30 MONTH
Hi MOM , I know I’m a couple days late with my usual message. I’ve been busy with all the girl scouting stuff as usual about this time of year. In know you know October also bright about another birthday for me. I’m OLD AS DUST!!! Actually I quit counting about 2 years ago. Once Janza died on the 12 of October, since then I no longer want to celebrate. The memories of October no longer mean so much to me. It’s mostly sad, lonely and very empty to my heart.
I did go this year several times to Bingo with Cathy and Kim (because it was free) . Their company was wonderful and refreshing because I hardly ever get out and about much any more. Didn’t win a dang thing but was fun just the same.
It took Kyree out trick or treating this year. She racked up big on candy. But this will be here last year doing so. She will be in high school this time next year and we’ll she has about outgrown the costumes and such. But she says she has a good time and that’s good enuf for me.
The holidays are fast approaching and here comes the empty pocket book. But it’s all good.
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH..
I’m sure you know by now that this time next year you will be a GREAT GREAT GRAMMA again. Christyon and his girlfriend are expecting a new baby. She’s only about 2 months asking so I don’t know the gender yet but I’ll keep you posted once I do know. I can’t say I’m too happy about this as they have only been dating a few months and jet rushed they had used protection BUT I can’t change it so I will have to accept it as it is. It is what it is I guess. Just another one you love.
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU VERY MUCH…
Willie is doing pretty good so far this month. I hope he continues to do so. I do worry constantly about his health.
Mom please give a huge hug and kiss to Janza and let her know we ALL love ands miss her so so so very much. I hope you both are together always. Please look out for her until I get there and I’ll take over. I promise.
Until it’s my turn, please save my seat right next to you both. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU BEYOND ALL ELSE!!!

Hi MOM
I am still in awe of your absence. These past 2 1/2 years have absolutely blown my mind.
YOU my dear are so so very missed and loved. I still listen to my messages that you left over the years just to hear you voice. I never want to forget the sound of you or your words of love thru the messages that I have and that I will never erase.
I miss our time together, our special lunches, yard sales and just being with you for simply no reason at all other than to check in with you because you are MOM!!! There is so much throughout these past couple of years that I’ve wished i could have shared with you, so I do so right here because that’s all I have now.
My family are all doing pretty good this month. Are least that’s what they tell me so I’ll just roll with it. No one is in the hospital, no one is in jail or on drugs. So for that I’m blessed.
This is October and you know it’s my birthdays month. So I’m going to spoil myself ands play a few games of bingo with Cathy and Kim this month, hopefully I’ll win a little something to help defeat the cost of the upcoming holidays. That works be a real treat. Wish my luck mom!!!


Mom, I hope and pray you and Janza are together always and you are there to hold her and support her journey as well as your own until it’s my turn to be there and take over. Please tell her how much we ALL miss and love her beyond all else. All of us here in earth still can’t believe how empty our souls are without either of you. My world has turned a complete 180 degrees since you have been gone. I still cry EVERY TIME from just the mention of your names. I haven’t figured out if or when that will ever stop. I guess this is the cost of LOVE!! And I LOVE YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH AND MISS YOU JUST AS MUCH.
Mom, until it’s my turn, please save my seat right next to your and Janzas. I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!

Hi MOM,
29 months of your HEAVENLY ACCENT.
It’s hardly believable that you have left this earth that long ago. Every day is a struggle since you’ve been gone. I sure miss you like crazy and I LOVE YOU even more than that, if that’s possible. I know you can see what’s going on here but your physical presence is missed beyond words.
My family is doing pretty well I suppose.
Kyree and I do our usual especially since August 1st when’s school started. Up at 5:15 for me, coffee, watch the news for about half an hour just to get a grip on my upcoming day, I get Kyree up at 5:30 to get her day started. Off to school at 7 am, if I don’t have a dr. appt I’ll go to the gym for an hour, work out, get a massage in the hydro bed to relax, go home clean house, do laundry etc etc etc you know how that goes, my job is never done, I’ll get Kyree from school about 2:30 and then its homework for several hours there after, dinner, shower and bed, just to do it all over again the next day. Not much time for recreation during the week. I usually try to find so kind activity too do on weekends.
Last month I had cataract surgery in my right eye and so-far so good, on the 7th I’ll do the other eye. it’s so strange to finally see better and I’ll only need glasses now for close up reading or computer use. I’ll get those new glasses after my eyes are completely healed from the last surgery. That will be weird as I’ve worn glasses since I was 40 years old.
Willie has again been in the hospital several times this past month, he has had several blood infections and other infections and his healing process has been so much longer than usual. I just don’t understand why he stays soooo very sick all the time. I pray he gets it together because I just don’t know what I would do if I lost him too. My life would be so much more upside down than it already is. Especially after losing you and Janza within 6 months of each other.
Chris and Zariah are doing pretty well. He too need to get his shit together and become more stable in his employment. He is dating again but He isn’t seeing any one in a regular basis. I wish he could find a good lady, settle down and have a good life.
Girl Scout season has started again. Our first meeting will be next week and before long cookie season will be here. Kyree fully loves her Girl Scouts and has been very dedicated for 9 years. I’m truly proud of her. 4 more years and she will have completed 13 years and be a Girl Scout for life. We will be applying for a college scholarship in a couple years from the scouts and I’m certain she will get it especially based on her years of service with them.
My other grand kids seem to be doing well and for that I’m pleased.
Mom, please send all our love and hugs to JANZA And please tell her we miss and love her so so much. My soul and my inner spirit are soooo very very broken and I don’t think I’ll ever recover. I DON’T KNOW HOW!!! My survivor guilt certainly get the best of me most days and so many days I just muddle thru because that’s what I have to do. I miss you both so very very much. I pray a lot that you both are safe, happy and at peace. 
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU COMPLETELY!!!
Until it’s my turn please save me seat right next to you.
Love FOREVER your daughter Cindy

August 2,2023
28 MONTHS of YOUR PHYSICAL ABSENCE!!!
This hardly seems real!! Ohhh my how I MISS you and LOVE you beyond words. 
Mom, at the end of last month Kyree had another surgery on her same arm. I’m truly praying this will be the final one. This time the drs. fixed several nerves that were causing constant pain near her elbow that pushed through the tissue, around an inch thick of scar tissue toward the surface of the elbow, thus causing the surgeons to cut, repair and place the nerves very deep into the tissue Ava attach them deep inside so as not to rise back up, as well as revise the outer scar cutting off about an inch wide bunch of scar tissue on the outside to make it as aesthetically thin as possible.
This month brings about a new school year for Kyree into the 8th and final year of junior high school. She is praying for a great year as next year she will be going to a local public High School, not sure which one just yet. She is very interested in theatre and dance so I’m hoping to find a school that offers those electives for her. She is still very immersed in Girl Scouts and wants to complete her Gold Award in scouts. That means another full 5 years. But she is determined to do it so, I’m totally on her side to see it to fruition.
SHE CAN DO IT!!!!
Willie has been back in the hospital several times with the same ole crap DIABETIC COMAS every time. All I can do is pray!!!
CHRISTYON is doing good, working and taking care of Zariah. 
I will be having cataract surgery later this month hoping to see bit more clearly soon. It really sucks getting old but, here I am!!! lol lol lol.
Otherwise all is well. Please note that I am very lonely without you. I miss our visits and talks together. I miss your motherly hugs and kisses. Hell,I miss EVERYTHING about you.
Until it’s my turn…
PLEASE SAVE MY SEAT BESIDE YOU…
I LOVE YOU MOM

