I witnessed firsthand how Michael and Bryce interacted and shared a beautiful intellectual curiosity. We were talking about building a 1980’s style arcade. I watched as they were seemingly building one together in their collective imagination. I’ll never forget it.

BLCFE19 ❤️

On April 13, 2019, Donna, Trina and I had traveled by car to Northeastern University in Boston to attend a concert by a choral group to which Bryce belonged. Finding ourselves with time for a bite to eat, Bryce, who was scheduled for a pre-performance rehearsal, therefore unable to join us, suggested that we try one of his favorite close by Mediterranean restaurants.

Not surprisingly, the rather small place was packed with students engaging in the kind of energetic and animated conversations so common to institutions of higher learning. One can not help but sense the energy exuding from those future movers and shakers of society.

As the busy proprietor of the place appeared to have things in control, we knowingly asked the rhetorical question as to whether he was familiar with a regular customer named Bryce Costawong, to which he replied with a shrug as if to say, “Are you kidding, do you have any idea as to how many hundreds of students who pass trough here every day?”; and just at that very second, who but Bryce appeared at the door, dressed in a spotless tuxedo and with big smile on his face.

I remember to this day the symbolism of that fleeting moment, when all eyes turned to the entrance of the restaurant and there stood the framed appearance of someone who, in sharp contrast to those of the crowd, was dressed in the ultimate symbol of achievement. However, judging by the quick resumption of the interrupted conversations, was the confident group message that just around the corner, with just a bit more effort, was the status soon to be reached by everyone there. On my part, I was never more proud that my grandson Bryce had already proven by his academic achievements that he was destined to have an august effect on our troubled society. 

This picture brought back memories for myself and my son, Zack, as we walked through our neighborhood park. He recalled with a smile, “Nick and I used to build forts like that with Bryce and Kev.” These are childhood memories that I know my boys will cherish forever. Boys being boys…enjoying their boyhood ❤️ When times were simpler. I’m so thankful that these memories were made. 

Bryce was like his old man, but wayyyy better. And he wore fun and funny t-shirts almost every day, like his old man, but his old man didn’t wear the pajama pants.
Have you asked yourself “why does a person do this?” or “why did Bryce?”.
I can venture some guesses based on my own reasons:

• this is something I find interesting, and I’m kinda putting it out there
• maybe you will get it and want to talk about it
• maybe you will become a friend
• maybe you’ll recognize this as why I am me
• the world can be a farce, and we can recognize that, and have a grin or a groan

Here are most of his fun tees:

• skip ad
• extra medium
• life is crap
• i never make sweeping generalizations
• it’s an elaborate ruse (a monopoly parody on it’s a trap with Admiral Akbar)
• we’re the exception (crash course genghis khan)
• link and dark link playing (dark link knocked over link’s blocks)
• you killed my father, prepare to die (inigo montoya & darth vader)
• the scream (darth vader as the subject with the death star destroyed in the sky)
• people hate it when a sentence doesn’t end the way they potato
• non impedimente ratione cogitas (car talk: unencumbered by the thought proces)
• books: helping introverts avoid conversation since 1439
• ministry of silly walkers
• red shirt w/ phaser blast (3 star trek shirts: yellow, blue w ears, and red… the red shirt has a phaser blast clear through the chest… Lt. Expendable didn’t make it)
• department of redundancy department
• technically it’s 100% filled with 50% air and 50% liquid (cut half-filled with water)

Here are more standard tees:

• nuage (northeastern university association of gaming enthusiasts)
• bryce canyon
• zion national park
• fcsso (fairfield county summer string orchestra)
• ID (id tech camp)
• warde chamber orchestra
• suny stonybrook summer math camp
• yale physics bowl
• empire strikes back
• troop 88
• pack 88

Trina made this beautiful quilt for me (with bumble bee fleece backing) with several of B’s tees as a xmas present that I dearly love… and a computer sleeve from his Zion shirt. At 4 years from his leaving, I can sometimes wear some fun shirts, but not often, but sometimes… and I think I will today.

Love you kid. Always.

Quoting from Bryce's typing on my old school typewriter.

"Oh, by the way, the awesome machine I was talking about is a typewriter. Christine is my cousin. I learned to the smiley face from her, which is this:  :)  The date is Saturday November 29/30, 2008. It is not usual to have a typewriter these days."

Then there is some more writing, and the ink runs out, then some more, then I picked up a new ribbon.

Bryce continues:

"Boy, you should really see this typewriter. This is how it works:

There are bottons that make levers fling up... I need to go to the bathroom... that hit a strip of ink.
The lever and the paper are the bread and the ink is the ham. I love ham sandwiches!"

