I still remember the odd feeling of what is wrong before I saw you.  The thoughts that still race through my head even a year later consume me in a panic.  I couldn't sleep all night Friday.  I miss you my light, my heart, and my only son.

My Zachary was definitely my surprise child.  He was my 3rd child, his sisters are 14 & 18.  I was so happy when I found out I was having a boy. I wanted a boy so badly.  That morning etched into every fabric of who I am today.  When I close my eyes I see him.  I see that he is gone and my world crashed into a pit of despair so deep I don't know if there is a bottom.  I want to lay down with him and never get up.  I would do anything to hear him cry one more time.  I'm so grateful for the videos that i have so I can hear him when I need it most.  I grip his teddy Bear and cry feeling like I'll never find my way back.