When your friend loses a parent, especially when they are one of the first among your friends, it can feel impossible to know what to say or do. You want to help, but you’re terrified of making it worse. You’ve never experienced this kind of loss, and nothing in your life has prepared you for supporting someone through it. Here’s your guide: How to support a friend who lost a parent:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Be willing to talk about their parent. <\/strong>Tell your favourite stories or ask questions, even if you didn\u2019t know them. “What was your mom’s favorite song?” “Tell me a funny story about your dad.” Their parent existed and mattered, being willing to engage in conversations will tell your friend that their grief is welcome with you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Show up consistently, not just initially.<\/strong> Everyone sends flowers the first week. Check in on how they are really <\/em>doing after a month, six months, a year and beyond. Grief doesn’t end when the funeral and ceremonies do. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember important dates.<\/strong> Put their parent’s birthday and death anniversary in your calendar. In advance of those days check in and see how your friend needs anything specific on that date. Or send a simple text: “Thinking of you and your mom today.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n Be comfortable with their tears.<\/strong> Never try to stop them from crying or change the subject when they get emotional. Say: “It’s okay to cry. I don\u2019t mind.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n Invite them to things, even if they say no.<\/strong> Keep including them in plans. They might decline ten invitations and accept the eleventh, but they need to know they’re still wanted and loved by their community.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Offer to help with specific things. <\/strong>Instead of “let me know if you need anything,” try: “Can I bring you groceries this week?” or “Would you like to go for a walk?\u201d or \u201cWould it help if I took your kids to the pool for the afternoon so you could have some alone time?” Being helpful to a grieving friend looks like taking the responsibility off of them to ask for help and making yourself available to them when you can be. <\/p>\n\n\n\n How to support a friend who lost a parent?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don’t say “they’re in a better place.”<\/strong> This might be your belief, but it’s not comforting to someone who wishes their parent was still here, even if they were suffering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don’t compare losses.<\/strong> Phrases like “I know how you feel, my grandpa died” minimizes their unique pain. Every relationship and every loss is different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don’t put timelines on their grief.<\/strong> Never say or imply that they should be “over it” by now. Grief is lifelong; it just changes shape. They will feel the absence of their parent with every milestone in life that passes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Don’t disappear because you don’t know what to say.<\/strong> Awkward support is better than no support. “I don’t know what to say, but I love you” is the perfect phrase. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Don’t try to find silver linings.<\/strong> This isn’t the time for any sentences that include the words \u201cat least” like “at least they’re not suffering anymore.” or \u201cat least you got to spend one last Christmas with them.\u201d This phrase indirectly sends the message that they shouldn\u2019t feel the way they are feeling and no one needs that message in grief. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to know how support a friend who lost a parent, then say:<\/p>\n\n\n\nDON’T Do These Things<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n