Hey buddy.  I think you'd find this site as surreal as the rest of us probably do ; particularly knowing how you hated attention.  Which was so ironic as every single person you ever encountered were left riven with your magnetism, charm, and magic.  I have people who met you one time who can remember every single detail about you.  Yep, you hated attention, but you were that person : and the best thing about you is you had no clue!!  I think for someone who could have had the biggest ego in the world it was your lack ego that was one of your more intersting qualities.


 You were good-looking, super funny, and super intelligent.  Yet you didn't define yourself by any of those things : which is stupifying in this shallow world we live in.  Instead you were REAL and genuine, you had frailities and fears which you allowed others to see.  To me, that is true strength and bravery in a person.  From the day I met you in 1994 your one overriding quality was that you just seemed to want to have a laugh.  And you did!!  Fresh off the plane from the UK I found kindred spirits in yourself and Jake.  These Canadians can be so serious and weird sometimes.  I think we all found relief in our shared outlook on life and senses of humour, and it was no co-incidence we gravitated toward each other because of these things.

 That's kind of what I'm left with a year on mate.  It's still hard but I just remember you laughing and me laughing so much at so many tiny trivial things.  I loved the fact you knew Monty Python's 'Life of Brian' word for word, and would get you to recite bits for me.  Man, I would be crying you were so funny when you did that stuff.  Yep, I guess we shared a really really immature sense of humour.  And you had that big daft Cheshire Cat grin!!!  Yeah, yeah, I know the ladies loved it but it just made me laugh to look at.  I'd be looking down texting or something and you'd say something ridiculous, I'd look up, and there it would be....this massive set of white teeth and just pure happiness and laughter in your eyes.  I'd shake my head just because I would laugh at that sight even if your comment had been completely ridiculous.    


 Anyway I guess I don't have a story pursee' ( I don't even know if that's a real French word but we used to make up words all the time and no one questioned them because of our accents.  Ok, mabey that was just me. ) but I just wanted to share something I found online with you.

http://hardballtalk.nbcsports.com/2014/05/16/tara-the-hero-cat-to-throw-out-the-first-pitch-for-the-bakersfield-blaze/


 Thought you might get a chuckle out of this.  I don't think it's any co-incidence it happened this week, that cat had a bit of you in it mate.  I know how much you loved the feline creatures of our planet.  I can tell you with a certainty my two miss you and the amount of attention you'd spoil them with very much.  Both Millicent and Whiety 'Ranks' ( I'll always be grateful to you for adding the 'Ranks' to the dull un-imaginative name I'd saddled her with !! ) say " What's up?? ".  I try and make up for that lost attention but as you know I have a love / hate relationship with the pair of them....but....in honour of you....I've tried to be a more loving owner in the last year.  They still really annoy me sometimes but I'm trying.   


Yeah mate.  Tha's about it.  Just wanted to check in and let you know I remember that laughing happy Adam these days ; although that's cool it's also hard.  Ha.  I know you used to mock me for my religious beliefs.  So did my Dad.  Well, I don't find it strange at all that during the last year, at all my lowest ebbs, something has happened at that exact moment that was completely unique to yourself and me.  Like this time I started crying ( grrrrr hate that ) and I was walking to the gym.  I was like " I can't go into the gym like this ( was wearing full mirrors so no one could see on the street )".  It was a dull grey day, tonnes of leaden clouds reflecting my mood I guess.  I got to the corner of Bathurst and Bloor, the last place I ever saw you at, and the light was red.  I was really trying to pull it together but had basically decided I shouldn't go to the gym as I was just too upset.  I was staring at the ground, like just feeling like you know what.  Right then this one ray of sunshine blazed into my eyes over the top of the rims of my sunglasses.  I looked up and right there in front of me, like inches from my face, was that incredibly bizzare looking truck with the huge name 'Furfari' embalzoned on the side.

 Remeber when we saw that thing on St George that time???  Haha we couldn't stop laughing at the name....or the bizzare mechanisms of the truck.  Both being old construction boys we were fascinated by it's purpose.  We stood there for ten minutes trying to get a read on what such an oblique shaped monstrosity must be used for.  Then for like months and months afterwards we made Furfari jokes, ascribed certain objects and emotions as being " Furfari like " , would just break long comfortable silences with silly voices saying " Furfari ".  We never saw it again.  Damn, I'm 46 and did construction for five years and never had seen anything like it.  And I never saw it again.  Until that day I was standing on the corner, crying, and this one piercing ray of sunshine split the grey into my eyes and made me look up.  And there it was.

 I appreciate these little pick me ups you've sent me over the last year.  I know I must come a distant distance behind your beloved family and the other friends who loved you and you loved so much.  So I appreciate them.  Say " What's up " to my Pops up there for me would ya??  And try and get him into some decent House music before I get there.  He'll just wag his finger and try and get you into obscure Russian classical music and mouldy French cheese.  give them a try, they're not as bad as you might think.      


Yeah mate.  Know we'll hang again sometime but I miss you down here.  I've made a lot of changes which I know you'd be proud of me for, wish you were here to tell me that, but I know you're up there watching down.


 Take it easy Adam.  Mat X     
      

I’m not really sure I knew Adam.

He had a way of letting you see only as much as you could handle.  The depths of his intelligence, his character, his struggles, were unfathomable to most.  But he never needed you to know any of that.  For whatever reason, these were burdens he felt he needed to carry himself.

My friendship with Adam was cultivated relatively late in our lives.  We first met in college where we were generally bad influences on each other.  I’m not even sure how either of us made it out of our early twenties.  Adam had to meander in darkness for a while before finding the strength to manufacture his own purpose and direction.  His return to school for his second of four degrees was a significant milestone and turning point in his life; a testament to his personal convictions and support of family.

Adam in academia was awe-inspiring.  Hearing him talk about it, or read some of his work, was a humbling experience.  I would quickly realize how shallow my vocabulary was, how poorly read I was, and just how much Adam had evolved.   These were fleeting moments; he would only let me see so much.  He didn’t ever want to seem ‘better’ or ‘smarter’ than me, even though he was.

Adam almost never answered a question without intense deliberation and consideration. As if every word that escaped should have meaning and intent.  He would literally put his hand on his chin.   It would at times create awkward silences, and this was something he was very self conscious of.  But he didn’t know how to do it any differently.

As he struggled with the burden and noise of a complex mind, he found in music simplicity, respite, calm.  Music was something that many of his friends enjoyed and shared with Adam.  It was a part of him that I did feel I knew. 

I wish I had more time with him, to convince him to let me in.

It is perhaps inappropriate to share this next bit with you, but I believe Adam would be thoroughly irritated if I didn’t, such was his sense of humor.  It was a regular past time of ours to share Bermudian obituaries with each other, to observe the sometimes outrageous nicknames.  He would fully expect to receive a similar honor, of that I am certain.

And so, I regret to announce the passing of Adam (Bum, DJ-par-K) Parker.

May he rest in peace, my friend.

This was THE best flight of my life.  Adam and I were flying back to Bermuda from Toronto.  We were sharing earbuds and listening to one of David Sedaris' audiobooks and laughing so hard, tears and all, that we had to be asked multiple times by the flight crew to keep it down.  This only added to the hilarity.  It was one of many, many great memories.