Feb. 5, 2024

Dear Bryce,

I remember it was 2006 when I first got really interested in national politics. I had a hard time listening to any political news on the radio on my drive home when I worked in Stamford. The news would tell me things that I felt like I had no control over, so I avoided it.

But in 2007, it was a different story. I printed out brief descriptions of each Democratic primary candidate and started watching the debates. I liked Joe Biden because he was not an actor. He was earnest, and he knew a lot about foreign policy. He seemed to really want to do better for our country. 

And you were more amazing than ever.

Fast forward to election night, and we wanted Barack Obama to win so intensely. So I printed out a map of the US, got one of each – a red crayon and a blue crayon... and a pencil. We learned about the electoral college, and how each state’s results would add up either blue or red. I am no teacher, but I didn’t need to be. You learned so quickly. You would write in the electoral college numbers in each state, and soon were doing the math on the side of the electoral college map you had made like a pro. As the results started to come in, my heart swelled with love and gratitude as I watched you color in the states. It almost didn’t matter who won because there you were… just being you – excited, and cheering together with me when a state went ‘blue.’ You were too sleepy to stay awake for the last state to announce its results. You brushed your teeth with Dad, and we exchanged good nights, the short version of “I love you, good night, sweet dreams” – “Love, night, beans.” 

I take it back. It didn’t matter who won, because there was you. 

Love always, forever, with all of me, everywhere, Mom *heart*

Bryce, your name came from Dad's and my wanting to pick a name that was unique to our family, and would fill us with awe and wonder like your existence was. So we picked Bryce from our vacations to beautiful, natural places (Joshua, for Joshua Tree was a runner-up.) 
As far as Costawong goes, this story many people know already, but I'll repeat it here anyway. Before you were conceived, Dad and I would send packages to family members, and combine our last names in the 'from' return address label, like 'From the Wongstantinos.' A favorite was 'From the Costawongos.' It was a logical step to use our combined last names to be your name. But since 'Costawongo' was too silly as a last name, we went with Costawong.
Your grandma Nancy's maiden name was Nancy Ellen Leo. When she married Grandpa Kellogg, she added Wong to the end. Leo is your middle name from Grandma Nancy.
You had amazing names for your imaginary friends when you were little. You described your imaginary friends as silent, but with you. They were glowing figures of light. Their names are Onglen, Nomenokes, and Gary. You told me once that Gary was the mischievous one.
As for naming your stuffed animals, you named them (for the most part) the way I named my stuffed animals/friends when I was little... descriptively.  
Globe, Sloth Blanket, Turtle, Aardvark, Lobby the lobster, Giggle Ball, Crabby the Crab, Om Nom, Purrz (arrived named already), Soccer, Heart pillow (a favorite), Roundie (a favorite), and your all-time favorite, Meowster. (Missing from photo is another favorite, Hershey pillow).
I love you, Bryce Leo Costawong. Forever, Mom.

(Notes to Bryce, continued)
October 23, 2008 (Bryce is 8 years old)
Hi Sweetie,
Today I went to drop you off at school and you saw R.J. and Riley running from the bus. You took off. You started to round the corner of the building and I called to you because we hadn’t said good bye yet. Lately, you’ve been wanting to say good bye at the corner of the building before you go around, so I waited for you there. You walked back to me and said, “Mom, I want to tell you something.” I bent down and you whispered in my ear, “I don’t want to do hugs and kisses in public any more, okay?” I said OK and I waved to you and said I’d see you pick up and you said OK, bye and waved to me as you walked to line…
This marks the very first day that you could say goodbye to me without hugs and kisses – you’re getting so big now! And I’m gonna miss it too!
I love you forever, Bryce ~Mom

May 12, 2006, Notes to Bryce continued:
     You like Pebbles and sometimes play with her. She lets you pet her once in a while. But she's still pretty grumpy a lot of the time so you stay away from her. We've talked about maybe getting a kitten one of these days. You really seem to like this idea but I am worried that my allergies might really get bad since I'm already allergic to Pebbles.
     We got water in our basement the other day and you really thought it was fun! You put on your boots and splashed around in the water. We all thought it was so funny when a little poop floated by that must have been from when Pebbles missed her litterbox-- ew!!
     The foods you like are: rice with butter soy sauce and seasoned salt, train food, broccoli (sometimes), green beans, bread with butter, chicken, cinnamon almonds, cashews, Granny Smith apples, pears, grapefruit, Might Bites cereal, chocolate chip granola bars, calamata olives, soy crisps, pretzels, pizza, chicken nuggets, waffles (mini and regular), scrambled eggs, mac and cheese (really creamy and elbow shaped), salami, chicken salad (sometimes), red peppers (sometimes), white fish with lemon, salad (only the light green pieces.)
[To be continued...]