Love you, kid… Dad

(In no particular order, he was one of my best friends in college in the barely 6 months I knew him for)

1. Eating sandwiches without the bun
2. Wearing pajama pants even when it's not bed time
3. Talking to each other while studying yet still managing to study
4. Staying up late but not wanting to disturb the other guys in the house (night owls)
5. Trying new things, playing on the computer, learning interesting fun facts

One day, when I was driving Bryce to high school, we saw a giant nest in a tree on Fairfield Woods Road… hanging over the street.
It was a “giant bees’ nest”.
But when you say it out loud, without any visual reference, we reckoned it could be one of several things.

1. A Giant Bees’ Nest - a gigantic nest of many regular-sized bees
2. A Giant Bee’s Nest - a regular-sized nest for a single gigantic bee
3. A Giant “B”s’ Nest - a gigantic nest of many regular-sized “letters B”
4. A Giant “B”’s Nest - a regular-sized nest for a single gigantic “letter B”
5. A Giant “B”s’ Nest - a gigantic nest of several regular-sized Bryce-folk
6. A Giant “B”’s Nest - a regular-sized nest for a single gigantic Bryce

Play with words. Play with meaning.
We sure had fun this way.

Dear Mike and Trina. I know you have a much better photo, maybe from the same night as this one. (I believe my photo is from 2016.) But when this photo came up in my Facebook feed, it reminded me of how much fun we all had singing together. I hope it reminds you of the joyous times. Love and hugs, Elena.

This a story of the best birthday gift ever.
(N.B. If you’re not a LOTR fan, this will be cute… if you are you’ll feel a bit differently)

I think it was when Bryce was 10 (maybe 11).
I came home from work that day, on my birthday, and the kid was grinning ear to ear. In a wrapped box, was a hand-drawn version of Thror’s Map from The Hobbit… customized to fit our house. The video will describe some of the details.

=====
The Hobbit was the first book I read to Bryce when he was a baby to help him sleep by hearing my voice. Then, of course, the Lord of the Rings.

We both loved discussing the lore of Middle Earth, including many nights poring over details in a book called The Maps of Middle Earth. We examined character plots of LOTR as drawn by XKCD creator Randall Munroe. We watched the movies repeatedly, and especially on vacations. We played the theme of Rohan on recorders. We marveled at Ents. We made a Minas Tirith out of snow.

=====
This map, though, followed by the gift of a parchment-like Map of Middle Earth as the gift, was a wonderfully special birthday experience. A journey through a shared love. Translation of Dwarvish runes. Grinning at how his favorite stuffed animal (Meowster) became “Smaugster”.

Nothing but love.
Nothing but love.

It’s right after a great and really fun Pinewood Derby (I recall the inimitable Brian Stanton being the MC). Parents and scouts are out to eat at the Bear & Grille. Menus are out, excited chatter is in the air. The waiter comes around the large, long table and collects orders. Several minutes later the waiter comes around is delivering orders… “nachos?!” “over here”; “barbecue burger?!” “over here”; “mac and cheese?!” “over here”; etc. etc…. then to a general surprise we hear “iceberg wedge with grilled shrimp?!” Bryce answers “here!”.

That’s my boy. He loved the old iceberg wedge salad with chunks of bacon and blue cheese dressing.

Do you remember the first really moving concert that you went to?

I thought I had been to beautiful concert and operas and ballets, until we went to Tanglewood in 2017 as a family… to Tanglewood on Parade. That’s a single day in early August that is filled with concerts in every venue from 2pm until the fireworks end along with the live cannon fire in the 1812 Overture.

I was wondering how Bryce would like it. Well, he was in full absorption of the music and excellence. The first concert (@2pm) was a cello octet in Ozawa Hall. We sat way up in the loft. My heart was full as I snuck glances at him intensely listening, and watching the bowing, and deconstructing the arrangements (he had already been arranging for string quartet and cello ensembles).

We adjourned to our little picnic area and had some snacks in the sun, then walked around the grounds, loving it all, until we slipped into the grad vocal students in the Theatre. Followed by more walking. A thunderstorm that cleared up. Then the brass fanfare from the top of the Shed.

We had seats in the Shed for the evening concert. I cannot remember the program, but Dutoit danced, and the Pops conductor (Lockhart) was impossible to follow, and then… there was John Williams. Bryce loved the Star Wars soundtracks (so did I… duh… since 1977), and for us this was a dream come true. We joked about each conductor’s style that evening in our hotel room to many laughs as I imitated each… and adoringly mimicked Williams’ economy and expertise.

I had never seen Bryce so engaged in an experience, and frankly, I was also 333% there!

We went to Tanglewood again in 2018 and 2019, and they were only slightly less tremendous.

Many find Tanglewood to be a haven.
For us, it was heaven.

= = = = =

When Bryce was in college at Northeastern, we went up to visit him in the winter and got tickets to the BSO performing Mahler’s 2nd. The hall was three blocks from his apartment.This was an emotional experience of a different dimension, as Bryce was “on his own now”. But, we could still go to concerts and museums together and talk about the magnificence of music and creation and how much it moved us.

