ForeverMissed
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His Life

LITTLE BEAR WITH WHITE SOCKS – AKA “Bear” My Story

March 16, 2019

Chapter 1 - Life With Dad (My First Year)

I entered the canine world on December 1, 2004. I don’t know or remember much about my canine parents. I vaguely remember my canine mom. She loved me, fed me, and licked me but I had brothers and sisters so her time with me was limited. I don’t know if I ever met my canine father. I look a little like each of them – lab and shepherd. They must have each had big hearts because mine is huge.

My first real memory is of the day I met my human dad. I think I was about 6 weeks old. He came to visit someone at the house I was at. He was tall and good-looking and they called him Mike. The strangest thing was he didn’t have any hair. Not even on his head like the other humans. He had things on his feet that smelled soooo good.I found out they were called boots. They smelled so good that I followed Mike right into a little room where he sat down on a hard white chair. I just decided to lay on those boots while he sat on that chair. He later told me that was the moment he fell in love with me and decided to take me home with him – just because I lay down on those boots.I eventually learned to never chew boots but I always enjoyed smelling them. Another thing I quickly learned – don’t go in that room with the white chair. If you do, you will be punished with a “bath”. Sometimes mom punishes me with a bath and I don’t even know what I did wrong. It’s safer just to stay away from that room.

At the time I was just a ball of black fur with some white on my chest and feet. Mike really liked the Native American culture so he gave me an “Indian” name “Little Bear With White Socks” but he just called me Bear. Notice a foot theme here? Anyhow, Mike took me home and loved me. He called his family and told them he had gotten a puppy. One of them, Becky, (the one that would eventually become my mom) asked him why he got a dog that would get big when he lived in an apartment. He said he just fell in love with me no matter what size I was. For now, I was the perfect fit for him and his boots. He was my dad.

Mike and I WERE the perfect fit. We loved each other and took care of each other. He took me for walks and rides. We played and played. He took me to the river with his friends.He got upset with me a few times when I chewed through his water bed or ate his dad’s hearing aid, but he still loved me. Then, one day, when I was about 5 or 6 months old, dad got sick. They called it Cancer. He called his family to tell them he was sick and was going to have surgery.Mike’s mom (Bama) came to live with us in Maryland. She was really nice. She took me for walks and gave me treats. She gave me my favorite – Peanut Butter!!!!. She taught me how to go to the door and get my leash when I had to “go out”. She fed us and took care of us. But most of all, she loved us.

I went and stayed with dad’s sister, Laurie, for a few days while he was in the hospital getting surgery.I liked it there. There was another dog I played with. She was older than me so she taught me a few things too. Her name was Susie. I really liked her. She was like a big sister. She and Laurie loved me and took care of me, but I sure missed dad.I was really glad when dad’s sister, Becky, came and took me home to him. I didn’t know it at the time but she and Mike’s dad (Pop) had just driven all the way from Florida to Maryland to see Mike. The day I met her was the day her fourteen-year-old dog (Mamaw) crossed the Rainbow Bridge.Becky was really sad because she wasn’t with her dog in Florida when she crossed the bridge. Neither one of us knew that Becky would eventually be my mom.

Well, after dad’s surgery, he seemed to be much better. We got out and played again. He took me to the river with Mike Garrett.One day dad said he needed to “see the world”.We had LOTS of friends in Maryland and one of them helped dad get a job driving a BIG truck across the country. I loved that too! Dad took me everywhere in that big truck. I saw all kinds of things and people. We had so much fun! We went from Maryland to California and then to Florida.I loved Florida because we went to the beach and went to visit dad’s sister, Mary. (He had LOTS of brothers and sisters)She loved me too!The only thing I didn’t like was one night dad went to dinner with Mary and left me at the motel alone. I don’t like being alone and I let dad know – I shredded toilet paper from one end of the room to the other. I chewed up something but don’t remember what it was.Dad wasn’t happy with me but he still loved me. I wasn’t trying to be bad. I just wanted dad to know I don’t like being alone. I loved him so much and wanted to be with him all the time. He was my dad.

