My Mother was born Susan Lynn Fassbender, to Charlotte and Fredrick Fassbender. she was a prodigal violist. she was successful lawyer. she was a fierce competitor. she was a principled and active citizen. she was a creative quilter and and experienced cook. she may have driven with both feet, and sprayed too much perfume, but she is also on of the most courageous, ardent, and principled people i have ever met. i feel lucky to have met her, luckier still to have spent as much time with her, and still luckier to have had the loving relationship we had. Susan was my mother. She carried me in her womb and she gave me life. She taught me that struggle, misfortune, and difficulty are human and in part to be expected, and she taught me how to figure out how to make a situation better and focus on what I could actually control. She encouraged me to take risks and face adversity and that fear is controllable.
That fact of her mortality was present throughout my life; from stage four throat cancer in 1996 to multiple state two mouth cancers, to stage three vaginal cancer in 2010, to more skin cancer procedures than I can count, mortality was always present, but it was never focused on. She focused on living, not worrying about dying. So often I feel people live in either the past, reliving good times, or saving for the future, a time that is always yet to come. My mother lived actively in the present, one day at a time. She relished the time that she spent with each of one of you.
she loved playing cards, practicing chimes, and talking politics, gardening. She jumped at the opportunity to make the world a better place with you all in the League of Women Voters. she loved all of you and the time that you shared.
My mom was fierce honesty, and that honestly manifested into treating people how she wished to be treated herself. For instance, when I was a child she played cards with me as if i was older. i still remember her crushing me in Monopoly and I think her win ratio in canasta is at least 80-20 over me. However, she was not win at any cost; while she never let me she always would help me learn and arm myself for the next game. And in this facet she was incredibly generous and respectful, for while she may never have held punches, she always treated me like i could handle myself and handle the education to improve myself.
I love her in so many ways. she gave me life. she cared for me. she made me feel loved. and most recently over the past few years she became my friend and mentor. she taught me patience and how to stay calm. she taught me that i can learn something from anyone, and that we all have bad days. she taught me again, to focus on what i can control, regardless of how powerless i may feel -- that at very least i can control how i handle a given situation and my reaction to a certain set of events. as you all know she was a fighter. when she had cardiac arrest in 96 from the taxol that polluted her body, she ordered the iv put back in so she could complete the treatment. when told that by her first corporate firm that they didn't accept women, she told them that she didn't think that her husband would appreciate if she had a sex change operation… she ended up getting job and was loved by the firm, i think because she was a fighter, and she stood for what she believed in. i hope you all think about her next time some thing stands in your way, something seemingly insurmountable. think about what she would of done, think about what you can do to change the situation.
i would like you all to look around for a moment. please look at each other. She made me say thanks before almost every meal when we sat together. She gave thanks for the food before us, but most of all for the people who had gathered around her. you are her congregation. you all are her family. she loved each and everyone of you and she was grateful for the love that you and she shared. she knew all too well life is short, and she will be sorely missed, but i know she had a good life, an optimistic life focused on the present with love in her heart.
