College Years and Thereafter

Introduction

When I first saw Tom, he wore shoulder length, frizzy, dark brown hair.  In the winter, I would see how relaxed and wavy his hair became.  Many friends would later remark to me that it was too bad that his beautiful hair was wasted on a man.  I strongly disagreed.  I could not imagine him with straight, short hair, although I now notice from his college photos that he frequently got his hair cut in August, and let it grow out all year.  I have a mental picture of him from that first day.  He was wearing a plaid flannel shirt and faded blue jeans that had a hole in one knee. His wire rim glasses reminded me of either John Lennon or Peter Fonda, the motorcycle rider in "Easy Rider."  I liked his infectious smile and deep dimples.  I took only momentary notice of the gap between his two front teeth and then saw it no more.  He was a lanky 6 feet tall and weighed about 160 pounds, with a bagginess to his back pockets when he walked.  I can still picture him leaning slightly forward as he shuffled in his clogs out the north door of the Campus Center to class, with a Styrofoam cup of coffee in his hand.  I see this, as though it were last week.

Tom was an opponent of the Vietnam war in high school and college.  He was, by virtue of his conscientious objector status, an anti-war activist.  In 1970 Tom followed family tradition and enrolled at Dana College.  Through stimulating discussion and debate with his peers, he attempted to educate and enlighten them about what made the war a mistake, where he got his liberal views, and why they should care about their student rights.  Simultaneously, he was a fun loving, spontaneous, and caring college friend.  Vietnam and Watergate were mitigated by satisfying on-campus experiences where he discovered his talents, e.g. theater and student government.  Over the years, his interest in politics, family, art, history, literature, music and travel would grow and drive his life's passions.

I, Patti, am now writing in the first person narrative for the first time in this two-part biography.  During his senior year of college Tom, like others, became engaged to be married.  I was amazed by his intellect, was fascinated by his free spirit, and read into his heart.  It is my pleasure to write about Tom's college days.  C.S. Lewis said, "I think most of the charm we see in the 'good old days' is no less than an illusion of timelessness."  While writing this, I have been transported to those life-changing days of creative idealism, a lot of happiness and some gravity.  I have left the latter behind in order to focus on what was so wonderful about his, and then our time at Dana College.  There are references to the rest of his life, too. 

This account is possible, thanks to a few of Tom's college friends and family members.  I am very grateful to them for their contributions and for prompting additional recollections of my own.  This is dedicated to our children, Erik and Sonja.  Children, I hope this will enrich the memories you and your spouses have of your father—the man I loved.

Carryover from the 60's

Tom embodied the 60's counterculture during college, but he did not like to be pegged with any one group.  His cousin, Steve Schou said, "He would talk to anyone without feeling intimidated.  I was always amazed by this."  On first glance, he wore his hair long and he listened to rock and roll bands so many inferred that he was a hippie, but he denied this.  He enjoyed folk singers like Pete Seeger but he loved rock and roll.  His extensive record collection, which eventually incorporated brother David's albums, totaled approximately 350.  It was comprised of the Beatles, Jefferson Airplane, the Band, Bob Dylan, Janis Joplin and many others.  Later in life he would embrace the music of female jazz singers such as Cassandra Wilson and Dianna Krall.  When we got married one of his favorite songs was "Suzanne," by Leonard Cohen, a singer songwriter whom we would both admire.

During the 70's and beyond, Tom would come to idolize John Lennon, his favorite Beatle, and say that he was one of the individuals who had the greatest influence on him.  We used to listen to Beatles albums at home and Tom would quiz me, "So who is this song by—John or Paul?  How about this one?  Yes, I know it sounds like Paul, but it's really written by John." Tom may have had long hair and attended rock concerts, but he neither adorned his neck with beads nor said "Groovy" or "Far out." Loyd, his best friend through high school and college said, "He made fun of those terms."  The 60's pop culture did not define him because he disdained its superficiality.  He later insisted, "I might have looked like a hippie, but I wasn't one!"

1970-1971

This begins the section in which I quote or summarize interviews with some of Tom's friends and  family members.  There are both serious sections and fun memories.  One of the serious interviews comes first.  I also list the news headlines that Tom would have talked about.  In most cases I do not  otherwise refer to them.  Here are such headlines:

Four Students Killed and Nine Wounded at Kent State

Five Members of the Chicago 7 Convicted

American Soldiers Blamed for Murdering Entire Village of Vietnam Civilians

First Earth Day

Computer Floppy Discs Created

Beatles Break Up

Todd Gitlin, in his book, "The Sixties" said, "The emerging counterculture longed for individualism and communality.  Why not have it all?"  Tom could not identify with certain segments of his generation.  For example, he said, "I have no desire to go running off to a commune," as some youth dreamed of doing.  Tom would later make his mark in county and state politics by working within, rather than outside, the political system.   During college, he was proud of his Danish heritage and lived at home, where he thoroughly enjoyed the Sunday dinners that his mother prepared and the spirited political conversations which he enjoyed with his father and siblings around the table.

Brother John was a sophomore when Tom, aged 18, walked up the hill to class from the commuter parking lot near DHA, the Dana Hall of Science and AMA, the Alumni Memorial Auditorium.  The vast lawns spread out before him as he followed the winding sidewalk to the towered classroom building, Old Main.   Following Tom's enrollment would come Jane, Anne and David.  "I'm glad Dad taught there because tuition was free for all five of us," he would later tell me.  Although Dana College  had its start in 1884 as the seminary of the United Evangelical Lutheran Church, a Danish Lutheran synod, Tom would say, "I just don't know why they don't do more to promote their Danish heritage."  He loved the Danish traditions of Christmas paper decorations and real candles on the tree, Danish foods such as apple cake and shortbread like cookies, and the stories of his immigrant grandparents.

"He would have liked to have gone to McCallister College in Minnesota, presumably because Hubert Humphrey went there," his father said.  The fall of 1970 saw 810 full-time students attending Dana.  Because of the Vietnam war, there was no shortage of  politically stimulating discussions.   But it is a myth that the youth of the '60's and '70's were overwhelmingly against the war.  In fact, according to "Major Problems in the History of the Vietnam War," edited by Robert J. McMahon, "the younger one was, the more one supported the war." 

Certain classifications of people that opposed the war were those who were black, female or highly educated.  Peter L. Petersen wrote about one such group in "A Place Called Dana:  The Centennial History of Trinity Seminary and Dana College."  He said, "The spring of 1970 was the most difficult and disquieting time in the long history of American higher education.  Sparked by the killing of four students at Kent State University on May 4, and the killing of two more young people at Jackson State University just ten days later, what one scholar has called 'a prairie fire of protest' swept over many of the nation's campuses.  Soon nearly 450 schools were either on strike or completely closed down."

And yet, attitudes and actions were quite different just a few months later.  Petersen goes on to say that, ". . . students seemed almost quiescent that fall."  He gives such reasons as concessions made across the country to students' demands for educational reform and the change to a draft lottery for a more calm college atmosphere.

Picking up the political thread from the "politics in high school" weaving, this is an interview about Vietnam and its influence on Tom and his friends that I had with Loyd Neve in 2012:

Q:  In 1965 there was the escalation of the Vietnam war and public opposition to it by the Students for a Democratic Society (SDS).  There were thousands attending a march on the Pentagon and Martin Luther King's anti-war speech in a N.Y. Church.  In 1968, there were the assassinations of Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King, as well as the anti-war demonstrations at the Democratic National Convention.   What was it like for you and Tom to be at Dana just two years later?

A:  There were a lot of people against the war by 1970.  Frankly, the effect on Dana was that it filled up the dorms. The draft was front and center on every male's mind.  There were many who had no interest in college but didn't want to go to war, either.

Q:  You and Tom were conscientious objectors.  Since you had met with resistance from the high school administration your senior year, did that leave a bad taste in your mouth for considering a protest in college?  Or did you think it would be too small to be effective?

A:  No, it didn't even cross our minds.  Dana was such a small campus and besides that, we didn't feel the need.  The '60's were when we took a real stand and by the '70's the country had turned against the war and wanted out of Vietnam.

Q:  I read in the book, "Problems in the History of the Vietnam War," that Daniel Ellsberg, who released the Pentagon Papers said, "The war must be stopped immediately and not when it is convenient for us to get out."  Didn't Nixon want to get us out of the war?

A:  That's what he campaigned on, but he never said how he was going to do it, and then he invaded Laos and Cambodia.

Q:  Again quoting Daniel Ellsberg: "The '60's and '70's were not on the whole a happy time.  1968 was a  horrible year with the deaths of Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy and a horrible election campaign ending with Nixon’s election.  A year of ferment around the world was exciting and hopeful for the young and almost unbearable for me and others to experience."  What was it like for you Loyd, and for Tom—happy or unbearable?

A.  Well, it was not a happy time.  There was Nixon's election in 1968 and his re-election in1972.  Of course, then there was Watergate and his resignation in 1974.

Q:  Tell me about who you and Tom backed in 1968.  And when did Eugene McCarthy run?

A:  McCarthy ran in 1968.  He said that one U.S. senator couldn't stop the war so he ran for President and Tom supported him.  I was for Bobbie Kennedy and that's where we parted ways politically.  McCarthy enjoyed the attention he got for being against the war.  I don't believe he thought he was going to win.  Vice President Humphrey got the nomination.  He had a lot of knowledge as to how government worked.  He was well qualified and well connected.  Tom was a Humphrey backer once he won the nomination.  He was diappointed that he didn't win.  I remember Tom and my reaction when Nixon was re-elected.  We weren't just bummed.  We heard about it while we were in the lobby of the Center.  We were very, very angry.

Q:  Why didn't Humphrey win?

A:   Vietnam kept him from winning.  He came out against the war in the last few weeks of the campaign but it was too little, too late.  Humphrey was too closely allied with Johnson in the public's mind.

Q:  Where did you and Tom get your news back then? 

A:  At that time, we read "Time" and "Newsweek."  We were in 7th grade in '65 during the escalation of the war.  When we got to high school it seemed like all of a sudden, there it was--this war.  But we'd been too young when the other Presidents, such as Kennedy, got involved.  The general thinking of the government was that we couldn't let up against communism.  Vietnam was the drawing of a line in the sand between communism and the free world.

Q:  Tell me a little about the faculty at Dana and their views on the war.