Hi Mom, I know I know I’m super late to chat this month.
Kyree and I have been so very busy trying to live our lives. As hard and empty as our hearts are, I’m doing my best to carry on.
This month we had two vacations, we spent a week in Jamaica, incredible view of another country, other than the humidity we had a wonderful time. We experienced many of their local cuisine and many adventures of their area, para sailing, night- lighted lagoons, rock climbing in water, several beaches, much shopping, visits and dinners with our friends. All in all Jamacia was ahhhmazinggg. I will visit again just a different season when the humidity isn’t sooo bad.
 Then we came home for a week , did laundry, cleaned up, rested up for another adventure.
We took a motor coach with many other Girl Scouts to California Disneyland to celebrate Kyrees 13th (legal teenager) birthday. She has never been to California and never been to Disneyland, so this trip was extra special to share with her. The first day was a free day to swim at the hotel pool, eat dinner with friends and get set for a 3 day mini vacation. 
Day one was Disneyland, Kyree was in awe of so much going on. We rode the rides, meet many characters, watched the parade, shipped, ate , a abba watched the fireworks .
On day 2 we went to 2 different beaches, meet up with my grandson Alex , swan in the ocean ate had lunch at Alex’s job went to another beach walked it in the long piers and shared Janza and it agreed in the ocean and enjoyed the sun.
The 3rd day was back to Disney. WHAT A GREAT TIME we both had. 
DISNEYLAND DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!!! 
I’m certain her memory’s will last a very long time. Kyrees had a BLAST!!!
Everywhere we went we had you and Janza with us and we made sure y’all got to be a part of it journeys.  I sure wish you And Janza were here in real life to have shared these adventures with us. That would have topped the entire time off.
Kyree just had surgery again on her arm to repair several nerves that were causing her issues and fixed then and revised the huge scar that she has from all the other surgeries. I pray this is the absolute final one she had to go thru. She truly has been a trooper all the way thru this process of correction so that she has have full use of her arm.
Please ask Jesus to continue to watch over us both in this path of life we have been given.
Now that summer is almost over it’s back to school on August 1st. She is excited to get back to school and see her friend and meet her teachers. Let’s hope it’s a good year and good grades. That’s the goal…
I love and miss you so so very much mom I sooo hope you are safe and well mom.I sooo.I hope Janza is with you everyday and that she too is safe and well. Please tell her we love and miss her so very much. take good care of each other.
Until it’s my turn, please SAVE MY SEAT NEXT TO YOU BOTH..
WE LOVE YOU WE MISS YOU

MOM,
26 MONTHS wishing I could turn back the hands of time.
While we all know that LIFE GOES ON, this LIFE is extreme EMPTY without you here with me. I miss everything about you and what was while you were here, I miss YOU to laugh with, to hug, to kiss, to share all my secrets with, to share my children, my grands and great grands, and all that I have in my life.
Mom I LOVE YOU… I’m so very jealous of where you are and what you get experience everyday in HEAVEN.. I guess that’s because I’m so broken that you aren’t here.
When you died a huge piece of my heart went with you in your journey to Heaven. Perhaps that’s the price one pays for LOVING someone so deeply.
Not too much has changed since the last time I was here talking to you, however, I’ve had some testing done on my heart and seems like I have a couple issues. A few of my main arteries to my heart or really clogged up and I may have to have surgery to correct that. I’m trying desperately not to get too excited about it so that I do not incur undue stress to agitate those arteries. I’ll know more on the 9th after the doctor reads the results of the tests. I’m praying that it’s an easy fix. I pray all the time and I know Jesus answers ALL prayers BUT, since you are soooo close to Jesus, could you ask Jesus to keep me in mind and that he keep me well enough to go thru this interruption in my life. That would be awesome. THANKS MOM!!! I LOVE YOU DEARLY!!!
My kiddos are mostly doing pretty good. Willie had been back to hospital a couple times,
Chris is doing good with his apt. his job and with Zariah.
Xavyer and his family moved back to Kentucky. (This makes me sad).
Kyree has a couple weeks of summer school, she will have surgery you thin out the scar from her arm surgeries.
Kyree and I are going to Jamacia in a couple weeks, (wish you were here to go with us), when we get back we are home for just 1 week then we are off again to Disneyland for a week to celebrate KYREE’S 13th birthday. Then school will start again August 1. Back to the same ole grindstone. 
Well mother, that’s my news for this month, I’ll keep you posted on any changes. Until then please always know that I MISS YOU beyond everything and I LOVE YOU more than that. I’m praying for the good in all I do.. 
I love you MOM!!!

Hi mom
I love you so very very much. Happy Mother’s Day in HEAVEN. I hope that you know that you are never ever far from any sight that I have on a daily basis. I miss you terribly,I miss you on Mother’s Day, I miss you on your birthdays I miss you every single day. Yesterday was just especially hard because I wanted so badly to see your Smile on your face to hear your voice to touch you to give you a kiss. I miss that so so much. I hope you and grandma and Janza and all the rest of those that have gone before me celebrated yesterday in HEAVEN with Jesus. What a glorious day that must’ve been. I can just see Heaven loaded with flowers and roses and rainbows and hugs. Oh I sure wish I could have been a part of that , but my day will come. I have no doubt , hopefully later rather than sooner. I love you and I pray that you had the most blessed Mother’s Day today. I love you mom.

25 months long, arduous months, father I miss you so so so much I just sometimes my brain goes in left field somewhere and I can’t even fathom that you’ve been gone this long. I pray that you are so so well and so so happy and no more pain and no more suffering and I hope you are smiling and laughing every single day in heaven with Jesus and the angels and Janza, and all of the other people that I can’t before you, and after you for that matter.
Life has gone home as expected. I suppose you know the kids are growing kids are having kids. I just feel very sad that you’re not here to share life and and I miss you so much your picture hangs in my house actually in several different places on the shelves and on the walls inside my bed, and I just look at you and I smile and I pray that I wish you had been here to see all of the things that are going on and they continue to go on.
I’ve recently gone to the doctor and seems my old heart isn’t working very good right now. I am waiting to see the doctors and cardiologists to see exactly what mode of travel I have to do as far as getting the three valves that are severely clogged , unplugged and make it work properly again. It gets kind of hard to take a deep breath but it’s all fixable I hope and I praying and I’m gonna follow through with the doctors and make sure that I can do my best to get it fixed. I’m just not ready to come to heaven as much as I miss you and I miss Janza, I have got things here left to do it and I’m hoping to get them done Before my heart decides it doesn’t wanna work right andI’m gonna do my best to get it fixed and stick around for a little while longer. I love you very very very much mom I just wanted to say that, and on this day of your death 25 months ago, how much you are missed and how your presence of your happy face and our lunches and our visits and a yard sale if and all the things we used to do together very very missed. It’s Mother’s Day is just around the corner and I’ll be back here to visit with you once again I know you can’t read, but it sure makes me feel better to have a few minutes with you for my own heart for my own soul my own thoughts, and I pray somehow someway, but you can see these, and you can see where I am with my hearts and my thoughts of missing you it is a lot.
So until Mother’s Day I’ll be back to talk again. I love you mom I love you. Please tell Janza how much I love and miss her cheer. We Think about you both very very often and always know that you’re in our prayers every single day.
I love you to the moon and back until it’s my turn. Please save me a seat right next to you. I love you mom.

HAPPY 85th HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY MOM
I know there’s a PARTY going on in the clouds at.I just wish I was there to celebrate with you… I know the rest of the family is there and JANZA too will represent me and the rest of us that are still here on earth. Ohhh MOM how I miss you and LOVE you so much. I’ll be going to your church today to leave you a beautiful rose and I’ll take one for Walter too, just so you know that you are always in my heart and on my mind.
          HAPPY BIRTHDAY
         I LOVE YOU MOM!!!
Please enjoy your wonderful birthday and tell JANZA she is missed and loved beyond everything else.. 

