Well, it is your birthday again. I stil see you walking up the sidewalk that last day I saw you alive. Your daughter is asking more questions. She misses you terribly. She says it is so unfair she doesn't have a daddy. I can only agree and cry with her and hold her.

We will be releasing balloons up to heaven later after school in your honor.

26 years ago at 12:20 p.m. you came into this world.

Except for her first birthday, every birthday since, with me, something awful has happened. She still remembers them too. So smart.

Second birthday, she kissed the sidewalk hard, bleeding, etc. 

Third birthday, she again kissed the sidewalk really hard, scraped up hands, knees, elbows, etc. But she was also potty trained, but she went to the bathroom in her birthday clothes and I had to carry her home. And then I had pee all over me. She will also tell people that because that is exactly what happened.

Fourth birthday. I went to pick her up at her other grandma's. As I was approaching Hall Road on North Avenue, pressed on the brakes because it was a red light and between 4-5 p.m. so traffic was heavy. My foot went straight to the floor!!! I didn't even look for other cars, I swerved to the right and turned right on Hall Road, again, not looking for any cars. Turned the key many times, threw it in park, neutral, etc. Nothing!!! Finally I drove up on the grass and the car finally stopped in front of Wendy's. It was so horrible. I thought we both were going to die that day considering the speed of the cars.And I was going about 40 mph.  I started crying and was hysterical, of course. Abrianna became the same way and wanted out of the car! I didn't blame her. Called a friend to come and get us, tow truck. Went inside to eat at Wendy's. The fireman gave her a beanie baby frog for her birthday as he looked at me and we both knew how very lucky we were in not hitting any cars or anyone hitting us. Between you and God. I thank you for our lives.

Her 5th birthday is coming up. I am terrified. What will happen this time?. She is too. She will tell people what happened on each birthday. They look at me in horror and I say yes that is what happened.

She was afraid to get in my car for a very long time. She will still bring it up if we are going somewhere and if we go past that Wendy's, she will say that is where the car broke! So I do my best to avoid that area when she is with me. Oh hell, I avoid it too. 

I may have already written about this, I don't look back at what I have said. Abrianna loves Katy Perry, I have her favorites songs on my iphone, she was listening to them today. She has also seen the videos, somehow missing the more adult parts of some of the videos. She really likes the Firework video. She has such a big heart. Out of that whole video she wonders about the bald headed little boy in the hospital in a hospital gown and wants to know what is wrong with him and why does he look so sad..........breaks my heart. I tell Abrianna she is a firework. I wish this song was around for you to hear.

I look around our home and see all your pictures and still just can't believe you are gone, over 2 1/2 years now!!

I am doing my best to honor your requests of keeping your memory alive for her. Your daughter and her mom will be releasing balloons to you in heaven tomorrow in honor of your birthday. She is so beautiful and so smart and sweet. I know you are watching her and see her. Stay close to her. Tell Jim I said hi, he visited me in one of my dreams a couple of weeks ago. We had a great time. You can visit me again too ya know. It has been awhile, too busy golfing? I hope so!