ForeverMissed
Large image
Her Life
May 9, 2020
Due Date:  12/20/13
11 days to go

I stayed up later than usual Sunday night (December 8th) because I was watching the Saints game and I had an appointment the next morning so I could sleep till 8 am. Zailee was with me for the game...I filmed my belly moving all the time and may even have video of her moving around that very night.

When I awoke on Sunday, December 9th, my world was about to be shattered. Zailee moved around the minute I woke up on most days. I had one other day where I didn't feel her right away and got the doppler out and found a good strong heartbeat. So, I didn't feel her right away and was scared but remembered it happened once before so to give her a chance.I drank some orange juice and got my shower. I suddenly felt an urgency to check...she just felt heavy. I went to my room in a towel and starting looking for the heartbeat. I couldn't find it, was frantically searching. I found the faintest heartbeat down low it gave me a tiny bit of hope I was over-reacting. I yelled for my daughter and we jumped in the car. Texted Stuart, Zailee's dad, to meet us there. I flew down the interstate with my hazards on. There was a storm the night before so this was a  little dangerous but I still had that sense of urgency. I called the office because that it was we are told to do. I told them what was happening and that I was on my way and asked where I should go. This was before 9 am and I had my appointment for 9:45.  She said they "would try to fit me in." I said, "If you're not taking me right away I am going to the emergency room.” She said for me not to go to the emergency room and to go to the office. This still infuriates me. Zailee could have been saved! If anything comes of Zailee's death, I hope someone reads this and learns from my mistake! We arrived at the doctor's office before 9 am because I drove like anyone would that was terrified for their child.

I walk up to the window and say "I am the one that called." She told me the ultrasound guy was with someone but he'd call me shortly. I am fully panicked at this point and the office was crowded so my daughter and I went into the hallway. When we saw the sonographer come out, we assumed it was to call us. It wasn't. A blonde and her husband stood up....beaming with happiness. They were going in to see there baby BEFORE ME. He looked at me like I was garbage and said, "Are you ----?" I don't remember the patient's name but the look of disdain he gave me brings this feeling over me like I could kill that guy with my mind. We ended up waiting about an hour. I know it was close to my regular appointment time if not after. When he walked us back, I said "Did they tell you I can't find a heartbeat." He said, "They didn't say anything about the heartbeat just that she hadn't been moving."

holding my breath...

May 9, 2020
Now for the final moments of please let me be over-reacting, please let my baby be ok, please, please, please...

Akaia and Stuart sat in the seats to my left. The doctor had me lie down and put the gel on my stomach. Then he put the probe on my enormous belly. 


I looked at the monitor...
the flash of ribs...
The beautiful, perfectly symmetrical lines...
I focused my attention into the center...
time stood still...
there was no breathtaking flutter...
It was over
it will never be over
It isn't a line from that moment to this
it's a circle
I DIED INSIDE




I went into shock and was calm.  I looked at Stuart and Akaia and numbly said "she's gone."

Stuart's face, I
 will never forget.  He said "what do you mean she's gone?" I could see his brain grasping for any hope that he wasn't understanding me correctly.

My daughter, she knows me, she knew, as I did during the long wait, something really was wrong. I instantly started to protect her and she instantly started to protect me. Akaia and I are so in sync with each other and have had our relationship described as "cute little co-dependent thing you have going on."  She didn't feel the hurt like I did...like I do and I thank God for that.

May 9, 2020
They tried to send me home so I could come to terms with what happened. I still don't understand this concept. Can you imagine going into a store and having someone say "congratulations!!"

They were going to induce me but I had been telling this incompetent office that I couldn't have this baby normally from day one. That's the reason I called my doctor in Utah and had them send me the paperwork from Akaia's birth and took it to them. I'm not even sure if they read it. During the c-section, they did confirm I was correct and I would not have been able to have Zailee normally. So, I would have been in labor for DAYS, only to have a c-section anyway. I wouldn't even have the few pictures I have because even after the 7 hours without oxygen, it's heartbreaking.

I demanded a c-section. I stayed awake for procedure because I didn't want Akaia to be scared I was going to die too. It was really rough. I had a bad reaction to the medication and I was shaking so violently, I thought I was going to bite my tongue off. They kept adding warm blankets to me, thinking I was cold and I felt like I was in the infernos of hell, so flaming hot but couldn't tell them because I was shaking.

At 4:45 pm, Zailee's body was removed from mine. They allowed Stuart and Akaia to be in operating room with me. Akaia was so amazing and strong. She actually looked over and saw me disassembled. Akaia was the first to see her and looked at me and said "She looks like us mom."

We spent the evening with Zailee and someone came in and took pictures. Stuarts parents came in. His mother tried to assuage her guilt by apologizing for how she treated me. Too little, too late. Stuart left and I didn't see him again until I needed a ride home a few days later.

Zailee stayed in the room with us overnight. Akaia and I decided to have Zailee cremated and that last goodbye was so hard for us.

Akaia was unbelievable those few days and always. The staff at the hospital couldn't believe her strength and compassion. They took her with them for holiday meals and brought her anything she needed. She is my angel here on earth. I love her more than words can express.

THEY NEVER TOLD ME ...

May 9, 2020

THEY TOLD ME
 she was ready to be delivered at 36 weeks, 3 weeks before she died. I had a condition called "Polyhydramnios" which means too much amniotic fluid.

THEY NEVER TOLD ME the name of the condition so I could look it up. They just made jokes that when my water broke, it would be a lot.

THEY NEVER TOLD ME that the condition would make the umbilical cord lose it's slipperiness and could cause issues like a knot to be pulled tight and kill my baby, exactly what happened.

THEY NEVER TOLD ME the reason I had to come in twice a week for ultrasounds and to monitor Zailee's heartbeat was because she was at risk.

IF THEY HAD TOLD ME, I would have demanded a c-section.