Well, one day, in November 2005, Dad got sick again. He called our family and told them it was probably time for him to go to Georgia to see them one more time before he got too sick to travel.His sister, Becky, got him on a plane to Florida and his parents picked him up there. His parents (Bama and Pop) took him to the hospital in Georgia and Becky came there too.I think I stayed with Laurie and Molly again but I really don’t remember. I was so sad because I missed dad.The doctors in Georgia told him he may not make it till Thanksgiving so he went to his parent’s house to spend time with them. The hospice nurses taught Becky how to take care of him so she stayed in Georgia too.Somehow I got from Maryland to Georgia. I was so happy to see dad! I loved him so much! I would lay in the bed with him and lick his bald head. Becky would put lotion on his head and I would lick it off.I still love to lick lotion. Becky said I have a lotion fetish but I think it just brings me comfort because I can remember dad that way.

Some of dad’s friends came all the way from Maryland to Georgia to see him for Thanksgiving. I don’t remember all of them but I do remember some of them – Mike Garrett, Eric, Deanne, and Janie. Deanne had a baby girl named Marielle. Mike Garrett had his little girl, Emily, with him. Marielle and Emily are now beautiful young ladies. Mom showed me their pictures on FB.Marielle had cancer too but she beat it!She is pretty special.Janie was really nice. She and Mike took me to the cotton field one day so I could run and run. Janie was sick and had cancer too. She is in Heaven with dad now.

Back then I could run fast. Everyone said I looked like a horse when I ran. They said I was “regal looking” and dad should have named me Prince. I’m glad dad named me Bear. I think it fits me. I can be a Teddy Bear or a Grizzly Bear – it all depends on you. I would go to the barn at Pop and Bama’s house and chase the feral cats. One day, someone left 3 lbs. of hamburger meat on the counter. I jumped up and ate it. I knew I wasn’t supposed to but it was sooooo good. Everyone was a little angry because that was supposed to be their dinner but they still loved me.I was just a puppy that wanted to play and have fun!Back then I did a lot of things I wasn’t supposed to do.It was all part of growing up.Explore, make mistakes, learn, don’t do that again…!

I liked it in Georgia. Everyone laughed and seemed to be happy – even though you could tell they were sad because dad was sick. Dad really never told anyone how he felt. He was good at hiding it. I guess I learned that from him. If he was hurting, he hid it from almost everyone – except me and Becky. It was hard for him to hide it from us because we all slept together in one bed. Yep, the three of us in one bed. It was tight because I was already a lot bigger even though I was only a year old. I loved it cuz I could curl up in the middle right between dad and Becky.Sometimes we would get up in the middle of the night and sit on the back porch and watch the moon. They talked about how they loved our family and me.

Dad worried about who was going to take care of me when he was gone. He asked Becky if she would be my mom and she said she just wasn’t ready to get another dog because her dog had just crossed the Rainbow Bridge. She told dad she would make sure I stayed with the family and that I would have a fenced yard so I could run. She and dad worried about leaving me with Pop and Bama because they didn’t have a fence. There were so many people coming and going and if I saw an opportunity to slip out and run, I was taking it. I LOVED to run.Some people were afraid of me because I was big and had a ferocious bark.I was just trying to tell them I wanted to play but they didn’t understand.I wasn’t really good at walking either. I pulled the leash and was strong so I could pull down dad’s parents when they walked me. Especially if I spotted a feral cat. There were a lot of those in Georgia.I got a lot of walks though. If Becky started feeling stressed or sad, she would say, “I’m walking Bear” and off we would go.Mary did that too when she came to visit. They said I was their therapy. I knew it was they wanted me to get exercise, and of course,, because they loved me.

Thanksgiving was a lot of fun with all the people. Then everyone went home. It got kind of tough. Dad was sick from radiation and cancer.Bama was getting radiation for her cancer too. She didn’t feel so good and was sad.It was weird though because everyone was still kind of happy because dad was still there when the doctors said he wouldn’t be.

Pop and Bama had a dog named Annie. I loved Annie. We played together all the time. The Saturday after Thanksgiving Annie got out the door and ran off.They tried to get her in before we went to bed but no one could catch her (she was fast too).In the middle of the night when everyone was in bed, dad heard Annie at the door.Annie was really sick and throwing up.Everyone realized Annie had gotten into some antifreeze and was poisoned.Early the next morning, Becky, Pop, and dad’s Aunt Ginny took Annie to the vet. They came home without her. They said she had crossed the Rainbow Bridge.I didn’t know what the Rainbow Bridge was then.I don’t think they need antifreeze in heaven so she is safe.

