Dear Mom, I am so sorry I missed both your 5th year memorial and  what would be your 93rd birthday January 9th.  We had a very bad fire last July 16th and our life changed.  We lost all the barns and their contents.  It was devastating.  Things will never be the same.  

But going through World War II like you did, must have been much, much worse.  Your teenage years, which should have been carefree and happy, were obliterated by dying young men, bombed out buildings and infrastructure, lack of food and sanitation and any normalcy imaginable.  You navigated through all that as best as you could, abandoned by your father for another woman and by your mother chasing after art contracts as an artist to generate an income.  And in the middle of all this you gave birth to me, bombs falling and a raid right after my birth and having to descend stairs into the bomb proof cellar in this condition.  You told me, you thought your insides felt like they were falling out.  My brain can understand, but still can't wrap my head around an experience like that.  That seems incredibly strong to me.  I was in Berlin in 2015 for the first time since my birth and I saw what was then the hospital where I was born in Berlin Templehof in der Lenzer Allee.  It is now an international school for children of diplomats, a very happy place.  But back then the war raged on and 3 months after I was born the Russians were advancing on Berlin raping and pillaging for the spoils of war, and it was time to flee.  You wrapped me into a pillow and carried me from Berlin to Switzerland on foot in the cold of March.  That was another act of bravery.  I asked you, why you didn't just lay me down in the snow and walk away and you answered that you just could not do that.  I think that thought had never even occurred to you until I asked.  And following all that where years and years of sacrifices on your part for me and my brother, who came three years later. Although many of those sacrifices were not appreciated then, I do think of them now and value them.  It boggles the mind, all you did for me.  Later in life you did find joy in the beauty and serenity of nature near Vancouver Canada as the picture shows.  I ponder with amazement with all the things that happened to you, you could find happiness in so many things in life.  A simple life, created and nurtured totally by yourself.  Whenever I need strength I think of you going before me and showing me that it can be done.  I miss you terribly.  I long to wrap my arms around you hug you for a very long time.