The year was 1978, and on November 28th you became a big sister to me. Until then, you had been the only girl squeezed right between two boys. I don't really remember much of our youth, since you were six years older than me, I was just the dorky little sister that always wanted to cramp your style. 
When I think of you, I remember running away from moms house when I was 13 years old to come and stay with you. By then, mom was cramping my style, and I needed to get away from her. I figured you managed to escape at 15, I may as well try to go at 13. I spent about 10 hours with you at the apartment in Spindlehill before I got caught and had to go back to mom. I wasn't allowed to see you again until I was 14 years old. I used to come and stay at your apartment anytime I could. I remember we broke my Super Nintendo two days after I got it fighting over a controller. Mom was so mad! I remember going up to Thortons gas station in my jammies to call 911 when you apartment caught fire and then I gave them the wrong address and we had to chase the fire truck though the entire complex! Man oh man what a crazy morning that was!

 I remember that horrible apartment you lived in when he was born. I woke up one night on the floor with a roach crawling across my face! For that minute on, whenever I slept at that apartment, you and I would squeeze into a tiny twin bed. You don't know close til two full size people share a twin bed!  I will never forget when you moved in with mom and I right after having Patrick! I was 16 then. I was so mad that I had to give up my private phone line for reasons we wont mention here. I sure love that kid!
Then there were all the weekends I spent at your house in Russellville. God I hated that drive, but so very thankful now that I got to have that time with you.
Then there was the four days you spent at the hospital with me when I was in labor with Hunter. You were so excited! You wouldn't leave for anything! Then finally I convince you to go home and clean yourself up and get a change of clothes, and what happens? I get wheeled into surgery to have him! That started a whole new period for both of us, I was a mother, and you were an aunt to the boy who grew to become your favorite fishing buddy! I learned so much from you, and there is not a minute that I can remember in those early days that I wasn't on the phone with you or standing right next to you.
 We even ended up living together for a spell during his first year. You sure loved him! He was your little bear!
Right about that time you met Bob, and we stopped spending much time together. I really beleive that was the beginning of the end. You had Robbie during this time period. The only times we really spoke were to exchange kids, either me taking Patrick or you taking Hunter. We just didn't seem to have much in common. I also had Maddie during this time.

We didn't really reconnect again until 2009 but by then you were so far gone. You still loved Hunter with all you had in ya! He was your lil fishing buddy. You used to tell me all the time I should have named him Fisher, not Hunter! Maddie loved hanging out with you too, and she was slowly becoming you other fishing buddy. You always made her feel so proud no matter how small the fish was. In her eyes it may as well have been the loch ness monster! 
In 2010 you and I had another falling out becasue you were very heavy into drugs. We even almost lost you then. I was better prepared to lose you then. BUt what came of that is that you finally got into a program to help you deal with your addictions. We certainly reconnected while you were away. We wrote hundreds of letters, and spoke as much as we could on the phone. What really sucks, is I threw most of the letters away becasue I figured I had you nack and that we would have lots of time and I didn't need the letters! :(
I don't know if you stayed clean on the outside, but I know you were trying. I know life was hard. I tried my best to help you. And I will struggle the rest of my life wondering if it was enough.
I have managed to write this entire thing with out a tear shed until now. I feel like our story isn't finished. I wish I could see you again. I wish I could hear your voice in real time, not just on old voicemails. I wish I could give you a hug even if you were all sweaty :) I miss you big sister.