Christmas came and went.It was still weird though because everyone was happy and sad at the same time.They were happy dad was there but sad because they knew he would be leaving.Right before New Year’s dad decided he wanted to go to Maryland and see his old friends so he and Becky left. Becky came back eventually.Dad didn’t.

Chapter 2 - Life With Mom

In January 2006, I realized dad wasn’t coming back.I didn’t know what was going on.There were a lot of people coming and going. The day after dad’s memorial service, I snuck out the door again and took off running. There were some kids walking with their dad.I ran up to them and tried to tell them I wanted to play – the only way I knew to communicate – by jumping and barking.They got scared and their dad got mad.He started yelling at his wife to bring him his gun.He said he was going to shoot me.All I wanted to do was play.Anyhow, Becky decided right then and there that she couldn’t leave me and I was going home with her. She was afraid the man would kill me.Soooo – that’s how Becky became my mom and I went to Florida permanently.The whole three-hour drive she lectured me about cats.She said she had one and that I couldn’t chase it. WTH? Me? Not chase a cat?THEN she said if I chased the cat I would have to find a new home.That got my attention. I didn’t want to find a new home.I already loved her and knew she was my human mom.She just didn’t realize it yet.I knew I had to straighten up my act.I never once chased that cat.I sniffed her.She hid in the closet for a week.But I didn’t chase her.Not once.I could listen when I wanted to.

You see, my human family said I had a listening problem.It wasn’t that. It was just that I had a mind of my own.I loved my freedom.I loved to run and play.If I got loose, I would run.If they chased me, it was more fun.If they yelled, I would stop.Give them “the look”.And then run again.I wasn’t being bad.It was just a game.I admit, I could be stubborn at times but I just wanted to have fun and they didn’t understand.

Mom decided it was time to “train” me and put me in obedience school.Haha!!!The only one who learned to be obedient was her.She thought I was doing “okay” until our final night before graduation.We had class in the parking lot.The lesson was “sit and stay off leash”.I had so much fun running all over that parking lot with all the other dog parents and trainers chasing me!!!Needless to say, I didn’t get my graduation certificate.It was still a great party!

My mom has a human son, Matt. Matt had a dog named Scooter.Scooter and Matt were the best brothers a guy could have. Matt went to live with his wife and her four kids a few years after I moved in.I love those kids so much.The kids would curl up with me on my bed.I liked being their pillow.I’ve always loved kids.They love to play.They love to run.They love me.They love to love.

Mom told me about a dog she used to have named Mamaw.I agree.Mamaw is a strange name.Mom let Matt name her. He named her that because he was annoyed with mom because she wouldn’t let him get the Rottweiler he wanted.I’ve heard it fit her though.Mom said she acted like everyone’s mamaw – she even took care of the cat’s kittens.Mamaw was black like me but she was a lab/chow mix.Mom had no intention of getting a dog the day she adopted Mamaw, just like she had no intention of getting another dog when she adopted me.Mom told me that the day she met me is the same day Mamaw crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.Mom had to make a choice in being in Florida with Mamaw or being in Maryland with my dad.She went to see my dad and met me!

I’ve never been aggressive but if I think you’re threatening me or my family, I will become a grizzly bear.I’ll give you a warning by snapping at you. I’ve only snapped twice.Once at a man who came in the door without my mom or Matt telling me he was okay. It’s my job to look after my family and I take my job very seriously.The second time I snapped at Kade (Matt’s son) when he hurt me by laying on me or what he called playing.It wasn’t his fault; he was too young to understand. I regretted snapping at him though.I love him and he loves me.

I settled in to life with mom.I outlasted the cat.The cat crossed the Rainbow Bridge years ago.I hope they have a different bridge for cats.I stopped chasing them a few years ago but the temptation is still there.

Mom bought me all kinds of toys but I had my favorites. The first favorite was just a plastic squeeze toy that looked like a newspaper.Mom named it “Baby” because I hated to hear it cry.I would carry it around in my mouth for hours and take care of it.I was Baby’s protector.I have lots of toys and I know the names of all of them – Koala, Puppy, Ball, Squirrel, Pooh, Rope, Monkey, Bone, Snowman, Mouse, Chicken Bone, Shoe, Rudolph, Kong, and more…Mom would test me and say, “Bring me the…” and I knew exactly which one she wanted. I know the meaning of lots of other things she would say like, “Wait, Good Job, You’re the Man!, I’ll save you some, Show Me, All gone, Ice cream, Walk, Out, Go, Ride, Dinner, Bedtime, Treat, Check the mail, etc.”There are more I just don’t remember them now.