A:  Professor Don Warman stood out as one who openly opposed it.  Most of the faculty, such as Tom's father and my dad, opposed it also.  The high school got wind of Tom, Chris and my plans for an anti-war rally when we got permission from the Methodist Church as a location.  They told us to present both sides at an after school assembly and Warman presented the anti-war side.  When we were putting that together Warman was the most willing of any of the faculty to engage with high school students that showed up in his living room.

Q:  How was it that Tom was able to talk politics with those who disagreed with him?  And do you think he convinced others of his liberal opinions?

A:  He was so well read and was a challenge to people because he could back up his arguments.  Yes, I would say that he did convince people.

Q:  Do you think one of the reasons why he could talk to those with opposite views was because, as his brother David said, that Tom could deflect an argument with humor?

A:  (Chuckle)  He could also obliterate someone with a "You're totally wrong!"  At other times, he could be open and engaging.  Tom could also turn on the charm and use a soft touch, for example when he was Washington County chairman and needed to raise funds.  But on the other hand, he did have a good sense of humor.

Q:  Where did you talk politics—the Head, Fiesta, on the Hill (Neihardt Park)...?  Doug Bro said that he and Tom would go to the Hill, drink a few beers and talk about Nixon.

A:  I didn't go to the Hill much but some did.  There was hardly a place that Tom and I didn't talk about it, whether it be those places you named or just sitting in the car and talking politics.

Q:  How about the Blair community's opinion of the war?

A:  The larger view was, "Our country's at war.  We support our troops."  Most people in Blair supported the war until the end.  They didn't openly oppose it.  But it kept getting worse.  Nixon ran on getting us out but he started bombing in Cambodia.  The country had had enough. 

Q:  Many say that the war polarized the country more than any other event since the Civil War.  Would you agree?

A:  Yes.  The country was coming apart at the seams.  It was like "Occupy Wall Street" going on forever.  The protests were huge and hard to ignore.  And the police crackdowns only made it worse.  Protesters reacted with more violence.  That is why I say that it was not a happy time.  It was much more violent than the recent "Occupy" movement, where the police mostly let it play itself out with a little negotiation here and there.

Q:  What do you think about Tom's moral grounds for being a C.O.?  Ellsberg said that people saw anti-war and other issues as moral ones and although many protesters are religious, there are also those who don't see morality as based exclusively on religious teachings.  How do you think Tom saw anti-war protests?

A:  One of those "other issues" was civil rights.  In small, white Midwestern towns, it was easier for people to come around to seeing that as good legislation.  But service vets were in your family.  Besides, people didn't want to tell the world that they were wrong.  I think that Tom would agree with Ellsberg but he could also argue against the war on religious grounds, due to being in the Nielsen household.

Q:  I thought about today's attitudes when you commented about supporting the troops in Vietnam.  That changed so that today, we are urged to think that regardless of the policy in Afghanistan there is the slogan, "We support the troops."  Right?

A:  Yes.  I was thinking of that, too.  There is now an emphasis on supporting the soldiers, no matter what the policy of the country.  That is a direct result of the Vietnam war.

Q:  How did the war change the two of you?

A:  Tom's attitude was that Vietnam was the singular event in his lifetime and it was for me, too.  It had a huge influence on us.  We would frequently talk about that fact, including the last time I saw Tom—two weeks before he passed away.  One consequence from the war is that the lying about the war, and then Watergate, led to a challenge to authority in many areas of American life.  It has led to a distrust of government ever since.  Just look at the disbelief by some about whether Obama is a Kenyan Muslim and needing him to show his birth certificate.  As for the two of us, we didn't want to be part of the Establishment.  We wanted to criticize their thinking.  We thought, "We don't want any part of this."  It was such a different world.

Q:  It reminds me of how people at that time had serious reservations about having children.  It was common to ask, "Why would we want to bring them into this world?"

A:  Yes.  That whole feeling of pointlessness led to a lack of purpose.  On the other hand, others were not like that at all.  You had medicine as a goal.  We were abstract and theoretical in our academics.

Q:  You were in college to learn how to think.

A.  Right.  We also had no student loan debt, so we didn't feel compelled to get a career.  For a while we thought we would drop out of school and become migrant workers but (chuckle) we thought better of it.

Patti:  (Smile)  Thanks, Loyd.

Loyd:  (Smile)  You're welcome.

Politics were not the only intellectual topic being debated.  Tom enjoyed philosophical, scientific and religious discourses, too.  He would remark, "I wonder why. . ." and before the internet, he searched out the answers from a variety of sources, like the librarian he would become.  When Tom was reading alone in the dim light and dark wood of a "Dragon's Head" booth, he looked reflective and introspective.  Once, when he was Student Body President, he was angry and outspoken about student rights.  Tom did not need to choose to be one type or the other.  His personality was such that he could be both introspective and outspoken. 

Tom, the Humanities Student

Tom pursued a humanities major with a history emphasis.  His father taught religion classes and in 1970, after the academic dean, C. Art Christensen asked the senior Nielsen if he could radically change the program, he accepted the offer of being director of the Humanities program.  Nielsen received inspiration for the class from library poetry readings he attended as a student at the University of California at Berkeley.  According to Tom's father, the focus of this revised and reworked class was "Heritage and the Western Man."  Humanities was a multifaceted course taught by multiple professors according to their disciplines—Don Warman and Rich Jorgensen in History, Tom's aunt Luella Nielsen and Norman Bansen in English, Bill Thompson and Jim Olson in Art, Alan Brandes in Music, and Cliff Hansen in Philosophy and Nielsen in Religion.  

Although Don Warman wanted to make the class more global, Tom's father felt that students should first have knowledge of their own heritage before branching out to other cultures.  Besides that, he felt that such studies as Warman advocated would be too watered down and students would have no reference and no background for comparison, if they did not first understand the underpinnings of Western society.  Tom said, "I enjoyed Dad's classes.  I didn't skip any."  He would smile as he said that he also depended on his dad for a ride to campus.  Then he would get serious again and say, "He taught us so much while we were in Europe. I enjoyed Humanities and it was easy for me."

The class was supplemented by cultural events on and off campus.  Mount Parnassus, in Greek mythology, was the gathering place of the muses.  Parnassus at Dana was the name of a large room in Pioneer Memorial where speakers, musicians, and art exhibits regularly came together.  Specific events or programs were held at 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.  Dorothy Wright was a paid staff worker who planned some of those programs.  "I remember teaching about children's theater.  And because my specialty was music, I specifically remember one that I planned on baroque music."

Students could come at almost any time of the day or evening to study at tables or sit in comfortable chairs.  Tom frequently had his morning coffee in Parnassus.  Workers made refreshments for the special events and coffee was made twice a day by Bea Krantz.  Dorothy Wright, a staff member, graded the essays before Tom's father separately graded them himself.  She said, "If we were more than a few points apart in our grading, we brought in a third person to read the essay."  She added, "It was surprising how infrequently that happened.  In fact, it is pretty remarkable," she said.  Tom's mother, Elizabeth was a volunteer.  She and Loyd Neve's mother, Lela helped set up the displays.  Posters and works of art were exhibited from the historical period being studied.   All of the women made homemade refreshments to have available during these programs.  For example, a theologian who was on campus to give a lecture would give a short talk at a "Parnassus event."  Elizabeth, Bea, Lela and other workers, by their friendliness and care, made students and faculty alike feel at home. 

Tom's father was affectionately referred to as "Pope John" by the students.  Humanities was, for some, a demanding and time-consuming course but one which, of all the classes at Dana, would be most appreciated after graduation.  Many would say that  it "stuck with them."  Tom would say, "I don't know why some students complain about the essay tests and reading materials.  They aren't that long."  Tom had the utmost respect for his father and they shared a love of politics and history.  Sometimes Tom would seem to play the "devil's advocate" during family discussions with his dad, but it seemed to enrich and prolong the conversations that they loved to have.  Tom's sister Anne said, "And sometimes he just differed in his opinion."  Jane added, "One thing about Tom was that he didn't gloss anything over.  He told you what he thought."

Many alumni like Cheryl Harrison Fleming say "Hum" made her into who she is today.  According to the book "A Place Called Dana," by Pete Petersen, Tom's father said that, of his goals for the students,  he wanted "to make a change in which we could give them the academic basics, but also involve them very heavily in living humanities—in attending seminars, plays, lectures, concerts—and to have a setting on campus where they could come together in groups or individually to study or relax, listen to music from rock to the classics, project their own color slides, or art slides."  Tom lived out those goals by attending exhibits at Joslyn, going to jazz concerts later, and not only collecting but enjoying 22 bookshelves worth of books and many rows of music CDs that he bought or acquired during his lifetime.  Cheryl said, "My friends and I are interested in a variety of things today because that program brought, art, literature, music and others together and synthesized it." 

There were inexpensive, extra credit trips that one could take to cities like Chicago or Minneapolis.  Tom and I took similar trips in different years.  We would later reminisce about going to the Chicago Art Institute, which holds over a thousand paintings and sculptures in the Department of American Art alone. We would also talk about plays we had seen at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, another "Hum" trip.  For the fortunate student, an Interim led by Pope John was the ultimate college experience.  The one that Tom attended is covered later.  His father was revered as a religious man and respected as a cultural man who exposed them to lasting images of Europe.  For some, Interim was the first of many return trips and for others, their sole overseas journey.

The Liberal Arts Reading Program

Another educational requirement at Dana College that Tom's peers commented on for this section was LARP, the Liberal Arts Reading Program.  Cheryl said, "I was exposed to so much good literature."   One such book was "Silent Spring," by Rachel Carson.  "It was the first book that told of the bad effects of pesticides," Cheryl said.  "The first Earth Day was a call to action for some Dana students.  I remember that Doug Bro picketed the Blair Cattle Company.  I picketed the Fort Calhoun Nuclear Power Plant," she said.  Years later, Tom would be in charge of LARP for two years while he was library director.  He said, "I didn't like every book that was chosen for LARP but I read some very good ones.  LARP was something that was so unique to Dana."

Lighthearted Memories

Tom's father said that at one time, Tom was interested in going to seminary after college.  During an interview I asked what he thought led Tom to consider that.  He smiled and said with good humor, "It may have been Tom's perception of short work hours."  Loyd told of the summer during college that he and Tom painted houses.  Loyd discovered that as they talked while they worked, Tom was doing the talking and Loyd, the working.  Loyd laughed and said to me, "From then on I painted by myself." 

During school, Tom either got a ride with his father to campus or drove the Plymouth.  Although Tom spent more than a few late nights on campus, David and Anne both commented that Tom took time for them during their high school years.  Anne said, "If I was coming home after curfew, Tom would be outside smoking a cigarette and we would go in together."  David recalls being glad that Tom did not "rat on him" for his own infractions of the rules.  "We roomed together in bunk beds since kindergarten.  He was not only my brother but my best friend," David said. 

