Alex,

I was on TikTok last night and by divine chance, the first thing I saw was Michelle’s post. I had to watch the video about 10 times before it hit me that it was indeed you (I can recognize that handsome face anywhere). For the next few hours I had an absolute out of body experience as the memories of the time we spent together flooded back in an incredible tsunami-like fashion. What hit me harder was just how I was thinking about you and contemplated on reaching out, (despite my extreme social anxiety), just earlier yesterday evening. I had no idea you went, and I am sorry that you have, I should have initiated reaching out more often than I did, and I am filled with regret and sorrow. So here I am, the next morning, writing to you.

I met you on a dating app before going on many wonderful dates with you, spending the bulk of the time talking for what must have been 16 hours or longer, up all late nights, discussing everything and anything, days filled with undivided attention only to break for some sleep. We traveled the universe with discussions of spirituality, Joshua tree, climbing, adventure, music, love, helping others, the magic of life, the darkness of our mental health battles, and our love for the Animaniacs (and how shows these days lack the quality of writing they once had). I can not think of a single subject we could not find common ground on. You looked me in eyes when we spoke with such respect and even when calls or text messages would come in, you never failed to ask if it was alright with me that you let the person reaching out know that you’d return their communication back soon. The regard you had for others is unmatched. I remember how you did not hesitate when I asked you to come out with me and my friend’s group for boba, and how you made everyone feel seen and even when I left for school and later to the other side of the country, you never failed to keep in touch often starting conversations with your sweet and goofy “hello hello”s. I loved your deep, soulful eyes from the moment I met you and that voice which was therapeutic on its own. You’ve healed me with your hands and with your profoundly deep mind and light spirit. I remember telling you how I had never met someone who romanticized life the way you did and you lit up with that full-faced blush and smile. Looking back now, the times where I questioned why you still kept in touch, because no one seems to do so these days, or how you never seemed to forget not only the important details of me but the little, often disregarded ones as well, the times you asked when would be my next visit to California, or wishing me the happiest birthday, I now know how rare of a gem you truly are. I felt so important and I wish I had returned the favor in such a way and more. I can see I am not the only one and that even beyond mortal life, you are still reaching out to me and the lives you have touched, Alex, I cannot thank you enough.

Recently, I have been going through a dark time where I had questioned my own existence, it had been going on for some time (and even in the grim times of this pandemic, you still reached out, your help is endless and the impact you make truly echoes). I asked the universe for a sign early yesterday, to show me that life is so much more than the mental anguish I have been suffering through and I truly believe you spoke to me last night. I hear you loud and clear! From it all, I learned that even when we feel alone, we are not, and that our lives are worth more than the low value we may drum up for ourselves at times because of our internal misery. Your passing has not only been devastating for me to learn, especially so late, but moreso in the direction of the light you are, it has changed something within me in a deep way, even under this very tragic circumstance, and today I woke up with eyes full of dried tears, but a heart bursting with love and gratitude. This is the first time for me in what feels like forever. I felt that something had healed within and because of you, I will, from here on out think twice before ignoring a communication or failing to check in even with the ones who may not be the closest. I will listen more carefully when someone tells me that they are going through a rough time, even when it is regarded as past tense, and especially when they say that they want to go somewhere else and start over again. Even if it has been many years since I have seen you face to face, your ability to quickly make me feel like we are old friends is an example I intend to take with me for eternity. Here it is, proof that love is timeless.

I had the pleasure of speaking over the phone with Michelle (and boy, she is wonderful and her empathy and kindness is truly a reflection of the good of, in, and around you) and we cried and laughed and reminisced about you and the impact you have made and continue to make. She helped me begin to heal through her understanding and kindness even after I apologized for my struggles which I had felt abashed by initially because of the stigma. May we have a world where it will no longer be the case one day, for it would be a chance to save an angel like you. It has become very real to me that asking for help is also a way of protecting others from the darkness we face, as sudden loss may be one of the heaviest one can bear. I made a new friend through you, and I really needed it, thank you again. Though you were deeply loved by many, as you have understood for me time after time, the depression is tiring and wherever you may be in your next journey, know we miss you so much and may you find peace. But for now, I will stay here and you will remain a piece of me that I will keep alive through your exemplary generosity of love and care. I intend to follow that example, though I may never live up to your level, and today forward I will embrace and love life just that much more. I have had enough of being stuck in my own world and I am now looking to have so many wonderful adventures in the pursuit of living, I know you will join me in spirit.

I love you, Alex, until we meet again.

I read about Alex's passing on Facebook, through mutual friends. Although I didn't know him well at all beyond grade school, it still brought up some memories.

