We can't believe it's already been a year since Barry died. We had a lovely day thinking about him. Val, Ellie and I went to the Palm Sunday service at church (I think some of Barry's stubbornness may have infected the donkey who was supposed to lead the congregation into church as she refused to go in, which caused some smiles!).

We then went to the beach for a sit on his bench, though he would have been disappointed that there was no wind so Simon hadn't been able to sail! Whilst we sat there a plane flew over and did a couple of loops, which was very good timing (and seems to happen often when we're thinking of him).

We then went to the crematorium to arrange some flowers on his memorial and Ellie read a lovely poem, as you can see from this video. We topped the day off with a meal at the Red Lion where we often went for family occasions.

There are a couple of photos on here and a video of Ellie reading the poem at the crematorium. 

There is now a memorial plaque for Barry at the Hawkinge Crematorium where we scattered some of Barry's ashes (some are at sea and the rest are waiting to be laid to rest at the top of his favourite ski run in Meribel Mottaret).

The memorial has a spitfire on the top, very 'Barry'!

Please feel free to visit if you are in Hawkinge. It's very peaceful with lots of bird song, which you can hear in this video that I posted in the Video section of the Gallery. More photos are in the Gallery too.

Barry didn't have many final wishes. 

He wanted us to have a tea after his funeral but stipulated that we were to only have one funeral car and to not spend much money on the tea. What he failed to factor in was his popularity. With over 200 people at his memorial service we almost certainly blew any budget he had in mind!

He also told us to make sure that someone was in our houses during the funeral after hearing about families being burgled at funerals in the past! So, we had kind friends who took it in turns to watch our houses for us.

The last of his wishes was for us to arrange for a memorial bench to be placed in front of the Hythe and Saltwood Sailing Club, facing out to sea (obviously!). 

When we first applied we had a reply to say that there wasn't room outside the club but that there were many other available spaces on the sea front.

We weren't going to be beaten on this one though. We knew that there would be space in front of the club with a little shuffling around of what was there already!

After a conversation with the man at the Council Offices, who promised to go and have a look in person at the site, and a lovely letter from Graeme Fuller, the then Commodore of the sailing club, stating how important it was to make it happen, we are pleased to say that we had news this week (Dec 2016) that the bench has been installed - right in front of the club!

This is the letter that Graeme wrote for us.

"To whom it may concern.

We at Hythe and Saltwood Sailing club have lost a well loved stalwart and ex Commodore of the club Barry Dodds recently. We and his family would very much like a memorial bench for him placed in front of our premises.

Currently there is a lifebelt stand adjacent to the wall, which frankly would be better placed on the seaward side of the promenade to maximise the extent of the rope into the sea and to be more visible in the necessity for its use.   If the stand can be moved we could place the bench directly in front of the club.    Thank you in advance for your forbearance in this matter, naturally we are happy to assist in the moving operations.   Kind Regards"

The plaque reads:

BARRY EVAN DODDS
06.09.1944 ~ 09.04.2016
Former Commodore of HSSC
May the wind be always at your back
& the sun shine warm upon your face

Please do visit the bench and remember Barry. xxx

 

This remembrance was read at the service at Hawkinge Crematorium by Graham Molyneux, Barry's long time best friend.

Memory: The period of time covered by the remembrance or recollection of a person.

So here goes…

Barry and I knew each other just before we went to Eastcote Road Primary School in 1948. We also saw each other fairly regularly at weekends. Both our fathers owned motor cycles with side-cars and our paths seemed to cross or followed each other. I don’t why but my own father always called Barry “the dood” long before it became a popular term…it remained his ‘name’ within our family.

At school we spent periods of time together and then apart. My memories are fond ones as Barry was so competitive - as his family definitely know - I was too, but we competed in different sports so it wasn’t an issue. He also supported me in my athletics training by carrying equipment etc. and timing training sessions after school. For which I was very grateful.

Out of school we were often cycling around the neighbourhood and further afield often to fly his model aircraft which I had seen come together at his house. Though I remember Barry, probably through the influence of his brother David, always had a better bike than me.

