My son had a beautiful soul!

I still think about that day 5 months in which passed from today.  How I cried with disbelief because you had flew away from me.  I cared for you as if I was your second mother, sometimes I had to remember you were my baby brother.  I remember times I spanked you, I remember times when I looked out for you.  Most of all I remember how I much I love you.  God gives us a little more strength each and every day. He constantly reminds us that you are at peace in your final resting place.   I love you always ….

Today I woke up thinking to myself “I can’t believe you flew away 3 months ago this day.  I found myself asking questions like: Do you miss us as much as we miss you? Do you hear me when I cry out to you?  Why did you have to go?                                                                                                                                                               I  I often tell myself to keep stepping but I can’t get pass the pain.  As I wipe my tears I smile because I know one day we will be sitting next to each other talking and laughing for hours again someday.  I miss you brother more that you ever would know.  Again why did you have to go?                                                                        Often I reminisce like it was yesterday.  Last summer when we went to the beach, last thanksgiving as we laughed and danced to mom favorite song.  But most of all the most heart filling thought is when I think about how much you respected ,believed in and looked up to me.   I ask why did it have to end?  Why did you have to go?

I will never forget that THURSDAY, February 9, 2012 you went home to be with the Lord.  I never felt so much pain in my life.  I remember falling to my knees and saying not now! I didn’t get a chance to tell you how much I loved you.  You can’t leave us now!!  Who’s going to look after us?? No this can’t be happening!  Why can’t I wake up from this bad dream???????  

Two weeks after your passing it was a THURSDAY, February 23, 2012 we were finally able to lay you to rest.  We gathered at the gravesite and hovered around your casket as if it was a cold winter day.  We sat there for hours saying how unreal this seemed.  You had flown away from us. There were no more of the three T’s: Tina, Tamika and Terrance.  I sat staring at your casket thinking I no longer have a brother.  Who’s going to protect us now?   I knew that you would forever be with us in spirit but it was still so hard to leave you that day.

Every THURSDAY mom and I sit at your grave where we talk and laugh as if you were standing right in front of us.  We always talk about how you once told us “give me my flowers while I’m living because I can’t enjoy them while I’m gone”.  Somehow I believe that you look forward to each Thursday because you know mom and I are going to shower your resting place with flowers.  You know that during this meeting we pray, talk to you, laugh with you, and cry for you.  Thursdays are very meaningful to us because it’s the only time we get to visit such a peaceful place with meaning! 

Yesterday I stared at mom while she grieved.  She cried as hard as the day God called you home.  I sat trying to figure out how to soothe her. What would be the right words to bandage her broken heart? How could I help ease her constant pain?  Then it finally hit me!  Like a tree connected to it’s roots, you are connected to her forever, therefore this pain couldn’t be soothed, bandaged or eased .  I remember hearing her utter the words “no one could ever understand how much it hurts, my baby is gone” as she cried.  I never felt so helpless.  All I had the strength do to was hold her as tight as her fragile body would allow me to.  As I held her I prayed for strength as I comforted her.  I ask God to keep us covered in his blood to fight off the depressing thoughts of not having you hear with us.  I know you are here with us in spirit but the intensity of the pain is sometimes unbearable.  How we love and miss you dearly.  Please brother continue to watch over and never leave us in spirit.

~Love you Tina and Mom

.I asked your son Walter to find you in a pannel of photos the other day.  He went to your very picture and said this is my daddy.  I asked him where is your daddy?  He replied "Gone with Jesus" and pointed to the sky.  How that brought joy to my heart.  I just hugged and kissed him like crazy and said sweetie you are so right!

Today I closed my eyes and dreamed of heaven.  I dreamed you were there to greet me.  Oh how excited I was to see you and once again feel your hugs and kisses. You walked with me telling how heaven is such a beautiful place. We laughed and talked for hours.  I was so intrigued by your beautiful smile.  You told me to take care of mom and dad through their time of sorrow.  I closed my eyes in heaven and woke up on earth.  A tear ran down my face because I realized that it was only a dream.  God called you home one month from today. I thanked God this morning for allowing us to have you for 33 years.  Each day gets a little better because I know you are at peace.  Rest gracefully little brother!

"How Do I Say Goodbye To A Brother Like You":

"How do I say goodbye to a brother

That I love as much as you?

I still cannot believe you're gone

I'm still hoping it isn't true

Wishing this heartache was just a dream

From which I'd wake up and find

You still here, in life, with us

Or if not...somehow time we could rewind

For I don't know how to do it

How to say goodbye to a brother like you

There's almost no one who's shared as much of my life

Who knows me as well as you

I often think upon the memories we shared

When we were very young

You teased me, played with me and laughed with me

When our lives had just begun

When we shared simple thoughts and simple dreams

And were lost in childhood's plans

Dreaming up our next adventures

In the vivid ways only children can

And as we grew up there were more special moments... "

My most fondest memory of Terrance is about 1 year ago we were sitting at moms house talking and he said to me sister i would like for you to start looking for a huge house so that we all can live under one roof as a family in one big house. Then he went on to say we are going to start our own family business and this will illustrate our family ties......