see the balloons, if you are somewhere, that we are going to be sending off to you today.

Love, Papa, Gudia & Chris"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 19th December 2013

"Dear Mummy

Papa is coming here without you for the first time.  I miss you more than I can say.  But you know that if you are somewhere and are looking down on us.  I can hear you say in that singing tone 'happy, happy...'.  

Give us the strength to go on without you and think of you with a smile on our faces.  We love you.


This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 4th December 2013

"April 20, 2014

It has been 225 days since we sat on her favorite bench and she promised to walk with me when she was stronger...

But then she faded away.  Now she lives in my heart."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 2nd December 2013

"Dear Mummy

Another visit to WI without you there. I looked for you everywhere - on your side of the bed, at the dining room table; on the sofa.  I looked for you at your favorite bench outside the house.  But you were not anywhere except in my heart.  In the morning when I went into the kitchen, I could hear you walking around.  I always think of you when I peal a boiled egg.  I always told you how to do it right and you always ignored me :-)

I miss our fights.  I miss worrying about you.  I miss lecturing you.  You knew I would miss you so much; why did you leave me?

Papa misses you a lot.  He is never good at expressing his feelings but I know that he misses you.  Come to his dreams and tell him that you understand now; give him the strength that he needs to get back on his feet again.  You had such inner strength that allowed you to be independent until the very end.  Show him the way to good health again.  I can't do it mummy.  You used to get so mad at me whenever I tried to lecture him.  Come to my dream and tell me you are somewhere watching over us.  Tell me that Tim is right; that you know how much you are loved.  Now is first time I regret not having any children because it is the end with me of your legacy - I have noone to pass it on to.

I love you and miss you.

This tribute was added by Chhavi & Maitrie Bansal on 27th November 2013

"Dear Amma,

Life is the greatest gift that God has given us. And we are really happy that you are a part of our life.

We really miss you Amma, your smile too. Please come back, hum aapko jaane nahi deti.

But don’t worry we will meet you someday, in heaven where eternal happiness stay.

So cheer up Bua, you’re not alone. We are with you!!

And one more thing, Amma gave us such a beautiful gift, do you know what: It's YOU!


With lots of love: Chhavi and Maitrie"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 27th November 2013

"Dear mummy -- I was hoping you would come in my dream and wish me a happy day today, but...  This is my first without you.  I miss you, mummy.  You would have called me to wish me in another hour.  But you will never call me again... Come and sit with me again in my dream, mummy.  That is the birthday present I want.

Love you... Gudia"

This tribute was added by Jan & Dick Lenes on 19th November 2013

"Sarog was such a joy to be around.  We only knew her for about 6 months and she was a delightful person.  Dick had been scheduled to drive her he had recently fallen suffering a concussion and was not able to drive her so I did.   She was always so concerned about him and he would ride along at times.  She never complained, always had a smile on her face and so sweet and gentle.  When she wasn't able to go for exercise any longer, we were starting to drive Sushil to various things and she would always wave as he left and greet us.  We truly were blessed to have known her.  We miss you.."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 15th November 2013

"Dear Mummy - the other day I found the book papa handed to me - between you and me, daughter.  At the time, I just took a cursory look at it and put it away.  When I opened it now, I saw it was from you!  Oh how happy you would've been if I returned it 'as soon as possible' as you wrote in it.  I was too busy lecturing you on the wisdom of eating better.  What good is to say, sorry, now? - love, Gudia"

This tribute was added by sushil bansal on 11th November 2013

"Come back and light up my heart."

This tribute was added by sushil bansal on 11th November 2013

"My light you are and now is dark every where. Yes, it is true I never showed you and talked as you want but it is also true that you were my life and were with me for 54 years 8 months and 12 days and we passed our good as well as our bad days together. For the last 20 years there was not a single day when we were not together. I missed you very much and my heart is full of your memories."

This tribute was added by Anju & Pratap Thakur on 8th November 2013

"Dear Aunty

Istill remember you when I saw you first-strong n healthy person.,and when saw you at my place in Solan-cheerful and active person and lastly after years when we skyped.Though you were week but it never appeared that you will leave all of us so early.We miss you aunty-Anju"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 6th November 2013

"Dear Mummy

I miss you every day.  It has been 60 days since you and I sat outside the house on that favorite bench of yours.  How frail was your voice by then!  I wish you could come back so I could give you one more hug. Thank you for giving me the gift of life and love. Love - Gudiya."

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