On leaving school we went in different directions. Barry went into the engineering biased electrical supply industry and I into the world of advertising and marketing. His practical knowledge was to prove worthwhile. I vividly remember on one occasion when the fluorescent light in my kitchen failed he talked me through the running repair over the phone. This was in the days before mobile phones so the work took a long time. As I did as instructed and then reported back before moving on to the next bit. To Barry’s credit he remained calm and patient before the light sprung back into life.

We spent quite a lot of time together at weekends.

Barry learnt to drive once he was 17 and was able to borrow his dad’s car.

Two years later Barry was instrumental in helping me learn to drive and that calmness and patience came out to the full as he sat alongside me as I gained experience. He also helped with some of the mechanics from the fitting of seatbelts, which weren’t then compulsory, to a long drawn out saga of fitting shock absorbers which despite the manufacturer saying would fit didn’t. Barry’s explanation to them resulted in them withdrawing the product as being suitable for the car.

We both went for a long period to the Court School of Ballroom Dancing in Welling and other dancing places around South East London. Of course, we thought we were two cool dudes with perhaps varying levels of confidence and ability. But we did meet our future wives at dancing so I don’t think we were too bad. I remember one of the things we did on several occasions was to drive to the service station on the M2 for a coffee after dancing. With hindsight it was a long way to go and I don’t think the coffee was that great but it did just seem a cool thing to do.

Once we both got married we both moved away from Welling and it came down to the odd letter, phone call and the exchange of Christmas cards.

In the recent past we managed to meet on a more regular basis as I drove home from my house in France I would call in twice a year and have supper Barry and Val and so was able to meet Richard and Simon and their families too. I remember at one of the first meetings Elllie asked how long I had known Barry. Confusingly, for her perhaps I explained that we had known each since we were her age – nearly four.

After 68 years I will miss you my friend. From first days at school to the end of the journey it’s been a long time but still too short.

Thank you.

This was read at the Thanksgiving Service by Simon and Richard Dodds, Barry's sons.

On behalf of Mum & the family, thank you all for coming, seeing so many people here today, shows us how many lives Dad touched, he would be so pleased & proud to see you here, especially with everyone looking so smart. I've seen some great ties, Dad loved to wear a tie, he even wore one in the ambulance on the way to the hospice in January.

The picture on the front of the order of service shows him looking particularly smart at our parents’ 40th Wedding Anniversary in 2008.

Born in Narberth, Wales in 1944, at the end of the 2nd World War, an evacuee, son of two loving parents Harry and Frances and brother to David. Dad saw a lot during his lifetime: a world ravaged by war, rebuilding itself. Dad loved building things, I think this is why he became an engineer, he especially loved building model aeroplanes, which was good because he crashed quite a few..!!!

My dad’s life was absolutely filled with love, adventure, and excitement. Dad grew up through the social and cultural revolution exploding around him with the onset of the 1960s. In the 60s, one highlight was meeting my Mum, Valerie, a trainee nurse. They met at a Barts Hospital Saturday night dance. Dad asked mum to dance and must have created a great impression, because she agreed to go sailing with him on the Thames the next day.

Those who know mum well will know that she doesn’t like water or sailing and the ships on the Thames at that time were enormous. Much to her surprise Dad invited her home for lunch, saying mum won’t mind, she decided it had been a regular occurrence. They married in Kirkby Stephen in the Lake District, a most beautiful setting.

I can only remember happiness of our early years, the four of us, taking Gran & Grandad's caravan to Spain on holiday, sailing trips on the Medway and of course our annual pilgrimage skiing to France.

It all seemed such an adventure at the time, when we set off, usually with enough kit for an Arctic expedition!!

While sorting things out we came across Dad’s notes from his Seeboard/EDF leaving speech.

Its only four pages, there must be a lot we haven’t found yet!!! Dad’s speeches usually lasted at least an hour and half as friends and family have experienced, but he would include everyone in the room, and always mention something, good about what they had done recently, be it work, sport, family, or just being themselves.

Having worked for the Electricity supply industry for 44 years, I guess a lot of the projects that he worked on were tucked away in substations, or underground. However, one of the last projects Dad worked on was the high speed rail link that we use and see every time we travel to London, proudly knowing that Dad contributed at least seven years’ of his working life to the project, which will still be there in a hundred or more years.

