{"id":1295,"date":"2026-01-28T13:38:35","date_gmt":"2026-01-28T19:38:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.forevermissed.com\/blog\/?p=1295"},"modified":"2026-01-29T11:08:08","modified_gmt":"2026-01-29T17:08:08","slug":"five-words-that-are-making-you-feel-stuck-in-your-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.forevermissed.com\/blog\/five-words-that-are-making-you-feel-stuck-in-your-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"Five Words That Are Making You Feel Stuck in Your Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I\u2019m starting this essay off with a big fat disclaimer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stuck is an overused concept in grief. Honestly it\u2019s a tool of the productivity-obsessed grief illiterate culture we live in. It falsely assumes there is a consistent and \u201cnormal\u201d pace at which we are meant to \u201cprogress\u201d in our grief. Stuck implies that any period without significant change, any season of sameness, is a problem to be solved. That\u2019s utter bullshit. See? That made me feel better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

AND, I know that the feeling of stuckness in grief is real. How? Because I\u2019ve been there, felt that. In fact, I\u2019m in a bit of a stuck place as I write this. So, what I\u2019m sharing today is also what I\u2019m actively practicing in my life on a daily basis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe we can do this together?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, talked with our therapists, friends, and family members. We\u2019ve moved our bodies, attempted to eat nutritiously and sleep enough(ish). We understand that grief is non-linear, messy, and that it impacts our physical, cognitive, emotional, relational, and spiritual well being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We still find ourselves feeling stuck, with the same thoughts looping around in our head, and in the stories we tell others about our grief. What I\u2019ve learned over my nearly 14 years as a widow, 11 years as a grieving friend, and in my 20+ year career as a narrative-therapy trained social worker, is that words make worlds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Words Make Worlds<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

As I shared in my conversation with Grief Researcher Mary-Frances O\u2019Connor<\/a> earlier this season on the podcast, words are powerful in our grief. They can either close us in or open us up. They can make us feel isolated and problematic or part of the human community. Words can add to our sense of stuckness, resistance, and avoidance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or they can offer us, though not easy, a path forward, a sense of expansion and belonging. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to tend to our words when we\u2019re invited to tend to our grief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These are the 5 most commonly used words that contribute to our sense of stuckness, causing us to suffer unnecessarily in our grief. You will often find them used by the critical inner-narrator in your head. They might show up in how we talk to others about our grief. You will notice too, that it\u2019s often how others are talking to you about your grief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When we use the word but<\/em> in our grief, we\u2019re amplifying the harmful myth that only one thing can be true at a time – we\u2019re either grateful or sad, grieving or joyful. This word negates all the thoughts, feelings and sentiments that come before it. It can sound like, \u201cI\u2019ve felt much more at ease these past few weeks, but yesterday I was a crying mess.\u201d<\/em> Okay that\u2019s technically true. Yet what would happen if you replaced but<\/em> with and<\/em>? How would that change what you see as possible (or not) going forward?
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Always<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I often catch clients using this one, \u201cI\u2019m always letting my family down because I\u2019m just so sad all the time.\u201d <\/em>Why is that harmful? Well, like the word but<\/em>, it negates facts – like their family may never or certainly don\u2019t always feel let down. It also hides the truth that there are times when sadness isn\u2019t at the forefront. Always<\/em>, like it\u2019s counterpart never<\/em> isn\u2019t just false, it\u2019s limiting, cruel, and contributes to the notion that we lack agency in our lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Never<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Never<\/em> is the shifty twin of always<\/em>. They often hang around together. This word also contributes to our sense of stuckness by denying the moments of change, or ease, or lightness we sometimes experience, no matter how small they are. Never<\/em> is also a dark cloud preventing us from noticing the subtle shifts and transformations happening as we metabolize our grief. You might have said something like, \u201cI\u2019ll never feel better.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Equal parts heart, humor & holding space, with a judicious use of cussing, Lisa Keefauver is a narrative-therapy trained social worker, widow, and cancer survivor turned grief activist, podcast host, author and speaker helping you center aliveness in a world full of loss.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n


Find Support: www.lisakeefauver.com<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn and Connect: AFGO with Lisa Keefauver on Substack<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Listen and Learn:<\/strong> Grief is a Sneaky Bitch Podcast<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Watch and Learn: <\/strong>TEDxTalk – Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m starting this essay off with a big fat disclaimer. Stuck is an overused concept in grief. Honestly it\u2019s a tool of the productivity-obsessed grief illiterate culture we live in….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":26,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,6],"tags":[8,25,20,26,9,23,19],"class_list":["post-1295","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-grief-counseling","category-grief-support","tag-coping-with-grief","tag-grief-community","tag-grief-support","tag-loss-of-a-loved-one","tag-online-memorial","tag-shared-grief","tag-support"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nFive Words That Are Making You Feel Stuck in Your Grief - ForeverMissed Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Feeling stuck in grief? 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