2 WHOLE YEARS!!!
   I am just still so broken in my heart at your absence and knowing that it is so so very permanent. Gosh mom I miss you and oh how I love you and I wish you were here with all of us. Not so much is changed since I visited here last month.
  Easter is upon us and your birthday is coming very soon and and we will celebrate and we will honor you because I know that’s exactly what you would want to happen and we will, and I’ll cry I’m sure, and the little kids will look for their Easter baskets and the Easter bunny and their chocolates.
  I pray that HEAVEN is just as glorious as ever and that it is just like what we were taught as children. Please please hug and Love on JESUS from all of us here in earth. I can only imagine the CELEBRATION that will be going on this entire weekend in HEAVEN, as it will be here as well. This past Sunday at church we had a special reminders and special readings from the Bible about the meaning of Palm Sunday and why it is recognized. On Friday we will be having another service to recognize Jesus of the crucifixion, and then again on Sunday obviously a big big service because that’s the day he rose again, and came back to save us from all of our sins that day we will also have HOLY COMMUNION which I look forward to and so , there will be a celebration here that will honor JESUS.
MOM, it still seems so unreal that I can never see you again here in this physical world. I miss our weekly visits, our breakfasts and our yard sales, I miss our family cards games and our brunches together. I miss the laughter and (the anger) of those card games (after a few beers from the brothers). I miss hearing your voice say “I love you” or “I’ll see you tomorrow”, MOM, I miss ALL OF YOU!!!
I know I’m ranting on and on BUT, my heart truly aches and wishes I could come to visit or call you on the phone just to hear you.
I’ll be back in a few days with you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and a HAPPY EASTER.
Mom, until it’s my turn PLEASE SAVE MY SEAT right next to you. I LOVE and MISS YOU above all else.

Here we are we once again 23 crazy,tearful, sad ,unbelievably lonely months of your absence.
Mom I miss you so very very much. I long got the “”good ole days “” when I would take Kyree to school early, rush off to the store or a fast food place to grab few sandwiches for you ,Daryld and myself.I’d hurry on over to your place to see your happy face, hug you and get a kiss. You would have the coffee ready and “VALLA “ breakfast was served!! Those visits were at least 3 days a week for several years. I MISS THAT!!! I MISS YOU MOM!! Looking back, I’ll cherish that for the rest of my days. Many times after our quick breakfast we would get to the best yard sale, many just “”drive- bys””. But we were TOGETHER none the less. I MISS YOU MOM!! 
I miss our spur of the moment family card games. The laughs, the fun, the family time with siblings, the WINNINGS if I was lucky… even the drunk brothers raising hell.. I MISS YOU MOM!!
 I miss all of the holidays and the beautiful decorations you always had. Sharing the joy all the holidays bring and the joy in your voice as they are also some of your favorite times of year too. I MISS YOU MOM!! 
I miss everything we ever had and all that we never had a chance to do or finish doing. Kyree and I are going to Montego Bay, Jamaica in June, and a piece of you and JANZA are also going. This trip you wanted to go on, but never got the chance. I MISS YOU MOM!!
Your physical presence and nearness, your voice saying “I LOVE YOU”” even you fussing at me for whatever I did that you didn’t agree with is missed beyond anything I ever could have imagined. I MISS YOU MOM!!
Here on earth everything is different since you went away, I hope the ANGELS know what they have. Because you are extremely missed here on earth.. In hope you are singing in the ANGELS choir with Janza.I know you two are at peace and I know HEAVEN is the most beautiful and amazing place ever!! I know because that’s what GOD says it is. I MISS YOU MOM !!
Until it’s my turn,MOM, please save my seat right next to you. I MISS YOU MOM!!!

Hi mom, it’s been the longest 22 months of my life. I miss you so so so so much I pray that you and Janza are together and making each other just smile every single day so so far not much is changed since last month however, it is Girl Scout cookie season like it is every year about this time and once again, Kyree and I are kicking butt selling cookies and making the best of what we can out of it. Girl Scout council miscalculated numbers we certainly did not get all the cookies we needed to reach the highest gold she had set for herself this year. However, we did attain well over 2500 boxes of cookies sold for the season so that in itself is quite a great goal this year in June Kyree and I will be going to Montego Bay Jamaica in Lou of her sales from last year and the finale of this year. She’s earned the wonderful week in Montego Bay Jamaica, just like we earned two other trips we went to Hawaii, so she’s really looking forward to it. I too am looking forward to it because I have never been before. The kids are all doing pretty well. I hear from my sisters and brothers from time to time. Most of them are busy with their own lives like usual. I just miss you so so much we rarely ever get together since you passed away and then it’s just things are just not the same. we’re missing that leader at the head of our table each and everyone of us.
I love you and I pray you are just as happy and dancing and singing with the angels and I just hope that when I get there my seat is saved right between you and Janza because I don’t want to be anywhere else. I love you I adore you and I miss you so so very much until next month about this same time.
Your daughter Cindy right here she loves you beyond anything and everything as my great granddaughter would say,I love you to the moon and the stars and the balloons and Jesus, in the sky by Nini and Glamma
. We love you mom

21 MONTHS OF MISSING ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT WOMAN IN MY LIFE.
HAPPY NEW YEAR MOM. 2023.
I never would have guessed that I could miss one person so so much. BUT OHHH HOW I DO MISS YOU.
Last year was a very very trying year.So many changes so much heartache and longing for what I know I can't ever have again. While I believe you can see all that is happening here on earth there is so much I miss being able to share my ongoing life with you. 
I just pray this new year I can find even the smallest glimmer of happiness and be able to smile again.The loss of you and Janza has truly sent my utter soul into such a deep cravet of lonliness and emptiness. For the most part my family had been doing well, except for Willie. He had been in and out of the hospital so many times knocking on deaths door and SOMEHOW (only by the grace of God) he has come out of his diabetic comas each and every time. We all know he isn't taking care of himself and I just pray that he will take notice to what this is doing to his body not to mention my heart. I cry each time he goes to the hospital not knowing if it will be his last trip there. All the other grands and greatgrands are doing ok living life as they should. 
This new year as usual we stayed home and out of the streets. I hate the traffic I hate the drunks and I sure don't want to go to jail ha ha. Kyree and I stayed up watched the fireworks outside and listened to noisy neighbors. It's all good. I'm safe at home. 
Soon enuf it will be time to celebrate more birthdays anniversaries and holidays. Some I really look forward to others NOT so much. 
I LOVE YOU SOO SOO MOM AND I MISS YOU MORE THAN THAT....
PLEASE KNOW I'M TRYING TO DO ALL THAT I WAS TAUGHT BY YOU AND THEN SOME. 
MOM, PLEASE HUG JANZA for us and let her know how very very much she is loved and missed here by all of us. There isn't a single day that goes by that you 2 aren't talked to, talked about, loved and missed. I hope you can see I'm doing my best to carry on in spite of my broken heart. 
Until it's my turn, PLEASE SAVE MY SEAT RIGHT BESIDE YOU AND JANZA.
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU BEYOND WORDS MOM.