Alex and I first met at La Rosa elementary school. He sat next to me in Miss Collins' class. We had so much fun teasing each other! And we'd get in trouble for it too. I called him Big Hat Man because he always wore this green coat with a big hood. He would always call me Katy Kaboom (after that one girl in Animaniacs). During recess he would come and tease me and then I'd chase him around. We'd play four square too. I didn't know this at the time, but as a kid I think he was my first crush?! Probably explains why I had so much fun teasing him haha - I didn't realize any of this until years later.

After La Rosa he went to another school and I lost touch with him. We didn't really reconnect in high school, but I still remember my time with him in grade school. Reading other people's more recent memories of him, he sounds like he still retained a playful and positive spirit that I remember as a kid. 

Rest in peace Alex, I'm sorry this happened.

It's been a long time since I last spoke to Alex, but he was one of my favorite people in elementary school. He stood out as someone with so much gentleness and warmth back then, and I am not surprised to see how much more those qualities grew and made their impact on so many lives over the years. Alex, I honor the light that comes with every memory of you. Thank you for being our friend.

I met Alex ten years ago at work when we were both trying to become physical therapists. Even though we went to different schools, lived in different cities and states, Alex has always made a genuine effort to stay connected through the years. He's been such a kind and goofy friend and I can't count how often he's looked out for me. He spoke often of wanting to take care of his parents and was such a driven therapist trying to be a better doctor for his patients. It really hurts to know he's not here anymore. Rest in peace Alex, you'll be sorely missed.

Hey Anh (my nickname for you meaning brother in Viet),

I miss you and I still don't completely register that you are gone. You are still the second person on my "speed dial" list right after my mom.

Thank you for the light you brought to my life. You would always pick up my call and you would always have the right words to say. I remember when I just broke up with someone and you called me and asked "What do you need from me right now? Tough love? A shoulder to cry on? Just to listen?". You just wanted to support me however I needed that support. You were and always will be my best friend. Even though you aren't here, I know exactly what you will tell me at every step of my life. You were going to stand by my side when I got married (whenever that will be =) ). You were going to tell me if you approved of him. You were going to be the best uncle to my kids. I wanted to show you around Paris one day. We had so many more memories to make. I will take you with me still at every stage. I know you are watching over me and you knew that I would be ok if you weren't around, even though I so deeply want you with me.

I love you so much and I am so glad I told you that at the end of every call and text. This world has lost such a light.

Alex is my PT and though we connected via video sessions and never met in person due to the pandemic, he is an awesome person that cared for my well-being. Even when in pain, tired, struggling to keep up with my PT program, Alex would encourage me to push forward, modify my program, and check in on me via email. My condolences to the Hoang family and friends. I want you to know that he enjoyed helping others get better. May he find peace. 

My sweet dear lil brother Alex,

How my heart continues to break from missing you so much! I missed your call only to respond the next day to check on you and it was too late. I keep yearning to hear your voice just one last time and I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you when you called. We were only just planning your bday dinner when you were to visit in a few more weeks, and it hurts so much to know that chance won't come. I just miss you so much!

I keep remembering the little 5 year old you who stumbled and fell in front of me on the day we met. The many years I was able to take care of you and protect you will always be precious to me. You truly are my little brother and always will be. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you from the pain you were enduring. Please forgive me! I just wished I could've told you how much I love you and how special you are to me one last time!

I will always cherish our memories together. All the times we had deep meaningful talks, our food adventures, your laughter, your big hugs, and spoiling you. I truly just miss YOU! You were always there for me and brought so much joy to my life that I don't know how my heart will ever stop hurting and missing you. You were such an amazing and loving person and so so loved because you brought so much light and joy into everyone's life! I truly hope you are at peace. I'm picturing you smiling and laughing and enjoying boba, sushi, rock climbing and having all sorts of crazy adventures. Until we meet again dude! I better see you with your arms wide open so that I can give you the biggest hug ever. I love you always!!

Alex was my PT and I LOVED seeing him. It's so shocking that this man of LOVE and LIGHT was overcome by mental illness. Lord knows, we never know what people are going through until it's too late.

Alex had the BEST analogies. He made his points and workouts memorable in the best way possible. I looked forward to seeing him. I felt motivated to show progress so I didn't disappoint. This morning I shot and shared two videos to demo workouts he taught me that could help my mom and sister. This is before I learned the news of his passing. That's the kind of person he was. His wisdom had a ripple effect. He would end the sessions with such a warm and genuine smile that would send me on my day with his positive vibes. He really exemplified how to be a good human being in this world and reading the comments from his loved ones further builds the picture of his prodigious soul.

