It's been just over three years since we lost you. So much has changed since then. I am now a very blessed, very proud and very happy mummy to two beautiful boys who really have brought so much light into my life. I have such a sense of purpose and such gratitude for them that I could never hope to express it. Yet I think about you often. I wonder who you might have been, and daydream about what it would have been like to have known you, held you and loved you as I do my boys. The raw pain is mitigated by the joy I have found in motherhood and yet it does not leave me. I still remember every moment of losing you as if it were yesterday and when I think of it the pain is still there. I have accepted that it wasn't to be; that, for whatever reason, you weren't to be, and I can't complain about my lot in life now, as many people have less - but for that all-too-brief period, you were my child, you were inside me and I naively expected to meet you, to hold you, to care for you and to raise you. If nothing else, you have taught me not to take anything for granted; every day I am thankful and feel blessed for what I now have. But nothing will ever change my feelings for you either, my first child. I love you. Losing you will haunt me forever. Sleep tight, tiny angel. xxx