For the better part of this last week, I’ve been aimlessly wandering trying to put pen to paper and find something, which might ease the pain of losing Bill. I’m lost. Though my heart is broken and my imperfect memories can’t begin to describe my perfect brother, I hope my scattered thoughts bring a smile, a tear, or maybe a bit of insight. I am eternally grateful he was in my life.
Bill was a Champion. I was so proud to be one of his five little sisters. He was about 8 1/2 years my senior.
Truly, there wasn’t anything Bill couldn’t do. To me, he was larger than life. I spent my youth counting his medals and ogling his trophies, hoping I could garner just as many or more. It never happened. Bill set the standard and he set it high. I’d like to think he was the blueprint for all seven of his siblings.
Bill’s accolades and accomplishments held little meaning and virtually no value to him. Not to be misunderstood, he always played to win and he loved competition, but sport was merely a forum, in which, he challenged himself, embraced the journey, and he forged lasting friendships. It’s a testament that so many friends, whom he met thru sport, have been constant and significant figures in his life for 40, or 50, plus years.
In the early seventies basketball was at its zenith in Neenah, WI. In our home, Friday afternoons began with Bill taking a power nap, mom waking him, feeding him a quick PBJ sandwich, and shooing him out the door. He frequently walked to his games. Mom firmly believed the lungs should be filled with fresh, cold air. It was a perfect pregame warm-up. Outside temps were irrelevant.
Sports unified our community and Bill, Russ, and the Crist brothers were at the center of it all. If we weren’t attending the home basketball games, we were glued to the radio listening to the play by plays. The postgame open houses, hosted by the players’ families, were an event, in and of themselves. I have vivid memories leaning out the window at Saint Margaret Mary School, waving our homemade pennants toward Shattuck HS (across the street) as the team bus and the caravan of fans drove off to the State tournaments. I have fond memories of decorating the Schultz Drug Store windows in the spirit of red and white Neenah Rockets. Bill was so cool. He was my brother. He afforded me a special stature with my peers. Bill’s success in sport had an indelibly important influence on me, and he was the pride of my youth.
Bill is forever my Hero.I said to Ann once, “Bill was my hero” and she replied, “Isn’t he still your hero?
After forgoing an appointment to the Air Force Academy, where he would have played ball and studied engineering, he opted to attend UW, Eau Claire. As a freshmen starter, he finished runner-up in the National NAIA basketball championship. Shortly thereafter, as fate would have it, he drew a low draft number and headed to Vietnam.
Bill was extraordinary. He had a gifted mind and exceptional IQ. He was a phenomenal athlete. He was skilled, well rounded, adaptable, educated, and perceptive. He had great empathy. He was brave and strong when others were not, determined, when others quit. He was naturally protective. He was disciplined, but, at times, quietly irreverent. He did what he considered was fair and just, not what was popular or expected. Bill was no one’s fool.
These qualities are probably why he was assigned to the 7th Radio Research Field Station (RRFS), better known as, “The 7th Rock n Roll Freak Show”. Today, if it still existed, it would be equivalent to the CIA, or Army Security & Intelligence & Reconnaissance. As best I can remember, Bill was located at a remote outpost some 300 miles northeast of Bangkok, known as Ramasun Station in Udorn, Thailand.
To quote a former vet of the 7th RRFS,
“ Troops were not a ‘by the book’ operation and any officer or NCO who tried to make it one was in trouble. The ‘chain of command’ was irrelevant due to the mixture of Army, Air Force, and Marines who staffed the place and whose respect for authority was limited to those who could demonstrate that they knew their specific trade regardless of rank. Clueless Colonels were ignored while Spec’s 5’s who knew their stuff were listened to. All ‘lifers’ started out with two strikes against them. The overeducated troops of Ramasun were sloppy on the parade ground and hopeless in drills, but when it came to the mission nothing could beat them. They always got the job done.” History suggests the unsung heroes of Udorn provided the kind of information that could have kept us out of Vietnam, but it came too late.
I attempt to give some context because Bill was profoundly affected by his experiences in SE Asia. There is no denying it, our lives are the sum of its parts and it wouldn’t be honest not to recognize the sacrifice Bill made and the commitment he kept during a maddening complex, insane, period in our country’s history. Had he accepted his appointment to the Air Force Academy, maybe the war would have ended before he was commissioned. Then again, as Bill evolved, he clearly understood the insanity of it all. He said to me once, “if my son is ever drafted, I’m taking him to Canada.”