School Year '71-'72

Headlines Tom would have discussed include those below.  His sister Anne recalls, "Tom was very outspoken in his opinions about Nixon and the war.  Those were volatile times and he talked very strongly against both."

Watergate Scandal Begins

Terrorists Attack at Olympic Games in Munich

Vietnam Vet John Kerrey Testifies Before Congress Against the War

Video Cassette Recorders Out

Bangladesh Created from East Pakistan

Microprocessor Introduced

Tom, the Theater Student

Tom became especially enthusiastic about theater in his sophomore year.  He took at least one course under a young professor, Randy Bolton, whom Cheryl (Harris) Fleming described as "dynamic and cool." Dawn (Carper) Nielsen said, "We read tons of plays from a thick book called "Masters of Modern Drama."   Tom loved the fact that Bolton was on the cutting edge of contemporary theater which Dawn described as "avante garde, street theater, gorilla theater, absurd drama, and 'The Living Theater.'"  Tom's friend, Vicky Lee said, "Seeing and expressing the theater of the absurd and finding logic in the morass of life's confusion during our 20's was special because Tom made it so."  One can see why theater engaged him.  He was curious, smart and experimental.  College life led to new, untried experiences and theater was one of them. 

Professor Dennis Henneman was on sabbatical.  "Bolton was a good acting director," Dawn said, "and Henneman was not."  John added, "Henneman was more of a technical artist."  Tom used to tell about practicing plays until late in the evening and then getting together with the Boltons in their home, across from the courthouse.  The group of theater friends that Tom socialized with included Doug Bro, Vicky Lee, Carl Nielsen, Cheryl Harris, Mark Halperin (Rocko), Mark Morgenstern, Tom Van Steenhoven, Steve Hahn (Bear), John Mark, Dawn, and others.  Vicky said, "Tom was just plain fun to be around and he did not suffer fools lightly.  If you were arguing with him about politics or art, you'd better know your stuff, as he'd usually trump you on knowledge or trivia every time.  He was like a walking encyclopedia."  She went on, "Tom was so much fun to be around.  When I close my eyes, I see his constant grin and giggle always ready, about the absurdities of life or people." 

There was a game that the group, including Cheryl's future husband and Tom's friend, Gordy Fleming, liked to play that required no board pieces—only their intellects.  Vicky said, "We used to play this team game called Botticelli.  The object was to guess a famous person through clues."

It was a bit like charades with having two teams but it was a biographical trivia game, too.  (Editor's note:  It's been over 30 years since I watched them play, so check with John and Dawn for accuracy!)  A player starts with, "My name begins with R."  The questions would fire off:  "Are you a painter?"  "No, I'm not Rembrandt."  "Did you paint jungle scenes?"  "No, I'm not Rousseau." "Did you paint during the 17th century?"  "No, I'm not Raphael."  The other team has a chance to ask yes and no questions  if they stump the first player.  (No example here.)  The game continues: "Is the person a teacher of Van Dyck?" "Yes."  "Are you a painter of large women?"  "Yes."  The person who guessed would have to use the name in a sentence, e.g. "Are you the painter from Antwerp named Rubens?"  "Yes!"

Dawn said, "It was a great way to show off intellectually, in a fun way." Vicky said, "Well, once we got into this BIG challenge over Shirley Temple Black.  I believe it was Tom, me and Bro vs. John.  Basically the friends loved to see John and Tom 'out intellect' each other in a loving but no holds barred way.  They would challenge each other with their friends' input in the middle." 

Vicky said that during that time period one news maker was Mohammad Ali, whom Tom loved for his independent beliefs, controversial baiting of his opponent, and for his unique boxing style.  Tom liked Ali's taunting, "fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee."  Where one person saw Ali avoiding his opponent by the "rope-a-dope," where he stayed on the rope most of the match and allowed the other boxer to tire out, Tom saw genius.  Tom would point out that it made Ali strong and victorious in the end.  "We had many heated discussions about him," Vicky said.  Later, Tom would want me to watch re-runs of Ali fights with him.  "Just look at that!  And that!" he would say, obviously enjoying every minute of a match.  Tom also was an avid tennis fan all his life and enjoyed watching the Minnesota Vikings and Twins football and baseball teams.

Tom, the Joker

There was one memorable weekend party with theater friends which took place at the home of Doug and Glenda Bro, who lived in one of the ground floor apartments at 804 N. 28th Avenue, the triplex Tom would eventually manage for ten years.  (Luella lived in the basement apartment at the time.)   Professor Cliff Hansen was the landlord.  The question was raised: "What's there to do?"  Streaking, i.e. disrobing and running across campus in the dark, was the answer.  What skinny dipping did for one generation, streaking did for this one—at least for a time.  The section in "A Place Called Dana" reads, ". . .when a sizable number of Danians participated in the 'streaking craze' which swept many campuses in the spring of 1974, it was generally understood, as one wit put it, that 'this passing fanny would soon fade from view.'"

Someone in the theater group decided that, for fun, they would streak across campus that night.  Vicky said, "We decided to march through the living room on our way out the door."  Joel Bohling wouldn't get undressed but he opened the door for Vicky, Steve and Doug, averting his eyes.  They took their clothes with them and after running across campus in their birthday suits, redressed in Steve's apartment.  Vicky wondered if the others waiting at the Bros would play some prank while they were gone.  Indeed, Tom, John, Cheryl, Dawn, Loyd and Glenda asked the question:  "What can we do to one up them?" and came up with an idea.

They decided to disrobe in various rooms and come into the living room wearing only towels.  They awaited the others' return from campus.  When Doug, Steve and Vicky came back, they found their friends now sitting in the buff on the couch, watching TV.  Tom and the others then glanced up at the new arrivals, with a straight-faced, "What are you looking at?" and turned back to the TV.  "Vicky squealed with laughter!" Cheryl said.  No one can remember the instigator, but it sounded just like something Tom would think up.  He liked to tease or play a prank, especially when he was sure to get a reaction! 

Tom, the Actor

Here is a list of the plays that Tom performed in and when:

Fall, 1971 (sophomore year):  "Man and the Masses"

Spring, 1972 (sophomore):  "The Lonely Dollmaker"

Fall, 1972 (junior year):  "No Exit"

Spring, 1973 (junior):  "The Miser"

Tom appeared in "Man and the Masses," a German expressionist play by Ernst Toller that Dawn said had little if any plot.  Cheryl said, "Tom must have gotten a late start memorizing his lines so he winged it.  But he improvised well!  And he'd have that silly grin on his face when he was done."  John said, "Each actor played numerous roles.  One of my characters wore a Marines uniform.  That made me uneasy, given it was done during Vietnam.  The framed poster that hangs in the upstairs hallway lists an admission price of  $1.50 which illustrates the the 70's economy.  I just learned that Toller spent 13 months on the Western Front in World War I and suffered greatly from it.  He became a socialist and pacifist, resisted fascism, and was exiled from Germany in 1933.  There are many times that I wish I could discuss with Tom what I learn.

John Mark wrote a children's play during his senior year, titled "The Lonely Doll Maker," based on "Pygmalion," from which "My Fair Lady" originated.  Tom, in the spring of his sophomore year, played the woodcutter, a comic sidekick to Doug Bro's protagonist character.  Doug recalled with laughter, "I had one early scene with Tom where we had a lot of lines together.  I got lost and jumped 12 pages ahead.  The stage light guys didn't know what to do.  But Tom hung together with me until I got back where I needed to be.  He never even batted an eye--he was great!  He saved my ass in that play."  Dawn directed John's play.  I asked her how Tom responded to her direction.  "Good,"  she said.  "I told him how I wanted to see it done and he listened.  He didn't have a big ego about it."  The play would live on in school plays, as it was published in a theater catalog for teachers.  Steve Schou said, "Tom was really nervous before that play.  He had to sing; that was why.  But he did it, and I really admired him for that, knowing how anxious he was about it.  Tom would later say, "I found out you really didn't have to sing.  You just sort of talked to the music."

"No Exit" was an existentialist play by the French playwright, Jean-Paul Sartre which was originally performed in May 1944, just before the liberation of Paris in World War II. It was a depiction of the afterlife, i.e. hell, in which three deceased characters are punished by being locked into a room together for eternity.  John said, "It was student-directed and went on interminably!" 

Tom's theater experience, comic parts, and the afterlife as subject matter would not be his last.  Barry Anderson and Tom Van Steenhoven co-wrote "It's So Great to Be Dead," which first appeared on the Dana stage after all of them graduated.  Tom played a janitor and one scene, where Tom was alone on the stage, was unforgettable.  His character opens his metal lunchbox on a work site and slowly, almost agonizingly peels one banana peel after another and just as slowly eats it.  The audience howled with laughter.  It was only after interviewing Gordy and Cheryl Fleming that I understood the meaning (as in "got the joke").  Gordy laughed, "He was having an intimate relationship with that banana!" 

"No Exit" was an existentialist play by the French playwright, Jean-Paul Sartre which was originally performed in May 1944, just before the liberation of Paris in World War II. It was a depiction of the afterlife, i.e. hell, in which three deceased characters are punished by being locked into a room together for eternity.  John said, "It was student-directed and went on interminably!" 

During the spring of 1973 Henneman directed the Moliere play, "The Miser," a five act play, classified as a comedia del arte.  Tom played the son of John Mark, the miser.  John said, "Although Dawn and I were married at this time, theater was one place where Tom and I connected."

Tom, the Storyteller

Gordy Fleming did not know Tom very well in high school but during his first Christmas home from the University of Chicago in 1968, he got a call from his friend Tim Tripp, inviting him to hang out in Tim's basement. They had such a good time that Tom and Gordy were good friends after that.  One of Tom's vivid memories and source of stories was his visit to Gordy's apartment on the west side of Hyde Park in Chicago.  It was a story that Tom liked to retell. 

Gordy said, "There was the university, the lake, and then ghetto, after ghetto, after ghetto.  That's where I lived," he said.   Tom would tell of the many cockroaches at Gordy's place.  "It was no exaggeration," Gordy said.  "You'd walk in the kitchen, turn on the light and hundreds would cover the kitchen floor.  I'd spray them with Raid and all but one would scurry under the cabinets.  That one single cockroach would look dead but sure enough, it would move a bit, slowly lick itself off and in no time be running across the floor." 

