Violet developed dementia approx 2010 and in Feb 2013, it was arranged for Violet to fly to Singapore to have a final visit and say goodbye to all her friends and family whom she had not seen for a few years. It was sad for everyone to see Violet's condition deteriorating and her memory failing; but she was still very much lucid and could remember who was who.  The tears flowed when Ah Thwee and Violet hugged.  It was Chinese New Year and a good time to celebrate and enjoy the moments together.  They were blood related sisters and nothing could ever change that.  Ah Thwee wishes Violet to reunite with their parents and siblings and to rest in peace, with her love.

Violet moved into sheltered housing in 2013 after her return to London very reluctantly as she was no longer able to look after herself in her flat even with regular carers.  She stayed in sheltered housing for a year, caused a lot of chaos as she kept trying to run away and leave her room.  The sheltered housing felt they could no longer cope with her and she was approved to move to a nursing home in 2014.  

The nursing home did not provide the appropriate care for Violet and mid 2014, Chrissie lodged a complaint as Violet was being treated without undue care and the police were involved with over 13 members of staff being fired.  Chrissie made sure Violet was moved from the dementia ward from the home into a normal ward downstairs and the care improved though could still have been better as Chrissie would receive frequent calls from the nursing home where Violet had fallen and cut her head open with stitches and so forth.  

Violet would have trips out with Chrissie from the nursing home a few times a month.  Her condition slowly deteriorated as the care in the home wasn't the same as a family home.  Chrissie tried hard to ensure the conditions were favourable by the home manager fought Chrissie the whole way which was very frustrating.

in May 2016 Violet was admitted to QE hospital for aspiration pneumonia and the hospital advised she was at the advanced stages of dementia; even though she could still understand but had lost her speech about 2 years prior.  Chrissie used the opportunity to arrange for Violet to move in with her on end of life palliative care.  Violet was very happy and thrived in the family environment with her favourite music, dogs, cats, smells and all of her favourite foods and even put on weight.  

All was going well with ups and downs as expected, and in Oct 2016, Violet developed a blood infection.  She was admitted to hospital and they released her a few days later with two sets of anti biotics.  Violet did not like the antibiotics and would chipmunk any food/fluids she did not like in her mouth or back of throat which was dangerous as she had dysphagia.  It usually passed and she would eventually swallow but 36 hours after being released from hospital, Violet choked on her liquid antibiotics in her sleep and never woke up.  Her daughters and family only hope that she did not suffer.  Chrissie was devasted to wake that morning to find her mother dead.  it ws a total shock as she had been doing so well and the day before had eaten and drunk very well with no problems, apart from the antibiotics which she did not like.  

There's so many ifs and buts as to what could have happened to prevent the choking but one can only conclude it was her time to go.  Chrissie wishes she could have had longer with her mom, a few more months as she had so many plans to make mom's life happier over the coming months but never got the change to see it through.

Violet came from a family of 9 siblings.  2 were given away because there were too many mouths to feed.  The good thing is they still keep in touch with the remaining siblings.  With Violet's transition, there remains one elder sister and the two remaining siblings who were given away when young.  The rest have transitioned on.

Tjet Lian went to Singapore with her sister Ah Thwee when they were very young. Violet was probably around 6 or 7 years of age.  Violet went to Singapore first in a boat and she was extremely sea sick throughout the journey and that motion sickness remained with her throughout her whole life and carried traumatic memories with it.

Violet met up with her sister two years after her sister Ah Thwee arrived in London.  Violet stayed with a family, working as a helper, doing housework in exchange for food and lodging.  She did not like it at all.  Life was not easy. Violet had run away a few times from her job.  

Throughout their childhood in Singapore, Violet and her sister Ah Thwee met some helpful people.  One of them was a school teacher / principal named Ah Bak.   

Violet put herself through school as she had not attended school in Indonesia and learnt to read and write in English.  Violet looked for Ah Bak and he helped her find jobs.  

Violet was very good at sewing and made her own beautiful clothes.  She was chubby when a teenager but slowly lost weight and grew into a sexy sensual young lady who knew how to use her beauty to flirt with men.  She got a job as a waitress serving drinks to foreigners eg sailors, and RAF which is where she met her future husband.  

Violet enjoyed dancing, was very social and enjoyed entertaining; though she never drank alcohol.  She did smoke.  She married around aged 24 and moved to London with her husband as he could no longer work in the RAF base camp in Singapore.

MARRIED LIFE IN LONDON FROM 1960

Violet had two children, Sue and Chrissie and struggled to adapt to the life in London.  When her eldest Susan was born, Violet's husband was involved in an accident and did not see his daughter until a few months later when he was discharged from hospital.  Violet was traumatised looking after her first born all alone with no husband and in a foreign country.  They lived in a caravan for the first few years of Susan's life.   

Violet's husband had a bad temper and would frequently beat her and the children.  The children were scared of their father and when Violet discovered her husband was having an affair with a younger woman, being the strong willed woman that she is, Violet left her husband and took her two children after about 8 years of marriage and returned to Singapore.  Fred did nothing to stop her leaving.  Her children have memories of their mother being beaten and crying on the sofa.  Years later when the children were grown and met with their father, he seemed proud of the fact that he slapped Violet when she walked off with car keys when they were out shopping.  There is no right in hitting a woman.  He married the woman he was having an affair with and did the same to her and her children ie abused them.  

RETURN TO SINGAPORE 1970

Violet stayed with her sister Ah Thwee for a while and then after some time, Ah Bak kindly help assist Violet in finding a room at a village in Aljunied Road as it was too crowded at Ah Thwee's flat.  Ah Bak also helped enrol the children into the local school.

Violet would visit her sister Ah Thwee on her days off, weekends and/or festive holidays.  Ah Thwee found Violet's behaviour very nonchalent and would nag her.  Violet would just smile and keep quiet and Ah Thwee had no idea what was going on in her mind as Violet would not discuss it.

In 1980, as the village that Violet and the girls were living in was about to be demolished, Violet felt she had no option but to send the girls back to London to live with their father as the children could not get a Singapore IC card to become Singapore citizens and being British, the Singapore government would not rehouse them into a housing complex which meant there was no where for them to live.  Ah Thwee was very much against the idea and the sisters ended up not talking for  while.  Ah Bak helped buy the tickets for the girls to fly to London while Violet discussed the arrangements with the British High Commission to prepare their father in London for their arrival.  Violet was very stubborn. She felt that she was giving the girls a good start in life by sending them to London.  

Their father kept sending letters back saying he could not accommodate the girls as he had a second family but Violet went ahead and sent the girls and sent Fred the flight details to meet them when they landed.

Fred met the girls a long time after the plane landed.  Sue had to go looking for him and she eventually found him.  Fred told the girls he could not look after them and put them up with his father and left them there.  Violet was worried sick as she had given up the two children that meant the most to her in life and was all alone in the village in Singapore.

Susan returned to London 3 weeks after being sent there by her mother; and lived with Violet in their room in the almost demolished kampung.  Sue managed to find a way to get a permanent residence in Singapore so that she could stay and would not hinder Violet from getting a HDB flat.  Chrissie was left all alone in London with grandparents she never knew and did not get on with.  Chrissie ran away from her grandparents a year later as she felt abused by her grandparents and was not happy.  

Ah Thwee always wondered what would have happened if the children had not been sent to London and if Violet had not moved to London in the early 90s to live with Chrissie.  Ah Thwee would have liked to have grown old with her sister Violet.  But Ah Thwee remembers Violet as a very private person who did not share her thoughts.  Violet did have a very bad temper that we all know her for; though love her irrespective.