In poetry class yesterday, we were working on Mary Elizabeth Frye. There was this poem that made me think about those I have lost in life, especially you Grandma (Great Grandma). So I thought I would share with you:

"Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, i do not sleep. I am in a thousand winds that blow, I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain, I am the fields of ripening grain. I am in the morning hush, I am in the graceful rush. Of beautiful birds in circling flight, I am the starshine of the night. I am in the flowers that bloom, I am in a quiet room. I am in the birds that sing, I am in each lovely thing. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there. I did not die !" ~Mary Elizabeth Frye (November 13, 1905-September 15, 2004)

It's been a year now Mom!  I miss you!  I sat in front of the Blair House looking up at your window wishing some how you would be there, all that came to me was the events of that day.  I have blocked out most of it over the year but sitting there brought it all back.  I know in my heart you were ready.  I use to think when people died in old age that it was easier to except but it's never easy to lose your Mom no matter the age. I'm writing here as if u will be able to read this.  If only that were possible!  I Love you Mom, miss you sooo much!..

Mother's Day was yesterday. It wasn't the same with out you!  I was remembering our last Mother's Day.  We went to Chucky Cheese for Brooke's Birthday.  I looked at the picture of you and I, never realising that would be our last Mother's Day together.  I miss you Mom sooo much!   I wish i could hold you and hug you tight.  I go to the cemetery but i don't feel anything there.  You are  in my heart, in my thoughts and in my prayers.  Rest in peace Mom.  I LOVE YOU!

 Not a day passes that i do not miss you. You made all in my world right. Rest peacefully for when the day finally comes that we get to laugh again is what most of my prayers are for. As always with the heaviest heart I Love You and can't wait to see you and hug you. XOXOXOXOXo Love, your grand daughter

I didn't get to know you in your younger days, but I remember visiting you with Lorraine, Sean and David.  I remember at my wedding to David you asking "What are we here For?" and Lorraine told you "David's getting married." You answered, "It's about time."

I also remember you looking at all the picture on your wall and asking who's that, David you tell you to tell him. Most the time it was a picture of your grandson Russell(JUNIOR) and you would say I don't know but he's handsome.

I also remember you fighting with Sean over the clicker for the T.V.

I wish I had gotten to know you sooner but I know you are Missed by your grandson David,

and your great-greatgrandson Sean. Please give Lorraine a hug for all of us and Tell her I have keep my promise and Sean is doing well. Love to both of you. Love,David, Kathy and Sean

I remember when Grandma lived over here in this end of town. When ever I went over to visit, it was always with Nana so grandma would eat something. I can still hear Nana yelling at her "Ma! Eat your sandwich!" and Grandma would look back and fourth from the plate, to Nana, to me, then back at the plate. She would then cross her arms over her chest, give a dramatic 'huff' and reply "Oh balls." Then after much argueeing, and with much reluntantness on Grandma's part, she would pick the sandwich up off the plate, ripped a peice of it off, and throw it on the floor. "Why'd you throw the sandwhich on the floor grandma?" I would ask her, and her reply was always the same. "Because i have to feed Nugget. He needs to eat too." And i know it sounds strange, but I distintily remember the orange cats name to be Kitty. I never did find out who Grandma was talking about. Oh balls.

I remember the day I got the call... I was at work and a customer had brought in a spider plant for me that needed a little love.. certainly needed to be transplanted.. I thought to myself.. Grandma could have this plant thriving in not time.. she had such a green thumb.. 5 minutes later I got the call... This plant now has a special spot in my home, .. its already starting to produce  little off shoots.. it is little things like this that happen everyday that show me that Grandma will always be around and in my heart.. ..

My Dear Mom,

We have been blessed to have you in our lives for so long.  I am especially blessed to have been able to share in your days and care for you.  I will forever remember  our ritual each night  after tucking you in bed.  As i sat beside you holding your hand, we would look at the pictures on the wall.  You would point out my picture  to me and say,"that's you there!" i would say "yes" you would look puzzled, look at the picture then back to me and say "YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT!"  then smile.  I can still see your eyes as you looked at me touching my hair, tucking it behind my ears, touching my face gently, then holding my face in your hands and kissing my lips over and over.  I love that little smile of yours!  You often told people that i was your mother.  This was an honor to me, because  we all feel safe with our mother.  I hope i made you feel safe. 

John loved when we took you to Deli King.  Hot dog, fries and an orange soda.  You sucked that soda down all the while saying ..."THIS IS GOOD..THIS IS GOOD!"...when you finished you  looked with a pouty face because  it was gone.  Of course John ran to get you another one.   One of those trips to Deli King, you rolled your napkin up, looked around to see if anyone was looking then you tossed it at him just like a little kid.  I will miss your innocent smile, the touch of your skin, the feel of your hands in mine.  I Love you Mom sooo much!   You will have eternal life in my heart!

"I always had and always will miss you. I love you. This is not good bye, you see you later. Say hi to Auntie Lorraine for me and give Ceaser a scratch behind his ears for me. I will always remember the times I did visit you when I was little in your old apartment in the Border St. projects and I would hang out with Lisa or just my brother wanting to badly to just sit there and listen to Mum, Noni and whoever else were sitting there at your table laughing and talking or playing cards. Or the times when I would just try to love on the dog and lay on your couch because I just wanted to relax and let you spend time with Noni. I know as I got older, I got irritated with having to go visit you as you lived across the street from Noni in those apartments right in the beginning of you getting sick. I am so sorry about that. I was angry with the rest of the world and since Noni let me live there for a short time, I had to listen to her when she said to visit you with her. Now I don't regret that I went. For some reason I Always remember a surprise party for you (I think it was your 70th birthday). I thin that was the last time I truly got to see you without pulling myself away from all at mess that was coming my way. I was only about 10 or 11 then. I am so happy that Mum and I went to see you last month, exactly 1 month from the day you left us here. I almost didn't go, but that night before I had a dream. One that scared me so. Maybe it was "God," my guardian angel, maybe just intuition, but either way, it made me go that day with Noni and Mum to see you. I'm not sure if remembered me, I am fairly sure somewhere inside you did. You did ask "Do I know you?" to Mummy and me. The look on your face showed you recognized us both, but had no idea who we were. I know eventually you realized who Mummy was, and only after you saw a picture of me when I was 7, did you realize you knew me, but as that. You still didn't recognize me as an adult. I know that wasn't you, it was that dis-ease. I just wish I had taken that opportunity before to get to know you better, the Grandma that I wasn't allowed to know as a kid. I wish I wasn't so pig headed and stubborn that I missed out on a lot of chances. So just know, I will get to know you now and you will forever be in my heart. Some say I have no right to cry over the loss of you because we had no relationship, but we did, just not for the second half of my life. I feel so lucky to have you has my Great Grandmother for 29 years when most people do not have theirs for even a quarter of their lives. I hope heaven is full of yarn so you can knit all the blankets and scarves you want. Maybe even have a bingo hall so you can spend some of your time in. Hey, maybe even the Angels can bring you to the Casino in the Heavens. I bet you already found it if there is one there. :) Anyway, I can't emphasis how much I love you and how much you mean to Mummy and I even my brother, Marc. Until the day comes, this is a see you later."