July 10, 2021
July 10, 2021
Today would have been your 40th birthday. I know we would have thrown a huge party. Grams house is gone and I can't help but think that you could have done something to stop that from happening. I'm so angry about it. I miss being able to go into your room and talk to you. I feel like I've lost the connection we had. I feel lonely. You always made me feel needed and loved. I don't have that anymore. I fucked up. I took advantage of believing that you would always be there, in your room, waiting for me. I'm sorry that I didn't do enough to help you. I know that you're still with me in my memories, but I don't have you here to make new ones and I hate it. Today, on your birthday, I will choose to remember you. I will stop focusing on what could have been and focus on what was. Happy Birthday, BJ. I love you and I will never, ever forget you.