This is more to the 3rd entry of notes that I (Trina) wrote to Bryce when he was little:
May 12, 2006 (Bryce is almost 6 years old)

Dear Bryce,
You told me that the principal of your school, Mrs. Debbie Jackson, is leaving your school. You told me that she came to your classroom and told you. She's going to come back to visit and the new principal's name is Mr. Rex Jones. 

You like indoor recess. You like bristle blocks. You told me that you usually play by yourself during indoor recess. You like to draw and you have given me so many beautiful drawings. Most of them say 'I love you, Mom.' I put them all over my wall in the family room. I also have a bunch in my file drawer.

The other day we talked about how we all have a love meter. I told you that hugs and kisses fill up my love meter. You usually fill up my love meter with hugs during dinner. Your love meter gets filled up at the same time. Usually, the meter gets overfilled and you show me with your hands how much over the top of the meter it gets filled. [To be continued...]

We are and were bad at doing dishes. After eating, the dishes got rinsed and piled in the sink, usually because we would move on with our evening of watching a movie together, or playing a game. I even tried to put a sign above the faucets of the kitchen sink that said, "Please put dishes in dishwasher." For a time, it worked. But then all 3 of us would get in the bad habit again of piling the dishes in the sink.

When Bryce was about 17 years old, we had been talking about what things might be like when he had his own apartment, whether at college, or after he graduated. Bryce was not only a minimalist in terms of things he owned, but he was also very practical. 

Bryce said, "I have the perfect solution for dishes... 2 dishwashers!" He continued, "Only own the number of dishes and cooking items you absolutely need, store them in the 1st dishwasher, and as they get dirty, just put them in the 2nd dishwasher!"

Why didn't I think of that? 
Ingenious.

[Imagine Bryce's little boy voice]: "Once upon a time, there was a little, old lady who was not afraid of anything. One day she saw a scary pumpkin who said, 'Boo!' And then she was all done for the night. The end."

The memories you are sending me are helping me every day, B-ster. And when I step outside this morning, you are the quiet and cozy, snow-coated chairs and fire pit on our patio. You are the busy woodpecker I hear on the tree over there. You are that steadfast tree. I breathe in the cold, morning air, and you ignite my heart with a love so warm and gentle that I cry. Reach out your hand to our neighbor, K, would you Bryce? And show him around. LYH, Mom.

This is the 3rd entry of notes that I (Trina) wrote to Bryce when he was little):
May 12, 2006
Hi B-ster, I can't believe you're going to be 6 in just a couple weeks. You like building now, not trains as much. You want to be an artist when you grow up -- you decorated your bear in school like an artist. You've been like Kindergarten with your teachers, Mrs. Fiore and Mrs. Waters. You also like the Special Ed teacher, Mrs. Campbell (Tate's teacher).
    Your friends are Andrew C. and Katie R. You invited these 2 friends as well as Andrew G., Alex S., Tommy F., and Emily E. to your birthday party. You want to have birthday cake with 6 tootsie rolls on top (for you to eat). You like running around the playground and building dams near the drain in the playground. You told me today that you know Mr. C's full name: Mr. Cunningham (Phys Ed teacher).
    You really like matching socks for me when it's time to fold laundry. I can't believe how much more outgoing you are with your friends lately. You don't need to sit with me and eat a snack right away when I pick you up from school. You'd prefer to run around with the other kids -- I can't believe this day has come! You're still pretty shy and that's OK. It's just nice to see you having fun with other kids.
I love you forever, everywhere, Love Mom

(Note to Bryce, from Mom/Trina)
September 29, 2003
You are exploring erasing today. You saw me erasing something in my planner and wanted to try it yourself. I gave you an eraser for your very own, and you caught on right away!
I can't believe you're 3 years and 4 months old already! You like to make up songs to melodies you know like to "Dinah won't you blow, Dinah won't you blow" but making up pretend words like "tala poo shala coo kala tola pong konk." The most important part of the song is the 'pong konk' part at the end. Last night, Daddy said you were in the bath singing all sorts of bath and cleaning songs you made up for 15 minutes!
You still love trains. You can put together the track to Uncle Eric's trains and sometimes put the trains on yourself. You like to put them next to each other and pretend that they're in a train yard. Then you pretend the railer is a railroad crossing and you like to roll blue chitty and red chitty over the crossing. They fly in the air over the rest of the train at the end of the table! And then you do it again! Although you have a couple nicer signals and gates, you still like to use the cardboard signal and gate that I made for you a long time ago with Uncle Eric's trains.
You like crashing things now and pretending there are 'big pile ups' of every car and truck you have. You like to line them up in a big traffic jam on the floor. (Video enclosed: Bryce at 13 years old filming a big pile-up he made using his N-gauge electric train set that came out of storage at Christmastime. Yes, still loving trains at 13 years old!)

