We finally managed to get hold of our perfect couple for a picture at home. Uncle Paakoi was glue in the background making sure everything worked.

The best Uncle a nephew could ever wish for.

Missing you.

I didn't know I resembled you that much till some few weeks ago!!!

Thanks Uncle Paakoi for everything,,,, sharing your lovely and beautiful home with me in wellingborough and accra.

I will miss you Uncle,,, your talks, the advice, the drive, our morning search for waakyi,......

I know you are happy. And that smile is still on your face. That is how I will always remember my perfect couple.

it is well Aunty.

To Ben, a true gentleman by Nana Ama Amamoo

We needed a new chairperson for the charity I worked for, and one of the trustees recommended that I should get in touch with Uzo.  I had had a brief working relationship with her and liked what I saw.  So I called to arrange to meet up with her, and in her warm and practical way, invited me to her home.  She and Ben lived in East London then.  I made my way on the Underground and found both of them at home.  Uzo introduced me to Ben who was in the kitchen feeding Maame Efua, gave me a drink, handed me a couple of photo albums and went upstairs to change from her work clothes.

In this day of selfies and other instant photographs on social media, the courtesy of giving a visitor a photo album seems rather quaint.  But I leafed eagerly through one album which contained pictures of their wedding.  Uzo came down just as I opened the first page of another album.  I saw pictures of two young women I knew. ‘ That’s Kate Frimpong and her sister Alberta!’  I exclaimed.  ‘Oh you know them?  They are Ben’s sisters’, she said nonchalantly. Know them? Alberta and I sat at the same desk in Primary 4, and Kate was a year ahead of me in secondary school. 

Kate and I were members of that ‘hallowed’ group at St Monica’s – school athletes – we even had a separate dining table and diet.  We were also in the same house and often in the same dormitory too.  Alberta was quiet and reserved and Kate was a live-wire.  A natural comedian and the instigator of many pranks against seniors and teachers alike.  I counted both of them among people I loved greatly.  So finding out that Ben was their brother, made me more determined to get Uzo to be our new chairperson.  I did not know about him because he was far younger than us, and in heady teenage years, baby brothers don’t count.

Fortunately for me Uzo agreed to be chair of The African Families Foundation.  Thus began a very important relationship for the three of us, with Uzo being the linchpin.  I certainly could not tell where she began and Ben ended.  She read and learned his lesson notes in order to help him in his Accountancy course!  Literally!  Often doing the spreadsheets and other tasks to help him complete assignments.  And he, in his quiet efficient way, was the one who ensured that her Eurostar uniform was spick and span for work; and the one who understood and correctly translated Maame Efua’s childish gibberish into meaning for her mother; the one who always managed to poke fun at the absurd in a fraught situation.  I could always count on him to strip away unnecessary verbiage and cut to the chase on draft fundraising proposals that I sought his opinion about.

I remember him chuckling and gently ribbing Uzo about the craving for McDonald’s ice-cream she developed when she was pregnant with Ozor; and yet went out of his way to keep her constantly supplied. He was magnificent in his unshakeable support when Uzo lost her beloved father.  Ben was a gentle man, always smiling and few of words, but whose actions never left you in doubt that Uzo and his children meant the whole world to him.  Ben to me was synonymously a devoted husband and father.  That is how I will always remember Ben, pointing out the absurd, delivered in his inimitable dry sense of humour, and always smiling in that efficient, ‘you-can-rely-on-me’ way.  He was Uzo’s rock. He was a good friend and the world is a poorer place for his departure.  Go well, good man and take your rest in the bosom of our Lord. – Nana Ama Amamoo

Ben, Ben, Ben! Our dear sweet, softspoken and gentle Ben. I know you know that we are really missing you now. We miss your friendship and your counsel every now and then, we miss the laughs we had on our very first meeting and all the 'G-string' memories from that day at the Quists, we miss your easy ways....we never needed to stand on ceremony or pussyfoot when we were around you....we could just be 'us' and that was perfectly OK. And yes, we miss our many night games of Pool at Emefs Lagoon view and your delicious fish barbecues behind the kitchen, we miss our Tyler Perry movie nights and the lively discussions and lessons that each episode brought with it, we miss our exclusive weekend Couples retreats to Akuse and our 'Love walks' under those tree-lined avenues.