I know all my family by name too.When mom says “Matt and the kids are coming” I’ll run to the window to wait for them to pull in the drive.I do that if she says Bama and Pop are coming too.If we went to see them I knew when we were getting close. I would get excited about a mile away.I love having my alone time with mom but I love people and like having company. It seems to make mom happy too.I greet everyone I love at the door with one of my favorite toys. If you are a stranger, I’ll greet you with a big bark.I’ve seen more than one person back off that porch in hurry.Haha.I have to have some way of weeding out the salesmen from the man delivering my Chewy order.

Mom would take me to the dog park at least once a week.I loved hanging out and playing with the other dogs.It made me nervous though if they started to get angry with each other.I just wanted everyone to get along so I would go over and try to calm them down.Sometimes the dog’s people just ignored them.One day two dogs were getting pretty aggressive and their people didn’t do anything to stop them.Mom didn’t take me to the park much anymore because she didn’t care for the people who didn’t care about the dogs.Mom was afraid I’d get hurt.I always missed the park because I loved playing with other dogs.

Bama and Pop would come to visit sometimes or we would go to visit them. They had a bunch of fur babies (dogs and cats) over the years.I remembered mom’s first lecture and never messed with those cats.One of their dogs was pretty special though. I would even call her my girlfriend. Her name was Mollie.Mollie and I were great together.She was blonde and I was dark. She was a bit smaller than me. I was kind of straight and thin. Mollie was shorter but she had curves in all the right places.Most of all she loved Bama and Pop and looked out for them.One day she stopped coming.I was so sad.I didn’t understand why she broke up with me.

Mom was diagnosed with MS about 2 years after I went to live with her.We used to walk around the lake every night.One night we were on the far side and her leg gave out.She scooted over to the side of the road and didn’t know what to do.How would we get home?I tried to help her get up but she couldn’t walk. She was eventually able to get up and we came home but we shortened our walks after that.We stayed on our street where people knew us if we needed help.I think Mike knew she would need me as much as I needed her.She often said Mike knew what he was doing when he asked her to take me.She is forever grateful and I am too.

I’ve met some special people and dogs along the way.Some right in my neighborhood. When I first came to live with mom, she had an elderly neighbor that lived across the street. Her name was Juanita.We would go over and visit with her on her front porch.There was a bush in her front yard that was my favorite “pee bush”.It never bothered her that I wanted to pee on her bush.A few years ago, Juanita went over the bridge and some guys moved in.They have a cat and a dog.I only chased their cat once.Mom explained things to them and they still let me use the pee bush.I loved Juanita and miss sitting on the porch with her.

One night when we were walking mom and I saw a small dog in the road.His leg was hurt and he had difficulty walking.We had seen this dog roaming the neighborhood many times before.Mom always called him Billy because he was like her brother, Billy.He was always roaming.Be there one minute and gone the next.We found out that night that his real name was Gizmo.Gizmo would never let humans near him.He would run away or snarl and bite if they got too close. He was annoying because he had that yippy little-dog bark.That night he wouldn’t let mom near him but she was afraid he would get hit by a car.Gizmo let me nudge him out of the road while mom called animal control.They sent a deputy who found out who Gizmo belonged to and got him home safe.Mom tells everybody how I saved Gizmo’s life.She was so proud of me.

I love to travel.I think it’s because I remember going cross-country in that big truck with my dad.Those were good times.I haven’t been able to travel for a while.I get anxious and can’t get in and out of the car easily.Mom can’t lift me like she used to either.A couple of months ago mom and I took a trip to Georgia to see our family.We stayed with mom’s sister, Alice and her son, Chandler.They aren’t allowed to have dogs where they live but they would sneak me in since they loved to have me visit.I love to visit them too!I think every dog needs a boy to play with.Chandler was just a boy when I met him.He’s a man now but he still plays with me.

