VERA, A TRUE MOTHER
OF THE NATIONS
This is an excerpt from the Talitha cumi anthology, Mothers of the Nations Arise.
ANDREA L. DUDLEY
You won’t read about her in Good Housekeeping magazine or see
her name in lights on Broadway. You won’t hear of her accolades
on Oprah; but I want you to read about her in Talitha cumi;
Mothers of the nations arise! This article is a small tribute to my
mother, Vera Marie Beard.
On June 5th, I received a frantic phone call from my youngest
brother Ronald, stating that our brother Lessley had died and that I
needed to come immediately. Although you can never fully
prepare yourself for the death of a loved one, I was somewhat
expecting this call. You see, I was with Lessley a couple months
earlier in the year as his doctor and social worker pleaded with him
to change his lifestyle of drug addiction and poor health practices.
As Ronald began to tell me what was happening, my mind quickly
raced to my mother. “Does mom know?” I said. His reply was,
“No, I haven’t told her yet.” My reply was, “Please don’t tell her
until we can all get there. I know that she is going to take this
hard.” We hurriedly rushed to Ecorse where I grew up and where
my mom and brothers still lived. If you know anything about
Ecorse, you know that it is a small close-knit town where news
travels fast. When we arrived at my mother’s house, my cousin
Billie was trying to provide comfort as my mom had already heard
that her first-born son was dead. I knelt down beside the chair that
my mother sat in and put my arms around her as she gently wept.
My mother is very quiet and reserved and exemplifies a silent
strength that is to be marveled. She loves all of her four children
with an “agape” love that is to be envied. She is a mother to many
and often provides counsel, love and encouragement. I am blessed
to call her mom.
My father was a pastor for 25 years and Mom stood beside him as
the “First Lady” of Pine Grove Baptist Church. When my father
was “called” to be the pastor, my mom wasn’t so sure how all of
this would work and was not very eager to leave the only church
that she knew, Mt. Zion Baptist Church. At Mt. Zion, she was a
young matron and served in various other capacities in the church.
But my mother reluctantly agreed to go with my dad to the new
church. Once there, she taught Sunday school, served in the
mission department, taught Vacation Bible School, and simply did
whatever Dad asked her to do. She was a model “First Lady”—
always putting out fires, keeping the peace and praying for the
members. She was his driver and transported him to visit the sick,
bury the dead, go to the prison, to preaching engagements—
wherever he needed “Vera” to take him. She was born in Lincoln
Park, Michigan, and was the only girl born to Bessie and Fred
McKinney. She had five brothers and is the only one still living.
There are many things that I have learned from my mother, this
Mother in Zion, but I am going to focus on only a few of them.
The bible does say that the older women should teach the younger
women, doesn’t it?
Titus 2:3-5 says, “Similarly, teach the older women to live in a
way that is appropriate for someone serving the Lord. They must
not go around speaking evil of others and must not be heavy
drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These
older women must train the younger women to love their husbands
and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their
homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then
they will not bring shame on the word of God.” NLT
I think some of the older women have forgotten this principal and
have neglected or negated their duties, thereby leaving the younger
women lacking and without instruction.
Let me share some of the things that my mother taught me:
1. HOW TO LOVE MY HUSBAND. I watched my mother
love, nurture, and care for my father for many years before
his death. She took good care of my dad. With him being
a double amputee, on dialysis, suffering from back
problems and other health challenges, taking care of my
father was a difficult job. Mom never complained. She only showed him
loving kindness. From watching my mother, I learned how
to honor, respect, and be a helpmate to my own husband;
and after twenty years of marriage, her training is still in
practice. Without her example of how to be a Godly wife, I
don’t know if I would have managed to stand during some
very turbulent times in our family. I must interject, though,
that our worst days married have probably been the best
days for a lot of couples. Under the best circumstances,
making a marriage work can be a big challenge, so I thank
my mother for her marital counsel.
2. HOW TO LOVE MY CHILDREN. Each of my siblings
and I have presented my mother with our own unique
challenges, in just being human beings. But I am
constantly amazed at how my mother seems to always
know how to accentuate the positives and minimize the
negatives. My brother Lessley abused drugs for over 20 of
his 39 years on this earth, and it was my mother who never
stopped reaching out, loving and being concerned about
him. My youngest brother was always there too, but no
one loved Lessley like Mom did. We all tried to offer help,
encouragement, and support to him, but my mother loved
him most and best. After all, she was his mother. She was
always trying to get him into a drug rehabilitation program
or encouraging him to lose weight. No matter how bad
things were, it was my mother who was always there for
him. I would say, “Mom, that boy is draining the very life
out of you. Why can’t you just ‘disconnect’ from him?”