We really miss the way you loved on Maame Efua and Papa Kwame; the ever indulgent Dad, always waiting on them to meet their every need no matter the personal cost to you, we love the way your eyes softened as you turned your glance on them.....a look of love and pride that only fathers of your pedigree could give. We miss and treasure the joy you brought into our sister Uzo's life, you loved her to the hilt, Ben! You just knew how to handle her in a way no one else could, we miss the way you would always 'take the fall' for her and be prepared to 'step down' just so peace would prevail, we thank you for listening to our hearts and getting of your high horse the very few times that we had to forcefully make a presentation on our sister's behalf.....you never once gave us the "Keep off- mind your own busines treatment" - look at the wonderful family unit you've created as a result!! We thank you and bless you for it all. Did I mention also that we just miss the mischievous twinkle in your eyes as you teased your 'Darling' Uzo with 'meaningful touches'? Well, we do! We salute you for standing by her thru thick and (a lot of) thin! We miss the way you just lived for her. (At Nyaho, in your semi-comatose state, I had my phone to your ear....it was the first time Uzo was getting to talk to you after the accident. She said to you "Darling, I love you...I will be coming tomorrow" and you go "Darling, what time should I pick you up?!!!! Such devotion! You were in Autopilot mode-in your heart of hearts you were able to drive to the airport just to pick her INSPITE OF.....!!!! That just did it for me, Ben, I had to fight back the tears! Thank you, Ben)

And in conclusion, we miss those special last 6 weeks of your life you shared with us, we treasure the emotional journey we went thru with you as you moved from resignation to determination to the very crucial period of anger to acceptance, resolve and deep gratitude. We thank you for trusting us with your vulnerability and allowing us into your space; making us partakers of those rare intimate times that really should have been only Uzo, Maame and Papa Kwame's preserve! We miss the deep spiritual times we had together as our hearts were knit together as one with Ebow in the steering wheel, reading Scripture and interceding constantly.....and Ben, we miss your courteous ways, your looks and words of gratitude for every little thing we did for you. You were always a gentleman par excellence!

. Happy Birthday from all of us, (and that includes Bravo- he misses you, you know? You were the only one who had a pet name for him - 'Bravo, my joy'). You go on ahead....we will catch up soon my dear Brother! Happy 48th!!!

Queens, Abla, Sonia, Surama, Catherine, Uzo

Kings, Patrick, Yoofi, Kwame, Robert, Ben (RIP)

My darling sister,

Why am I writing a tribute for Ben in October of 2015 when he is young.  I am completely confused and still in a severe state of shock. September 2015 came with a BIG wahala because we talked on September 3, 2015! We all diligently prayed and fasted but God has a different plan.

You have both been my rock through many life challenges, providing unequivocal support and have never been judgmental.  I witnessed your wedding and attest to an exemplary marriage that many should emulate.  When it was time to take accounting exams during law school, Ben spent hours teaching me and ensured I sailed through, making the most difficult subject easy. 

During the early stages of my pregnancy with Lolly and on admission at the hospital, Ben was there.  Once discharged, Ben came to the hospital, got me and took me to your home in Plaistow, knowing you were not there to take care of me because you travelled to Nigeria to make arrangements for  your father’s funeral.  Ben and Julie facilitated my quick recovery.

I will always remember visiting you guys in Wellingborough in 2002 with my little angel Lolly, when she was only 6 months.   I remember Lolly had an aggressive virus/cold that kept me awake all night. You and Ben took us to emergency and when we came back to your home, Ben took Lolly and kept her throughout the night, so that I can get some rest.  Even after Lolly’s tragic death in 2005, and the years thereafter, you and Ben remained a huge source of strength that helped me go through the many dark moments of my life. 

Geographical location was unable to separate us because as you all moved back to Ghana, you and Ben never stopped checking on me. Words is simply inadequate to express the grief I feel but I have to contain myself so that I can provide a capable shoulder for you, Maame and Ozor to lean on.  

Be proud Uzo, your husband and the love of your life was a great man.  Ben was a man of few words, intelligent, humble, kind, compassionate, and achieved so much in his very short life.  He loved you and the children so much my darling sister and so, hold on to those wonderful memories. For  the moment and in the near future, the memories will bring tears and make you sad but in the years to come it will bring you comfort and a smile.  Always remember how much we all love you and the children. You are not alone.

