April 

I am thinking of you today as I do everyday I wish I could see you come through the front door .

I wish this was all just a bad dream and that it never happened I struggle everyday to just make it .

I love you very much

April I am thinking of you today and everyday I pray that jesus hugs you everyday and that you are happy and peaceful .

My life has been a constant struggle since you have been gone I find myself lost not knowing what I am doing and trying to figure out how to go on .

I wake up every morning hoping it was all a bad dream just to realize it wasn't and that you are still not here.

I wish I could have been a better mother and could have helped you realize what a great daughter ,mother and person you were and always will be.

I know I will see you one day but it doesn't take the pain away now and everyday the pain is more real it doesn't get better.

I love you so much when you left you took me with you and I can never be the same again.

I just hope you know what a beautiful person you were and there is light missing I still expect you to walk through the door everyday.

I can't explain my pain there are no words at all I can't just get over this you were and are a part of me forever .

I love you April 

April. (2/13/2019) Today it has been one year without you it feels like yesterday. I never knew a day could feel so long , I never knew how many tears I could cry , I never knew what it felt like to actually feel my heart break day after day, I never knew how many feelings can flood a soul , I never dreamed you would be gone , I never knew what it was like to want to scream at the top of my lungs , I never knew what it would feel like to not want to go on and wonder what it's all for . I never knew how I would die myself when you did . I never knew I could be angry with God but trust at the same time . I am trying to figure out so many things I question what I could have done different I hate myself on a daily basis I blame myself on a daily basis . I find it harder not easier everyday a child is not supposed to die before a parent. I am doing my best to hang on day to day there is not a moment I don't think of you. I don't know who I am anymore I don't know how I am supposed to live anymore my heart is in so many pieces I know I can never recover but we have our family and your nieces and nephews and one on the way so I keep doing my best to make it and keep your memory alive everyday and every way possible. I will forever long to be with you . I am trying to survive and go on not move on because I can never let your memory die as long as I have breath you will not be forgotten. I can only hope God hugs you everyday and that you are happy and loved. I hope you know how much you were and are loved it will never die . I will continue to see you when I look at the stars ,the rain , the birds and butterflies, in Wayne and Michelle all around I feel you and I hope you feel us too. I love you more than you realized and I will love you forever and one day we will be together again until then I hope you are having the best time in heaven and have all the things you did not have here. I will see you soon I love you 

April you were taken from me too soon I can never be the same without you. I wish you could have seen how beautiful you really were, I wish that you were still here so I could here you laugh, I wish you were here so I could listen to goofy things you would say.

I can't bring you back but I know I will see you again and we will never be separated again. 

April until then I will keep your memory alive you are always in my heart I love you so much. 

We did not have enough time