The following is a poem that I have always loved and I felt it fitting to share it here.

Reason A Season A Lifetime Poem

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— UNKNOWN AUTHOR

Brandon came into my life for a reason and a season, but he will remain in my heart for a lifetime.

The following is a letter I wrote to Brandon today. Parts of which, were cut and pasted from a letter I sent him on Valentine's Day.

Brandon, 

This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write because I know you won't actually get to read it. I have so many raw emotions that I have managed to keep at bay over the last few days, but your absence has left a huge void and my grief is bubbling at the surface. 

The weeks leading up to your passing were awful for me. I had mixed emotions starting from fear and ending in anger. I was angry at you for your choices, but I was even more upset with myself. I had huge walls up that you were able to break down. You and I both know I did not want to fall in love with you, but we also both know that I did. I was angry at the idea that I let you in and that I might have to let you go. I knew what my human capabilities were and I did everything that I could.... but it wasn't enough.

However, I am grateful that I allowed you into my life.  And although you are gone, leaving me here to pick up the pieces, I wouldn't change a thing. You saved me and you laid your life down for me. Something only you and I could understand. I remember telling you early on in our journey to recovery, that the odds were stacked against us.  That likelihood both of us would stay sober was slim to none, but we tried anyway.  Over the last few weeks I had a gut feeling that our time together would be cut short but I certainly didn't think things would end this way...

You came into my life at exactly the right moment. Perfect timing actually. You came in without judgment and had compassion and empathy for me, when I'm pretty sure no one else did. You wanted to help and protect, which was weird to me, especially given the way I was living at the time. Most of the people I was surrounded by were leeches, energy suckers and out to satisfy their own selfish needs. Now don't get it twisted, we were also stuck in our own personal hell but somehow we were able to see past ourselves and genuinely try to help each other. I remember one crazy night I overheard you tell our friend, with great conviction I might add, how I deserved better than the life I was living and that you were going to take me away and get me out of that God forsaken town. I remember smiling and thinking "Wow this guy really does give a shit about what happens to me." I felt warm and fuzzy inside but I was still pretty apprehensive about your motives. I was jaded and cynical and did not trust anyone. I know you got that vibe, but you still patiently hung around until the day I said I was leaving. 

Everything was coming to a head. Shit was starting to hit the fan and I was seriously afraid that someone was going to die and we both thought it would probably be me. So over the course of a few days, I planned my great escape. I could tell that you were going to miss me and that you were afraid of what might happen to you.  But you were brave and tried not to show your fear. You just kept cheering me on. I started to believe that you did want what was best for me, regardless of the cost it might be to you. I needed you to tell me everything would work out and I needed the encouragement to do, what had to be done. You told me to leave and never look back. So I did. I got out of that hell hole and to my surprise, a few days later so did you. 

I can't begin to explain the impact our relationship has had on my life.  The irony is, that I wouldn't have to explain it to you if you were here, you would just know. That's how it was for us.

You were patient and kind to me when I couldn't be that for myself. You loved me through those really dark days and listened to me when I needed someone to say it was going to be ok. We have watched each other struggle and grow and I can't tell you how hard it was to watch you slip away.  We spoke regularly, sometimes 5 times a day. I keep picking up the phone to call you but you're not there.  I've found myself checking my phone for messages or missed calls multiple times a day and I cry at the thought that I will never hear your voice again. I feel empty and lost but I will survive. I will honor your memory by doing all the things I said I would do and I will share your story, while I share my own. I will remember the good times and be grateful to have called you my best friend. We shared our thoughts and ideas, the good, bad and ugly. We bonded over music that moves us and speaks to our souls. You left me with the gift of Flora Cash (sending me songs like: They own this town, you love me and Somebody else) that one day I will be grateful to listen to and think of you thinking of me. We were able to encourage each other and lift each other up. We loved each other enough to tell each other the truth, even when it hurt. I knew when you were lying to me or holding something back and I was grateful to have mutual permission to call each other out. We weren't afraid to have conflicting opinions, even if that meant working through a disagreement. We admitted when we were wrong and we apologized. We laughed at ourselves and laughed with each other, sometimes until we peed our pants. Those are just some of the things I will remember about you.

Connecting with people on an intimate level and being my true authentic self is what I've always wanted to be able to do. It's hard for me to trust or love people, least of all myself and you Brandon helped me to do just that. I feel blessed to have known you and my heart breaks for you and your family.  I am grateful for the 2 hour conversation the night before you passed. In that conversation alone, you gave me gifts to hold on to and I gave you the reassurance you needed. I am grateful for your visit that night. I love you and I miss you terribly. I will NEVER forget you. 

Love alawys and forever,

Sarah
xoxo

* A note to Brandon's Mother: I would love to hear from you, if and when you are ready. I can be reach at sarahjones8228@outlook.com

Brandon and my son Ryan Onafrychuk played hockey together in Woodstock as young boys. They were good friends. May his memories bring you comfort during this difficult time. He had a wonderful smile and bubbling personality. Now in the arms of an angel RIP Brandon.