Brian Jay Hirsty Eulogy
Thank you Rabbi Rachlis. Your words bring great comfort to all of us.
For those of you that do not know me, I am Jim Ulcickas. I was blessed to spend the last 18 years working with Brian “elbow to elbow”. He liked to say that because people work in a restaurant kitchen, side by side, which is how Brian and I have been since we met. Aside from his family, few people had the pleasure of spending more time with Brian than me. If you know me, that makes Brian a Saint!
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I met Brian, when he walked in to our lives when Rick Staunton and I started Bluewater Grill. He was bright-eyed, ambitious, and,
he was unlike every other person we interviewed,
he was accomplished, gentle and unassuming.
He was also skinny!
We asked him to join our team on the spot.
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He loved to say that he was the only skinny chef you could trust! I can see that day in July 1996, vividly in my mind, when he turned the corner and walked onto the dock in Newport. We sat at Table 34. It was a very lucky day for us. We hired a great Chef and he grew to become an incredibly close friend, confidant and a major contributor to our success.
His life was not supposed to end this soon. None of us believes he won’t walk right back into our lives, with that quirky gait of his, like he did ours, that day.
We already miss him so much it hurts.
But Brian would be the first to say, “the show must go on”.
We lived through over 5,000 shifts together, and at countless special events, and restaurant openings. We also had some amazing fun “Bluewater” trips to Mexico, aboard Pilikia, to Catalina and Santa Ynez where all shared some laughs and just relaxed. I calculated the number of guests we have served since 1996 and it is close to 8 million.
That is a staggering number.
The amazing thing is, we seldom get any food complaints, and that is a credit to Brian and the team he built.
He would always say he was only as good as the last plate served and that motivated him to make a difference every day. Brian was so proud of the team he built. He was loyal, perhaps to a fault, and always thought of everyone else before himself.
There are so many favorite moments that I shared with Brian. It is difficult to pick one, but I thought this one was particularly fun to share. Brian was preparing for a party we were catering for a 50 year old bachelor (he was sort of a “pig”) and he designed a centerpiece. It was a spinning serving platter, sort of a decorative “lazy susan”. It was a Luau theme with Kahlua Pork. Brian decided we should roast a pigs head and place it in the middle of the platters and place the food around it. I will never forget his face when he came up to me laughing hysterically and said to take a look in the oven. He opened the oven and there they were…eight very large pigs heads,
Ears flapping in the wind created by the oven fan. We laughed and laughed together at the site. Needless to say the party was a huge hit.
What did Brian love and what was he most proud of?
He loved his family most of all…..
He loved his wife Amy and would share his deep affection for her with anyone that would listen.
Knowing Brian, if he could, he would apologize to you for putting you through the grief caused by his death.
He loved his mother Faye, and often spoke of how she loved him. He was so proud that she would set-up events to promote Bluewater with her friends.
He was not religious, but he was proud of his Jewish heritage. Whenever we would cater a party with smoked fish he would say, “I’m jewish and I know smoked fish, I make the best Schmear for bagels” ….and he did. He made it for me all the time when I would ask. Capers, red onion, cream cheese and a little lemon, I think…
He was so proud and excited on the day that his daughter Chelsi got her first job. He was beaming with pride she was becoming independent and making a life for herself. He was so optimistic you would find your way, Chelsi, and make him and Amy proud.
He loved his son Dylan and bragged about how tough and courageous he was. He always said he wished he was half as tough as Dylan.
The only time I ever saw Brian afraid was a few short weeks ago. He worried he might not be around, to be there for you, Dylan, and your mother. I told him not to worry and that he would be fine… I wish that had been true. If I could only take that back and tell him I loved him one more time.
Brian loved fish. Not just to cook. He loved fishing and told stories of how he would fish from the Santa Monica pier when he was growing up or how he loved to go fishing with his family. He also loved his aquarium fish and would often talk about his saltwater tanks.
He loved people most of all and he was a great judge of character. He had a sixth sense of knowing who the good and bad guys were.
He was particularly proud of teaching a trade, his trade, to countless numbers of people that worked for him. The number of his staff that have worked with him for many years was proof he had good reason to be proud.
Did I say that Brian liked to talk?
Well, if you knew Brian, he had the nervous habit of talking well after the conversation was over. I think we will all miss that most of all. It was a defining characteristic of Brian‘s and, in retrospect, it was reassuring. He must have hated silence. Sometimes you would not notice it, and sometimes you would leave the room and not realize he was still talking, and then you would realize it and you would return until he finished. Sometimes not.
My son said to me, when I got home from the hospital, the night Brian died, that he wished there was a phone in heaven so he could call and talk to Brian. He said he would miss talking to Chef Brian and I agreed with him that, I would miss talking to him too. We talked about everything personal and professional. I know I am not the only one who did.
What was Brian really good at in his professional life?
Of course he was a great chef but he was the king of multi-tasking. He was a duck…calm and still on the surface but paddling furiously under the water. Brian would not have it any other way….he would be prepping appetizers for a charity ball, and the drain would be clogged and he would need to call a plumber, the kitchen prep printers crash,
……he would just calmly grind it out…ALL IN A DAYS WORK…..
The restaurant business is relentless. It is hard to explain the exhilaration that comes from surviving a busy shift and bathing in the exhaustion when it is over. He would always say that what we do is “like working in an emergency room but nobody’s life is at stake”. Triage on table 4.
Opening restaurants and fine tuning them until they hum, so they crank out perfect orders, one thousand customers a day, NO PROBLEM. That is what we do, and he was the king.
A cold coors light never tasted so good.
And then you get up and do it again. And again. And again. And again.
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At the end of every day, I think every man asks himself, “Have I made my wife and children proud? Did I make their worlds better?” He was a loving husband, father and son, and this is what gave meaning to Brian’s life.
It is hard to believe Brian is gone. I expect him to come bounding in the door any minute, (it was more like a skipping gait), with his crisp white chef coat on, his red cap slightly askew with that sweet, innocent smile. His body is here today laying in this coffin. He has his Bluewater Chef coat on, his red hat in his folded hands, his Grateful Dead T-shirt and special family keepsakes with him. His soul is in heaven and he lives on in our memories. He has probably already made a lot of friends up there, cooking for them, taking care of them and of course, talking to them…..
I would like to read a poem called “Dying Young” that gives me solace in knowing Brian’s spirit will live on.
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Sometimes its hard, to understand why
Someone so young, should have to die
No reasons are given, It just happens that way
There's nothing we can do, Nothing we can say
Our time here on Earth, we will transcend
We are not here forever, and life doesn't end
There is a place, where we all find peace
We will meet soon, when I come to cease
So don't dwell on death, For its not the end
Your Spirit is eternal, my dear, dear friend
Goodbye my dear friend Brian. You are gone but you will be remembered by all of us. Thank you for all you gave to me and to Bluewater. Your memory lives on with the countless people that love you and whose lives you have touched. Save a seat at the bar for me, Dear friend, until we meet again….
Vaya con dios.
(Hand-out at Door)
Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
Mary Elizabeth Frye