Gone Too Soon

Dear ALA Family,

First of all, I would like to convey on behalf of Efua and Ozor, myself and our families and friends, my deepest thanks to you all - my boss, Chris Bradford, Exco team members, my Deans, staffulty and students - for your kindness and support to us since our dear Ben passed away.  It remains a shock to us and we are deeply grateful for your patience.  He was the anchor to our family and we are saddened at this moment of events, we take solace in the fact that he is no longer in pain and watches over us beyond visible lines. 

I remember the first time I met Ben.  He was a manager of four Oxfam shops in the UK and I had called in to the area office to seek a volunteer position as an admin assistant.  At first sight, I was smitten and asked myself if he already had a girlfriend.  I told myself no one in their right mind would not have him as their boyfriend.  So I dismissed the thought of flirting with him and carried on with the interview.  Well I did get the position and I was very happy.  However, I remember seeing a lot more of Ben in the office than I realised.  I thought nothing of it until one of the admin assistants remarked to him to my hearing that he should just ‘ask me out already and be done with it’.  If I was white, I am certain, you would have noticed the redness on my face.  But instead, I prayed for the ground to open and swallow me up.  Ben on the other hand, looked at her, walked up to me and did precisely that.  He asked me out and I said yes. 

That was the beginning of our whirlwind journey for the past 22 years.  He was my best friend and I could speak to him about anything and everything.  He was a great listener and taught me how to listen to the unspoken words in a conversation.  He was my greatest confidant and biggest cheerleader.  My father called him my kite handler and stabiliser during our bridal toast because he knew his daughter would need a man strong enough to tell her what she needed to hear, but caring enough to stand by through the tough times ahead. 

And we have gone through both sweet and wonderful times together – our wedding day, the birth of our children, our educational achievements, our return to Africa, new jobs and adventures, our date nights and daily prayer sessions, our children’s adventures and achievements - and some challenging times - my car accident where I broke my neck; our daughter’s life threatening illness, our job redundancies and school failures, loss of family members and many more.

Each moment sought to raise our family standard to the next level and we always found the time to reflect on the circumstance, plan and move on.  He taught me not to hang on to ill moments but to review them and sift through and identify the learning lessons and apply them.  It was never easy to do so, but I knew he was always nearby, at the end of the phone to speak to.  I am so grateful for his leadership style and his unwavering confidence in our children and myself to find the right solutions.

Coming to ALA was more of a dream come true for both of us as we saw ourselves as labourers for a greater cause of development in Africa.  He always talked about ALA’s mission and how crucial our work with young Africans would be towards creating lasting change and peace.  He was ALA’s biggest marketer and champion at his workplace and at home.  He loved to be around young people and our children can attest that their friends loved to be around him during school visits and activities. 

There are many who will miss him – his smile and gentle nature; his quiet and determined way of getting things done; his humility that typically made him remain in the background and rather offer support.  He was my champion and dearest friend.  My soul mate. 

The days ahead are going to be tough for my children, our families and I as we try to come to terms with our loss and learn to move on without him.  I am comforted in the fact that he brought us home to ALA and South Africa.  His last prayer with Ozor and myself included a blessing to this community, its educators, staff and young leaders. 

It’s a fresh start and a new beginning, and I ask you all for your help in moving forward and thank you so much for coming today. 

I honour him today with these words and say ‘thanks so much my darling for loving me and our kids and for bringing us back home’. 

God bless you all and God bless ALA.

I met Ben in University of Ghana-Legon in 1986/7. He was in Legon Hall and I was in Akuafo Hall.  In 1989 as fresh graduates, we both were posted to Sekondi-Takoradi Education office. We worked hard at this office and got closer and became good friends.

It was early December 1989 when Ben and I decided to go to Lome in Togo to ensure that we had some new and nice clothing- particularly a watch, shoes, trainers and jeans if need be. We were both excited and had planned this day trip some months back in September 1989 at our National Service post as School Inspectors in Sekondi-Takoradi in the Western Region of Ghana. We were young men telling senior teachers, headmasters and headmistresses what to do and what we expected of them. It was a daunting task in terms of experience, Knowledge and appearance. Our knowledge was ok and experience came with time and age but we could do something with appearance.