20 MONTHS of my continued heartache.
Hi MOM. oppss seems I missed the 2nd to send you my usual messages. Sorry but please know you were truly on my mind and in my heart. 
I've been very busy with girl scout stuff. And trying to put in a brave face and get thru Christmas. I try to stay as busy and as often as i can. if i don't my mind completely races in the wrong ugly direction. My heart aches with your absence and that of Janza as well. As another empty Christmas is here I sooo wish you were too. I miss you and love so very very much. So much is so different since you passed on. Our family is so so split and in their own travels. You were the glue that held our family together.
I wish I knew how you spend your days and nights in Heaven. I'll bet it's the best ever. That is after all what Jesus promises us. Peaceful joyful lovely music playing Angels dancing all around no sickness no cancer no loneliness. I wish there was a long distance line to call and check in on you and continue to share our lives here in earth with you. I know that's not how things work but ohhh what I wouldnt give to just hold you and hug you again, Just to tell you how very very missed and loved you are. 
Thanksgiving was as usual very quiet. As my Grands are now busy with family's of their own my table seems to grow smaller each year. Chris and Willie came over we ate and watched the ball games. Otherwise, very quiet. But that's ok because most of the time I only function because I HAVE TO. if it wasn't for Kyree to finish raising I just don't know where I would be. In a sense she is my salvation at this moment in time. 
Since you are now on a first name basis with Jesus. I pray,as we all celebrate his birth, that you will please tell him we are so thankful for Him and for all he does for us. 
Glory to God in the highest.
Mom I love you and I hope this year and always that you are safe and UNTIL IT'S MY TURN, PLEASE SAVE MY SEAT NEXT TO YOU AND JANZA.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR MOM. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS.

19  BREATHTAKINGLY LONELY,MISERABLE MONTHS of missing you , MY BELOVED MOM..

HI MOM,
I sure miss you continuously. As these months seem to drag on, never ending , my heart just doesn't seems to fix itself of the empitness. While it seems like only yesterday that you left this physical world in reality it feels like forever ago that I got to touch you, give you a kiss, talk with you endlessly about everything, hear you tell me you love me and even just laugh together. Mom I sureemptiness.

Halloween just passed a couple days ago and Kyree 's costume this year was a sugar skull, I know""what's that""? Well a black robe, with a hood, black clothes underneath and a very decorative face with jewels and colorful makeup. Actually she was very cute and colorful. We walked for a couple hours getting candy from the neighborhoods with a couple of her friends. They all had a great time together and a bucket full of treats.

Here we are once again approaching another holiday season without you to share YOUR favorite holidays together. These always meant so much to you and to us all. The family gatherings, the cookie making, the decorating the trees and the inside and outside of the house.  etc etc. These times are especially difficult without you. 
I often wonder what it looks like in Heaven during the holidays. I know it must be magnificently beautiful with all the magic of holidays every where.  I wish I was there to share in it with you and Janza because I miss you both so so very much here on earth. I am thankful that you have each other and that neither of you is alone. Besides all the others that have gone on before you both.
Mom please tell Janza how much she is loved and missed by all of us here.  I love you so much and I miss you more than ever. 
I'm jealous of Jesus and the angels that surround you everyday. 
So,until we see each other again, Please save my seat beside you. 
I LOVE YOU MOM
LOVE CINDY

Heyyyy. MOM.
    《《《《 18 months 》》》》
of the worst heartache ♡♡♡ ever!!!
I know I'm a day late of getting here to talk to you BUT life happens and time slips away and most times I'm not even aware of what's going on around me. My mind and heart are all so disheveled every day. I love and miss you sooo so very much. 
Well my family are all staying busy with their work and kids. The babies are all getting so big and they're personalities are so funny.
Doug's business is going very well and I'm sure you would be very proud of him.
Jerry just had a birthday, but duhh I know you know that. Lol lol
Cathy and her family are doing well and staying busy. her grands are all involved with taking care of animals I believe it's part of 4H. They love it!!!
Kim is crazy busy with work at the state fair. She is security supervisor and she loves her job.
Guy and Maria are in an AHHHHHMAZINGGG adventure of their retired life. Sold their home bought a motor home downsized a huge bunch and now are on the road to just visit, see things here in the US, put their toes in the sand and a drink in their hand. SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUN. 
I haven't heard from Teri or Barbie. But I'm sure they are going well.
 I am still struggling with keeping my mind occupied with out going nuts. I have had the great granddaughter all weekend cause Chris had to work but I've really enjoyed her she is so so funny and cute as ever. 
Mom , I miss you sooo so much. And I LOVE you more than that. I pray Janza is staying close and that the both of you are keeping each other together.  I know HEAVEN is the most GLORIOUS PLACE EVER!!! 
Kyree says hi NINI and that she misses you and all of our visits that we had. She will never forget how personal and interested you made her talks with you. Thank you for that mom..
I LOVE YOU,I MISS YOU,I WISH YOU WERE HERE, I WISH I WISH JESUS WOULD HAVE VISITING HOURS IN HEAVEN OR AT LEAST TELEPHONE SERVICE.  BUT since that is IMPOSSIBLE please .
SAVE MY SEAT NEXT TO YOU AND JANZA... Until next time mom. Kisses and hugs to you always .

HI MOM... 
17 MONTHS of missing you and loving you long distance.  
THIS IS SOOOOO NOT RIGHT nor is it fair. 
Mom I pray you are safe, and happy. I pray Janza Is right beside you and that you all are together ever day and night. I miss you both and love yall so so much. Me and her kids are all struggling daily to carry on. Your absences in this physical world is soo profound. It had absolutely turned my head and my heart upside-down. We are still carrying on with our lives because that's what we must do here not much choices in that!!!!
On Monday Kyree had surgery again on her arm. The doctor took out the remaining plates and screws that were still in there. It's been 2 1/2 years since her original injury and this is her 4th surgery trying to get her bones healed. I'm hopeful that this will be the final surgery. So school fir her is here at home with me as the teacher fir at least a week.
Chris is working and taking care of his loved ones. Willie and his boys are doing pretty good as well. My sisters and brothers , I believe are all doing fairly well. They all have their lives and kids and grands that are busy with life. 
Mom I LOVE YOU and miss you you so very very much. 
I pray Heaven Is all that we believe it is. I pray you and Jesus are on a first name basis by now. Please tell HIM thank you for all he does and all that he is and that I believe in HIM and I LOVE HIM SOOO.
Please tell Janza that she is so so missed and loved beyond measure.
I LOVE YOU MOM , more than life. 
Until it's MY time, mom, PLEASE SAVE MY SEAT NEXT TO YOU AND JANZA.

16OF THE LONGEST MONTHS EVER!!!! MOM,
I still pray EVERY DAY that you are SAFE, HAPPY and that HEAVEN is all we were told it is. I LOVE and MISS you so so so very much. I wish you were here to continue to share in my daily life and watch the growth of the kids and grands. I miss EVERYTHING about you and our life we had here on this earth. I hope you are watching up in HEAVEN.
 Well summer is almost over and school has just begun. We had a good summer, a couple vacations and a couple
staycations too, and even found time for a 3 day girl scout camp. I'll say that was a success.
Kyree started on Monday into the 7th grade. Middle school here we go!!! We had meet the teacher in Friday afternoon, found all her new classes, and saw friends from last year too.
Christyon, Willie, and their kids are all doing well, new schools for the kids, new jobs for both the guys and good health for all. They are all doing their own thing as usual. 
Please tell Janza I'm STILL doing the best I can with the kids and that my HEART is still so so broken. I MISS her and LOVE her so much. I pray you both are together and are helping each other to maneuver thru Heaven. I'll bet it is as GLORIOUS and BEAUTIFUL and NOTHING compares to it. MOM, PLEASE share our LOVE with all the other family members and friends that have passed before us. MOM, 
ALWAYS, ALWAYS, remember that YOU ARE LOVED AND MISSED BEYOND ANYTHING IMAGINABLE.
I LOVE YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU , YOUR LOVE, YOUR HUGS, AND EVERYBODY ABOUT YOU.... UNTIL NEXT MONTH... PLEASE SAVE MY SEAT BESIDE YOU AND JANZA...