During college, Tom experienced a few car mishaps but his self-effacing tales only endeared his friends more to him and invited the telling of their own stories.  For years, he credited his father's cousin, Ada Jeppesen as the master at telling tales.  But Tom also enthusiastically told of his experiences, like only a true storyteller could.

Tom, the Chess Player

Gordy and Tom liked to play chess, just as Tom and Loyd did.  Cheryl remembered, "My first recollection of Tom was of him and Loyd hunched over a board in the Head."  Gordy said, "Tom was methodical.  His strong point was that he could see several moves ahead."  Gordy,  a psychology and then physics major then said, "And I could see the whole board at once." They were a good match for one another.

Tom, the Fun and Compassionate Cousin

Lisa (Petersen)Van Horn, the blonde haired California cousin came to Omaha on a late flight from San Francisco two weeks before classes at Dana started.  "John Mark and Tom were there to pick me up and I was shocked the minute we walked out of the revolving doors of Eppley Airport.  I had a hard time fathoming it being hot and humid at 10 p.m.  Days later it would thunder and rain and then clear off.  I only experienced that in California winters.  It was really fascinating!" She added, "Tom was part of my initiation to a climate I had never experienced before." Lisa remembers having fun with Tom but she also saw his serious, empathetic side.

"I was really homesick those first few days.  I felt like a stranger in a strange land and Tom took me under his wing," she said.  It was not just the feeling of being a girl from the west coast, transplanted to the plains.  It was also the Midwestern attitudes, which were hard to conform to," she said.  Lisa added, "For example, I was walking around barefoot in the Campus Center one day and I was told to go back to my dorm and get my shoes on."  She added, "Here I was, this Santa Cruz blonde, center part, straight long haired girl, and these Dana girls wore bouffant hairdos and make-up.  It was such a culture shock." 

Tom and Lisa went to some of their freshman classes together, such as Art class in Old Main and Humanities class in DHA. "Early on he showed me around the campus and got me to my classes", she said.  Soon they shared friends, including Connie Gibson, Loyd, T.C., Roger Schmeeland, Mark Halpin, Rick Evans, Rachael Neve, Jim Prouty, Cap (John Gardner) and Judy and Vince Krysal.

"While I was growing up, Jane, Anne and I would go off and do our thing when the Nielsen family came to California to visit," Lisa said.  During seventh and eighth grade, she found out news about John Mark's guitar playing and she bragged to her California friends that her cousin was in a band. "But I definitely got to know Tom better in college than I had before," she said. "And that year at Dana I was with Tom so much that my college friends said, 'Who's your cute boyfriend?'"  She said, "We had a lot of fun.  It was so easy to be goofy with Tom, like the time we launched Jim Prouty's rubber duckie down a hilly street gutter.  We rolled with laughter."

Lisa always remembers one particular day before class in Old Main.  Tom walked in, put his arm around her and said, "I hate to have to tell you this, but Tante Kisse died."  She was the sister of Elizabeth's father.  Lisa was close to both her and Uncle Nick, who like Lisa's family, also lived in California.  Tante Kisse had multiple sclerosis.  Lisa's great uncle spoke with very slow speech, which according to Tom's mother, he may have gotten as an occupational consequence of working with metals.  Tom comforted Lisa a second time, when her boyfriend broke up with her.  "I was crushed.  It was such heartache and Tom felt bad about it with me," Lisa remembered.  Tom knew when Lisa needed to have fun and when she needed support.  The finances were not there for Lisa to continue her education at Dana, but together they had a wealth of memories.

Tom, the Protector:  The Story of the Blair Bears vs. A Dana Student

"During the summer of Tom's and my sophomore year," Doug Bro said, "I worked at the Cattle Company and a bunch of us from Dana stayed at Tom's parents' house the summer that they were in Europe.  One afternoon, this co-worker and I went into town and shot pool at the Blue Ribbon for drinks.  I called these Blair guys the Blair Bears. Well, this guy—I can't remember his name--was really good at pool," he said.  "I probably had a few drinks before we started playing.  And we kept winning game after game."  He went on, "So the Blair Bears were losing money by buying us four rounds of whiskeys, and they got mad.  They told us to leave.  When we got outside, this little guy was kicking in my car door.  We were set up!  It was a planned brawl!"  Doug said, "Before we knew it, we were surrounded by all these Blair guys punching at us."  It sounded like a scene out of the Wild West, where a gunslinger wins too many poker games inside the saloon, someone lands the first punch, and then the fight spills out onto the street.  

"Somebody was banging my head on the concrete when I, having had a few drinks before winning the four more, found my face about six inches from a Blair Police cop car," Doug laughed.  All of them were arrested.  "The next part is where Tom comes in," Doug said.  "The Blair Bears claimed we started it and the Cattle Company guy and I said that they did.  It looked like we were going to have to go to court.  I went to Omaha to hide out for a couple of days and then I called Tom.  He simply said, "I'll talk to them." 

"Meanwhile, my lawyer came up with the idea that we'd drop charges if they did.  And would you believe it?  The Blair guys talked to my lawyer and agreed! I was still rather nervous about returning to town but Tom said, 'No, come on back.  It's all fine.'  And it was," Doug said.  "I think he knew those guys and bought recreational products from them," he laughed.  "I never met up with the Blair Bears again.  Tom really saved my ass!"  Tom had a great knack for protecting his friends or family members from legal action or from potential problems.

Interim:  January, 1972

Tom would often mention his trip to the South during Interim with Dr. Richard Jorgensen.  During my interview, he wasn't aware that Tom and Steve Parker—one of Jorgensen's advisees, called him "Uncle Rich" but he good-naturedly said that some of his students also called him "King Rich," after Richard III.  Interim was a four week period to go deeper within one's discipline, experience a foreign language, or travel, to name a few topics.  Most students and faculty understood it as an opportunity to learn something far removed from one's major.  While being interviewed, Rich radiated the same warm glow that Tom did when he used to relate stories from that Interim.

"Back then saving money was foremost in my mind," Rich began.  "Five students—Tom, Jim Musick, Steve Barratt, Dana Munson, Karen Schutt and I crowded into a rental car, although I first asked if anyone had a car we could use," he said.  "It wouldn't surprise me if I did all the driving."  He went on, "I remember that Tom and I stayed with one of my graduate school friends who taught at Washington and Lee University in Lexington, Kentucky.  The others went to other houses and only Karen stayed at a hotel."  Rich couldn't recall the name of the Interim but he said that they focused on the history of politics of the South.  "I'm not sure how the students were graded.  I know I didn't require a journal."  One could see his eyes wander off  to that time, decades ago.  "That's right.  They didn't keep a journal.  They studied on campus two weeks and we traveled for two weeks."

"Our Virginia stay included Washington and Lee University and VMI, the Virginia Military Institute, and then Petersburg and Richmond.  When we saw the Civil War crater in Virginia, Tom really enjoyed that, with his interest in Civil War history. Then we went to North Carolina--to Durham which, as you know, is where I got my doctorate.  We had a meal at the church with the members and asked them questions about life in the South.  I remember that it was a good discussion.  Things were changing in the South," he said.  "In Raleigh, we met with the governor.  Before the class I ordered a newspaper subscription to each of the 11 Southern states and I also had them read a book about southern problems to the year 1948."  From there they went to Columbia, South Carolina, where they slept in sleeping bags at the Lutheran Southern Theological Seminary.

"We got a tour of colonial Williamsburg, Virginia, which was quiet and peaceful because it was January.  We also visited Jamestown and Monticello," he said.  Relatives such as Rich's aunt and uncle were asked to provide housing, too.  "All along the way we had free housing, even at that one hotel--an example of southern hospitality," he said.  In Virginia they also stopped at a restaurant that offered lots of dishes with peanuts.  One student sampled many off that menu.  "It wasn't Tom but I can't recall who it was," Rich said.

Tom would recount that one of the highlights of the trip was to shake Jimmy Carter's hand.  They were speaking to the governor's aide, Jody Powell (who would become the press secretary to President Carter).  Carter himself, then governor, was walking a short distance away.  Powell asked him to come over, introduced the group and each student shook the future president's hand.  Tom would later say of  Carter's presidency, "Jimmy listened to his aides too much rather than making his own decisions, so he was less than effective.  But he was also unduly criticized."

Knowing Tom, one must believe that Tom thought at the time, "I'll have to come back here."  He did just that when he took our family to many of the same sites on our Civil War themed vacations, which he wrote about for the "Washington County Line."  The Interim trip ended by touring South Carolina, Georgia and Alabama.  "I got lost in Atlanta but the students were very patient,"  Rich said.  He described seeing the Cyclorama in Atlanta and it made me remember how excited Tom got when showing it to the children during our trip there in the 90's.  There, he loved to point out the strategies and movements of the two opposing armies on a three dimensional painting that was housed in a small auditorium like setting.

"Toward the end of our trip, we took in Kennisaw Mountain in South Carolina.  It is almost a Mount Rushmore of the South, with Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, and Stonewall Jackson up there," Rich said.  That January trip was the only travel Interim on which Rich took students.  I then asked him what sort of student was Tom.  "He was very articulate, of course and had the best observations."  His eyes practically sparkled as he reminisced, "Tom was a delight to have in my class."  

School Year '72-'73

Headlines Tom would have discussed:

U.S. Pulls Out of Vietnam

Nixon Starts "Peace Journey"-- First President to Visit China

Eight Israeli Athletes Killed by Terrorists at Olympic Games

U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew Resigns (Tax Evasion Charges)

Title XI of the Higher Education Act Passed

Abortion Legalized

Pocket Calculators Created

Tom, the Admired and the Admirer

I had first seen Tom at a fall, '72 Homecoming bonfire, but it was Roxanne Juel who actually introduced us by walking me around to his booth in the campus coffee house, the "Dragon's Head."  His good looks caught my eye but it would be his mind that would most impress me.  I asked Loyd if Tom ever said what he saw in me and Loyd said, "No, he didn't, but he did say that whoever he married had to be cheerful. . ." 

I often saw Tom in the "Head" between classes.  He sometimes sat with his thin legs crossed, reading and smoking in a booth alone or having coffee at a small bistro-sized table with another student, such as Steve or Loyd.  At small group conversations, I decided that there was something mysterious about Tom that I couldn't quite put my finger on.  He didn't seem to reveal much about his personal self and that piqued my curiosity.  I felt a desire to find out more about him. 

