Lifes hard when you gotta face it alone if been walking by my self for almost 6years now an its hard but I'll get through it I miss more then every an wish she was with me I wasn't ready to say goodbye or to even let go the day we found out that you left us it broke me into pieces an now nothings the same All I do is think bout you an the Lil bit of time we had together I wish it could of been longer I hate the fact that its almost 6years  I miss everything but I know your in a better place now an not down here suffering anymore I just wish you were here to see everyday to talk to So I can tell you bout my problems to help me at my hard times to have someone I can look up to someone that's there to wipe my tears away someone who will be there when I need them I just wished it was you 

Hey momma just wanna stop by an say I miss you so much I can't believe its almost 6years without you an aunt pannise I miss y'all like crazy ughh I stay thinking about y'all my life has fallen apart without you here there so much stuff I go through that makes me wanna leave this world utbi have one person that making me stay here an that's my boyfriend he's the only reason I'm here other then that I wouldn't be here right now god really put a good person in my life That I love a lot he beats all my other relationship big time I've never felt this way bout someone mom an its feels so good to be happy for once again but he keeps your Lil girl  happy even when were fighting he always finds a way to make it better an when I'm done or crying he's the one that's there to wipe my tears away an he's the only one who understands me when no one else does

Well today's kinda hard I've been thinking bout a lot an knowing that feb12-13 is coming makes even harder man it sucks to know that your gone an its right before Valentines day to makes it Eben harder ughhh I wasnt ready to say goodbye to you Man Its hard to know that I have to live everyday day without you an go home to where my life starts to fall apart our house is no longer a home without you it doesn't feel right its not the same anymore  everything has change since you left us but It makes it feel all better knowing that your no longer In pain An suffering your in a better place now but today my boyfriend says goodbye to his best friend an IMA be there right by his side an its hard to know that we have to say goodbye to another person man its sucks knowing that we have to say goodbye its harder an harder everyday that passes by BC you never know what your gonna be facing  or what's gonna happen BC tomorrow's never promised  you can be here one moment an then the next be gone bugbits funny how people never care about you till your gone when your gone everyone quick to say they f**k with you or they care bout you or to ahead a tear for you but when you was there no one was there at all this world is so messed up that you never how people really are  but I miss you so much mom man I just wanna crying thinking bout you an I miss Jojo so much too ughhh why does all the bad things have to happen to me  since you passed away everything has fell apart nothing goes right are family is falling a part more an more every year an I keep losing everyone  its so bad there at the house that me an Jake don't even talk anymore or nothing an looking an watching home do everything he use to do with me now to the boys hurts BC that was my best friend an now we like Emmies  an I hate it but he wants to let some girl get in the way but its cool ig yeah it hurts but still that's on him if he decides to let his family  fall part then he's stupid BC last time I checked its family First not how's but that's on him ughh man I just got so much stuff on my mind

That beautiful lady right there is now my loving beautiful angel that I miss so much an all i wish is For another day with her ugh everyday is harder an harder without her since she's passed away my life has just been the worst man I hate it I lost my best friend my other half my true solider use to fight everyday for her life through the sickness an pain she had to go through since I lost my mom all I do is feel worthless an ask my self all the time why am I still here why did he have to take my mom an not me I don't wanna be here anymore :( I miss hearinh her voice everyday I miss being able to Tell her everything man I miss waking up to seeing her beautiful smile an her asking me bout school I miss taking care of her I miss everything since my mom passed away me an my family don't get along anymore my brothers hate me man I hate to think that but its true they tell me all the time all 3 of them does there only been3main people that's been there an that Mackenzie an Deisy an my boyfriend he's the only one I have left I don't wanna lose him at all man he's been there through thick an thin an still standing by my side an I'm thankful for that I love him so much an he's the only one there to wipe my tears always when I'm crying the only one to ever ask if I'm okay an keeps me happy When I'm feeling down he's the one that brings me back up he treats your Lil princess like you would love an so far I think his family likes me I'm so happy with him like no one understands that's but hes the reason I'm still here BC if it wasn't for him I think I would Of gave up on my life </3 I miss you so much mom I love you more then you will ever know an I'm sorry for what happen before you passed I feel like it's my fault your not here :(