Working for Seeboard also gave Dad the opportunity to travel and see parts of the world he wouldn’t otherwise have been to, when he went to the Gambia in the 80s and India in the 90s.

Dad loved to ski, when he was 12 he travelled with his school, Westwood County Secondary School for Boys, by train to St Anton in Switzerland in 1956. At that time, it took several days to get there.

We went back to St Anton a couple of years ago to see how good it was, and visited the 'Krazy Kangeroo' bar where Dad spent many an enjoyable evening in his youth. Dad passed on his love of skiing to all the family. He taught us all how to perfect our parallel turns.

It made him so happy to see his grandchildren Josh, Seb, Elliott & Ellie zooming down the pistes in Meribel, but he could never resist giving a quick lesson to anyone, not just the children, on how to do a better ski turn.

When we went skiing Dad would ski whatever the weather, I think of all the sports that Dad did skiing was probably the one that he really enjoyed or obsessed over most, which is saying something!!!!!!

If we weren’t getting ready in the mornings quickly enough he would say, you’re wasting your SKI PASS, then quite often as not it would be Dad that we ended up waiting for. The number of days I have spent skiing with Dad when you couldn't see your hand in front of your face never mind the end of your skis, is too many to count.

We'll scatter a few of his ashes at the top of Mont Vallon in Meribel, his favourite piste.

Dad was a real coach and he could spot what people were doing wrong and coach them to be better, be it skiing, sailing, golf, ice skating, even netball in the last few years.

Dad was a real family man and liked nothing more than a big family occasion to chat with everyone to find out what was happening in their lives. On his 70th Birthday we prepared a ‘This is Your Life’ presentation for Dad and got family and friends to send their best wishes and memories of their time with Dad. I would just like to highlight a few.

His brother David, told us about Dad’s first car that he bought after passing his driving test. He said the car was the source of much amusement. It was in the days before MOTs and cost dad £15.

On the day he brought the car home a friend or relative told him that it was only fit for the scrap heap and it went there on the same day! But Dad apparently kept a cushion from the car and for a while they made fun of him and his £15 cushion.

But David went onto to say that Dad did go on to successfully renovate a few cars. One, a Triumph, that had been in an accident and needed significant repairs including straightening the chassis, all of which Dad did……. then he sold the car to David.

Linda and Maureen, his cousins, telling us that they used to go with Dad to Folkestone Harbour on holiday and at high tide they would drop him down just above the water line into the arches to reserve their spot for the day.

One of our cousins sent us a message about what her fondest memory was about Uncle Barry. The main thing that she could remember were the helpful hints and tips about everything life has to throw at you. From cooking to exciting holiday adventures, academic studies and latterly career guidance. She said, whatever quandary, Dad always had an opinion and some advice, as to
how he would do it, had done it, or was planning on doing it!

This memory reminded us all of an often mentioned quote in our home, which Dad uttered whenever he tried to get involved with something when one of us clearly didn’t want him to. For example, when Mum was cooking dinner and Dad tried to ‘help’ by offering advice. When told that it wasn’t needed, Dad would say “but I’m from Head Office, I’m here to help”.

Dad's other sporting love was of course sailing. He sailed on the Medway with Dr Shepard in a flying fifteen. I can still smell that pipe smoke..!!

When Seeboard moved to Hythe, of course we joined the sailing club.

Dad also liked to give a lot back to whatever he did, he couldn't help himself but get involved. He loved sailing his Scorpion and owned three boats BAVASIRI two, four and six. Dad was Class Chairman and Class Measurer for a number of years and helped organise the Nationals, taking the class to Looe, among other places, for the 1st time. And the Scorpions took us on our summer pilgrimage, often to Devon or Cornwall.

He passed this love of sailing, onto my brother Simon. They travelled all over Europe when Simon was part of the British Sailing team. I can remember expeditions to Sweden, Yugoslavia, Simon even went behind the Iron curtain into East Germany

My Dad and Simon spent countless hours on the water. Early, early mornings setting off for an event; sailing the Laser at the Europa Cups in Holland, Germany, Sweden, Denmark and Norway.