In the last year or so, mom and dad’s brother, Billy, would call around 10 just about every night.He lives in a place called Nashville. I never got to go to his house but I remember Billy when he lived in Georgia.Everybody would act surprised when I remembered who they were – even years later. Anyhow, I knew the phone ringing at that time was a signal.It was time for our walk.Mom would walk me while talking on the phone with Billy.Billy would be walking his dog, Donald at the same time.I only met Donald once or twice but we bonded during those walks.Mom’s brother, Tim, visits with his dog, Kelly sometimes.I like Kelly but she is very protective of Tim the same way I am about my mom so I knew not to get too close to her or Tim.

Our walks in the last few years have gotten shorter and shorter.We are pretty much down to 2 or 3 houses up the street (within my pee bush range).I still enjoy laying in the front yard each night just to make sure everyone is home and settled in.My neighbors know me and my mom.I have comfort knowing mom has people in her neighborhood that look out for her. Elders Charlotta and Archie Ivy are good friends.She helps them with the food bank and they help her with other stuff.The boys who moved into Juanita’s house never complain about me peeing on their bush and always wave.Michael and Brendon are there if mom needs some “guy things” done. I bark at Michael every time he is in his backyard.I’m glad he understands I am just doing my job.Sarah and Wilma always ask mom how she is doing and get her mail when we take a trip.Cynthia’s dog (his name is Bear too) barks as we walk by.I know he’s just doing his job but I don’t think he likes me. He isn’t friendly through the fence like the dog behind us.

Mom and I have other friends too.One of my favorites is Millie.She is so nice.I’ll never forget the first time I met her.I was a puppy.I had to smell her to see if she was a good person.How was I to know it wasn’t okay to stick my head up her skirt?She laughed but mom yelled at me and I learned to not do that again!Mom and Millie joke about it. I noticed she wears shorts or jeans now.

For years my mom took me to see Dr. Haygood for my shots, etc.Mom and I liked him.He was good to us.Unfortunately, one day a few years ago, I hurt my foot and he was on vacation so I had to see a different doctor at his office. She overlooked some things and I got worse so mom and I ended up seeing a specialist, Dr. Drygas.I liked him too.Mom said he was smart and kind to her – and his good-looks didn’t hurt either. After he fixed my paw, he recommended a few vets that I could see on a regular basis.

Mom chose Oakwood because they were close to home.The staff was nice and they welcomed me with a treat.They took my picture with some really cool glasses on.It was fun. We saw Dr. Deese.I really like her.She is smart and kind – and her good looks don’t hurt either.I don’t like doctors.I’m glad Mom could tell I liked Dr. Deese, despite her being a doctor.I’ve been to see the people at Oakwood a number of times since then.The staff always knew me and my mom.They always greeted us by name.They were always kind and concerned.I don’t like medicine.I don’t like tests. I knew where we were going when we pulled in the parking lot.If I was really opposed to it, my stubborn streak would have kicked in.She would have had to drag me in.Of course, I still don’t “like” going there, but I know they are always doing what they can to help me feel better.I know they love me.

I’m a difficult patient – just like my dad.I think my mom’s that way too.I refuse to let anyone know if I am in pain.Every doctor has said I was a “tough nut to crack” (or something to that effect).Ever since that bad experience with that bad doctor, I wouldn’t let anyone touch my feet – even my mom.Dr. Deese understood that mom and I both had separation anxiety.Some other people have made fun of my mom because of her anxiety when leaving me or the attempts she made at relieving my anxiety.Dr. Deese never did that.She understood.She and her staff are always gentle and kind – to me and my mom.That was important to me.

I guess I am kind of a tough nut to crack.I think mom was on to me though.If I was hurting or thought she would be disappointed in me, I just wouldn’t look at her.She used to think I was mad at her but she eventually figured it out. I wasn’t mad, I just didn’t want her to look into my eyes.If it was really bad, I would just lay on my bed with my back to her.I did that a lot last week so mom probably knew what was going on.

Chapter 3 -- Crossing The Rainbow Bridge

Last weekend, Mom, Pop, and Bama were going to Orlando to visit with Bama’s sisters and watch mom’s cousin play in a softball tournament.Bama and Pop came down Saturday.Mom and Pop were coming home on Tuesday and Bama was going to stay with her sisters before they headed back to Iowa.I was going to spend a few days with Matt and the kids!