I was just recently on a cross country road trip where I was fortunate enough to be able to see a few national parks out west. I was standing at the Mesa Arch in Canyonlands National Park just looking out at the amazing landscape, when I heard voices arguing about a finer, more obscure point of StarWars lore. When I turned around it was a group of three or four young boys who had just come to the lookout at the end of the hike, and I instantly thought of the hours on backpacking trips spent discussing similar topics with Bryce and our other fellow scouts. And of course Bryce reading from his dad's terrible terrible joke book. This was far from the first time I've found myself remembering Bryce in the little day to day things one comes across, but in such a beautiful location and with such a direct line back to memory, this was certainly one of the more powerful ones.

Bryce left for college the year I started coming to UU Westport, so our paths only crossed when he was home for the holidays or the summer or whatever.  So my interactions were infrequent, but memorable.  And they are fond memories: first, because Trina was the first person I met at the church in September- she pointed me to the sanctuary building as I was headed to the meeting house, not knowing my way around. She was excited to be singing in the O&A choir (I think for one of the first times?) and was telling me about her son she had just dropped "off to Northeastern" and what an exciting step that was for the family. I could resonate because a) my daughters were in college at the time - I knew what empty nesting felt like, because I was experiencing it for the first time too (my younger a freshman the same year as Bryce); and b) I used to work at Northeastern on campus, and loved the school. So Bryce was part of my early-on connections with our new life in CT and at UU Westport.

Secondly, when Bryce came back to sing at Christmastime, one of my fellow altos surreptitiously  pointed him out to me and told me what a special young man he was - "Gifted" and "Amazing" were  two words I remember for sure, and then a (whispered, between singing...) whole storyline about the amazing family he was a part of and what a special trio they were. It was clear to me watching the humorous interactions he had with Ed and the other choir members that "this was a boy/young man with a long wonderful childhood and history in this congregation who was much beloved." I was looking forward to hearing about his life at NU as he studied there,  and loved seeing him singing with at least Mike - (Trina too?) at Music on the Hill that first summer.

Later, the photos, stories, remembrances, and tributes that have flowed in from his friends, and from fellow UUWestporters, have helped me to appreciate Bryce's full but short life, even more than our slight interactions would do on their own. Thank you for sharing the life of your son with us.

In my mind, there is a warm, golden glow when I think of him. 

I remember talking with Bryce at Christmas Eve Concert rehearsal in December 2019.  He enjoyed singing and was in good spirits. I had no idea this would be the last time I would see him.

This weekend was Northeastern's Graduation.  As I sat at the computer science ceremony on Saturday followed by the full school commencement on Sunday I thought about 5 years ago when Bryce and Duncan first started and how Trina, Mike, Ken and I had lunch at the school cafeteria.  We were so excited for our boys.  Bryce should have been there this weekend.  It felt wrong to not hear his name called.  Please know that I carried Bryce's memory and thoughts of him through the ceremony so that in some small way, he was there. 

I walk every day - I look at Bryce’s bench in our neighborhood every day…I think of you both every day. Much love to you on this day and all of the days ahead without your beautiful boy. I look forward to Bryce’s day of remembrance and celebration of hislife. Xoxo

This popped up on my memory feed for facebook.  2016 Mike and Bryce dropped off this perfume for my birthday. I still have some and amwearing it today so I can think of you all day!  

I knew Bryce (mainly) in high school as a brilliant, funny, and amazingly kind human being. He was incredibly unique in his interests and in how he approached the world. Even something as simple as wearing that Christmas jester hat during our high school’s holiday concerts really reflected Bryce’s attitude and will always be synonymous with Carillon for me.

I distinctly remember my sophomore year English class with him in high school. For a dystopian storytelling assignment, he opted to code a game for a class project and brought in a playable beta version of "Nightmare" on a flash drive. He told us he was “still working out the bugs” for it despite demoing the player movement, moving shadow effects, and randomized 2D level generation in front of the class. Mr. Pollex was as floored as the rest of us.

Bryce also taught me Go in that same English class using a hand-drawn grid on a piece of scrap paper. When we sat down at a board later, he continued to teach me while playing, walking me through a full game. I really appreciated the time and patience Bryce showed there, it’s something that stuck with me.

I feel blessed that I got to know Bryce, however briefly. Wishing him nothing but complete peace and happiness.

January 2, 2010. Heavy winter snowfall. Heavy.
We’re out there shoveling and clearing the paths and the usual.

Bryce is 10 and a huge Lord of the Rings fan… perhaps because I would read it to him as bedside stories from the beginning (starting with The Hobbit, of course)… perhaps because we would spend hours together examining the Atlas of Middle Earth or its geography, its battles, etc… no matter.

Turns out that there a big mound of snow piled along the edge of the driveway. So, we dig in and shape it into the seven rings of the White City… with holes through the “spur” along the passage to each level… and the Tower of Ecthelion… and a small gap in the “spur” where a flaming Denenthor plunges to his end.