Forever 82 , 
15 months has come and gone and to say it gets easier is a BIG FAT LIE...
IT DOES NOT!!! .
I sure do miss you so very very much. I wish you were here to see me in person, to hug me in person, to talk to me in person to laugh with me in person, and even to cry with me in person.
I just came back from a lengthy vacation back to Kentucky with Kyree. I was on a journey and a mission to try my best to make sure Kyree got to know as many of her mamas Kentucky family and friends so that
she would know exactly what cloth she comes from and to see them face to face. I feel the trip was a success. Please share this news with Janza so she knows I'm doing the best I can for Kyree. Most of the people Christyon already knows and he couldn't go, he had to work. She even got to meet Janza's other brother and his family. That's was a Special treat. 
So not much other has changed here in hot Arizona. It's summer and swimming and girl scout camp keeps us busy like usual.
Kyree has another arm surgery coming up next week to once again remove the plates in her arm. Hopefully I pray this will be the last one, and school will start again on August 1st. 
Willie is holding his own for now, I pray he stays healthy.
The grands and great grands are all growing up so cute and very smart.
Please keep a watch on us as I continue to look for you and Janza in all I do. I miss you both, my soul aches for you both.
I know I will see you again so until then, please save my seat next to you both. I love you MOM.

14 OF THE LONGEST MONTHS OF MY LIFE.
HI MOM, 
I SURE MISS YOU, I MISS OUR LOVE, I MISS OUR TALKS, I MISS OUR EARLY MORNING VISITS, I MISS OUR FAMILY TIME, I MISS OUR TRIPS, I MISS OUR LAUGHS, I MISS OUR CRYS, I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND I.
I pray you are happy, I pray you are safe, I pray you and Jesus Are the very best friends. I pray you are helping Janza along her way in Heaven. I love you so so so much mom. We are still trying to learn to cope with this life that we have here to endure. We are all trying to understand and live the best we can until we join you in Heaven. 
I'm getting ready to go in vacating to Kentucky with Kyree for 3 weeks. I just need to get away from the rat race of life here in AZ for awhile. Going to see old friends and family and relax. My brain ana heart are in over drive. I need the break. I plan on having a good time while there and then next year Kyree and I are going to Montego Bay Jamaica for a week of all inclusive holiday, our reward from selling cookies these past 2 years. I wish you were here to go with us I kno we witless have a blast. 
Until next month when I come back here to visit your memorial page
ALWAYS REMEMBER. I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! PLEASE SAVE MY SEAT NEXT TO YOU MOM.

Hi MOM, 
13 MONTHS OF MISSING YOU!!!
IT SEEMS LIKE just last week that JESUS took you home to HEAVEN.
LIke usual so much is happening that I just wish I could talk to you about. I know you can see what's happening here on earth from your HAPPY place. These past 2 weekend Kyrees scouts have had their annual community service projects. This was a huge success. She also had her end of season ceremony. As always she was TOP cookie seller.(3225) boxes. That's HUGE. Her portion of this sales will pay for her trip next year to Montego Bay. Jamaica. She is sooo excited to go and see another part of the world,
new people, new foods, new everything. Going to be exciting to say the least. By the way , I think I'm more EXCITED more than Kyree.Ha ha.. You could have joined us if you were still here by I'll watch for you in the clouds, on the cliffs, and everywhere we go. I want to share these experiences even if it isn't in person. My newest great grandson Elias, is AHHHHHMAZINGGG. He will soon be a month old and goodness is he growing so fast. He's a cutie and Xavyer and Breza are wonderful parents. 
Willie and Kingsly is doing pretty good. Kingsly is now playing soccer with
a NEW group of kids, and loving it. Christyon and his family are great as well. All the kids are looking forward to end of school so they can celebrate summer. Me, I'm a complete mess. My mind and heart ❤ are still broken beyond repair. I still struggle on a daily basis with emptiness, tears, and just thinking about how I'm suppose to carry on without you and JANZA. Yeah, I know I got Kyree to finish raising, and the others in my life , and I'm not the only one that has lost a loved one, i get it,, BUT, more than not it seems like there must be a way around this heartache. I still can't even say yours or Janzas name without crying, or remembering, hoping, wishing,things were different, even sitting here right now, writing this note to you there are tears running down my face. My coping skills suck mom. I may even be depressed. (maybe). I'm trying to figure it all out mom. I put my BIG GIRL PANTIES on, BUT they DON'T FIT, THE STRUGGLE IS SOOO REAL. and I HATE IT.... DON'T WORRY I won't be doing anything stupid, just trying to understand it all and trying to maneuver around all the obstacles in my way. I'm on such shaky ground hoping I don't trip over my own two feet. 
I miss you so very very much mom. I love you FOREVER. Please tell Janza WE ALL love her and miss her so so so much.  Until next time MOM, HOLD MY SEAT NEXT TO YOU AND JANZA.

Happy happy happy happy birthday Mom I hope Evan isn't all it's supposed to be and that's your partying and having a grand old time I sure miss you down here on this Earth and it's absolutely completely lonely without you I miss all of our conversations are labs are card games or picnics and just just you and general I just miss you so badly I pray to God you had a wonderful wonderful wonderful birthday I love you happy happy Heavenly birthday until next time I love you

1YEAR. 1 WHILE YEAR. 
MOM I MISS YOU SO MUCH. I PRAY YOU ARE HAPPY, I PRAY YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY THE LOVE OF ALL OUR FAMILY. I PRAY JANZA IS RIGHT BESIDE YOU . PLEASE LET HER KNOW SHE IS LOVED AND MISSED TOO.
AS THE OLD SAYING GOES LIFE THIS ON UNTIL IT'S OUR TIME. WELL, SO IT DOES BUT,, NOT WITHOUT THE SUFFERING AND EMPTINESS OF LOSS. THE WHAT IFS AND THE WHAT IF IT WERE ANOTHER WAY. I AM TRYING DAILY TO CONTINUE TO FIND MY PURPOSE HERE NOW BESIDES RAISING KYREE. I NEED TO FIND ""MY""PURPOSE , NOT JUST FOR OTHERS. I CAN'T SEEM TO GET THERE JUST YET AND MIND GOES A MILE A MINUTE AND MY HEART IS CRUSHED WITH MISSING YOU AND LEARNING TO LOVE ""LONG DISTANCE"". THIS CRAP IS NO FUN MOM...
AS FAR AS ME AND MINE WE ARE DOING OK CHRIS AND HIS WIFE AND KIDS ARE ALL HEALTHY AND THEY ARE WORKING TO KEEP THEIR MARRIAGE TOGETHER,  KYREE IS STILL GOING TO SCHOOL, AND GIRL SCOUTS, SHE STRUGGLES FROM TIME TO TIME AND MISSES HER MOMMIE AND YOU VERY VERY MUCH. WILLIE IS WORKING WITH DOUG ON HIS GUTTER BUSINESS, JANZA IS BESIDE YOU SINGING WITH THE ANGELS  AND I AM A COMPLETE MESS . I STILL STRUGGLE TRYING TO FIND MY PLACE. I DO ASK THE REGULAR STUFF ON A DAILY BASIS BUT IT'S MY""HEART" THAT TRULY HURTS. AND I MISS OUR PHINE CALLS AND I MISS OUR VISITS AND I MISS OUR BEEAKFASTS TOGETHER IN THE MORNING, I MISS OUR FAMILY CARD GAMES AND GATHERINGS. I MISS""EVERYTHING ""THAT NO LONGER HAPPENS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HERE. YOU WERE THE": GLUE"" THAT HELD IT FAMILY TOGETHER AND WE NO LONGER DO ANY OF THESE THINGS TOGETHER. I MISS ALL OF THAT. I MISS""YOU"MOM.  PLEASE KNOW I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN WHEN IT'S MY TIME. I PRAY YOU WILL BE AT HEAVENS FOR WHEN I ARRIVE. I WISH THAT I KNEW WHAT TO EXPECT UPON ARRIVAL BUT I GUESS THAT'S ALLOWED. I CAN ONLYIMAGINE THAT IS AHHHHHMAZINGGG. I KNOW THAT'S WHAT GOD PROMICED  I LOVE YOU MOM BEING ANY WORDS. PLEASE BE SAFE, PLEASE REMEMBER I ADORE YOU AND I MISS YOU VERY VERY MUCH.  PLEASE SEND MY LOVE TO JANZA AND TELL HER I LOVE HER AND MISS HER ALWAYS. 

