sometimes i go to moms favorite place when i need a break from home- the kids and i will go to oklahoma rent a motel room then off to the casino and usually before i play i say a prayer and remind her(remember all the times i won for u) could u plz pass some of your good luck on me. i just like to win big once to know what it feels like. and before i start playing i rub and kiss the machine and say come on mama. moms favorite saying was "im looking for a friend-im looking for you" i said mom where did you get that saying from and she said from aroha's cartoon- science the kid. mom i know that we had problems in the past and it took us a very long time to mend our relationship, im so glad we did cuz i always needed you and loved you very very much. watching you process to the end of life was the hardest thing for us to watch and help you through when we were clueless the steps of processing to the end of life. your wish was to come home and have the girls and i take care of you but your doctors and hospice care put up so many brick walls and we fought so hard to knock them down-and we did. they kept pushing for the nursing home and we kept fighting upon your wish and the doctor said if you come back to the hospital again that he was calling adult protective services, i told him to call them then cuz we are only defending your wish to come home and that we are taking good care of you. you went to all of your appts, the only one we had changed was dyalisis's upon your request cuz it was to early and dark outside  you couldnt walk. like i told the social worker my mom took care of me all these and now comes a time for me to take care of my mother and i was very happy doing it. thank you mom for everything you taught in life. I LOVE YOU AND CANT WAIT TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN. im going to the casino this weekend and i know you'll be with me so get a goodnite rest so you can bring me the greatest luck ever- mwa mwa

Mother and I went to the casino's alot, sometimes more than we should have- but she said that it was our time to be free and enjoy ourselves. Mom was pretty lucky at winning and sharing her winnings. I remember going like 3 or 4 times in a week, sometimes I didn't have the money to play but I would still drive her there just to get away from our busy week. One night she said to me - here's $5 dollars play red ruby for me so I did and I won her $250 dollars, then she gave me another $5 dollars to play again and again. By the time we left I think I won her around $700 dollars. We left that casino to go to another one and I said no let's go home.. cuz I was really upset that when I played for her she'd always win but when I played for me I lost everything! I layed down in the back seat the whole way home crying, listening to Mom and Summer talking about their winnings. After that I just enjoyed taking Mom and seeing her so happy n relaxed n worry free from everything during the week. Then my back starting hurting and I would sweat really bad pushing her in the wheelchair, so we stopped going so much. Then one day we decide to go and she took ill and was in and out of the hospitals for several months- she said don't go without me and I said i'm not i'm waiting for u to get out of the hospital............. she made it home for 6 days then passed away--- now I wished that I still should've took her regardless of my health problems!!! I love u Mom! <3