I'm still having a hard time believing that you're gone. Maybe its the "denial phase", I don't know.
I wept for you yesterday. For you and those whose hearts were hurting, whose lives you've touched. For your father, who lost a child. For your siblings, who lost a brother. For your children, who lost their father. And for the rest of your family and friends whose hearts were aching oh so badly. I felt the heartache and the love of those of us who gathered to say our final farewells. I don't want to say goodbye. There is nothing good about it.
Our family seems so broken, and in more than one way. More than I ever could have imagined. There seems to be an emptiness, a hole, in my visions of the Mauck family. It hurts so much.
For those of you reading this, I'd like to share a few stories of my uncle that stick out in my mind. I was too much of a mess at the service to stand up and speak but behind the curtain of the internet I would like to share them with you.
I listened to many stories of Benny being a jokster and thought of the time, near the end of Benny's life, when he was sitting in his hospital bed after his surgery and finding out he had cancer. I had driven into Bakersfield with my mother and arrived at the hospital with a whirlwind of emotions. On the way down the hall to see my uncle for the first time since hearing the news, I braced myself for his mood. For I could not even imagine how his spirits could be. I didn't know what to expect from him. When I walked into the room he was sleeping so I made myself comfortable in the chair next to his bed. Within moments of waking up he had grabbed his back scratcher that he had in the room and playfully tried to beat me with it. His spirits had not been completely broken, that was my uncle Benny, playing around and joking with life.
During the memorial service I also heard stories about Benny's kindness, I too have a story about that. You see, I'm just his niece, and nothing more. Most families are not as close as mine and I am lucky to have had an uncle like Benny who would go out of his way to help his niece. I'm one of 14 of his nieces and nephews on the Mauck side of the family. In 2004 my husband deployed to Iraq and I was left alone in California to take care of our son while he was gone. We barely had a pot to piss in. My grandmother Stolle had a king size bed that she bought but hated and offered it to me. Of course I was not going to turn down a king size bed, frame and solid wood head board. But... I didn't know how to get it from Porterville to 29 Palms. Dun Dunanon!!! Benny to the rescue. Benny and Pam took time out of their lives to make one heck of a round trip (I'm sure the casinos along the way helped a bit too) just to bring me my new bed. I was so very grateful.
My last story about Benny is inspired by the comments that were made about Benny being a family man. A few short years ago Benny was at my house while my mom was in California visiting, which he always made time to come out and see her when she flew in. Anyways, if my memory is correct Benny bought us all pizza for dinner and while waiting for the driver to show up he pulled up some pictures on the internet of this "new truck" that he was excited about getting. He went on and on about the engine and the cab and how excited he was to go out east and get his new tow truck. Picture after picture we all peered over his shoulder and listen to him. When the time came for Benny to go out east, Tennessee?, and get his truck he was driving through Barstow (where I live) on the I-40 late in the afternoon. Benny called me from his cell phone to tell me that he was driving through town but it was late and he really wanted to get back to Bakersfield because he was so tired and wouldn't be able to stop by like he originally wanted to. You see, I live next to one of those tall walls that are supposed to block the noise from the highway. Well, I live where the I-40 and the I-15 merge together and the I-40 happens to merge down from a bridge which is higher than the wall. So, I can see all the traffic from the 40 just sitting in my back yard.... So when Benny called to tell me that he couldn't stop by he told me to go outside. So, I did. Within minutes here came this beautiful new tow truck with Benny in it honking his horn like crazy and waiving. He didn't have to do that. He could have snuck through town without a peep and I wouldn't have known the difference. But it felt good to know that even though he couldn't stop by, that he was thinking of me and went out of his way to make sure that I knew it was him rolling through town. I'll never forget that day.
I love you uncle Benny, Misty Gillham