11 MONTHS OF MISSING YOU. THE FIRST WOMAN IN MY LIFE AND I LOVE YOU MOM.
I'm sorry I missed the 2nd day. But you were in my thoughts all day. I wasnt around the computer to send you a message. I LOVE YOU and MISS YOU so so much. I'm sure you know by now that I finally had Janzas HOMEGOING CELEBRATION on Saturday. While is was wonderful I'm still so so sad and my heart us beyond repairable as it was when you went home to Jesus as well. Mom, I pray Heaven is all that we are promiced and that you and Janza are happy, together, and joyful. This place is just NOT the same without you here. I'm sending huge hugs and kisses to you and Janza. Please know I'm doing my best to take care of myself and Janzas kids, while I wait to be called to Heaven. Until next month, please continue to send signs that I wait to find that let me kno you are all ok. I LOVE YOU MOM. 
3,2,2022

MOM. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU BEYOND ALL THAT I AM... These past 9 months without you have been the loneliest and I often catch myself wanting to call and share news of things going on and a JOLT of reality shocks me back to the realization that I just can't call. Please ask Jesus to get long distance service in HEAVEN!!!. I have so much i want to share with you.
I pray you are safe. I pray you are happy I pray you have no pain and I pray you are watching our for Janza. 
This has been one in the hardest last years I've ever had to live thru. I've never felt so left behind in all my life. I miss you and Janza soo very very much. The pain of emptiness and brokenness to those of us left behind is the worst ever. I wish we could sit and talk together again just like old times. I miss our visits, going to Dr appts, going gargling, Laughlin trips and card games, holidays, family gatherings and all the times we just did nothing. Mom i miss and love you very much. 
Trying to stay busy to keep my mind occupied with raising Kyree ito Girl Scout cookie  season , so we are selling 6 days a week. In also getting stuff together for Janzas celebration of life services at the end of this month. Please tell her to watch out for us and see all the people that love her who will be here to celebrate her life. I hope I do her proud.  Please kiss her and give hugs from all of us. 
Mom, I pray you are safe and happy.. I love you forever.

Hi MOM. 
9 MONTHS, I can hardly believe I haven't talked to or seen you in 9 months. This is absolutely SOUL CRUSHING. .
I missed yesterday to write to you but certainly not because you weren't on my mind because YOU NEVER leave my thoughts, not even for a second. I love you and miss you above all else going on in my life. 
I hope your very first Christmas in HEAVEN was INCREDIBLE. I can only imagine how MAGNIFICENT it must have been to celebrate the birth of JESUS in person. I'm certain it was GLORIOUS. I hope Janza was right bedside you celebrating too. We celebrated here at my house this year as we usually do, HOWEVER, this year was especially SAD, LONELY,AND EMPTY for me. I truly struggled with ALL my thoughts and my heart is completely broken. I miss you and Janza sooo very very much. I find true guilt in even laughing or trying to enjoy life without you and Janza. Sometimes I wish I was there with yall so I wouldn't feel this intense, incredible, emptiness and this fear of being lost in everyting I do. I love you very very much. I just haven't figured out how to maneuver this world without yall by my side here on this earth.
I'm sure you know by now that Uncle Jerry Slusser has joined you and the rest of the family in Heaven. I'm Sure there was a huge party of people there to welcome him as he arrived.
Mom, I love and miss you sooo sooo very much. I pray you are safe and that Heaven is as ahhmazing as we have all been told it is. Please watch out for Janza for me until I get there. 
Be safe, and please tell Jesus. THANK YOU FOR ALL HE IS AND ALL HE DOES. IN HIS HOLY NAME I PRAY.  AMEN.

8 MONTHS. 8 WHOLE MONTHS WITHOUT YOU!!!
My mind goes into overdrive when I think about all the missed days without you and without being able to share my family news with you. I love you MOM!!! Beyond all else I love you!!! These past months so much has happened and I know you know what's going on. Mom I miss you so very much. Your number is still programmed in my phone with your voice in it and it will stat there always since that's as close as I can get to hearing your voice. It may sound silly to many but I love to hear you even if it's at a distance away as far as Heaven. I'll take it. My Comfort pill. 
Thanksgiving has now come and gone and I had 2EMPTY seats at my table that I wish had been filled by YOU and JANZA. The TWO MOST IMPORTANT WOMEN IN MY LIFE ARE GONE. This pain of EMPTINESS is beyond any I've ever felt in my life. I HATE IT!!!!! I struggle every day just to get outa bed. Some days if it weren't for having to get Kyree to school I wouldn't get up at all. I somehow keep putting one foot in front of the other trying to find my purpose for being here. 
AS Christmas is coming , I'm sure it will be another day of sadness for me. I just can't find things to be happy about much anymore. I'm really STRUGGLING MOM!!! I know there are no rules on grief and there are no time limits either. I just wish some of the pain and tears would subside just a little bit but I'm NOT there yet... maybe someday just NOT TODAY!!!
Please tell JANZA we love her and miss her more than I can tell you. I CRY every day about her and my heart can't stand that she isn't here with us all. Please hug her and give her our love and let her know we miss her soooooo much.  Even the thought of her name puts my mind into a flurry of emotions and tears..I'm still waiting on signs from you both that you are all ok. I watch daily for any little notion that it's you or her. In 10 days she will have been gone from this physical world 2 months and I can hardly believe it either.
I love you MOM sooo much and I miss you daily. Janza this mom your kids and brother adores you and misses you soo very much.
Until next time MOM, PLEASE TAKE CARE, WATCH OVER US ALL AND PLEASE HELP ME GET THRU THIS MADNESS IN MY SOUL!! IPRAY YOU ARE BOTH SAFE IN HEAVEN. I love you all the way to HEAVEN..