Her response was always, “I’ve tried, but I just can’t do it.
It’s just not that easy.” So when I got the phone call from
Ronald, I knew that my mother would need our support and
strength during this time. It’s just doesn’t seem right for a
parent to bury a child, even a grown child. As a mother
myself, if I were in her shoes, I surely would have had a
difficult time disconnecting from my child too. My mother
taught me how to love all of my children. I have three
children, two that say they’re grown, but still live at home,
eat our food, drive our cars, etc. I hope they don’t read this
or I’ll be in trouble for sure. Each one has their own
personality, interests, likes and dislikes; and I made a
commitment to God to “train them according to their bent”
and to seek God concerning His will for their lives.
Because I love my children, letting go has not always been
easy, especially when they are heading down the wrong
path. I value what my mother taught me about loving my
children.
3. HOW TO BE KIND TO PEOPLE. Being a pastor’s wife
is not easy, but Mom walked in grace and integrity during
her tenure in this position. She was never malicious or
unkind to anyone, even those who treated her rudely and
cruel. When my husband became a pastor, it was the example that
my mother lived before me that I drew my
strength from. I often wondered, “How does she do it?
How can she just let people get away with saying those
things?” I later learned that not responding and not
“stooping down to their level” was a true sign of strength.
Ever heard the phrase, you can kill them with kindness or
pray for those who spitefully use you? I saw Mom exhibit
this kind of Christian behavior. Being kind to people
seemed so natural to my mother that being unkind would
have seemed so difficult for her. I do realize that it was the
power of the Holy Spirit that worked in her, developing this
godly character trait.
4. HOW TO LIVE A SUCCESSFUL CHRISTIAN LIFE.
When living at home, I saw my mother read her Bible all of
the time—always preparing to teach someone something.
And more than that, I simply watched my mother’s life.
I’ve never heard my mother use profanity. I’ve never seen
her drink an alcoholic beverage. I’ve never seen her smoke
5
a cigarette or anything else. My mother isn’t a gossiper or
slanderer. I know you’re probably thinking this woman is a
“saint.” Not that works or good behavior earn you eternal
life in Christ, but sometimes we forget that as Christians,
there is certain behavior we have been admonished to
exemplify. As Christians, we are to live Godly, holy,
honorable lives that are pleasing to Christ.
“Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts,
we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this
present world,” Titus 2:12 KJV. We are also not to defile
our bodies with substances that destroy them, and we
should present our bodies as a living sacrifice to God.
“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God,
that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy,
acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service,”
Romans 12:1 KJV.
5. HOW TO REMAIN RESILIENT IN TOUGH TIMES.
My mother always maintained her cool in the midst of
some very difficult times. When my mom and dad realized
that my father needed to have his leg amputated, my
mother remained focused on caring for him and providing
assurance and comfort to him, as she so masterfully did.
She rarely raised her voice even though, on the inside, I
know that she must have been shouting at the top of her
lungs. Mom never lets us see her sweat. She just keeps
fighting, praying, and moving. The quiet strength and
warrior-like spirit that she possesses has brought our family
through some very hard times. I would like to think that I
learned how to “fight” from my mother. I believe that the
strength of my mother passed on to me, and as my husband
and I encountered challenging times, the “Spirit of Vera”
rose up in me and allowed me to aide, assist, and assure our
family that everything was going to be all right. I try not to
let my family see me sweat as well. But I am certain that I
have not mastered this technique as well as my mother.
6. HOW TO REMAIN TRUE TO YOUR CONVICTIONS.
Drinking, cursing, adultery, abusing drugs, playing the
numbers, and gambling are all a part of the foundational
fiber of our extended family; but my mother never budged
from her convictions to love God, her family, and her
husband. For that, I am truly grateful. Watching my
mother at family gatherings—seeing her ability to interact
and yet not to partake in the things that she didn’t do—
helped me make tough decisions in hard places. Of course,
I didn’t always make the right choices; but I was taught
how to make good choices, and this is what matters.
These are just a few of the things that Mom taught me. My mother
is a strong, dedicated, committed woman of God, whose life is a
true reflection of the virtuous/valiant woman that Proverbs 31
speaks about.
Today, I say—Mothers, rise up and take your positions. Be the
nurturers and care givers that God has called you to be. Don’t
back down from standing up against injustices. Don’t stop fighting
for what is right! Don’t stop leading your children on the right
path. Don’t compromise your faith. Don’t be intimidated when
you feel resistance from those around you when you make a stand.
Be a Deborah or an Esther and accept the assignment that God
gives you. Be a Jael, full of strength, courage, and might. Kill
Sisera (see Judges 4 or 5) and don’t allow him to destroy another
one of our children. Talitha cumi: Mothers of the nations arise!