Friends like Brownie--Linda (Brown) Comfort and Roxanne said I should try to get Tom to ask me on a date.  I gave it some thought and decided not to attempt it.  This was due to loyalty to my friend Vicky Frick, nicknamed Edith after Archie Bunker's wife on TV.  She was vocal about her feelings of "having the hots" for him. 

One night Edith invited several of us girls and Tom—whom she must have wanted to impress--to a dinner that she cooked in the lower level of Mickelsen Hall.  She went to a lot of preparation and having eaten our fill of cafeteria food, we looked forward to the meal.  Months before, when I went home with her to Yankton, South Dakota, she cooked a pheasant to perfection.  As we sat down at the table, there was one distraction.  I wore fashionably tight white jeans on my petite, 106 lb. frame and a brown, short sleeved polyester top with horizontal white and yellow stripes.  I could feel Tom's eyes on me the whole night, but we hardly talked.  While I was noticing him, he was falling in love with me.  He later told me that he decided to marry me that night, despite the fact that we had spent no time alone yet!  When he later repeated the story of his unilateral marital decision, he got the biggest, most mischievous grin, and it always delighted me.  Somehow Edith survived her disappointment and later told me, "When you and Tom are together, you two light up like Christmas trees."

Freddie King

  The 1972 fall event that S.A.O., the Student Activities Organization put on was the Freddie King concert.  I had heard of B.B. King but not Freddie.  It was to take place in AMA, used mostly for theater, chapel and the gym.  King's announcer, rather than a back-up band, got the crowd ready.  Tom and I could never explain exactly how he did it, but he completely energized the crowd so that by the time Freddie King came on stage, hundreds of students—maybe 400, were stomping their feet on the resounding wooden floors, whistling and calling out loudly to bring out the blues rock player.  Freddie King did not disappoint us and forever after, it was one of our favorite concerts.  David was there, too and he recalls being impressed by the bass player with the huge Afro hair, the lights and the silhouettes made by the light show.  Tom and I were at the concert but not with each other.  Despite being at Edith's dinner party, we still had not spoken to each other alone.

Tom, the Politician

When Tom and I talked, he referred to Jim Jorgensen, the dean of students from 1971-1974, as "Jumpin' Jim."  He never really said why he gave him the nickname. My guess is that Jorgensen was always having to jump between one group of students' hotbed of contention to another.  I hereafter refer to Jim and Rich Jorgensen by their first names in this piece because we had friendly relations with them after college so I am taking that liberty.  At the start of my interview in my home, Jim said, "I've written a summary here."  He pulled a note out of his pocket and read, "He was an outspoken defender of students' rights."  Sitting back farther and more comfortably in the desk chair he said, "I liked Tom.  Who couldn't?  He was a really likable guy." 

Jim first saw Tom in some plays.  He then got to know him better when Tom visited his office regarding controversial issues.  Two such issues were inter-visitation rights and the alcohol/drug policies.  Students wanted later co-ed visitation hours during the weekend.  Just before Tom and I got acquainted, those hours were limited to 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. on Fri., 2-5 p.m. Sat. afternoon and 7-11 that evening.  The same hours applied on Sun., except the visitor needed to leave by 9 p.m.  Doug Bro, who was a floor leader from '70 to '71 described the logistics this way:  "Sign in at the lobby.  Check in and out with the floor leader.  Keep door open at a 45 degree angle."  And last but not least, "Each member of the opposite sex must keep one foot on the floor at all times!"  Blair native Kit Kelly said, "It only created a  'Rules are meant to be broken' mentality, because compliance was nonexistent."  As Karen Hagen said, "What a long time ago!  And in Mickelsen Hall, if you had a guy with you when you opened the door from the stairwell, you had to yell, "Man on floor!"  This was also how my dad, Willard Meier who, when not tending the campus flower beds, announced himself when he came onto one of the women’s floors to make maintenance repairs.  (My dad said one recurring problem was repairing washing machines after students had overloaded them to the point of burning out the motors.)

Tom spoke for the students when he pressed for relaxing the alcohol and drug policies.  Jim said, "He would say to me, 'It's more dangerous to make them drink off campus.  Students should be able to have a few beers in their rooms.'"  Legal drinking age was 19 and according to Jim, "At that time the administration held no position, the students wanted drinking, and I felt caught in the middle."   Dana College's drug policy was such that if a student was caught smoking marijuana or using other drugs, they were "dormed," in essence, grounded during the early '70's.  Later that decade and for those to come, students were expelled.  

The former sanction went back to Jim's own student days at Dana.  He reminisced, "The student personnel system was made up of a dorm council.  If vandalism or other infractions took place, a dorm council made up of the Dean of Men and floor leaders met to apportion punishment.  The guilty student would not be permitted to socialize outside of going to class."

"Students turned to Tom because he was an activist," Jim said.  "And he also became Student Body President." Tom campaigned in the fall of 1973 and served one semester of his senior year.  Tom ran against Pat Tripp, who promised the students, "I am for anything that you want."  Tom seized that line and used it against Tripp by saying, "That is not what a leader does.  There are times when an elected official has to act on his conscience and not what the people want."   

Tom was good at delegating people to carry out his values and viewpoints.  Deb Schou recalls, "Even though I was only a sophomore he appointed me as the student representative on the Academic Affairs committee.  His confidence in me allowed me to challenge myself and do something I would never have considered before my becoming active at Dana."  I felt the same way that Deb did.  Tom delegated me to the "Human Rights and Concerns" committee, and I invited a Fremont physician to speak on euthanasia for a Parnassus event.  What is most memorable to me about his time as Student Body President is how much he was energized by the campaign.  I also recall a particular time when I saw Tom's political skills in action.

Jim was awakened at 3 a.m. one morning by a phone call from a female freshman.  According to Jim, she was "crying that she had been raped by two male students."  Jim met with the two alleged perpetrators and expelled the men.  "I also expelled the girl for her own protection," he said.  Word got out the next day that Jim had not followed proper procedure and students gathered en masse outside his office at the same time that Jim met with one of the boys' fathers. 

"I was making my way through a crowd of students," Jim said. "They were jeering and booing.  It was a big student uprising.  I recall locking the door." Tom had a private meeting with Jim, who remembers  him saying, "Jim, it's abhorrent but they're upset because the student constitution says that you have to allow the case to be heard by a campus hearing board."

One of the boys left school permanently.  So did the girl.  Jim said, "The remaining student appealed to the hearing board and Don Warman was his faculty representative.  The board was made of three students and three faculty members.  Gene Lindblad chaired the meeting.  "It was split down the middle.  Half voted to repeal the expulsion and half voted to allow him to stay on campus," Jim said. The dean of students cast the deciding vote.  "Thinking back on it, I should have recused myself," he said. 

So upset were the students that President Earl Mezoff held a campus-wide meeting with the student body on the issue.  My friends and I walked into the Campus Center one evening.  I saw Tom half-way up the stairs to the cafeteria with students all around him.  He loudly and angrily blamed President Mezoff for the injustice:  "If you think Mezoff can do this to us, I might as well just. . .get kicked in the. . ."  I had never seen this side of him.  Jim said, "One has to realize that this was a short time after Kent State."  Even though the student eventually won his appeal and could have returned to Dana the following fall semester, Tom told me that the young man decided not to come back.

Jim concluded by saying, "I took this extremely seriously.  It was a serious offense that required immediate action.  I felt I had the authority.  I couldn't understand why the students weren't up in arms about the rape.  No one denied it.  They corroborated each others' stories.  To me, we could let the court handle it, but then how would we answer to the Blair community, the church and our supporters?"

This account is one-sided.  Tom and I had a friend who was told by one of the boys that the girl was not sexually assaulted, but that it was consensual sex.  What is apparent is that Tom was instrumental in promoting the campus judicial system and that his peers turned to him for upholding their rights, spelled out in their student constitution.

Tom, the Concert Goer

After the Freddie King concert Tom asked me out to a movie and after that, we were "a couple."  Our love of live music would lead us to see the Grateful Dead twice: Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young;  followed  by Young and CSN separately; then, America, Phoebe Snow, Jackson Brown, Muddy Waters, Eric Clapton, and perhaps others.  Those were the ones I recall from our two shared college years. 

I was a bit apprehensive during that first actual date when he drove me to an abandoned country lane outside of town at 4 p.m.  But I would soon learn that I had nothing to fear from this charming gentleman.   All that happened was compelling conversation.  This person of mystery opened up and I got to know him much better.  We discussed so many subjects that afterward I distinctly remember my excitement as I said to myself, "We can talk about anything!"

We must have talked for two hours before driving to Omaha to see the film "Cries and Whispers."  It was nominated for Best Picture in 1972.   Tom told me ahead of time, "It's a Bergman film."  He said this so  sheepishly.  I came to learn that this was his way of expressing that he was obviously impressed without making you feel inferior.  I later found out that he was a big fan of the Swedish writer and director, who won best director for the film and of Liv Ullman, who was nominated for best actress.  The on-line source Wikipedia says, "When a woman is dying of cancer at the end of the 19th century, she is visited by her two sisters.  Long repressed feelings between the two siblings rise to the surface." The movie was done in black, white and red colors and it had a complicated plot with dark undertones.

But Roger Ebert described it more vividly:  "The movie is drenched in red.  There will be few like this one.  It is hypnotic, disturbing, frightening.  It wraps us in a red membrane of passion and fear, and in some way. . .it employs taboos and ancient superstitions to make its effect."  If only it were so clear cut!  We had a hard time grasping all those effects and their meanings.  Tom would later joke, "I would have to pick out a really heavy film for our first date, wouldn't I?!"  We watched it decades later with greater understanding.  This happened after both of our children were married, and during the two years when Tom spent every night sharing his Netflix movie picks with me. 

Interim:  January 1973

Europe was cold in January, 1973 but winter time on that continent was not nearly as harsh as it was at Dana College, where the icy wind raced across campus, biting one's cheeks.  You needed to push against the wind or be pushed by it.  Professor Lydia Herman, a tiny retired elderly typing instructor who lived across the hall from John and Dawn in Omaha Village early in their marriage, was once rumored to have been pushed down on the sidewalk by the wind.  Dawn said, "I don't know if the story is true or if it's a myth, but you certainly can see how it could be true!" 

Tom, Jane and Loyd were among Professor Nielsen's "Pilgrimage" travelers to Europe that January.