Hi Mom, 
I miss you soo very much. I love you beyond word's. Today is 6 months since you left this physical world. I still pray every day that you are safe, happy and at peace.
There is soo much going on here in my life, and I wish you were here to talk to. I need the comfort of your word's and your hugs. My heart is soo very heavy as my daughter Janza will soon be joining you in Heaven. The doctors say she will only be here on earth for about another 6 months. She is very sick and at the end stages of liver disease. Mom, please be there at the Gates of Heaven to welcome her so she isn't scared. I'm sure your loving face and warm hugs will put her at ease. Although I'm not sure what's on the other side of the clouds in the sky I have to believe it's magical and peaceful. I'm sooo sad that I'm losing my only daughter to a very ugly disease. I love her beyond anything. I will miss her like no other. My heart hurts and my eyes can't stop crying. My thoughts are all over the place and my mind is racing. I can't imagine my life without Janza. Mom, please send me your signs that I know you are still listening to my prayers. I love you sooo much mom. Until later, please watch out for Janza. She will need you once she arrives. Thank you Mom

Hi Mom, I love you sooo very much. I miss you even more. I pray Heavens is all what we have learned it is. I pray you are safe and happy and in no pain.
Today, I hope you and Walter are together celebrating his 93rd birthday. I know there's a party going on up there. With all the family on both sides it will certainly be the biggest ever.My family and I here on earth are sending the BEST HAPPY BIRTHDAY wishes to Walt. Please let Dad (Walt) know he is the best.
Most days are still going on as normal, Janza and Willie are finally recovering from their illnesses and I just hope and pray that they continue to do well. Kyree and I talk about you so much, we still watch for the signs from you knowing when I do see them I'll know exactly that it is you watching over us. I love you beyond all else and my heart is sooo heavy with missing you. I still cant have a conversation about you with anyone without crying. It's so bitter sweet and still so raw and painful. I never could have imagined the suffering and feeling of emptiness of losing you.
I still find myself reaching for my phone and starting to call you and share things that are going on and I'm rudely reawakened to the reality of you not being here. I sure wish Heaven had long distance calling, I'm certain your phone would NEVER stop ringing.
I LOVE YOU MOM , I HOPE YOU ARE SAFE, HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE. I MISS YOU EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY.
Until it's my time.... I LOVE YOU!!

Hi Mom...
Well my darlin you finally made it to Hawaii. We took you with us, Kyree and I. The Pacific Ocean was the perfect place for me to finally find peace and put you to rest in my heart. Three special places have a part of you, Pearl Harbor, our dinner cruise and on our parasailing journey. The ocean welcomed you and enveloped you with the biggest hug it could muster. We talked to you, prayed about you and kissed you goodbye. Ohhh my, you are sooo very missed and loved. I finally truly am at peace and I know you must be the happiest in Heaven. My heart will never heal, I miss you with every passing moment. BUT, I know I'll see you again on the other side someday. So until then, mom, I know that you know , you can see us, you can hear us, and I know you know how much grief we are all suffering from wishing you were still here with us. The emptiness and loss is sooo great and is soooo OVERWHELMING.
I LOVE YOU MOM!!!! 
LOVE CINDY and KYREE

Hi MOM.
I sure miss you very much. Today is 3 months since you went to glory, ohhh gosh it is still soo fresh and raw. I'm not sure how long this pain will last but it sure hurts missing you.. I just wanted to say THANK YOU so much for reminding all of us how much we all meant to you and how much you loved each and every one of us. Your final blessings were beyond anything I could have ever asked for or deserved. I'm very thankful. I love you sooo very much. I sure wish Heaven had a telephone because there is soo much I want to tell you. So much has happened and is still happening, I'd just love to share with you and get your advise and opinion. I would have a hotline directly to you.
  We are all still trying to process this thing called grief and man is it ever a mess. This is by far the toughest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life and no fun at all. 
Ipray you are safe and happy . Until I see you on the other side, I LOVE YOU and MISS YOU BEYOND WORDS.

Hi mini I love u and I can't wait to see u love u see u soon

Hi MOM.
I love you and I miss you terribly. It's Memorial weekend and I sure wish you were here for our regular holiday get together Pool, cookout and cards. Its not happening this year. Everybody has they're own families and things to do I guess.  
Everything is sooo different since youve been gone..  Kyree and her fellow girl scouts went out to a Veterans cemetery and placed flags on every single Veterans grace. While it was very sad it was also an Honor to be invited to participate and a reminder that these folks died for our continued FREEDOMS. You would have been very proud of her as you always were. She misses you very much too. We always talk about you and share our AHHHHHMAZINGGG memories that we will cherish forever. 

Im still waiting on your visit. Im watching and listening waiting patiently. I just hope I dont miss your signs, or your visits. Some of my siblings have shared their encounters of your visits to them and I'm so jealous, I'm waiting Mom... You promised you would come see me. 
I miss you sooo much, I love you always. 
I pray you are happy and safe in Heaven surrounded by the ANGELS and JESUS, and all those loved ones.
So until next time MOM, stay safe. Stay well and please STAY IN TOUCH. I miss and love you.

Happy Mother's Day Mom, your first one spent in heaven and with your mom in over 50 years. How special this day must be for you both! I wish I were a fly on a cloud to witness that. Happy Mothers Day to you both. 

My family came out yesterday for a BBQ and to celebrate Mother's Day with me, it was wonderful as are all our get togethers. My family is just the best!

Today, I really wanted to just forget this would be my first Mother's Day without you, mom. I planned a day away from home where I could turn the world off for awhile and just focus on anything but celebrating Mother's Day without my mother. Dennis and I drove up to Camp Verde for lunch followed by a few hours over at Cliff Castle Casino. We had a good time, didn't win but still had a good time. But then.... 

On my ride home reality set in and my sense of such absence within was heightened beyond belief and the tears just ran as I realized I can run but I can't hide. You're really gone and you're not coming back and nothing I can say or do will change that. I miss you mom, I love you too. Days like this will come and go but in the end I can only hope the pain lessens in time. My feelings of loss and love will always be deep within but I do find comfort in knowing that someday we will be together again. Meanwhile on this day of celebration for mom's I wish you a very Happy Mother's Day and thank you for being my mom. I love you always and forever.
And don't forget, we'll always have Paris.

Happy Mother's Day Mom I can't tell you how much I miss you and love you and wish you were around so that I could just give you a big fat Mother's Day hug today.I love you and I pray to God you are having The Best Time Ever up in HEAVEN with Jesus in your family. I miss you so so much and just know we love you we love you so so much and I'll see you on the other side one day and until I get there just know that all of us down here miss you terribly and we love you and we so wish we could be greedy and have you back I love you mom take care until we see each other

Mom Barbara I have so many beautiful memories of spending special time’s with you & the family. I appreciate that you have always accepted me like family. I Have always Loved you like my other Mom.. You will forever be in my Heart & Prayers. You are a Beautiful Angel & one day I will see you & my mom again but until then I know that you & my mom are up there dancing & being free from pain.

Hi Mom,
  I love you and miss you so very much. It's been 15 days since you went to Heaven. It seems so surreal that you are NOT here with us.
 We had your services on Wednesday, and while it was soo FINAL, it was a good day to finally know that you are at rest, with Walt, together again for always. Your last wishes were read to all and they're wasn't a dry eye in the church. You really did" HAVE IT ALL"! and so did "WE" WE ALL HAD YOU, ALL OF YOU!!
 Everyday I want to call or just stop by your house to have a cup of coffee, a donut or a breakfast sandwich, you know those from Mc Donalds that you like much. And sometimes I do stop by to say hello to Daryld and see how his day is going or if he needs anything. Most time, like usual he says "nope, don't need a thing". But, I check none the less. He misses you so very much, as we all do.
 I gotta tell ya MOM, YOU, MY DEAR left sooo many lasting impressions on sooo many peoples hearts and minds. I still can't believe that I will never hug you, Talk to you, give you kiss, have a meal together, play cards and ohhh so many others things again. Each day seems to run into the other. So many times I feel like I'm just going thru the motions of life here on earth without you. Everywhere I go, I am reminded of you in so many ways. GOOD WAYS I'll have you know.!!! Gosh MOM, I miss you soooo sooo much.
 I know you are finally at peace and comfortable. And for that we are all blessed. So as I now must go on living "as you asked""us to do, I will BUT not without you knowing that I'm waiting and watching for the signs you said ""I would know"" when you are here with me surrounding me with your presence. IM WAITING MOM!!! 
      I MISS YOU AND I LOVE FOREVER.
    YOUR DAUGHTER. CINDY. 4/17/2021

