When I think about my Aunt Barbara, many memories come flooding back to me. Chiefly, these memories are of times spent in conversation in the Tea Room in Apache Junction. While the setting for these memories might not have changed much over the years, I recall four distinct themes that my time with Barbara impressed upon me. I think of these themes as four loves that Barbara had: a love of questions, a life well-explored, teaching, and record-keeping.

Questions. Barbara always valued good questions. Each time I visited with her, she was prepared with probing questions that pushed me to reflect on my life and how I was spending my time. When my wife and I got married, Barbara gave us a list of questions to review and discuss annually to ensure healthy dialogue in our relationship. Her love of conversation is something that I greatly admire and I will dearly miss.

Life well-explored. Barbara cared about exploration and would frequently suggest, both directly and indirectly through her inquiries, that ample time should be set aside for exploration: exploration of art, culture, nature, etc. Much like her love of questions, I think Barbara believed that exploration was fundamental to living a good life. In part thanks to her encouragement, my wife and I developed a love of the theatre and the symphony during our years living in Washington, DC. Barbara went on a big trip to Slovakia once to discover our family’s past. Her stories from that adventure have inspired me to take my wife on a similar trip.

Teaching. Among her many diverse pursuits, Barbara was a teacher. Even though my relationship with her developed after she was no longer a teacher by occupation, I often observed her employing her teaching abilities. She was an opinionated person, but not one content with stating her opinion and leaving it at that. She would press you to engage with her perspective, which I took as a sign of respect. More directly, she often would teach her nieces and nephews about art, often in the form of semi-formal art classes. One summer while I was in college, I went with a group of fellow students to teach young children in a poor neighborhood in Southern California. Barbara sent me a care package with different ideas and objects to help me better teach the children under my care.

Record-keeping.After my freshman year of college, I decided to travel to Kenya with my church. Barbara and I were talking about the upcoming trip and one of her chief recommendations was that I go buy a Moleskine notebook and journal every day of the trip. She recommended that I take note of what I saw and how I felt, so that I might be able to share those learnings with others and my future self. Barbara herself was an avid record keeper and had assembled the history and genealogy of our family back to the original Slovak immigrants. She had an eye for detail and a palpable love and respect for the hard work and sacrifice of our ancestors. In a world often manically focused on the present and the future, I appreciated Barbara’s reverence for the past.

One cannot summarize the life of a human being, especially someone as multifaceted as Barbara, in a simple reflection paper. While I am very sad that I will no longer be able to share in conversations with Barbara, I am grateful for the legacy of these four loves that she shared with me. I hope that I can honor her memory by carrying out my own version of these loves.