Deb Schou writes, "When I started Dana the fall of that school year ('72), I was impressed by how Tom treated me as an equal and not his little cousin.  Tom, Jane, and we Schous--Steve and I, were on the interim trip to Europe.  During our time traveling together Tom was always solicitous of everyone and especially watched out for the Dana girls."  Jane remembers that she and Tom had been schooled by their father in the history and culture of Europe.  She sheepishly said with a light laugh, "We were rather obnoxious about being know-it-alls." Tom always talked about two particular female students whose behavior made that of Tom and Jane pale in comparison.

Two girls tested the patience of everyone in the group, including Tom and his dad.  Tom had a way of protecting people from falling in harm's way, but some were oblivious to his abilities to sense potential peril.  These girls, by their late night escapades with the opposite sex, ignored the angst and frustration they caused the group.  No one knew whether they would show up in time for the day's departure or not.  But all survived.

Besides that aspect of the trip, Tom and the others had a great time.  Jane said, "I think that this was Dad's first travel Interim.  We had to read Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales," so naturally, we went to Canterbury, then to Chartres, Notre Dame, Santiago de Campostella in Spain, Rome, the Cluny, and Carcasonne."  Another student who went along was a friend of Deb's, named Giles Bronson.  He was effeminate, so at first glance, some assumed he was gay.  After college, he ended up getting married and joining the Marines.  Deb Schou said, "One of the greatest testimonies about Tom came from my friend, Giles. . . He said that Tom always treated him with respect and always took time to greet him when their paths crossed, be it on campus or in town—that no matter what was going on he took time for others." Tom went out of his way to speak to the ignored.  He also spoke for the disadvantaged by giving a monthly donation to the United Farm Workers later in life.

School Year '73-'74

Headlines Tom would have discussed:

Patty Hearst Kidnapped

Mikhail Baryshnikov Defects to the U.S.

Arab Oil Embargo and U.S. Energy Crisis

Black Hole Theory Announced

Supreme Court Rules Nixon Must Turn Over Audio Tapes

Nixon Resigns, Avoiding Impeachment Proceedings

Rubik's Cube Introduced

Endangered Species Act Passed

Tom, the "Big" Spender

We had one other date before Tom proposed to me.  He was cooking at the "Fiesta," a restaurant later called the "Tivoli," after the Danish amusement park, gardens and pavilions.  He must have known what an impression his menu selection would make on me.  He chose "Chateaubriand," named after a dish made for the French author and statesman.  I remember that it looked like a whole roast beef for the two of us.  "Chateaubriand" is actually a beef tenderloin.  I recall that it was surrounded by onions, carrots and potatoes on a large oval platter.  I believe it cost $13 for this extraordinary meal for two and I was impressed that he spent so lavishly on me.

Those were our two dates in 1972: the movie and the dinner.  After a summer separation, we boarded the riverboat, "Belle of Brownville" for a cruise down the Missouri during the fall of '73 Homecoming.   We romantically slow danced to all the songs, all night.  I was sure that I had found someone who liked to dance, but it would not be until Sonja and Emerson's wedding, in his old high school gymnasium, that I was able to coax him onto the dance floor again. I had tried unsuccessfully at Erik and Jami's wedding, although he loved watching them dance.  It was OK that he told me, "Who me?  I can't dance."  It made the memory of that riverboat cruise all the sweeter.

Looking back, what I must have been drawn to immediately was his contagious enthusiasm for life.  After my back injury when I was 34, he would not let it immobilize both of us.  He brought excitement to the challenge:  "I bought a car that you can lie down and stretch out in," he would say, or "I found a beach house with a hot tub ("for you" was implied).  Or, "I've thought of a way that you can be in the backyard pool!"  Although we hardly even knew ourselves during college at ages 18 and 20, I saw the vitality that radiated from him and he drew me into it.  His liberal arts education prepared him to be curious about and learn from the world around him, the history that lay behind him, and to be ready for the future before him.  That intrigued me. 

Tom had no plans after college.  Steve Schou said, "I remember one day when Tom, Loyd and I were having a six or twelve pack in the parking lot and we were talking about what we were going to do for a job."  Loyd remembered this conversation, too.  "Someone said, 'If all else fails, we can be pastors.'"  Steve said, "And I was the one who became one of the clergy."  Loyd said, "We had no student loan debt.  We figured something would come up.  And it always did."  In the political arena, Tom would later become Washington County Democratic chairman for a period of eight years and State Democratic Central Committee member in the '80's, and he was the Nebraska chairman of Paul Simon's one year Presidential campaign.

Tom graduated from Dana College on May 26, 1974.  He worked with mentally retarded men, cooked at a restaurant, did surveying, and was a photographer and journalist for Blair's newspaper.  Like his brother David, they were non-academic jobs.  They cooked together at Fiesta and a couple other jobs were obtained for David by his brother, Tom. 

Then, at about the age of 40, Tom began working at the Dana College library.  In 1992 he was the front desk person and then, after obtaining his MLS from Emporia State College on August 6, 1999, he became the reference librarian.   Sometime later, Dana College needed a library director.  Tom became the interim director and then stayed on in the position.  He said to me, "I like working with the students the best, but I have the freedom to carry out more ideas as director."  These opportunities were the outgrowth of the belief that having a good liberal arts education would prepare him for "what came up." Echoing Loyd, ". . .and it always did."  He was also very grateful for his parents' help when he struggled financially with the lower paying jobs. 

In addition to his political and work related achievements, he published and contributed writing pieces for his own monthly magazine, called the "Washington County Line" from 1991-1993.  The company was called "Mercury Media," which got off the ground with the financial support of John Hibbing and Tom's sister, Anne.  It contained  regular submissions from Tom, myself and other family members, as well as from the Washington County community.  Finally, in 1998 he edited "The Fighting First:  Papers of a Nebraska Private in the Philippine War," a book of diary entries and letters to Danish immigrant parents from a soldier in the war that followed the Spanish American War.  It was a product of the Danish Immigrant Archive at Dana College—Lur Publications.

Tom's intellect shone in whatever he did.  Back in college, I was amazed by all the facts and figures he knew so I would ask him, "Where did you hear about that?"  It was mind boggling to me.  He would simply say, "Oh, I don't know.  I read it somewhere."  The most remarkable thing was that he could retain what he learned.  He had a fantastic memory.  He was so well-informed and could give the historical context to any news release.  He was bookish without being boring and scholarly without being solemn.  At Dana, he surely stood out from the other students I had met.

On Valentine's Day 1974, Tom gave me a pearl ring.  This would be the first of many gifts of jewelry, clothing, books and music that he would give me as gifts.  The stone was pretty but what Tom  admired the most was the beautiful, etched gold band.  It would be the first sign of his generosity in gift giving.  Later, I would see his graciousness as he carefully chose books, clothes and music for myself, his family of origin, and children.  At first, the ring signified "promise" and a month later, it meant "engagement."  It naively seemed to us that giving my mother six weeks to prepare would be sufficient.  Because of her ability to organize, it was just enough time.

Vows and Sunlight

Bedecked in their wide and airy, floppy hats, my attendants, Judi (Larson) Pedersen  and Linda (Martin) Woodring wore their homemade, long tiered dresses—Judi, in lavender and Linda, in yellow.  Judi was still sewing her dress the night before the wedding, which made me a little anxious, but she  was able to gauge that.  All total, she would be a bridesmaid in 17 weddings and sewed one-third of them.  A dress was not all that was finished at the last minute.  Tom and I found what we thought was a cute, tiny house to rent on Nebraska Street.  We had a lot to do because the sinks were nearly black in the lean-to kitchen and bathroom.  Before we began cleaning, Tom's mother toured the inside of the house and was reported to have cried when she got home.  That week, we painted the walls before moving in.  When my paint can fell off the step ladder in the bedroom and spilled paint all over the floor, I got my first taste of Tom's temper.

All we cared about was that it was within our price range:  less than $90 per month.  The tiny house had a dining room, a small living room and a petite bedroom.  Tom and his friends brought in the queen sized bed we had picked out at Miller's Furniture.  The furniture set was a wedding gift from my parents, and the bed just fit between the two walls.  They were so narrow that the term "crawl into bed" took on a new meaning.  

Back to the wedding ceremony.  John Mark, Tom's best man and Dave, the other groomsman, were dressed in suits, as Tom was.  We considered tuxedos a waste of our money.  My younger brother, Mark was a candle lighter.  Brian, my other brother and Loyd were ushers.  At the time, we did not feel that we were particularly young, at 19 and 21.  When we later looked at the photos of the skinny, teenaged Dave and especially the short, 11 year old Mark, we decided that we had been young, indeed!  We had gone to Tom's parents' house the night before for the wedding rehearsal dinner and Danish "king's cake."

Our wedding took place in rural Arlington at the country church where I had attended parochial school.  The opening music was played by my parochial school teacher and principal, George Bluma.  Then, Jim Musick's sister Marilyn took over.  What a contrast to hear the quick, melodious organ sounds from her light touch on the keys!  Just before starting down the aisle Loyd asked, "Are you sure you want to do this?"  I paused, giggled a "yes," and went ahead on my father's arm.  Marilyn's organ playing became so loud and definitive that the organ practically rumbled.  Tom would later say, "Marilyn cranked up that pipe organ like it had never been played before." Jim Musick's trumpet playing of "Prince of Denmark March" was even more phenomenal--sharp, crisp and piercing.  (Tom would later buy the "Medieval England" album, where it is listed as "Trumpet Voluntaire.")

It was not until later that we learned that the sun had shown beautifully through the stained glass windows with perfect timing as we said our vows.  We had been too nervous to notice, but we were glad for our guests to have seen it.  Immediately after the ceremony, we ran down the sidewalk to the daffodil decorated school gymnasium for a reception of cake and ice cream.  Tom was so busy visiting with all of our wedding guests to eat, but Jane shot a good photo of us giving each other those first bites of cake. 

We had three formal and informal wedding receptions—at the church, Fiesta, and at Don (Dangerous) and Sharon Davis's apartment at Dana's "married units," Omaha Village. We had invited mostly Dana friends, a few friends from high school, and family to the wedding:  200 in all.  Judi said, "It was not uncommon back then to have a reception at the church for relatives and a dance or other reception somewhere else." Tom would later laugh at how he had disagreed with me about inviting so many from the "Punk Floor" of Rasmussen Hall, not knowing that one guest, John Hibbing, would eventually marry Anne and become our brother in-law.

Tom rented the dining room of the restaurant for music and drinking but the latter party was impromptu--after the bar closed.  Judi and Linda remember our friends' Dana apartment as being a very tight space, with some people spilling over outside to sit at the picnic tables.  Beyond that, the only memory I have is the new acquaintance between an Arlington and a Dana friend.  Sharon was going to  retire to the bedroom but walked in and quickly ran out saying, "They're having sex in there!"