Here it is, the holiday season of 2022. This year, I am somehow able to sing the Xmas Eve service. It does not bring me much joy, but there is something there that I can touch again.

For us Costawongs, for 12 years, our holiday season revolved around the musical celebrations at our church, the Unitarian Church in Westport.

From 2007 through 2019, Bryce sang on Xmas Eve. Starting in the kids pageant as a shepherd, then a villager, a townsperson, one of the three kings (myrrh being his favorite), a soloist, Joseph twice. Then in 2014 joining the adult choir for the candlelight service with me, and eventually Trina, too.

Bryce’s voice was angelic, and our music director, Ed, lovingly routed many solos his  way (from the Pie Jesu to O Holy Night to composed concert and stage works) because B sang beautifully and musically and with focus and spirit.

We showed that spirit on the outside, too.

I know that Bryce loved wearing his Santa hat from Thanksgiving on. He wore it to school, we wore them out driving and shopping and hiking, he wore them during school concerts, and I suspect it was also to encourage others to do the same… to wear it on the outside.

And, yes we wore them to church. We had a caroling sing-along every year, and we would decorate ourselves with blinking lights and our hats. One of our favorite silly things to do was to sing the carols exactly as written in the lyrics sheet. So, during Deck the Halls we would sing “fa la la la…” as “fa la la la dot dot dot”. During Silent Night there was a typo, so we would sing “Heavenly hosts sing Allelular” lik a pirate. And many others, including translating or sounding the various days of xmas. One year, our music director said to “wear as much red and green as possible”, so Bryce put on every red tie we had lying around the house.

And, of course, there was the fantastic Santa Jester hat that Trina gave me. Well, Bryce loved that hat, a lot. So, come 2015 we got him his own to wear to school, in concerts, at church, around the house, and pretty much anywhere.

Every Xmas Eve we would wear them to church, take them off during the service, and then put them on again immediately after the last notes were sung… to show it on the outside.

Today, December 19th 2022, Trina presented me with a hand-made quilt made up of some of Bryce’s favorite tee shirts (more on that soon). It is now my 2nd favorite quilt, because my favorite quilt is the one that Bryce made in February 2014 (still 13 years old)

The picture shows his hand-made and hand-sewn quilt following a Fibonacci ratio spiral. Bryce didn’t want to do squares. He loved reading books together, and there was more than on on the Golden Ratio and Fibonacci Spirals and Geometry, so he decided on something more dynamic. He sifted through the fabric until he found pieces large enough to render the big square, and then made diagonals, and so on, until he could create the pattern of the spirals working through the quilt. This is easiest to see if you look at the light blue triangles. He was a little irked at the teacher who cut the last yellow rectangle as a square instead of the measurements he wanted, and he had to adjust and stop the desired proportions.

I love this quilt so very much, and I rest under it on our couch often when I am down and need to feel its weight, and thought, and craft, and warmth, and intense curiosity.

Can not let today go by without remembering all of your awesome costumes!  This year your cousin Birgitta will be Snow White and of course I will (naturally) be the Evil Queen!
we are plating a bunch of rice crispy treats in your honor.  I think that was my favorite of your costumes. ❤️    We love you Bryce and miss you everyday.  Love you Mike and Trina

Dear Bryce,
In my house, my 3-mile running route has been affectionately called, “The Trina Run” since you were little. A week before last, I took a break from running and walked by your house and sat at your bench. I was admiring the cool rocks around it and wondered what you’d think about me adding one of our cool rocks we’ve collected from our favorite beach on Cape Cod. Last Thursday, on my Trina Run, I looked up at the golden tree above your bench and, in the middle of it, I saw the shape of a star. I stopped to take a photo to try to capture it. I like to think that it was you giving me a sign to bring over that rock. I’ll be back soon

Hi Trina and Mike,

This morning I was able to go on a short, silent hike at Devil’s Den in Weston. The first time I’ve been there since I think 2019.

Bryce and I had hiked there maybe 20+ times over the years. Starting with the lowlands, then moving on to the Great Ledges. A regular, for sure, that we even shared with a group from Troop 88 for a warm-up hike before an AT backpacking trip.

I reminisced about those times today, that began when he was very young.

And, I share with you a map that Bryce drew of Devil’s Den after one of those very early hikes of about 4 miles. He was 6 years old based on the recycled paper that it was drawn on.

I miss my hiking buddy.

- Dad

In the summer of 2019 we decided to make a big change of plans for vacation and to make our way to Glacier National Park. This was potentially the last summer before B would be having a summer internship or similar and it would be increasingly difficult to work out a family vacation. Soooo… Glacier, because of the glorious Highline Trail.

We booked it and all that. But, there are 2 stories from this trip that I would like to share.