Lynn so eloquently alluded to my brother’s difficult transition upon his return. Yes, coming home offered its own brand of trauma. We didn’t have a name for PTSD and we didn’t understand survivor’s guilt. It gives credence as to why Bill’s relationships were deeply meaningful and so critical to him. He didn’t waste time on the inconsequential stuff in life.
When I was a junior in high school, Bill took me to the movie,
The Deer Hunter. He didn’t make it thru the movie and my heart broke as I watched his trembling hands try to light a cigarette. No words can describe what I couldn’t begin to understand
I will never regret making late night runs to the gas station for cigarettes or the few times we went to the Eagles, in Neenah, for a drink. I won’t forget getting up a night and finding him tying knots, or waking to the smell of garlic thru out the house. Bill was an old soul when he returned home. He carried with him the loss of fifty-eight thousand peers who weren’t as fortunate. Bill needed a lifeline while he was trying to be everyone else’s lifeline. For a long time, he financially supported families of lost buddies, sat with friends thru bouts of cancer and tried to protect buddies from themselves. As my brother Russ said, “Bill was a fixer, and he couldn’t fix this unforgivable mess”. Just like my mother, he was a caring, giving, highly altruistic, human being.
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” Khalil Gibran
A true hero is self-sacrificing, takes risks and faces loss. A true hero is extraordinary, humble and serves others. What more could Bill possibly do? I am so grateful for all the
friends and family, who understood Bill’s silence, shared his pain, and navigated the years with him. He was, for a chapter in his life, a tortured soul, but a blessed one too.
Yes, Ann, I stand corrected. Bill
is forever my hero.
Bill, Ann and his family. Bill was the firstborn of eight children and he was a classic firstborn. He was independent, a leader, a caretaker, a protector, and he worked hard. Yet, nothing pulls at your heartstrings more than your firstborn. Your first-born is your test kitchen and mom had a very special relationship with Bill.
When Bill left for Vietnam, I watched my mother’s hair turn gray before my eyes. I watched thru a window as she had long conversations with herself. I watched her carefully pack care boxes full of cheese and sausage and our tape recordings. I felt my father suffer in silence as he, himself, had lost his only brother during WWII. It was a time of sadness and tension.
When Bill returned home, I watched mom and dad hurt for him as he tried to find his way. The passage of time took its toll on my parents who naturally wanted the best for their first child. But, your past does not determine who you are. Your past prepares you for who you are to become.
I remember mom saying, with great sorrow, how she would never find peace until she knew Bill was settled. She hoped he would find a companion that he could walk through life with. She wanted Bill to have someone to grow old with and build a future. Together, they could be a witness to each other’s lives. Bill found that in Ann.
I’m not certain there’s anything I can add to what has already been said, except that every word, every description, of Ann and the kids and what they meant to Bill, is true. Bill may have been the rock upon which, Ann built their lives together, but Ann was absolutely his compass. Or, as Lynn stated so perfectly, Ann was his ballast. Never have I witnessed more pure joy and happiness than when Bill smiled at Ann or when both of them stood with their children and grandchildren. The family is a reflection of all that was important to Bill.
Bill soaked up all the good in life after he met Ann and he found a way to be at peace with himself thru Ann. I think Bill left this earth a content, complete human being, thanks to Ann.
“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation”Music.Music, so often, connects us to time and place and especially people. I remember so many of the artists Bill loved and the albums he listened to. Janis Joplin, Joni Mitchell, Cat Stevens, Jim Croce, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Fleetwood Mac, Peter Frampton, Van Morrison, George Harrison, Bob Marley are just a few musicians Bill loved. There are definitely songs that take me right to Bill.
I think Bill would play this song for Ann because I think he would want his wife to “dance again”.
Harvest Moon, by Neil Young.
And if his children should ever wonder what was the classic “Bill music” that I was privileged to grow up with, I would listen to the entire album,
Tea For The Tillerman, by Cat Stevens. That was definitely classic Bill. But, then, I could go on and on.
Bill was selfless and reliable. I called Bill from Indiana when my son, Marshall, was competing in an AAU basketball tournament in Minneapolis. Some scoundrels cut the lights in the gym and pilfered everyone’s backpacks, shoes, and gear under the cloak of darkness. I called Bill and he immediately drove to the venue and reassured his nephew, gave him a few bucks and made sure he had everything he needed. Bill never, for a moment, considered the incident an imposition. Years earlier, Bill said to me before I left for college, “I am just one phone call away, no questions, no judgment, just call, and I’ll come”. Bill was always “Golden” about that.