Tom and I arrived back at the house at 4 a.m.  He carried me over the threshold and I was stunned by the transformation of the cottage-like house.  I couldn't believe all the work that he and his friends had done.  They helped Tom panel it, but he had hung up Jane's batiks, put Jane's self-portrait oil painting on an easel in the living room and mounted other pictures.  He was always artistic and had a good sense of style, like his mother, who painted beautiful watercolors.  Anne said, "My mom often commented that Tom had that 'eye' for art." That carried over in his decorative style in our later house. Tom and I still did not own a car, and we ended up only spending three months there because of a rumor that there was frost on the bedroom walls in the winter.  But that night, it was our first home.

A beautiful marble fireplace and huge picture window with a beautiful stained glass graced our next  apartment, on Washington Street.  On September 14, 1979, we moved into the house with the handsome burr oak trees in front, at 2066 Colfax Street.  This would be the yard where Tom planted so many flowers, ferns, evergreen trees and bushes, grilled so many steaks, and where our children played on the antelope sumac. 

After 1974

A year and ten days after we were married, the Vietnam War ended.  Steve Schou remembers being with Tom on that April day when they surveyed together.  He said, "I remember it well.  We were driving to a site in the country and we heard the news on the radio.  All at once, Tom gunned the truck to get back, honking his horn to announce the important news.  I never saw him so animated!"   Anne also said, "He was deeply passionate about his opinions."  Abbie Hoffman once said, "We were young, we were arrogant, but we were right!"  Tom would have loved for me to read him that line.  It sounds so much like something he would have thought or said. 

Time and again, he would make a political prediction and months or a year later, when it proved to be true, he would look at me and say, "You remember me saying that, don't you?  You do, don't you?"  And I always did.  While Tom was Washington County chairman, an elderly Democrat woman named Eleanor Jensen said, "He needs you—someone to listen to him."  That is what I tried to do.  I loved it when he included me in Sunday dinner conversations at his parents after my back injury in 1988 relegated me to the couch.  He would look over at me and I nodded back my affirmations of agreement.

Before we were married, I caught a glimpse of Tom's character.  There was much more for me to learn about him.  One aspect of his personality that I appreciated the most was his authenticity.  He always gave you his honest opinion, whether or not you asked for advice.  It almost always was wise.  Under the heading of "fun," we would learn more about our common interests, such as hiking at Neale Woods or the Black Hills and walks on the beaches of Door County, northern California and North Carolina during vacations—a time he anticipated all year long.  Locally, we frequented Neihardt Park, DeSoto Bend, Wilson Island, Fort Atkinson and the city parks in Blair.  Wherever we were, I could enjoy our talks and laugh at his offbeat, irreverent humor and quick wit. 

Underneath his "devil may care" exterior, I came to see his sensitive side.  Although he acted as though he disliked being complimented, the lower lip that went in (vs. puckering out) was a sign that he was  glad to be commended.  Tom also cried at certain funerals, held and quieted the newest family baby and asked about nieces and nephews as they grew.  Thanks to his parents' love and kindness, he believed that "Family comes first."  Loyd wrote in his sympathy card, "He had a warm heart."

After we had children, I wrote that he was a "proud papa."  When he talked to colleagues, he did not hide his feelings about how extremely proud he was of Erik and Sonja, especially as they became adults.  He respected them for their educational achievements and loved them for the fine, compassionate people they became.   He practically glowed when he spoke of them to others.  Many remarked about this in their cards to our family when he passed away.

Tom and God

Tom's ridicule of organized religion, mostly to get a reaction from people, was countered by his "maybe" attitude toward God in our conversations.  "I'm not an atheist.  I'm an agnostic," he would say, and then would add, "I guess that's why I'm named Thomas."  I witnessed his spiritual respect while he watched art history documentaries of religious paintings, and at the reading of Luke 2 by his father on Christmas Eve.  He definitely thought that God was big enough for all religions.  Steve Schou noted, "One particular time that Tom was reverent was when he visited Assisi during Interim."     

Erik and Sonja: I took a risk that this story would bring you tears, but I hope that it has also made you smile.  Had events been different, he may have written his own story.  But I felt that it was my duty to you—and myself—to write it.  Tom was not only who he was but who we now need him to be in our memories.  These will be different for each of us.  All I know is that your dad, whom I'm honoring, did three things:  he changed us, challenged us, and greatly cherished us.

Perhaps others may further this narrative, whether to correct certain facts, add stories, or write tributes.  I wish I could describe Tom's character development from his childhood to the end of his life, but in thinking this I can just hear him say, "Patti, it's not a novel!" 

C.S. Lewis said, "Love is the final reality." What a wonderful thought!  It comforts me that, even though he is physically gone, my love for him lasts.  Like Vicky, I too see him smile with those crinkly eyes and deep dimples.  I also hear his deep voice above the din of the Sunday dinner conversation while I rest in his parents' bedroom.   I hear him talking politics with you kids, and with his original family.  When I am alone, his spirit talks to me in my mind, laughs with me in my memories, and loves me in my dreams.  As for me, whether in a future hope or in my daily life, his spirit still lives. 

Love,

Mom

From Birth to Basking in the Sun

Thomas Solevad Nielsen was born on June 9, 1952 to Elizabeth Hansen Solevad Nielsen and John Wolter Nielsen at the Blair, Nebraska hospital. He was their second son, born approximately sixteen months after John Mark. Following Tom would come Jane, Anne and David.

Tom's first of many trips to California was made shortly after mother and son came home from the hospital. John and Elizabeth traveled by car to Watsonville to introduce him to his maternal grandparents, Einer and Else Solevad. His paternal grandparents, John and Meta Nielsen lived in Albert Lea, Minnesota. Tom developed jaundice, a common infant condition, along the way.  He was placed in the sun in the backseat of the car and in a few days, the yellow cast to his skin was gone and Tom was the pink, healthy baby that his grandparents had been anxious to meet.

Early Childhood

One of Tom's early words was "tapart,"  such as,"The blocks fell tapart."  The Nielsen family moved to Northfield, Minnesota in 1953 where his father had been called as pastor of a Lutheran church.  

Miss Hughes was Tom's teacher at Washington Elementary School in Northfield, Minnesota. Tom did not talk later about his early school experience, but he used to say, "We had the best of both worlds.  We lived in town but we had a huge open area behind us to play in."  Tom would add, "We had the most fun at the county fair.  The Rodenberg cousins would join the Scous and us."

When he was nine years old the family moved back to Blair, Nebraska. His father had been hired as a campus pastor and religion professor at Dana College. At first, Tom attended South Elementary School and was taught by Mrs. Whitaker. Tom's mother recalled that she was a strict teacher. When the Nielsen family moved from the corner house on 15th and South Street to 2044 Grant Street, Tom went to West School under Mrs. Bisbee. “She loved to read to the children and we appreciated that about her,” his mother said.

Beach Boys and Girls

Rather than experience the oppressive heat and humidity of Nebraska summers, the family often drove to the Mediterranean climate of Monterey, California. Tom's maternal grandparents lived in nearby Watsonville. Tom recalled the crowded Plymouth that took all seven of them the three days and 1800 miles out west. “And without air conditioning,” he would add. There was a small guest house in the Solevad's backyard, where some of the Nielsen family stayed. During later trips to the ocean, he had fond memories of the morning fog that burnt off by noon, and the good times he and his siblings had on the Rio Del Mar (meaning “River to the Sea”) beach, a short drive away. Building sand castles, stretching out on a beach blanket to read beneath the sun's warm rays, and walking on the World War II era cement ship were just a few of the fun activities. Tom enjoyed the Monterrey aquarium and Santa Cruz's boardwalk, but he also enjoyed picnics beneath the redwoods in the cooler elevations of Mount Madonna. He later said, “That is what's so great about California. You can be down at the beach one minute, and up in the mountains the next.”

On the Farm

While he was growing up, Christmas was often spent with Tom's Grandma Nielsen on the farm in Albert Lea, Minnesota. (His Grandfather Nielsen died when Tom was less than two years old.) Meta had a small second story living room, but Jane recalls the fun atmosphere of being packed together to unwrap gifts with more than 20 immediate and extended family of aunts, uncles, and cousins following the Christmas Eve service in town. During the daytime, they enjoyed playing snow bowl, i.e. football in the snow. “Steve and Tom paired up a lot,” his sister said. During summer trips to the farm, another group activity was playing Civil War with the Schou cousins. “Tom and Steve usually took rebel positions,” Jane related. Jane remembers that when the Schous and Nielsens played baseball, Tom pretended he was the shortstop for the Minnesota Twins. At times, the play got rough. “I remember one time when the boys tied Deb and me up in one of the bedrooms and left us there.” Thankfully, they eventually returned to untie them!

The big red barn with an open silo on the east side was a fun place for making hay tunnels and having corn cob fights. The 40 acre farm had cows, pigs, and for a short time, sheep. “And a biting pony,” Jane added. She said, “Tom really liked animals. One time Tom brought home a wheelbarrow full of kittens from a friend's house and asked Mom if he could keep them.” His mother said, “I told him that he could pick out two, so we ended up with Princess and Tiger.” Princess, a pretty calico cat, was known for her longevity. She survived from the time Tom was nine years old until after Tom and Patti got married--when Princess died an accidental death.

Lutheran Background

Tom was confirmed in 1966 at First Lutheran Church in Blair. Sigge Christensen and Marie Johnson were his sponsors. Marie was a Nielsen family friend from Albert Lea, while Sigge came from Chicago. Both women worked in the business office at Dana College for many years.

Unique Excursion

In 1964, Tom and John accompanied their father to England so that the latter could attend a three week religious studies program. John Nielsen, Sr. stated that it was hosted by Oxford University and took place on both British and continental soils, beginning in Oxford and ending in Basil, Switzerland. Lectures were given by the great theologians of the time. “Karl Barth was on the schedule but he had to cancel due to illness,” his father said. Tom sat in on at least one of the lectures and took notes in a journal. When he read the notes forty years later he said, “Not bad for a 12 year old!” What Tom reminisced about the most, however, was his unconventional lesson in traveling.