The first story happened by accident. Our flight was delayed, delayed, delayed… and our connection could no longer connect. So, we decided to at least get to Chicago and then have more flight options the next day. We flew, we got shuttled to our overnight hotel, etc. That night, we broke out a game on the iPad that we had played for years and years called Tower Madness. A hilarious and fun tower defense game where each user tries to protect a pile of sheep from invading aliens. There is a mode where 2 people can play at the same time on a split screen, and each player can send along robots to steal the other player’s sheep… but, most frustratingly, Bryce would always “load up the landing pads” at the beginning of the game. If managed correctly, it gives the player who sends in aliens early some crucial extra money to buy defenses. It also can really throw off the other player (me). We have a short video of this that Trina took on the sly where Bryce laughs his “heh heh” giggle laugh as he does this, saying “I just did the thing that Dad hates… heh heh heh”. What a moment. To take a slice of unexpected time and to spend it together in a game with laughs and groans along the way.

The second story is about our hike along the Highline Trail (now 3 years ago). It grew into a beautiful day… starting out cold and a bit wet to reduce the folks on the trail, and slowly becoming partly cloudy with bright sun and clear views of magnificent mountains and backlight cloudy skies throughout the day.

We started off all together, but a few miles in at the saddle, Trina offered for the two of us to go ahead so she could take it easy on her knees (that’s another story), so B and I blazed ahead. We had barely gone a half mile more before we had to step inside the trail and put hands over our heads due to a small rockslide. We were uninjured… I kept a small rock. As we turned the corner from that event the full valley opened up its view and we could see all the way to the Granite Park Chalet… wayyyy off in the distance… barely the size of a pencil tip. We hiked and hiked… marveling at what nature provided for our bodies and our souls. We stopped for a little lunch, saying little except to talk about how the clouds split and reform in turbulence as they encounter a mountain top.

Eventually we made it to the fork in the trail that leads to the top of the Continental Divide, and views of two large glacier, and another 1,000 feet of elevation. That leg had me whipped. Breathing was hard. B seemed undaunted and asked me to take my time. We reached the overlook and talked a lot about the glacier and the scale of things. The packaging on our granola bars had ballooned due to the 8,000ft altitude. We laughed. We were amazed. We were energized.

Our hike back was joyous We talked about setting up a hot dog stand on the trail. How much would we pay for a freshly fried hot dog right now? How about somebody else? What condiments would we provide? Definitely mustard and sauerkraut (we loved sauerkraut). We could just bring along our little camping stove, and aim to sell 20 hot dogs a day, then head back on the trail with cash in the pocket. The rangers would never need to know.  ;)

I would do that with Bryce.
For a day, for a week, for a month, for years.

Who WOULDN’T want a delicious, freshly fried hot dog while hiking on the Highline Trail?

C’mon.

Do you remember those years when Bryce’s birthday party was yard camping chez Costawong? Yard camping plus yard fun, plus fire pit, plus pizza, plus roasted peeps, plus an epic Munchkin game, plus pancakes, plus finishing up the epic Munchkin game.

It was never “big”… 3 to 5 close friends. They’d get dropped off on Saturday or Sunday afternoon (Memorial Day weekend usually) with their sleeping bags in tow. Immediately it was off to fun in the yard: frisbee or balsa airplanes or tennis ball “fights” or just running around and talking. Simple fun. Pizza for dinner. Then we’d start the Munchkin game. I played, too. It was so much fun to be the “sort of DM”, but mostly to be the easy target of petty thievery and emergency alliances. So many laughs. Then we’d break after a few hours and get the firepit going, which included the Costawong invention/tradition of roasted Peeps (some made it into mouths, the others to a gooey, fiery end). Then some gathering of evening resources: headlamps and flashlights, toothbrushes, etc. Running around in the dark came next, followed by hanging out in the screened shelter to open gifts. They’d try to figure out starting positions in the big tent where the kids slept. The positions shifted over the evening as cards were played, nerfs shot, tennis balls lobbed, or bodies rolled around… whatever. I would sleep in my tent nearby to chaperone in case any kids needed anything, so I got the grins of listening to all of the laughing and joking… the fart jokes… the actual fart sounds (yeah, gross)… and the joy of knowing that my kid and his friends had this time together. Of course, come 10:30pm I always had to get them to start simmering down and sleeping so the neighbors didn’t call the cops.

The morning would begin with cereal and pancakes and the slow waking up of the kids… complaining that one of the Andrews rolled on top of their stuff.

Shortly after that the Munchkin game would continue and reach its epic conclusion. The most memorable was when I was about to reach level 9 based on an all-out battle that included using all of my resources, as well as making some dubious alliances. When the cards were all in (so I thought) a certain dubious ally (AW) cast a final card, the ball of yarn, which distracted his own character’s familiar away from the battle forcing me to lose EVERYTHING. The uproars of “oh NOOOOOO!!!!” and laughter must’ve reached a mile. The kids had wiped out the scheming old man… they’d played him for a chump. Everybody was grinning. The game ended a turn or two later, then the parents arrived. Sometimes we even had to hustle off to a Memorial Day Parade with Cub Scouts.