A tribute to my mom, a personalized eulogy poem written just for her and read today at her funeral gathering. She always liked my poems and I can only hope she would have liked this one too. It's my last gift for my mom. "I love you mom, I miss you more than words can say, God Bless you" . Love always and forever, Cathy

Mom                                                
By: Cathy 4/14/21

On April 10th, nineteen hundred & thirty eight                          
my mom Barbara Ann Winchell was born,                    
sharing her grandmother’s birth date                                                
The 3rd oldest of 8 and growing up poor                 
a product of big families and the 2nd World War         
In Wisconsin she grew up, in a town called Fox Lake  
following generations afore her, a home to make 

Mom married at 17, her high school beau          
and by 23 years of age, she had 6 children in tow                  
Divorced and married, 2 more kids by thirty one    
with health issues to follow, child bearing done    
That marriage too, would not forever last                    
as she grew older and wiser, each year of her past  

Born into the 2nd generation, of 5 girls and 3 boys          
a tradition mom continued, that brought her great joy  
For a family with 8 kids, they’d be forever bound           
to the heartbeat of their mother, a wonderful sound                                                For she lived for her children, they always came first         
together forever, for better for worst                

A marriage to her children, that would never part       
that began at their births, right from the start               
For each of her children, independent and free       
branches growing stronger, on the family tree       
Sometimes hard to believe, they share the same DNA
her children as different, as night is, to day

Our mother had courage, way deep down inside    
never outwardly scared, at whatever she tried   
Moving 2000 miles, away from her home           
packing up and going, to places unknown                   
A couple more marriages followed the move                  
but unlucky in love, is all they would prove

Determined to better, her life and ours           
goal driven and purpose, gave her the powers      
From Wisconsin to Arizona, across this vast land                  
she made a move, that to many, was bold and grand
Taking her 8 children to a place unknown                 
raising them up, until most fully grown

Except for the two youngest, she’d move them one day  
this time to Alaska, to begin a new stay                      
Her focus again, came from deep in her heart           
another journey to explore, another new start     
While in Alaska she’d meet, the man of her life            
Walter Goodman she married, husband and wife       

Together they shared over 30 years of living       
support to each other and love worth giving
He helped mom to raise, the last kids at home               
bringing stability to her life, and yet still places to roam

For together they traveled and moved many places    
a journey to venture, with lots of new faces                
Until the Good Lord called Walt, it was his time to go
the honeymoon now over, leaving nothing but woe

As strong as mom was, Walt’s passing hit hard            
starting over at 70, was not in the cards                     
For the first time in her life, now truly she’d be         
all alone in her home, was all she could see                 
Her emptiness we’d fill, with our families from 8                 
but at times not enough, still alone her fate

As the months turned to years, now 5 or 6 had past
then mom met Darrald Feaker and both fell in love fast
At this stage in their lives, there was no time to wander
they moved in together with no time to squander      
At age 76 and 82, when they first got together              
life could be long or short, like cold Arizona weather

But whatever time they had, they wanted to share   
not married but together, in love what a pair
As life would have it, they had 7 great years    
making shared memories, through laughter and tears
We should all be so lucky to reach their ages and in love
a legacy from both and a gift from above

I’ve learned from my mother so many good things             
her love for her children is constant, even with wings                                         
Life is an adventure and you can’t sit still                  
as long as there’s a wonder, a determination, a will
Explore the unknown, discover what life has to give
don’t settle for average, you have but one life to live        

No regrets, no misgivings, looking forward at best       
life is a blessing, not a reality test              
Believe in God, ask forgiveness, he’s always there                     
to answer the call and show that he cares                       

To sweet Jesus I pray and to God above          
bless my mother Barbara Goodman with all of your love
Keep her safe and happy as I hope all angels
are, watching over the rest of us, from a heavenly star, Amen

Good morning mom, with a very heavy heart I'm here to chat with you. I MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH. We know that God has you safely tucked in up there in HEAVEN. I know the trumpets blared, and the choir sang so loudly upon your arrival. I can just imagine the joy in your mom's heart when she could once again hold you and love on you. JOY, JOY, JOY. I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU MOM. We are all trying our best to hold it together here in earth.
  We know that HEAVEN is your new home and that we WILL meet again one day. No pain, no suffering, NO CANCER... Rest in GLORIOUS PEACE MOM.
YOU ARE SO LOVED AND SO MISSED...
until later.....

Barb, I miss you already.....from the day I met you, I thought you were an amazing lady. You were always so positive, loving and enjoyed every minute of life. I was so grateful my Dad found such a special lady to spend his life with. I love you for always making him so happy....I know he was tough.....YOU could handle him. I will always love you for that.....you also raised a beautiful family and I admire that....I love you for making me a part of your family.....please watch down on Dad and I......give us some signs so we know you are okay. I have no doubt that you will be the life of the party in heaven.....I will forever miss you but do know that I will see you again some day....I love you, Barbara Goodman......a true angel you are.....

Grandma Goodman - I've only been a part of this family for a few short years but you always made me feel welcome and loved. Thank you for that and please know that I'll always take care of your grandson, Leroy. You will be missed and thought of often. ~ Kathy Ryrie

Mom,
Ohhh my gosh, I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU TERRIBLY. Its sooo very hard to carry on each day. Many times I pick up my phone to make my daily ""mom call"", and I'm reminded very quickly that you aren't on the other end. nor will you ever be again. I love you MOM. Some times I will be at the grocery or just checking the mail and tears fall like a faucet running just thinking of you and how much i miss you. Memories are what we have left of you and i will cherish them like never before. As I held your hand in your last couple days I always said I LOVE YOU MOM and you ALWAYS answered I LOVE YOU TOO. This is my daily comfort now. I asked you before you passed, " HOW WILL I KNOW IT'S YOU WHEN YOU COME TO VISIT ME ""?? Your quick reply was "HUNNY, YOU WILL JUST KNOW", and YOU promiced to come often. I pray you will always, I will be looking for you MOM... lead my path until I can join you on the other side. I know your welcome into GOD'S KINGDOM was the most GLORIOUS event ever. I LOVE YOU FOREVER..
                 LOVE YOU
                YOUR DAUGHTER, CINDY

GRAM ...

Goodbyes are not forever,
are not the end,
it simply means I'll miss you,
until we meet again.

Gram I was honored being your first granddaughter. I have so many fond memories to always look back on, from lots and lots of events, like your milestone birthdays, my wedding, family gatherings, holidays and the list goes on. Some of my personal favorites were you showing me how to sew for the first time, sitting down to a game of cribbage, going to yard sales and getting a deal. I loved how you decorated for every holiday and you decorated everyone room in the house. I was always amazed that you could move homes and you were unpacked in 2 days from start to finish. When I was younger I loved watching wheel of fortune with you, I always knew you would get it before the contestant, you loved crossword puzzles and would finish them always. My most treasured memory was when we vacationed with you in Wisconsin, we stayed at Aunt Alice's and we shared a room together, we had so many laughs, from going to Mr. B's (aka pork and twinks), going to Aunt Vera's and surprising her with us being there and going to the Nelson family reunion. The list of memories go on and on. I was truly lucky to have had you in my life for as long as I have. You were always a huge part of my life, you will be highly missed going forward. I know you will always be there in spirit so it does give me a bit a comfort. I am so happy you are pain free and have reunited with others that went before you tell Grandpa hi for me. Continue to guide us and look over us. I LOVE YOU GRAM until we meet again. ♥♥♥ XOXOXOXO ♥♥♥

Your granddaughter Carri  4-5-2021