It was against this background that we realised we needed to uplift our wardrobe and Lome was the place to go. Ben came to my house in Tema that fateful day. He was there very early by 6.00am. He met my mum who was worried about our trip. On seeing Ben and talking to him and realising how calm and assured he was, she relaxed and gave us her blessings.

The journey to Lome took us about 3-4 hours after sitting in the bus for 2 hours before the journey set off. The bus had to stop about 3 times for us to stretch our legs-2 of which was on Ben’s request for me.  The seats in the bus was closed up and cramped. You see at 6ft 4inc, such a long journey was highly uncomfortable and I struggled. I suffered cramps and needed to use the toilet. Before I could talk, Ben saw my problems and asked the bus to stop for me on both occasions. That was when I realised how caring and observant Ben was.

We got to Lome already tired. We walked the length and breadth of Lome for 3 hours. We looked at the sights, the people, the shops and the beaches. We were on an adventure- we stopped to eat and laughed. We enjoyed the walk and sight-seeing and managed to get only one shoe for me and a watch for Ben. Our meagre national service salary was not enough but we were both satisfied and happy with the trip and our purchases. For our return journey, I wore my new shoes and Ben wore the new watch. We got back home around 8pm and were exhausted.

Our trip to Lome solidified our bond of friendship as we discovered we were both God-fearing, risk takers, driven, enjoyed dreaming, had plans for our futures,  ambitious, loved taking walks, exercising, having family time and implementing our ideas. In 26 years that we have been best friends, this trip to Lome was one of our foundation stones. I cannot believe you are gone for a while. You are still my best friend and we will continue to talk and dream eternally. May God rest my best friend and brother in his bosom till we meet again.

This is soooo long ago. At the very beginning of our relationship. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. We were so happy and enjoying the journey towards becoming man and wife. We had so much fun. He was my best friend. My soul mate. I cannot believe he is gone!!!


Sleep well my darling!! I love you so!!   

The good old days. We shared a house for about 18 months. I think this was the birth of our friendship and desire to engage in meaningful relationships with other couples. During our time together, we prayed every Sunday and as Robert would say 'built up our spiritual bank account' for ourselves and each other.

We took this picture and many more with the camera sitting on a pile of books and auto timed.  We were amazed at how good the pictures turned out to be. We dressed up in different clothes and took pictures.  It was a great evening. Thank you Robert and Kitty for standing by us all through those years.

I remember this so well. We got onto the ropes at Kakum and I was paralysed with fear and could not move. Ben was behind me and was equally terrified. But he never let on until after we got down. He kept on encouraging me to take the next step. We took this picture after such relief of being firmly on terra firma. What a day!!! Thank you darling. You were my rock and still are. I love you.

He looked so dashing. He was always so conscious of wearing cloth. I always felt he looked so handsome. This was taken at a funeral we had to attend in Larteh. 

I can still hear the kids groan and saying 'urgh get a room'. We enjoyed each others company. One of the several outings we had with the kids.

He was so happy when he talked about the candidate service at TIS. He was so proud. Our children had the opportunity to share a special event together.  I remember telling him he must attend for us as I was not there. He said to me 'Darling I will not miss it for the world.' 

Thank you my darling for representing us on that day and for painstakakingly telling me about the event. I know how much you wanted to just say 'It was fine'.

He was my rock during my mother's funeral in March this year. He was always watching over me and making sure I was not over doing it. I did my best to shield him from my pain during that time. I knew how he felt when I was unhappy.

I remember sharing this picture with him and he told me how strong I was during her burial. He said he was proud of me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was so happy.

I wonder who will give me a kiss on the cheek and say how proud they are of me now?


I love and miss you so much my darling.  To infinity.   

We surprised the kids with a trip to the US on Christmas day. We had told them we were off to Busua beach by road and had taken our suitacses to the bus station. They believed us.  

It was such a sight to see Maams and Paaps, running all over the house in utter excitement once we told them the truth. Ben and I thought they will fall sick. This was taken at the airport in Dubai, whilst we waited for the 17 hour trip to California. Well done guys.

 We decided to take a walk from the holtel to see the town a bit. We ended up walking to the mall, (it was a long walk) where we decided to have something to eat and watch a movie. Such a laugh. We ended up all sleeping at the cinema throughout the whole film. Woke up at the end of the movie, laughed and walked back to the hotel.  The next day, we got our rental car. 

Such a funny day.