Saturday mornings. The day to work all week for. Wake up early with the kid so Treen/Mom can sleep in and not have to be a caregiver for a little while. Oh, what mornings we had. It would start with breakfast while listening to the 7am airing of Car Talk on WSHU. I was the breakfast cooker on any old day of the week, but Saturdays would include something special like baked beans, or Bisquick drop biscuits with butter and blackberry jam. Then we’d take our time getting ready for the day, maybe play a few quick games of Tower Madness on the iPad, or prepping our next big “make”. No rush. We’d then gear up for an adventure… usually a hike… organized sports really weren’t for him even though he came out and played hill ultimate on Sundays as he got older. Back to hiking… we hiked his entire life, from age 0 (many thanks to that old backpack carrier when he was young) until mere days before he left on his last hike into the woods and beyond. And back to preparing snacks for the day… into the backpack  would go apples, cheese, mandarins, granola bars, waters. Off we’d go in the beat up, old, white VW Jetta that everybody in the neighborhood know because it was missing a hubcap. Our ritual was to not start a hike on an empty stomach, so second breakfast (we borrowed the term from Tolkien ‘cause we were both big fans) was a quick jaunt to Dunkin’ for a sausage egg and cheese bagel, a chocolate frosted donut (spinkles? no thanks), little hash browns, and a juice. We’d drive to the hike, eating and talking and laughing and listening to the current week’s episode of Car Talk (the 7am was the prior week’s). The hikes were always filled with fantasy stories of imaginary millebeasts (mountain bike tire tracks), or talk of Tolkien, or ancient battles, or imagining the many people who had found their way along this section of a trail. We’d arrive at a vista and break open the snacks, taking our time to look out over vistas and point out distant objects, play with ants, climb the rocks, throw rock out into the water, float sticks, you name it. Then we’d mount up and head back to the car for the ride… home?… sometimes… but on great days our next stop was:

Super Duper Weenie!

I’m a fan of the New Englander, so I’d get two along with fries. Bryce loved their chicken strips because the honey mustard sauce made them extra outrageously delicious… combined with a Black Cherry soda and listening to jazz from those nice window seats. Heaven. B would eat half of one of my dogs, and I would eat one of his nuggets. Heaven. My son. My better me.

The rest of Saturday was wonderful, but what wonderful mornings.

This is a picture of us going on a Saturday morning hike when he was 2 years old… at Trout Brook Valley.

I remember a time that Bryce was cooking in his apartment. It was right after I had dropped him off sophomore year after some break. He was in an apartment that we joked was crawling distance from Whole Foods. B was very independent and frugal, and he would cook up a big batch of food on the weekend so he could quickly eat good food as a reheat (just like I did when I was in grad school). He would make big pasta sauces, big batches of chili, etc. based on what meat specials he got in email from Whole Foods that week. We had a ton of fun at the start of that year stocking the larder with basics and seasonings and oil & vinegar and such. Well, during that particular break I spent some time teaching Bryce the famous kielbasa rice slop recipe that our whole family loved and that started as B’s school lunches.

I was driving back on the Mass Turnpike and I get a txt from B. I asked Siri to read it and it was something like “hey Dad, how long should I cook the onions again?”. I was beyond thrilled. Bryce actually texting me and asking for some advice.

Aside: when your only son asks for something, and you worry every day about whether he will try to end his life again, and you send him off to school because he has told you that we couldn’t stop him and that this was what he wanted and needed, you stop everything to do anything.

I answered back with a quick verbal reply saying “after the kielbs (our family name) are just browned, stir those onions in and then let it the sit for 2 minutes”. I quickly pulled over to the side of the road to keep on texting (he didn’t want to call). And our exchanges lasted about 10 minutes while he wrapped up the recipe. It ended with “Thanks, Dad” and “Love you, buddy”.

We cooked together his whole life. From toaster oven grilled cheeses with sautéed onions to marinades to guac to omelettes to biscuits to whatever. I got a chance to gobble down one of his stews on the day I had to move him out due to COVID, March 18, 2020. It was yummy… we brought the leftovers home to CT. So many memories, fading in vividness.

Here’s an early picture of him grilling marinated chicken thighs.

This is a picture of Bryce wearing my orange “around the house hat”. He used to love wearing it, but mostly he loved hiding it from me. If I took it off and went to another room I’d come back to find it missing… and then the search began. Sometimes Bryce would have given it to Mom to hide. Sometimes he would grab it and stick it somewhere and send me on a scavenger hunt, or give me warm and cold hints. One time it was in the freezer… in a ziplock bag with water… frozen by the time I discovered it.  :)

And then, there was the time when I didn’t know that it was missing for a few days (must’ve been summertime), and when I asked Bryce he had forgotten where he had put it. It was lost. For years. Really, for years, like 5+ years. Then one day I was doing some work up in the attic organizing the boxes of HO train stuff that was lying around and I opened a box, and there it was. Resting comfortably along with spare track pieces, a turntable, and other odds and ends.

