It's so hard to write letters to you on here, when I'm used to seeing or talking to you daily.....ive been told i will be ok and learn to adapt ....but what they don't know is our relationship was so much more then a piece of paper ....and I don't want to learn to adapt without you ... not many can live their lives married to their best friend...Damnit poop... I want to hate you for leaving me like this....I want to be so mad at you for leaving when our retired lives were waiting for us around the corner... I want to be sad for you for all the pain you went thru and still got up for work everyday and still fixed things around the house and still did things with me that I know you really didn't want to do....I want to hate myself for not helping you sooner and missing all the signs ... I want to hate life for dealing us this shitty set of cards and never get out of this bed again because I still smell you...I want to make a deal with God to give me just one more minute with you ... I know if Love alone could have saved you, baby you would have lived forever..... I guess that's what they meant by love can't fix everything...
But mainly what I want to love and thank you for....is showing me what total unconditional love felt like...the love we shared was rare and I will cherish that till my last breathe....
I do want to thank you for the best years of my life that I did have with you.... we worked hard....and played harder ...and enjoyed every second of it.
You were my rock....my partner ...my sidekick ...my lover...my buddy...my best friend ...and my husband. I always felt lucky and proud to be your wife, And I will thank God everyday for the time we had together ... but, I will be a little upset with him for the years he cut us short on...
I'm not quite sure how to move on at this point... I just don't know what to do.... mainly because I'm not used to doing it without you...I don't want to do it without you!
I'm sure I'll get stronger ....and I will take care and watch over all our children and grandbabies just like I promised you... just please continue to give me the strength to do so. I will make you proud poop....I promise!
Tell my mom, Mary, James and your dad I said hello!! I'm sure y'all are playing catch up still.
I miss you so much Billy....
I can't wait to see you again!!