Then I got sick Saturday morning.Mom called Matt to tell him I was sick and be sure he knew what he was getting into and could handle it.He said Yes – he could do it!Yea!I didn’t eat much but I was still excited to spend time with Bama and Pop on Saturday.I was still sick on Sunday and Monday but I took it real easy.I was happy spending time with Matt and the kids.I was waiting for mom to get home.I did manage to get out for one little short “run” Monday night when Matt let me out.

Tuesday morning I was terribly sick.Matt called my mom and she called Oakwood. The staff said Dr. Deese would be leaving at 3 or 3:30 for an appointment.Mom knew she couldn’t get back by then so she and Matt discussed the options.The best one was for her to get home asap and get me to Oakwood.I may not get there in time to see Dr. Deese but I would be where I was most comfortable and knew the people.Mom and Pop left around noon and got to Matt’s house around 3:30.She was speeding – I’ve warned her about that but she doesn’t listen. She called Oakwood and told them we would be there in 45 minutes.I was so weak mom and Matt had to create a sling and carry me out.I had a bad accident in the van.I felt so bad about that.I was able to get my head in a position where Pop and mom could pet me while they rushed to the vet.I appreciated that.I love them so much.

The vet techs got me out of the van and carried me into the room. They laid me on a pile of blankets as comfortably and gently as they could.Dr. Deese came in the room behind mom and hugged her tight.Mom didn’t even realize it was Dr. Deese until they broke the hug. Mom and I were both relieved to see her.She must have postponed or cancelled her appointment when she heard I was coming in.How loving and compassionate is that?She’s pretty special.She knew I was tired because I let her touch my feet. Mom knew too because I wouldn’t look her in the eyes. I knew she and Dr. Deese were both crying. Dr. Deese told me how much she loved me and I tried to tell her how much I love her. I hope she understood.I know it was hard for her to help me cross the bridge.I’m glad it was her and not some stranger.

I’ve crossed the Rainbow Bridge now.I’ve met some old friends as well as new.I had never met Wally and Jason (mom’s fiancé and stepson) or Dianna (mom’s friend) but they were here.Terry (mom and dad’s brother) was here with his dog, Roscoe.Juanita was sitting on the porch and my pee bush was there too!Scooter was waiting at the bridge!His short, stubby tail was wagging so fast I thought it was going to fall off.I was glad to see he’d lost some weight.He was always a little too pudgy.Annie and Susie had met each other.They were running in the field.I recognized Mamaw even though I’d never met her before.She’s my sister and I love her already. She thanked me for taking care of mom all these years.There are lots of other fur babies too – I think they all know Bama and Pop.There is a huge dog park!None of the dogs are aggressive and all the people care.There aren’t any doctors because they don’t need them.Everybody is healthy and happy.Mollie was here!She hadn’t broken up with me – she just went to the Rainbow Bridge and waited for me!!!!Oh – how I love that girl! 

I spotted Janie because she’s sooo pretty and then --- my DAD was next to Janie!  They saved the best for last.  He looked like he did when I was a baby and before he got sick.Tall and handsome! I jumped on him and knocked him over, and of course, I licked that bald head!!!  They use the good lotion here.  I smelled his boots and of course, they were the perfect fit. 

I know mom and the rest of my family are very sad but I also know they’ll be okay.I was tired and ready to cross the bridge.They have lots of people and fur babies who love them and that will help.I know they are happy I’m with Dad again.We’re looking out for each other – running fields and swimming rivers. Of course, we peek across the bridge every day to keep an eye on our people.

It was a bit ironic that mom met me the same day Mamaw crossed the Rainbow Bridge. It’s also strange that she and pop were on a road trip (just the two of them) when our time came. They’ve only taken two trips with just the two of them. On one, they let go of Mamaw and met me. On the other, they let me go. Both times, Mom had to choose between staying with her fur baby or going to her family.  Matt was always there to take care of his fur siblings in their last days. I'm glad he was there and helped mom. I’m glad mom got home in time for me. She always regretted not being there for Mamaw.  Mamaw and I were both 14 human years when we crossed over. That's a long time for big dogs like us.  As dad used to say, “There are no coincidences.” Mom was our destiny and we were hers.

Time will tell if mom gets another fur baby.Maybe she’ll foster.The decision is hers.She’ll know what is right for her.Right now she just needs some time to figure things out.She wouldn’t do some things because she was concerned about leaving me.I hope she does those things now.I want her to live her life fully before she comes to see me again.She will grieve.She will heal.The separation anxiety will be gone.The love will remain.