Boy did we laugh!
I can still laugh at memories like this, but differently, of course.
It is all different, this world of sorrow.

I recall seeing Bryce play his new cello (a high school graduation gift purchased through many donors) at his grandparent’s house in Cos Cob. Living in Ohio, I had never hear him or seen him play the cello. It was wonderful. It was obvious he enjoyed playing it. It was a joy to watch him and hear the beautiful music.

You are not forgotten Bryce,

Aunt Roseann

Dear Bryce,

This band on my right wrist that I wear every day says “Costawong” on it because I don’t know how to get a tattoo… I’m afraid the design will suck because I’m weak and tentative. But, this band is a beautiful thing and I wear it every day.

This band on my left wrist is the watch band of your old timex watch. The same watch band that you wore for years and years… the same watch touching your skin that you wore for years and years. There was a small loop on that band that you had taped together with masking tape, but it has fallen off, so I replaced it with a little rubber band which I think you would’ve approved of. I wear your watch every day all day. The thing about the watches is that it is very like you Bryce. It’s a simple timex… simple face, simple numbers, simple red second hand, and simple day and date. It’s a watch. It doesn’t need to be all fancy and give you text messages, and read your heartbeat, and make you hyped up every time it vibrates. No, it’s a simple watch. It’s single super-duper feature is that when you press the one button on the side you can see the time at night. That’s it. Indiglo for when you’re “in da dark”. Keep it simple and save you’re worrying for big things like code, music, abstraction, game theory, the mountains, a few close friends, and life itself.

Since the beginning, Bryce and I would wrestle around and play and all that fun Dad+Son stuff. There are so many iterations of this over the years. I would play wrestle with him to find “Dad’s keys” that he would lay on, then I would get into his ribs with my big Italian nose and root around for those keys. Oh, the squeals of laughter and tickling and joy. We added to this a fun thing where I would hold him in my arms in front of me, and then fall backwards onto the bed (kinda like the Nestea plunge). Bryce would basically fall onto me and crush me. How he loved the falling and squashing of Dad. We would run around the house chasing each other and then jump on the bed. I would carry him in a piggyback and then fall on the bed. The anticipation oh his face was again pure joy. Of course, 2 kids playing around like this eventually led to pillow fights. We have one particular pillow that is a lumbar pillow from TempurPedic... it sorta looks like a half battery. We would use it as a battering ram, and it became known as the “battery ram”. We learned from Bryce later in life that he thought that “battery” was the word for battering for several years. Pillow fights were about being sneaky. First you feign a fall, then UP goes the pillow in a slow arc toss. Then, while the target is watching the slowly falling pillow, we throw the other pillow in a fast straight line. Boom! We would circle the bed, me on my knees, B standing, doing this for many minutes. Eventually, B would land a crushing swing and I would fall down onto the bed. Bryce would mercilessly and happily jump on top of me and bounce his body up and down to squash me. But, a-ha!, that’s when I would find the battery ram, turn sideways, and then with tiny little bomp bomp bomps I would use the battery ram on his laughing self, like a, well battering ram. It was sooo soooooo much fun.

BUT, the biggest highlights of these pillow duels would come when we were on road trips or family vacations. As soon as we got in the room, pillows would be, um, “rearranged” across beds, and then the fights would begin. On the way back from Letchworth State Park in NY one year we checked in at a hotel in Niagara Falls. For some reason Bryce was really enjoying the flannel sleeping bag, and he zipped himself into it and then started hopping/running at me, saying “CHAAARRRRRGE!” and then knocking me over. I would get up and grab his whole apparatus and toss him onto the hotel bed, lobbing a few pillows on top, while he would squirm his was back onto the floor to “charrrrge!” again and again. Onto the bed, pillows, battery ram, charrrrge! Trina would lob pillows, and ofter helped Bryce take me down for the pile-on! The video of this is just a snapshot of how long this hilarious and soul-filling episode went on. Another time was when we stayed a few nights in Vegas after having RV’d to Zion and Bryce. We checked into the hotel Excalibut, and knowing that we were about to go see the “Tournament of Champions” that evening, discovered that there were tube pillow on the couch... that looked like bacon! Whunh?!! Bacon lances! Bryce and I ran at each other with the bacon lances, jousting away, until that disintegrated into a full on pillow fight of ultimate silliness. Trina was sitting on the couch watching our foolishness until she just had to join in on the fun.

About that word “silliness”. It is based on the German word “Selig” that translates as “holy”. We were wholly blessed to have these times with Bryce.

