So hard to believe. 25th birthday in heaven. Please stay close I long to feel your presence. I am reminded and inspired every day of your courage perseverance and strength. I see you today in my heart. Your smile. Your contagious hearty laugh. Your mischevious nature. How tough you could be if needed.we miss and love you eternally.

Woke up today feeling blue. Grandpas birthday. Then a memory came flooding back. Your last time at his birthday. You were so sad. Had been a few weeks since your surgery. You didn’t want to go. Felt awful about your appearance. 
i just remember sitting on your bed trying my best to reassure you and calm your fears and just trying to make you know how very much you were loved and wanted and needed. I know we all needed to be with you more than even grandpa ! You came and I think you were glad you did. I hate that you were so sad. I hope you are somewhere now with the angels and God and celebrating the best granpa birthday. I love and miss you so much 

You were born  on a day somewhat like today. Overcast rainy gloomy. I had spent the night in the hospital due to rushing in ahead of time (giving birth to Bridgitte happened so quick) - doctor thought would be even faster for you but of course you fooled us ! All night in light labor and finally after being told to push you arrived about 815 am. I was awake this time - I was amazed and astounded at my first glimpse of you. All that dark hair ! Red faced wailing beautiful baby. I loved you the moment I saw you. I said to the people in delivery- she looks just like her sister. Of course you would end up being polar opposites. I cant believe you’d be 43 today. What would you be doing?How would you look what would our relationship be like?
The what if’s are not so bad as they used to be but there nonetheless. Happy heavenly birthday my beautiful baby. Until we meet again. Stay close and watch over us. Love you eternally