to Susan;  

In a myriad, in flutters, in winter's reel - in afternoon light,
She swims, a meditation of lyrical sympathetic balance.  

In anamnesis;
Her pies breathing perfection, soothing
palates in mocha / pecans / rum
and shortcaked strawberries finding moisture upon belly's evening return.  

In ataraxia;
Her play, always vivacious, fervent,
maternal and oft in pause -
Blanketing time in an expanse 
of Home ; impromptu, gracious, civic and forever loving.

My Mother was born Susan Lynn Fassbender, to Charlotte and Fredrick Fassbender. she was a prodigal violist. she was successful lawyer. she was a fierce competitor. she was a principled and active citizen. she was a creative quilter and and experienced cook. she may have driven with both feet, and sprayed too much perfume, but she is also on of the most courageous, ardent, and principled people i have ever met. i feel lucky to have met her, luckier still to have spent as much time with her, and still luckier to have had the loving relationship we had. Susan was my mother. She carried me in her womb and she gave me life. She taught me that struggle, misfortune, and difficulty are human and in part to be expected, and she taught me how to figure out how to make a situation better and focus on what I could actually control. She encouraged me to take risks and face adversity and that fear is controllable. 

That fact of her mortality was present throughout my life; from stage four throat cancer in 1996 to multiple state two mouth cancers, to stage three vaginal cancer in 2010, to more skin cancer procedures than I can count, mortality was always present, but it was never focused on. She focused on living, not worrying about dying. So often I feel people live in either the past, reliving good times, or saving for the future, a time that is always yet to come. My mother lived actively in the present, one day at a time. She relished the time that she spent with each of one of you.

 she loved playing cards, practicing chimes, and talking politics, gardening. She jumped at the opportunity to make the world a better place with you all in the League of Women Voters. she loved all of you and the time that you shared.

My mom was fierce honesty, and that honestly manifested into treating people how she wished to be treated herself.  For instance, when I was a child she played cards with me as if i was older.  i still remember her crushing me in Monopoly and I  think her win ratio in canasta is at least 80-20 over me. However, she was not win at any cost; while she never let me she always would help me learn and arm myself for the next game. And in this facet she was incredibly generous and respectful, for while she may never have held punches, she always treated me like i could handle myself and handle the education to improve myself. 

I love her in so many ways. she gave me life. she cared for me. she made me feel loved.  and most recently over the past few years she became my friend and mentor.  she taught me patience and how to stay calm. she taught me that i can learn something from anyone, and that we all have bad days. she taught me again, to focus on what i can control, regardless of how powerless i may feel -- that at very least i can control how i handle a given situation and my reaction to a certain set of events. as you all know she was a fighter. when she had cardiac arrest in 96 from the taxol that polluted her body, she ordered the iv put back in so she could complete the treatment. when told that by her first corporate firm that they didn't accept women, she told them that she didn't think that her husband would appreciate if she had a sex change operation… she ended up getting job and was loved by the firm, i think because she was a fighter, and she stood for what she believed in. i hope you all think about her next time some thing stands in your way, something seemingly insurmountable. think about what she would of done, think about what you can do to change the situation.

i would like you all to look around for a moment. please look at each other. She made me say thanks before almost every meal when we sat together. She gave thanks for the food before us, but most of all for the people who  had gathered around her. you are her congregation.  you all are her family. she loved each and everyone of you and she was grateful for the love that you and she shared. she knew all too well life is short, and she will be sorely missed, but i know she had a good life, an optimistic  life focused on the present with love in her heart.

A remarkable person in so very many ways, Susan was a great and good friend and a wonderful, caring mom. My life was enriched because she was part of it. She courageously and without complaining "beat the odds" over the years and survived the numerous health challenges that came her way--all to enable her to see Jeffy graduate from high school, college and grad school and become the outstanding young man that he is. With her passing, my heart is broken to have lost such a rare and exceptional person and friend. I have great hope that her spirit will live on in Jeffy and in all of us who love her.

Running through my memories of Susan throughout the years, beginning in our first year at Vassar, I fondly recall what fun we had:

Playing bridge at all hours...
Working on puzzles at exam time...
Sharing late-night conversations and Poli-Sci study sessions..
Hearing Susan play her viola...
Remembering Susan's way of studying that piled books and reference materials everywhere...
Exchanging clothes so we each could appear frequently in new and different outfits...
Waiting together in the college post office for our respective grades after the first semester of sophomore year...
Visiting Susan and her parents in New Jersey...
After graduation, recalling Susan's lovely outdoor evening wedding--and her veil coming close to catching fire on the torches that lighted the aisle…
My delight in receiving the news that Susan would be relocating to the Boston area...
Visiting Susan in the hospital after Jeffy was born and knowing the joy that Jeffy brought to her life from that moment on...
Susan's protesting that she'd never marry again before her first date with Donald...
Their outdoor wedding reception under a huge tent on a rainy and windy day that turned into a sunny one...
Susan, Don and Jeffy's life together in the Wenham MA home that she and Donald continued to add onto, renovate, beautify and make into a warm and inviting family home...
Susan's miraculous recovery from throat cancer...
The college reunions we were so blessed to be able attend together...
Our extended tour of the Hudson River Valley area historical sites and the Culinary Institute (CIA)...
Susan's stories of her European travels with Jeffy and the fun they had together...
Our day trips to Newburyport to see the sights, dine and shop...
Susan's visits to New England and our day trips to Boston and Portsmouth NH...
Our political discussions and her League activity updates...
Updates on the happenings in Jeffy's life in every conversation or communication...
So many, many wonderful memories.

For college reunions, we were asked to respond to questions for a reunion booklet. Here's Susan's response to last year's question that asked for a message to her younger self: "As I look back over my 65 years, the one thing which cancer has taught me is patience and the importance of treasuring good health, loved ones, & friends while not getting side-tracked with the sometimes 'little' frustrations and encounters in life."  In 2002, Susan wrote that the following was of greatest importance to her: "I just treasure each day and don't really need to 'Be anything' but me." And she shared her view on life: "Don't sweat the "small stuff"; put things in perspective to the bigger picture of life & problems can suddenly seem much smaller."  She lived by what she wrote and was an inspiration to others.

May Susan rest in loving peace--always.