Letter to a friend - August 24, 2013
Hi, my good friend,
My mother surprised us again but such a lovely surprise. So many times others thought she would not make it through the night or day. Yesterday she slept quietly all morning after a restless night of much labored breathing. It was a beautiful day, sunny, with birds singing and flying from here to there in the yard. Butterflies were everywhere, a Monarch visiting a bright orange Mexican sunflower called a tithonia that Karen used to grow in her garden. Evan and I watched it with the binoculars, marveling at the sun shining through its wings as it opened and closed them. When the Hospice nurse and CNA were ready to leave, they, too, took a peek through the binoc's. I told them that the Hospice in Grand Junction used the Monarch for its symbol, new beginnings. The nurse and CNA bathed my mother, changed some of the bedding and pads, repositioned her, tended to all they could do for her without causing any more pain. They even turned down the sheet just so, creating a "frame" with the neckline of her teal colored nightie and the floral pillow case with coordinating color. She looked so very comfortable and radiant. At lunchtime, Evan and I went out to the porch, sitting just a few feet from her bed, the porch door open wide so that we could hear her peaceful slumber. We were watching the activity in the yard, feeling as if we were in a butterfly and bird house. We reminisced about the good times on this porch and how Mom loved to sit here through the day. We are sure she heard our delight and laughter. I kept going in every few minutes to check on her and one time when I looked, I thought the lace on her nightie was nearly still. In the night there were times when she wouldn't breathe for 30 seconds or so. She looked so incredibly beautiful and content now. I whispered to Evan to come and we knew then she had given us her last loving gift, drifting away so easily, quietly, peacefully, happily on such a beautiful day surrounded with the beauty of her yard, the love of her family, the trust in her God. Dear friend, it was not sad and all I could do was say over and over how beautiful she is, isn't she just so beautiful, stroke her hair and cheek, tell her "Thank you" and "We love you," and kiss her, all the while with one arm around Evan. Of course, the tears flowed but not out of sorrow, but out of a kind of joy and gratefulness and the love in our hearts. I think the memory of this moment will sustain me and help all of us through the days ahead.