My condolences to everyone suffering. 

BROTHER Y U LEAVE US Jk, I never want you to feel bad... I meditated this morning and felt your warm embrace and tight hug as I thanked you for protecting me and for guiding me on my life journey along with others in Heaven... I looked at photos from the gallery that everyone posted in honor of you, and it reminded me that you were the first person to take me rock climbing. You even taught me how to tie the rope harness thingy and honestly I don't remember how to do it, but I remember it being really complicated LOL then I watched you boulder like a pro. That was a really fun day.

The last time we hung out was at Burning Man in 2017 and you camped at Daruma with Angie and the crew. I was so surprised to see you there and I remember you gave everyone bomb ass PT massages after Kyle did reiki on all of us, but I honestly wasn't sure if we all passed out at the same time because of Kyle or because we were all so exhausted LOL. Then my fondest memory of us together there was right before the Man Burn ceremony, and you were ragging on me for some dumb thing I probably did LOL, we laughed so hard and so much. Then I vividly remember going "OMG.... I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE, ILY BROTHER" and you were like "ME TOO, ILY SISTER" and we gave each other the biggest hug... just as big as the one that you gave me today during my meditation. I really miss you. I can't wait to honor you at the temple whenever Burning Man happens again... but I know I won't be the only one. There will probably be a huge shrine there just for you, because you are so loved by so many of us ❤️

Brother, I feel so dumb and so oblivious for not knowing that you were sad. I wish I knew... I always loved when you would call me randomly to see how I was doing and we would catch up... sometimes for 30 minutes, sometimes for longer, sometimes for a shorter amount of time... whatever the case, it was always so good to hear from you. I took those calls for granted, but I guess I can still communicate to you through Heaven now... I know that you're much happier there.

Brother, now that you are no longer here on Earth... I wonder if you were showing us signs this entire time... like on our last exchange through text not even 2 months ago, you asked me if I knew of a mental health therapist that lived in New York for a friend of yours... and of course I didn't think that it was for you, because you always selflessly helped your friends get through really tough times, so I figured you were actually asking for your friend... and maybe you were... plus you didn't live in New York (I guess you live everywhere now... which is pretty cool), but there was a small intuitive thought inside of me that asked myself, "Is he asking for himself?" I'm sorry for not reading in between the lines if that was what you were conveying to me... I feel really sad about it still, but I know that you wouldn't want me to feel guilty... so I try my best to just honor you by being happy, by checking in with people, and by not working so hard just so that I can enjoy life on Earth a bit more.

I remember I was working SO HARD on the last day that we texted each other... and you asked me how I was doing. I said that I was swamped, and you being the kindhearted person you are said that if there's anything you could do to help, to just reach out and let you know... and I was so grateful... the last thing that you said was "Of course, sister" and I felt so much love in that text. It cuts deeper now to know that it's the last text I'll ever get from you.

Tara reminded me that you wrote me a PT letter to get out of kickboxing LOL do you remember that? Always getting me out of things that I didn't want to do... love you so much ❤️ I'll try my best not to be a misfit while you're watching over me and your family and our friends.

I know this is a jumbled letter of emotions and random memories, with a lot of grammatical errors which is not typical of me to do, but losing you on Earth and gaining you in Heaven reminded me to live my life happily, to enjoy the journey, to always check in with people even though they may seem okay... and most importantly, to be selfless. I feel so sad but also so strengthened at the same time because you'll always be with me. I know you wouldn't want me to be sad, but I can't help it. I thought that I'd be able to see you in person once the pandemic clears up, but I truly understand how rough of a time this must've been for you, brother. Just know that I will stay here and hold down the fort with your love, guidance, and spirit, and that you are forever loved by so many people. We are so lucky to have you in our lives. Rest in paradise, brother, and don't forget to be safe wherever you may be partying, or climbing, or hiking.

Love you so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much.

Your Little Sister,
Vivian Teresa ❤️

i read through all of our old facebook messages last night.

remember when you comforted me about my breakup, and we commiserated over dating climbers?

remember when we always talked about going on a climbing trip together? you were supposed to take me deepwater soloing, and teach me how to get stronger at climbing! (which...i've totally not done in the past couple of years, but i promise i'll go back to the climbing gym and send some good stuff for you once i can.)

remember when we got those yummy churros in west LA? or just...like...all the delicious food we always ate together!

remember when you used to send me your grad school essays? they were already so well-written, and showed how much you loved what you did—helping others feel better. i wish we could have made you feel better, too.

i'm sorry i never checked in on you after we both moved up to the bay. i can't believe i won't get another random phone call from you asking how i'm doing. i wish i had done the same back.

i know you're getting sweet sends and yummy boba wherever you are. & i hope you're at peace.