We have often talked about the weeks sailing in Workum in Holland on the Ijsselmeer, force 5 to 6 every day, short steep waves. For the non-sailors, if it was that windy at Hythe for a normal club race we wouldn't go out, we’d just retire to the bar.

But worse than that we had to launch 250 boats over the bank into a canal, and then all tack up wind out of the canal. Then once into the open sea sail for 1 to 2 miles again up wind to the race area, before we had even started the racing.

Everyone camped in the fields, and there were sailors from all over Europe and Aussies and Kiwis. Dad loved being part of that; he could talk to anyone, about just about anything! Although we did a lot of racing there was lots of time to just talk. Right up Dad’s street. If we talked about Laser sailing and our trips we would soon be mentioning Workum, they were just fantastic events.

Dad was also Commodore at Hythe & Saltwood Sailing Club in the 80s and helped organise open meetings and National Championships.

He was also the Senior Sailing Instructor and Principal and ran numerous training courses for beginners and got the Club RYA Status. He went onto become the South East Regional Training Coordinator for youth racing and a Dinghy Racing Coach.

One of the other things that Dad encouraged when he was Commodore was our exchange with a French sailing club at Ardres.

We would alternate the exchange. One year we would stay with a French family and the next year have a French family to stay with us. A big meal and party on the Saturday night and then serious sailing on the Sunday, albeit often with a few hangovers.

That French Exchange had another twist to the tale.

One evening when skiing in Meribel we went to look around a different set of shops and a French couple approached us and said in good English, we know you.

If you remember Dad back in the 80s and 90s, he had distinctive red hair and a red beard. Mum famously said, “No, you can’t know us we are English!!”.

It turned out they did know us from the sailing at Ardres and over the last 30 plus years since then we have become part of each other’s family.

Dad was friendly and encouraging to everyone, friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers often! One of our international students, Brazilian, Marilia told Dad that he was her BFF. For those of you who don’t know, BFF stands for Best Friend Forever.

And Dad has always been well known in our road for being up for a ‘little’ chat when ‘working’ in his garage. Neighbours have all told us that they’ve lost hours to these chats, though all very much enjoyed they hasten to add!

About twenty years ago Dad & Mum took up golf playing at the Hythe Imperial and Sene Valley. The golf has taken mum and dad to La Manga, Turnberry and Sun City in South Africa.

When mum and Dad went on holiday they would always take their golf clubs with them and had several golfing trips to Portugal with Seeboard Colleagues.

Dad took golf very seriously, sometimes a bit too seriously perhaps, we found evidence of a couple of broken clubs in the garage!

We have said that he was a family man and nothing gave him more delight than his four grandchildren. He attended each of their schools to help out.

For the boys he built remote controlled cars and entered various races.

With Ellie teaching her class of 33 how to build simple model aeroplanes, and coaching netball.

He would also sing nursery rhymes and songs with the grandchildren, but not always with the right words!

Dad taught me many things. Be polite, be the best you can be, work hard, see the world, help others in need, but especially be happy. Keep a few 'Dad' jokes up your sleeve. Dad loved a good joke – and even better, a bad joke, especially a golf joke and he knew a few, the longer the better in his book..!!! Do you know the one about the two men, on the ladies’ tee...??

As I mature, I find myself growing more and more like my Dad. Because of his extraordinary influence on my life, I have become the person that I am today. I'll continue to ski and to travel, to remember my Dad, so the tradition continues. Maybe someday I’ll have the opportunity to teach my grandchildren to ski and the cycle will go on.

As we gather here today to remember and commemorate his life, let's bid him farewell as we mourn the loss of a lively, dignified 'Gentleman'. Someone that brought joy, understanding and fulfilment to many, and whose legacy will live on forever.

I’m so fortunate and grateful that I had a father so capable of showing his love for all his family. Although he will be forever missed, I feel comforted knowing that he accomplished more in his lifetime than he could have dreamed of as a child at the end of a war.

Dad, we’ll hold you in our hearts forever, we love you, we'll miss you.