Living Life With Empty Arms and a Broken Heart

After Brayden's birth, my Dad immediately made the call to Hesslings Funeral Home. We knew that we did not want our baby buried in a cemetery by himself. We wanted his ashes in our home, with us. Ryan and I got home, canceled out our baby registries that we had created and instead ordered Brayden an urn. It was such a surreal moment. The next few days were a complete blur to me. My Mom would come every day and just hold me while I cried for hours. I am so thankful I had Ryan at this point, because honestly I don’t know if I would be alive today if it was not for him.

Brayden made such an imprint on our hearts, and we will forever be thankful for him. He made us parents, and changed who we are for the better. We now realize how precious life is, and realize how many people don’t take life seriously! It is amazing to us how many people take for granted what they have.

There was never a reason found as to why I pPROMed. Researching pPROM on the internet I found that a lot of women either had an infection that caused it, or had bleeding from the start of pregnancy that caused it. I have been told that if you don’t know the reason, you can’t prevent it from happening again, and it does happen again. We are undecided on what our next move will be, but we now know that we were meant to be parents, and we will do whatever we have to do to have an earth baby.

 

April 17,2011

On the morning of April 17, 2011, I remember waking up several times very early, and just being very restless. I was not in pain at all; I just could not get comfortable in bed. I decided to get up, but when I went in to use the bathroom I felt the tiniest little foot and ankle I had ever felt in my entire life. The instant I touched his foot, he pulled it back up inside me. I was completely devastated. My world came crashing down on me, and at that point I almost passed out from grief. I screamed for Ryan, and he rushed me to the ER. I was instantly admitted onto the maternity ward. Three hours later I gave birth to the most amazingly tiny, perfect baby boy. My Mom, Dad, sister, and brother were all there with us. He weighed 5 oz and was 8 inches long. He was so perfect! We held him for a very long time. We were asked what we would like to name him, and we decided on Brayden Martin Altemier. We got to call Ryan’s parents to come to the hospital for Brayden’s baptism. Ryan and I had the most amazing nurses that day (Christine and Donna). Chris came in on her day off to be by my side! Brayden stayed in the hospital nursery until I was discharged. I was able to hold him again in the middle of the night when I could not sleep. At that point my placenta still had not been delivered. The next day, 24 hours after Brayden was born, I was taken in for a d&c to remove the placenta. I was discharged the next day on April 20, 2011, with empty arms and a broken heart.

April 9 ,2011

April 9, 2011 was the first nice day of the year. Ryan and I were so excited to be able to get outside and start working around the house. It was a perfect day! When it was time to get ready for bed, around 9:45pm, I got a very intense cramp that lasted for about 10-15 minutes straight. I was about to have Ryan take me to the ER, but the pain subsided. I decided to go to bed, but when I stood up to go into the bedroom I had a huge gush of water. Ryan and I rushed to the ER where they tested the liquid and told me that as of right now it does not look like my water broke. Ryan and I were laughing at this point because we thought I had peed my pants. The next morning they took me downstairs to have an ultrasound. This was when my worse fear was confirmed. The ultrasound tech would not let me see the screen, but told me that I had little to none water left around the baby. Ryan told me he could see the screen but started crying and told me that the baby was not moving. I was brought back upstairs and they checked his heartbeat and it was still going very strong! I was told that what happened was pPROM (preterm premature rupture of membrane), and that it was extremely rare at this point in pregnancy. At that point we were told that we had the option to end the pregnancy right away, or wait it out to see what happens. I was so mad that they even gave me that option; his heartbeat was still so strong, so why would I want to end the pregnancy?

Two days went by and I had no pain, cramps, or bleeding so they got me ready for discharge. I was placed on antibiotics to fight infection, had orders to stay on complete bed rest, and drink about two gallons of water a day to try to build the amniotic fluid back up. Well drinking two gallons of water a day and staying on complete bed rest is impossible. I was getting up to use the bathroom every 10-20 minutes. The plan was to see how far I could make it, and if I made it to 22 weeks I would be transferred to Lehigh or Hershey where they have amazing neonatal intensive care units.  Home health was coming in daily to check for the baby’s heartbeat and to run blood tests to watch for infection. Every day my blood pressure would be sky high until they found the baby’s heartbeat and every day the heartbeat was stronger than ever. I knew then that I had a fighter inside me! Ryan and I got hooked up with couples on the internet that had pPROM success stories, and were gaining more and more hope! We had amazing support from our family and friends, and had strangers praying for us! I had the best support system ever and was feeling great! But that was all about to change in an instant.

We're Pregnant!

 

 

Ryan and I found out we were pregnant right after the New Year 2011. We were so excited and thought that this was the best Christmas/New Year present ever! We had our first appointment on January 31, 2011, and found out that our baby’s due date was September 19, 2011. We had a sonogram done on February 8, 2011 and saw our precious baby for the first time. It was so amazing to see his little heart beating, and even more amazing to hear it. It instantly brought us to tears. The first 16 weeks went so smoothly, I had absolutely no morning sickness, and felt great. I would feel sick every once in awhile after dinner, but that did not last long. I was even losing weight from eating so healthy for the baby. Life was great at this point in time, and as the weeks went on we were getting more and more excited!