Never in a million years did I think I would have to arrange my son’s funeral. The last few days have been the saddest days of our lives. We have cried and cried -- and then we cried some more.
“ When it hurts to look back and you are afraid to look forward, look beside you, there will be your friend.”
This quotation is from my West Point classmate, Chuck Schretzman, who recently gave a speech about how he felt in dealing with tragedies from his 26 years in the Army. I think it accurately describes how we are feeling—hurt and scared. In these difficult times, Alice, Michael, Matthew and I are fortunate that we could look beside us to find our family and friends. Many of you have reached out to offer to help in any way, no matter how big or small. And I know many more of you wanted to reach out, but were unsure of how to do so.
In particular, I want to thank:
- our relatives and friends who have dropped everything to be with us in our hour of need.
- Church of of All Nations
- Hong Kong International School
- Boy Scouts Troop 1 in Hong Kong
- Brandon's friends
We are grateful and humbled for everything you have done for us.
Brandon passed away on Monday morning in a tragic accident. We will never know what really happened on that morning. There will never be an explanation for why things happened the way they did.
In this sea of uncertainty, we cling on to these firm facts, which are undeniable and unequivocal.
The first is Brandon was an amazing and beautiful child who has touched so many people’s lives and brought joy to all who knew him. He was kind, caring, smart, athletic, friendly, competitive and ambitious. He was just a good kid all around—the kind of kid whom every parent would want.
We are blessed to have been able to spend 14 years with him. We have so many wonderful memories of him from all the things we have done together. In the interest of time, I will share only a few stories.
I remember at a boy scouts event two years ago, we played a game called “Two Truths and One Lie” to break the ice with the new scouts. The other scouts had to guess which statements were truths and which one was a lie. Brandon’s three statements were: “I love Sprite, I enjoy going to school and I want to go to Harvard.” The Harvard statement was a lie because he "wanted to go to Stanford.” I believe he had the talent and achievements to get into Stanford.
He was fearless and wiling to talk to anybody. As many of you know, he loved Sprite. A few years ago, we were flying on Singapore Airlines and I told him that he could get unlimited Sprites on the flight. Whereas most of us would be too timid to keep pressing the attendant button, Brandon repeatedly pressed the button to politely ask for more Sprite. I think he had 10 Sprites on that short flight. Unfortunately, this tactic didn’t work when we flew on the US airlines.
He loved a challenge. About a year ago, I teased my sons that I can still run faster than them. Brandon was the only one who wanted to challenge me, which surprised me because he had occasional asthma. When we first moved to Hong Kong 4 years ago, he couldn’t run a lap around the track without stopping. Anyway, we decided to use the one-mile event because that was his PE class event. So I ran a 6:00 minute mile on the treadmill, thinking there was no way he can beat it. A couple of months later, he proudly told me that he had run a 5:55 mile. So I dug deep and ran a 5:53 mile. Then Brandon ran a 5:38 mile and took a photo on his iPod to prove he had done it. After that, I gave up—he had beaten me.
Brandon wanted to grow up so fast. Every year, after returning from the summer, people would comment that he sprouted taller. He was almost 6 feet and could touch the basketball rim. But he was still a kid at heart. He still slept with his Pooh Bear, whom he called “Kitty," a name he chose to avoid confusion with his older brother who also had a Pooh Bear. He will always be our baby son.
Another fact is we loved him with all our hearts and would do anything for him. I went to West Point and served in the US Army, where I was prepared to lay down my life for my country and my fellow soldiers. But there was always a nagging doubt whether I would rise to the occasion in the heat of the battle. I was never in combat, so I was never tested. But as I looked at my son’s lifeless body on that fateful Monday morning, I knew that I would have gladly traded my life for his, as would my wife and as would any parent for their children.
The last fact is Brandon loved us. As I look at the pictures from our 14 years together, the one constant is that he had a beautiful smile. One of our friends who viewed the picture slides at the wake remarked that he had the greatest smile quotient. He was such a happy kid and we have so many happy memories together.
Now, I want to address specific people.
To my wife: The trajectory of our lives has forever been changed. Our future is now uncertain. Brandon’s death leaves an ache in our hearts and a hole in our lives. There will be moments when we will suddenly be overcome by sadness and start crying for seemingly no good reason. Know that I will be there with you at every step of the way. Also know that you are the best mother. You were always there to take care of Brandon, and to look out for his allergies and asthma. Brandon loved you so much.
To my sons: Don’t let Brandon’s death change the trajectory of your lives. Remember Brandon, but live a full life and be happy. Don’t ever feel guilty about having a good time. Also know that Mommy and I love you and would also gladly sacrifice our lives for yours. We are so proud of both of you.
Michael, he looked up to you and wanted to be just like you. You were the only one who could give him crap and make him do things. When I tried to get him to work out, he would usually turn me down. But you wouldn't’ take “no” for an answer, and he would actually listen to you.
Matthew, you were his best friend and constant. No matter what he did to you, you were always nice to him. You two were inseparable. Some people have even asked me who was the older brother.
To Brandon’s relatives: Thank you for taking care of Brandon as he grew up. He was lucky to have so many loving grandparents, aunts & uncles, and cousins.
To Brandon’s friends: Thank you for loving Brandon and telling us about your love for him. I know many of you are just as sad as we are. We are comforted by your stories about how Brandon has touched your lives.
I still can’t believe that Brandon is gone—that I won’t be able to see him walk through the door, talk to him or hug him. In the last few days, it’s easy for my mind to wander down dark corners where I become angry, confused and incredibly sad about Brandon’s death.
As hard as it will be to do so, let’s use this tragedy to achieve some positive things:
- Let us grow closer as a family and stay strong for each other.
- Let us strengthen our ties with all our family and friends.
- Let us live our life with a renewed sense of purpose. Let us be grateful for the 14 great years we had with him.
- Let us celebrate his life and the impact he had on all of us.
In time, I hope we can find the strength to look back and the courage to look forward.
In closing, my mother reminded me, “Love is forever, everything else is ephemeral.” Brandon’s time on this earth has passed, as will ours at some point. But we will always remember and love him.