The adolescents and their father stayed in a few cities such as Edinburgh before the program began. When they got to England, they took in the cultural sights and sounds of London and Salisbury. While in Stratford-on-Avon they attended three days of Shakespearean plays (and had to stand for some performances) before arriving in Oxford on the first program day. A not insurmountable problem arose when it moved to Paris. Because their father's transportation was arranged by the religious studies program, it meant that the boys would need to travel separately to Paris, and arrive there fourteen hours before their father. Again, one must remember that they were 12 and 13 years old, respectively. Today, many youngsters fly alone but this trip was not by air. It was thus more complicated but, as Tom would later reminisce, more fun.

John and Tom boarded an early bus from Oxford and arrived at London's Victoria bus station. From there, they took a train from the Victoria railway station to Dover, England. Next, they boarded a ferry bound for France, and heard a voice on the intercom say, “Go to port side for money exchanges.” John said that he and Tom talked amongst themselves and then decided to ask the captain for directions. “You boys are from England and you don't know your port side from your starboard side?!” he asked, rather incredulously. They said, “No—we're from America,” and with that apt explanation, the captain motioned them toward the left-hand side. The ferry landed in Calais, France, where they took a final train to Paris. “We just hung out in the city until Dad got there,” John said.

Tom was quite proud that they made the journey so independently but his best memories were from the good times they had with the Rochet brothers. His father said, “They were sons of the director of the religious program. Tom and John met them in Oxford but they really got acquainted that week in Paris.” Tom used to say, “We figured out the Paris subway system in no time. There we were, 12 and 13, riding the Metro all day. It was great fun.” Next, they went to Tubingen, Germany, whose university dates back to 1477. The final day of the program occurred in Basil, Switzerland, where the three had lunch. Tom, John and their father continued to enjoy Europe together for a month. This trip would become an experience that Tom cherished, and the first of two “travel abroad” stories from his youth that he repeated most often.

Much “Hairdo” About Nothing

During his upper school years, the combined junior-senior high school was located at 16th and Colfax Street. Years later, it was turned into an apartment building and the former gymnasium was rented out as a large social hall.

Tom was a high school freshman during the fall of 1966-- two years after the Beatles arrived in America. People laugh at the uproar over the Beatles' “long” hair and now wonder what all the fuss was about. The long hair controversies played out culturally and in U.S. homes, pitting one generation against another. Anne remembers a particular Easter when her mother was trying to give Tom a haircut. She said, “We heard the drama from upstairs.” Elizabeth recalls, “I remember one time when the school sent him home to get his hair cut. I cut it with my scissors and sent him back. He came home, saying it wasn't short enough for them. I had to cut it again!”

Junior Year at Oxford

Another travel experience frequently talked about by Tom was his junior year of high school. Before leaving home in the fall of 1968, Tom watched the start of the tumultuous Democratic presidential convention. He was fascinated by the mayhem and would later say, “That was fun.” He did not have the chance to watch the entire televised convention because it was time for Tom and John to depart with their father back to Oxford. This time, instead of attending a three week program, the senior Nielsen would pursue doctoral studies in religion, with a literary concentration. Tom and John went to an all boys' school there, somewhat like our prep schools.

Early in the fall of 1968, Tom wrote a letter to family friend and English teacher, Dorothy Wright. Brother John also wrote. Their letters were published in the local newspaper because, as Tom once said, “It was rare in those days for anyone from a small town to go to Europe.” Tom's letter to Mrs. Wright began: “We've been gone 30 days and it seems like 30 years. I never thought I would be homesick for Blair, but I am.” He ended the letter in this way: “It would be nice to hear from you, and pass the word, because at times it is really lonesome over here.” After reading the letter to John, he was surprised and does not remember Tom acting lonely.

Still, that first month of adjustment must have found Tom wishing for friends and family back home. His mother, Elizabeth was teaching art at the high school and parenting the three younger siblings. Tom's father and the boys kept her abreast of news through their letters home. Tom's handwriting is very different (such as having wider loops in his letters) at the end of the year, compared to the start. It is as though he is maturing, as signified by his handwriting. Tom makes specific references to his siblings back home. For instance, he writes, “Mom, in one letter you say that Anne hates junior high, and in another one you say she likes it.” The letters are precious. At that time, it was too expensive to call home. Back then, there was no email, Skype, or cell phones, either!

Tom's letter to Dorothy Wright from 25 Wellington Square was long and informative. He wrote, “I am taking economic history, political history, and English. They are true believers in the writing of essays. I've already written two in English and two in political history. In the next week I have three economic history, one political history, and one English essay due.” He went on, “In English we are presently studying Yeats under one teacher and Shakespeare under the other. All our classes are divided between two teachers for each subject.” Yeats would remain Tom's favorite poet and Graham Greene's Power and the Glory would be on his list of most influential books.

Tom's Oxford report cards read: “Tom is a keen and perceptive worker,” “He has quietly persevered with Shakespeare, but he is not yet thorough enough,” and “Tom is modestly satisfactory on the academic side. His quietness is a little too much with us but he is a sound, cooperative and sensible young man whom I look back upon as an excellent member of my group.” Tom later said, “The classes were harder than at any American school.”

The year abroad was not all work, though. His father took the boys to Gilbert and Sullivan plays and, as Tom wrote in the letter, “On Sundays John and I usually walk down the Thames. It's really peaceful, swans and rowboats and few motor boats.” The boys also played on two basketball teams: an intramural team and a county league. Tom would later say, “We weren't any good but they thought we were great!” Elizabeth recalls learning that they ate in the Scott House dining hall in jackets and ties. Scott House, the name of a residence hall, was also the intramural team on which they played. John remembers one game in particular, when their team played very well. “We beat Oxford University's second string,” he recalls. Tom became good friends with fellow team member John Malpus, who was approximately six years older than Tom. Malpus later made at least two U.S. visits: one was made to attend John's wedding. Tom was very glad to see him. A picture of Malpus was found in Tom's billfold 42 years later.

Besides playing basketball, going to plays, and taking walks, Tom enjoyed going to Oxford pubs with John and playing darts. “Our favorite pub was called the 'Lamb and Child,'” Tom later said.

Tom used to enjoy telling one story of privation from the year in Oxford. He said that they needed to heat water in a kettle for bathing and cooking. He said his father was reluctant to report the lack of hot water, for fear they would look like spoiled Americans. Heating the water continued late in the year until it was finally determined that the water heater was a little box outside the apartment. After one flip of a lever, they had hot water. During breaks from school Tom, John and their father traveled in Europe. Although four years separated the two trips, it seemed that Tom thoroughly and equally enjoyed both journeys.

Black Armbands

The fall of 1969 was Tom's senior year at Blair High School. Recalling the differences between the Oxford and Blair school systems, John said, “I don't know how he handled going back.” Diane Madsen, said that she felt like she was in a remedial English class, next to him.

The larger context was the Vietnam war. Tom's best friend, Loyd Neve commented, “Those were crazy times.” Loyd described how Tom, Chris Warman, and he planned a silent protest during school. “We met with the principal the day before. We told him that we were going to wear black arm bands to school and that he could not kick us out of school because the Supreme Court had already ruled to allow it.” Loyd said that they were shocked to hear him say, “I know but I'm going to do it anyway.” “We could not believe that he would so flagrantly disregard the rule of law,” he added.

As they walked home from school, they discussed what to do. Chris decided he would take it one step further by painting a white T-shirt with a black peace sign on the front and back. Loyd decided he would wear the arm band. They talked about Tom's options. “He needed this one class in order to graduate because of his year in Oxford. Tom would have gotten a zero in the class. He couldn't afford to be expelled,” Loyd said.

Tom was supposed to call Chris and advise against inflaming the situation by wearing the provocative (for the times) T-shirt. He could not get hold of him. In the end Loyd, who had plenty of credits, was expelled. He recalls, with a chuckle, “But despite our worries, Chris got off scot free!” Tom turned his attention to planning their after school rally. They got permission to hold it off school property, on the Methodist Church's grounds. But at the last minute, the church had a scheduling conflict, so it was to take place in the gymnasium after school. “We had a panel of individuals who were in support and those who were opposed to the war,” Loyd said. “But at the last minute Jerry Otte (the principal) pre-empted it. It never happened,” Loyd added. Tom used to tell about their protest plans with obvious pride, even though the school administration intervened. Loyd said, “The last time we were together (two weeks before he died), he talked about how Vietnam was one of the seminal events in his life.”

Conscientious Objector

Tom and Loyd described themselves as pacifists. “We were going to turn 18 and we really felt that we could be drafted,” Loyd said. Even though they had decided to attend Dana College (which would give sanction to a draft deferment), they decided to apply for conscientious objector status. Loyd said that the procedure involved asking three people in the community to write letters stating that they vouched for their values. Loyd said, “I asked Otte and he turned me down.” The letters would not be shared with the applicants and were to be turned in to the local draft board. When asked how Tom felt when his application was approved John replied, “Yes, he was very proud of getting his CO.”

Anne said that, during her childhood, she felt closest to Tom when she, herself was in high school. Anne said, “Tom was very supportive of me, without having to physically be there. I felt that, if something happened to me, I could go to Tom.” Note: David will be interviewed in the college section.

Completion of the First Twelve Years

Tom graduated from Blair High School in 1970. Although he was not verbally expressive about the love he had for his family, he cared deeply about them. He told the above stories over and over, never seeming to tire of relating what a loving, educational, and meaningful childhood he had had. One could see his affection by the way he asked questions of and listened to each one. There was also the twinkle in his eyes when he teased them, and the big, broad smile he wore when he greeted them.

When fall of 1970 arrived, Tom became the fourth person in the family--behind his parents and older brother--to attend Dana College. He lived at home and drove the old tan Plymouth to school. Jane, Anne and David would eventually join the ranks and, like their brothers, take classes from their father. Dana College would also be the setting where Tom met Patti, and fell in love. 

 Ernest Hemingway wrote, "To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing:  that is enough for one man's life."  When I read this quote in early 2011, I automatically thought, "That is Tom," not "That was Tom."  Maybe the "was" will seem more real with time.  I am comforted by the fact that his spirit surrounds me each day in his books, music, movies and memories.  Our wedding vows stated that we would "love, honor and cherish... until death do us part."  Death may have physically parted us, but my great love for him goes on.

Tom would have hidden his pride and generally been embarrassed by what I have written, but he still would have wanted me to tell about his life's useful actions, courageous words and beautiful things. With the utmost love and respect for Tom, I dedicate this evolving biography to our children, Erik and Sonja, their spouses, and to their future children.  It is also devoted to his family of origin, who deeply loved him first.  

Please fill in the many gaps with your own stories and correct me as needed. I will only type a portion at a time.  It is one woman's 36 year love story for the man I was proud to call my husband.

Patti