Hey mom I miss you  I'm finished with my exams now but Wendsday I start a new semester and have a new schedule  Well I miss you so much got you in my mind wish I could have you here with me one more time soni can hear ur beautiful voice and see that beautiful smile that's stays in ur face all the time :'(  ughh why can't you just be with me again  I didn't want you to go I wasn't ready :(  but I understand it was your time to go So you wouldn't be suffering anymore I wouldn't want you here in pain :(anymore well I wanted to tell you that me and dad relationship isn't the best but were working on it  now were talking so hopefully he stays and doesn't leave me again BC I don't want that I want a dad in my life Iwant home to see my grow up and watch me become something of in life and mom I mite have my first job soon doing things like you at freedom plaza I have and interview the 24 @1pm so let's hope I do get the job though if you were here I hope I be making you proud of me dad said he's proud of me first time I heard that from anyone since you been gone an it felt great to here him say that I wish I could hear that from the rest of the family :( but oh well I'll prove everyone wrong that I can do this with jerry by my side  helping me get through it I'm finish school and still work  and try going to a college  so I can get settled with a car and my own place make sure I do good because I know your in heave smiling down on me  say wow I'm proud my baby girl has come this far without giving up because mom there's so many times I just wanna give up so bad but can't because jerry won't let me and because I know I can't give up because iknoe that's not what you would want to see well I'll write again later I love you mom and miss you so much :'( 

Hey mom  today I did exams in school they were easy to me I did one in food prep and in reading there was a lot of reading but oh well I have more exams this week I'm doing good in school wish you were here to see that I miss you I can't believe It almost 5year you been gone don't even feel like you been gone that long But I know your in a better place not your not sick or anything anymore  But man mom if you were still here you would love the guy I'm with he really sweet he's amazing he's very helpful the boy and grandma and Mary and kara really likes him I think you would to been with him  going on 4months on the 26 of this month  I'm happy with this dork and I'm planing on staying with him for a long time wish you were here mom sometimes I just need you her to help me out and it hard for me to say how I feel To him  because Im so use to tell you what wrong And how I feel  you were the one I cried to when something wrong but now I'm trying to change that man he makes me so happy mom he always there for me when I need someone by my side when I cry he crys when I smile and laugh he smiles and laughs with me we silly but serious with each other and I love that bout us mom I wish you could see how happy I am with him he always has you baby girl Smiling from ear to ear iknow we have are hard times but we always get through it by talking it out  hes the one I wanna spend my life with I with you were here to meet him mom but iknow you can't so that's ok  well today I was looking at pictures of you and us kids and grandma an everyone else  and made me miss and think about you more I miss seeing your beautiful face everyday I miss having a happy family I miss you ughh I remember how u use to call me your angle and said I was sent down from heaven because I was the blessing of your life remember seeing you cry because you would tell me the story when I almost didn't make it into this world  and you telle how much I mean to you and you show it to me all the time no lie mama sometimes I ask my self why did I even come in to this world I'm a mistake I'm not useful even my dad told me that just hurt  when you left all i asked was why couldn't he take me I don't have nothing to lose anymore I feel like iv already lost everything anyways my boyfriend changed that I don't think that as much anymore he filled up a lot of empty ness mom that I lost and it feels wonderful to nlhave someone here and knowing they love you don't worry mom I think I found the one you would think so to if u were here :( well I love you so much I'll write on here tomorrow 

Wish me luck on my exams tomorrow love ya 

It almost 5years you been gone and I miss you like crazy nothing the same anymore mom been facing some very hard time wish you were there to help me through them but I'm sorry mom I'm not all that you would want me to be I'm still sorry about that fight we got into be you left us  I'm sorry I never got to say I'm sorry or I love you before u passed away you don't know how much I put my self down because of that  I'm always thinking of that and the day we got that call saying you have went on with the lord I couldn't believe it I lost my bestfriend my work my everything my mother  its sucks not being able to come home to  your face as I walk in that door I miss having you around here I miss coming home to you asking me how was school or how's my day going or if I did something good you would always tell me how proud you were of me now I don't hear none of that I miss waking up to that beautiful smile waking me up every morning to get me up and ready for school and you tell me how much you love me and hope I have a wonderful day at school and that you be home waiting for me I miss everything mama there so many times I think about everything an I ask my self why did god take you why couldn't he take me instead I wounded why I'm even here sometime feel like I'm always failing at everything I do it hard to always keep my head around here when all they do is doubt you and put you down since you passed always I never here I'm proud of you keep up the good work baby girl or thanks for still being here helping with your brothers or anything its like I'm suppose to be there perfect lil girl an I'm not and will never be either its not fair I have to got through this my life started going down hill after you left me I can't think straight anymore I always feel lost sometimes I just dont know what to do  anymore I wanna give up so bad mom and just stop everything  and say I'm done and just up and leave from here :( I'm sorry mama bout everything if I'm failing you ;( its not easy at all its so hard I wasn't ready to lose you and i was not ready to start another year without you :( 2-13-10 :( r.I.p gone but never forgotten: (!!