Not Boundary Water Worthy. When I was in college, Bill was kind enough to take several of us to the Boundary Waters. He meticulously packed and planned every detail of the trip. I don’t remember the drive up, but Bill was a bit miffed when we polished off half the food before we arrived. I, in turn, was perturbed when he had me portage a canoe for the length of a football field. I never heard the word “portage” before, yet alone ever carried a canoe on my head. When I caught a Walleye, Eve persuaded me to throw it back because it looked sick. After all, its eyes were kind of “bulgy”. Yes, Bill was a bit dumbfounded by us and yes, he had to save us on a few occasions when he heard our laughter turn to screams. He paddled over when we couldn’t get our fish in the net, yet alone, in the canoe. There may have been a bit more commotion, when he had to come untangle our fishing lines because we cast them into a beaver’s nest. Surprisingly, angry beavers can be very loud. Bill rolled with us, never criticized us, but he gave us that patented grin, the one where his mustache curls ever so slightly, that said, “You are an idiot.” The trip wasn’t complete bedlam, but we did rock his utopian world. As a gesture of his love, he gave me the mattress with the leak in it.
Bill had attitude. When Bill was in junior high, Mom told a story when she was called into the Principals office at Saint Margaret Mary's to discuss his behavior. My mother asked Sister Columbine, "What did Bill do?" Sister said, "Well, nothing yet, but we don't like the way he looks at us. We know there’s something going on in his mind" My mother replied, "for Pete’s sake, call me when he does do something." Bill’s nonverbal communication was priceless. Mom never did convert to Catholicism.
Bill had a youthful edge. In his youth, Bill did a lot of things with reckless abandon. Let’s say he approached life passionately. Sometimes Bill let me spot for him when he took friends water skiing. Once,
while chasing seagulls, he hit the whitecaps so hard I was ejected from the boat. I wasn’t confident he would come back for me, but he did and I continued to adore him. When Bill was a lifeguard at the Neenah pool, I lived there for hours on end, auditioning for his attention. During swim lessons, in order to pass life saving, you had to make floats out of your clothing, which, of course, you had to remove while treading water. Bill layered three sets of clothes on me just for fun. So much fun he had with me, I completed Sr. Lifesaving by the age eleven. The day Bill stopped lifeguarding, I moved onto tennis. I lost my reason for hanging at the pool.
The winter brought with it new activities. Russ and Dennis restored dad’s old iceboat and they would get it going so fast, it would actually start heeling. For posterity, Bill once tied me to the mast and cross plank, just in case I couldn’t hang on. Bill also introduced me to ‘hooky-bobbing’ and few other things I better not mention. Winters in Wisconsin were never dull and never spent indoors.
The memories of Bill and his friends lighting Roman Candles or exploding M80’s in pop cans off the dock and at the cabin was exciting but deafening. Watching him shoot grackles from his bedroom window with his BB gun was classic teenage Bill. And when it came to machinery, the more power the better. I watched him rip the recoil pull-cord out of a lawnmower, a chain saw, and the aluminum boat motor. Three times was not charming to my folks. Bill never did this out of anger, he simply never recognized his own strength and he wasn’t known for finessing things. Maybe this sheds some light on his golf game.
Bill was ornery. There are times in your youth that are indelibly marked in your memories for no significant reason, except maybe the adrenaline was flowing in that moment. I’m not sure why, but Bill was at the center of many of them. Our home was relatively calm when mom was at the helm, but when mom left, all hell broke loose. So much so, it wasn’t unusual for a neighbor to come over to see what the heck was going on.
It was commonplace for Bill to grab two of us at a time and throw us outside in a snow bank with nothing but our pajamas and bare feet and then lock us out of the house. Just for sport, Bill might walk by and grab us by the neck and pretend to flush our heads down the toilet. Oh yes, we would scream when our hair touched the water. Poor Sue, she had the longest hair. If that wasn’t enough, Bill seemed to find great fun in “hog-tying” Chad and me. Unlike hogs, he would tie our hands and feet behind our backs. I know I was crying, but at the same time, hysterically laughing, as he tickled me to death. He would leave us hog-tied all morning while mom grocery shopped. When she arrived home, she looked at us like we were these cute little packages. She had no idea what was going on and that was not the response we hoped for. Looking back, I don’t think Bill ever had any space, any peace and quiet. But that was true for all of us.