Alex,
Our paths crossed only for a short time during our year-long weekend PT con-ed class with Mike Miller. But every weekend you were there with a smile on and such a joy to work with. Your passion for food, rock climbing, and the great outdoors were just a few of the fun conversations we had. I know you're up there enjoying a nice cup of san diego's finest birdrock coffee. Sending all my love and light to his friends and family. The PT world will miss you.
Rowena

Alex,
I'm shocked and heartbroken to hear of your passing. If only I had known you were struggling and stuck in such a dark place, I would have had you step on my back to get out. Memories of you will live on forever in our minds and hearts. May you rest in peace, my dear friend.

I had the privelege to get to know Alex during the physical therapy fellowship we participated in. Alex was so easy to talk to and genuinely cared about everyone he met. He would periodically text me just to check in and see how things were and I always loved catching up with him. He was so thoughtful and I’m so deeply saddened he is no longer here. I wish I told him how much his friendship meant to me and how much he helped me during the fellowship. He was always positive and funny. Last we text we talked about the awesome food we would eat when he came to visit, I’m so sad that won’t happen now. My condolences to his family, friends and anyone who knew him. He brought joy to so many and will be immensely missed.

Hi Alex,

Just wanted to say I miss you! I'm actually at work right now, but I wanted to tell you something incredible about my day today. Jasmin from your school reached out to me today. They found out about your news and like everyone here, they are are deeply saddened. After that message I couldnt help but think. "Wow, Alex is just such an incredible person." You somehow just manage to bring complete strangers together to find comfort in this moment of tremendous hardship. I really cant help but think that this is another one of your kind actions. Even after your gone you are working your magic helping us find happiness.

Sharon sent me a video of you today. I heard your "manly" voice I always made fun of you for. At that moment all I was thinking of, was how much I wanted to ask you for a hug. All I need right now is a hug from you and everything will be ok. I miss you so much Alex.

If there's anyone reading this, I hope you can find comfort in knowing that Alex was so loved. I have talked to so many people that has been apart of his life in the past few days. I am so happy that even though he has only been on this earth for such a short time, there is so much love for him. I know we all would have done anything for him. And to Alex, you better not forget that.

I'm sure I'll be back on soon to chat with you again. Love you Alex!

-Susan

Dear Alex,
I missed you again today. I woke up and spent some time on the balcony looking at the sky and pictured you hanging out next to me doing the asian squat. If you were here you would have greeted me and said SUSAN!!! and I'd reply back and say Alex!!!! I'm gonna really miss the silliness in our friendship and how you made everything in this world feel great even when I'm having the toughest time.
I've been going through some stuff lately and to be quite honest it's that much harder right now because I would normally be turning to you for guidance. I'm really trying hard to find light in all of this right now, but nothing seems to make me feel better. You are just so perfect and such a great role model that I feel so lost that you're not here. I literally spoke to you just a few weeks ago. I'm saddened that I couldn't do more. I hope you know that I would have done anything to keep you here with all of us. Selfishly, it's because I really need you in my life. I know that you're finally at peace and not suffering, but the fact is I just thought we'd be hanging out, laughing and having fun until we were wrinkly and gray. 
If there is one good thing that I can say from this, its that even though you are no longer here you were still able to bring people together. You should be so proud of yourself just as I am of you. You have this amazing ability to give love, bring happiness, and help everyone find light in their darkest moment. In honor of you, I hope that I will continue to share your kindness and love to people. Hang in there and enjoy your "weird" music (I used to always make fun of you for your taste in music) in heaven until I meet you again. Believe me I am gonna be looking for you. In the meantime, just know there is not a day that wont go by that I wont miss you.
Love you always,
-Susan

Dear Alex,
I’m so mad…I’m so heartbroken. I just spoke to you two weeks ago. We said we were going to meet up when you came back down to visit your parents. I can’t stop thinking about all of our memories. All the times you made me laugh…. All the support you gave my music. You were there for me through some of my greatest memories and you were also there through some of my worst hardships. I’m angry that we grew distant throughout the years. I’m angry that I never reached out sooner. I didn’t know you were struggling. You were such a light in my life Alex. From the first day that I met you… That giant smile on your face. I remember at one of my Burning Tree Project shows, you got so hyped up that you tried to run up a wall and back flip but instead you knocked yourself out and we had to stop the entire show. Alex, my heart is broken. I’m going to see you again. Until that day, you’ll never leave my heart. I love you brother.