How I miss you so damn much. i swear every time I go to that graveyard it doesn’t get easier. As time goes by the time doesn’t change much either. 
I seen you in my dream yesterday and dad. For literally five minutes I forgot he was gone. Damn did that mess my head up all over again. I remember dad and I talking and he told me I’d be alright after he left this earth. He said I wouldn’t hurt like the others. He promised me these words! But it wasn’t true it wasn’t true at all. My heart hurts so bad and my life is frozen in time. I don’t know how to move forward. I have lost myself in grief and isolated everyone including my own family. It’s like I’ve died with you and dad and I’m only living because my body won’t stop breathing. I can’t find myself back to to the living world and I don’t think I even want to most days. I’m trying but I’m lost. Why did you guys have to go?. Isaias said I was going to be 44 and I swear I was in shock because I couldn’t believe I lost two years. I love you all so much I miss you mom but I’m not well and I feel hopeless and stuck and I wish I could find who I used to be again. I love you and please forgive me for not fighting. I’ll try again tomorrow. Miss you all so much and hope you are doing well.
Yours sincerely
a lost hopeless broken soul.