"Does anyone wanna play TF2?"
This was a common question at night when we were all done with work, and homework, and the leftovers were being put away from dinner.
TF2 stands for Team Fortress 2, an online game that Bryce introduced us to when he was about 15 years old. It wasn't long before Bryce was very good at this game. Usually we would all cram in to my tiny 10 x 10 ft office -- me at my desktop computer, Bryce on the floor next to me with his laptop, and Mike using a chair and TV table with Bryce's old laptop.
"What map or scenario?" Bryce would ask. Sometimes we'd play against each other, which was hilarious, because Mike and I would always need Bryce to have some major handicaps because he was so good. Bryce would still wipe us out, but never quickly because he wanted to make the game fun for us all. 
We'd also play Man vs. Machine where all 3 of us would team up with other online players to fight an onslaught of Scouts, Demomen, and Spies. Mike's 2 favorite classes to play were Pyro and Sniper. Bryce would be an Engineer in these scenarios and the Buildings he built would provide all us good guys up with quick ammo and health refills.
Bryce was skilled at all classes, and would teach us special techniques he'd learned. I particularly loved rocket jumping with Soldier. I never got very good at it, but it was so much fun trying! Bryce always showed us around on the map before playing and would remind us about where to hide or praise us if we were successful in a 'sneak attack' against him (rare). 
My favorite class to play was Heavy. Bryce would follow me as a Doctor and heal me instantly to make me virtually indestructible. Oh the hours and hours of laughs we had playing TF2. Thank you, my amazing son, or more appropriately, "Thank you, Docta!!"

This is the first entry of notes that I (Trina) wrote to Bryce when he was little: 
July 9, 2003 (Bryce is 3 years old)
Hi Bryster - Today, you woke up and were a little sad. For the first time, instead of just crying, you started telling me about a dream you had. There was a stump with wheels. It went across the patio and then hit Mommy and Daddy and Bryce. But none of us got a splinter even though the stump is made of wood. You leaned on me and wanted hugs sometimes while we talked.
You wanted to go to the Living Room with Mommy and Daddy and check to make sure the stump was gone. We walked through the house and also went outside to look at the big stump in our yard. It didn't have wheels. We looked in your book, Follow the Tractor, for the stump in it. It wasn't the same as the stump in your dream. You said that the stump in your dream was tall and had another stump on top.
I told you that dreams are amazing. Sometimes dreams are happy or funny or exciting. Then you said that sometimes dreams are sad. I agreed and asked if you were sad in your dream. You said yes. We talked about your dream for a long time while we ate cereal (Chex) with bananas in it. Afterwards you seemed to feel better and said, "I want to play with trains with Daddy." (Picture enclosed: Sometimes a Little Sad)

We love national parks, and for our family vacations we traveled to several by plane, car, and sometimes RV. We loved making campfires, reading, laughing, and hiking together in Yellowstone, Grand Teton, Acadia, Glacier, Arches, Canyonlands, Zion, Grand Canyon, and of course, Bryce National Parks.

We weren't big picture takers, wanting to enjoy being together and not have devices interrupting. But during the course of our vacation time, we always managed to find the sun behind us, and the perfect shadow of the 3 of us walking together. The photo attached was taken at Arches National Park.

Bryce never crawled, scooted on the floor, or army crawled. He would pull himself up to standing, and then ask for his hands to be held, so that he could walk. He wanted to hold your fingers up above his head for support, first just walking, and then running.

He would laugh, and run, and always seemed to know where he wanted to go. Pulling you in one direction or the other as he went to explore things. He got steadier and steadier on his feet, but never without wanting to hold hands.

This was fun for a time, but would become quite fatiguing on my back, until one day someone suggested the following: “When he goes to hold your hands, give him a string instead.”

So, unbeknownst to Bryce, the next time he wanted to walk, we gave him a string to hold. We held the string taut to help him steady himself, and as he started to walk, we let go of the string. And he wlked on his own! Hooray!

When he realized there was no one holding his hand, he didn’t know what to make of it at first, and seemed displeased. But then Bryce smiled, and continued on his walk, with string overhead. 

Bryce was born on May 28, 2000, in Stamford, CT. After 10 days in the NICU, we took him home to our 2nd floor apartment.

Bryce loved being carried around in his sling (cradled, or sitting on your hip), then his Baby Bjorn (always facing out). 

Bryce grinned his first mischievous grin when he saw how surprised we were when he had kicked his legs out of his nighttime swaddling!