It was classic Bill to sneak thru the woods at the Lakewood cottage and begin stomping and making bear noises only to petrify us. We all ran like rats, but one sister, who shall remain nameless, always sat down and cried. I found that very peculiar. When Bill played catch with me, it always devolved into a game of chicken to see how long I could stave off his fastballs.
My first black eye came as a result of Bill chasing someone down the hallway (probably Russ). When I turned the corner from the opposite direction, I caught someone’s fist in my eye. It was my siblings’ sage advice to go and hide in my bed. The next morning, my eye was black and swollen shut. Mom blew a gasket. Another chase ended with one of us going thru the gun case window. Usually, the chases ended in the same bathroom where you could quickly pull open a big drawer and block the door. I remember Chad getting his head split as the corner of the door caught him (he was too slow) and I remember the door jam breaking when Bill threw his shoulder into it as Russ tried to block him out. I thought, now you’ve done it.
To make a point, mom went after Bill with a horse whip, around they went thru the house and out of the house, thru the living room, kitchen, garage and back thru again, in one big circle. It was funny but not funny. I knew she would never catch him. At some point the tables turned and Bill was chasing mom with the horsewhip. I thought Karma had come for Bill, but no such thing. It was all great fun.
Bill played the trumpet. He was really good. I can’t remember with whom, but Bill would have an occasional jam session with his friends. Russ assured me, it wasn’t with him, as he never quite mastered the tenor sax. I do remember Bill physically pulling his lips out of his braces after practicing the trumpet. That was dedication.
Anyway, I can attribute my lack of any measurable musical aptitude to Bill and my older siblings. If it wasn't for the four older sibs hanging out at Mertz's candy store, in lieu ofattending band lessons, I might have had a chance to play. When the band director saw the last name, Schultz, on the try-out roster, I was immediately dismissed. To my knowledge, the remaining four Schultz children never played an instrument. Go figure.
On Brothers and Sisters. Our sibling relationships may vary between each of us, but the truth is, it's based on eternal, unconditional love, forged amid the struggle of growing up together in a relatively small space. And, although we've taken different paths, Bill was always there if we needed him.
LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS THE SAME
Grown from the same strong root,
Nurtured, protected and cared,
Life moves on, and the truth is not pleasant,
Life takes them to opposite directions,
Siblings do not always remain together,
They have to follow different paths,
Just like the branches of a tree,
They spread out in different directions,
To grow, develop and rise,
But in their connected hearts,
The attachment and affection remains,
Love grows each day, to remain forever.Chitrangada Sharan
Lessons I learned thru conversation, observation, and/or at my expense.Clearly, in no particular order, these are little nuggets of truth Bill left with me.
• Hold on for dear life.
• Don't take yourself too seriously, you're going to be humiliated and teased
throughout your lifetime, hopefully, solely, by your loved ones.
• When challenged, step up, don't dare to back down.
• Don't cheat at Monopoly.
• Put others first, selflessly serve. Provide. Be independent. Protect independent
thought. Be self-sufficient.
• Pick-up sticks can double as weapons. Run fast.
• Work hard. Play hard.
• Be cynical and a bit irreverent, it’s a sign of intelligence.
• Keep your ponytail in a bun.
• Quitting is not an option. Survive. Mental toughness trumps talent, it will get you to
the finish line.
• Play lots of cribbage.
• Beautiful things come from driftwood. Be kind.
• Contemplate over a cup of hot Wassail and a puzzle.
• Hi-Q is for idiots (he never had to say that).
• Nonverbal communication is powerful.
• Never play Egyptian Ratslap or War with a man with big, quick, strong hands, stick
with the game of Spoons.
• Before floating down a river, tie the cooler to your inner tube. Go camping when
you’re young.
• Whatever IT is, it's bigger than you.
• Know your strength, work on your weakness. Learn to tie your own skates.
• Never trust the government.
• Can't sleep, macramé.
• Cling to something that brings you back home again.
• Some relationships have but a season in your life, cherish them. Move forward.
• Ease others pain, it will help ease your own.
• Give unconditionally, love unconditionally, love truly. Family first. Friends are family.
• Be there, no questions asked, no need for explanation. Be there, again. Loyalty.
• Find your soul, your harmony and solace, in the great outdoors.
• A smile, a grin, is not necessarily the same thing.
• Create a sanctuary and love the life you live. It is what it is.
In memory of my beloved brother,
William Charles Schultz.