Bryce and I first went to Maker Faire in Brooklyn in September of 2014. It was a world of wonder. People made stuff because it gave them joy. We ate jambalaya from a food truck and casually wandered the field of astounding exhibits: mini arduino tanks, a wrist mounted flame thrower, rockets, self-playing violins, massive metal moving sculpture, drone racing. It really channeled his love of making and our love of watching MythBusters.

But, what he was really entertained by was this old-school mechanical device. I could tell by the way he looked and looked at the packaging in the commerce tent with a grin on his face that it was something special. It was a “Useless Box”. You may ask “what is a useless box”? It’s a box with a single flip switch. You flip it, and then a little poker emerges from inside the box, flips it back, and goes back into the box. Totally useless and 100% flippable. Seriously, you cannot help but enjoy the ridiculousness of this thing.

I found it online a few weeks later and gave it to B as a Xmas gift. He couldn’t wait to sit down and make it. So, he invited Andrew W. over to join in the making. It couldn’t have been a better afternoon, and the laughs that bubbled up from the den as they constructed this wacky contraption were truly wonderful to hear. B’s chortles and guffaws, and A’s “oh noooo!” when tiny screws fell off the table.

Ask any of B’s friends about the Useless Box. They all flipped it, and flipped it again, and again.

I Love you, Bryce

It's August 4th 2021....and I am thinking of Bryce today and remembering him.
I am holding Trina and Michael in my thoughts and prayers.
No special reason...just am.
This is what "forever missed" means to me...Bryce will be forever missed.
That some days he will pop into my head...or his mom or dad will pop into my head...

What would you be doing today, this day, Bryce-if you were here.
How would you feel about...the pandemic, news events, the green in the trees...and on and on.

Here is what I think he would want to know about us.
He would want to know that we are OK.  We are doing OK.  We are doing what we can to help each other through.  We are challenging ourselves to be better, dig deeper, love harder, be more vulnerable...in his honor and in his memory.  Loss can muddy the waters-but sometimes it eventually can make things clearer as well.  Losing Bryce has made it clearer for me what it is our job to do...
Do & Be Better, As Good as we can Be...in honor of a soul that will be forever missed.

One day, while putzing around the kitchen, I glanced at the island, saw a bottle placed there and laughed so hard that I will never forget it.

Trina had made a cleaning solution spray bottle of vinegar and water, and labeled it as “Basic Cleaner” on a piece of masking tape… and so it had been for several months.

Then, this amazing day, when I noticed what Bryce had done. He crossed out “Basic” and wrote below it in his inimitable handwriting “Acidic”.

“Acidic Cleaner”… that was Bryce.

I just shared one of my favorite Camp Sequassen memories with a co-worker last week. It was the castle/knights themed year. The camp counselors created cardboard castles they were stationed behind and were throwing water balloons or something along those lines at all the campers. Our pack, including Bryce and his friends, were running away from them. Mike stepped in and started shouting “storm the castle” and all the boys started charging at the two-three poor counselors who were clearly outnumbered and realized they were in trouble with 40-50 boys with cardboard swords charging at them. Comedy ensued. Love you Mike!! ❤️

WSHU will be playing “Mad Rush” by Philip Glass on May 7th, 2021 @ 8:33pm (91.1FM or wshu.org)... the 1 year mark of Bryce’s leaving.

With deep gratitude to friends at the radio station, there is a story behind this musical offering of ~15 minutes.

Bryce’s favorite composer became Philip Glass when his high school orchestra played “Company” (Str. Qt. 2) during sophomore year. He gravitated to the polyrhythms, the long phrase, and the simplicity/efficiency of minimalism (I believe that it resonated with his constant goal to refactor and abstract his coding). Seeing how much he loved it, I purchased Glass’ solo cello etude “Orbit”, which became B’s new favorite cello piece. It is always heartwarming and life-fulfilling to come home from work and hear your child practicing music, and Glass reopened this for Bryce. Moving ahead a year, after his freshmen year, the two of us were performing the 2019 summer concert with the Norwalk Gamer Symphony Orchestra, followed by dinner at Super Duper Weenie, then a group+friends firepit at Lake Mohegan. It was a magical day. I asked Bryce if he ever considered learning another instrument, like maybe guitar? He replied, “well, I’ve kinda always wanted to learn to play some piano.” And so it began. I moved the digital piano from my office to the downstairs den so he could start. First with Bartok’s “Metamorphoses”, then I immediately ordered Glass’ Piano Solos book. He started in on Glass’ “Metamorphosis 1-5” and played them the rest of the summer, even moving to the final piece in that collection “Mad Rush”. He worked out a quick structure map (picture) so that he could memorize it and focus on the physical mechanisms of playing the polyrhythms (which I cannot play without stumbling all over the place, perhaps I cannot work/think at all those different levels at once). We talked about the music. He showed me what he was learning. We listened to other Glass recordings on YouTube. He even would take breaks while friends were over to play some of these so they could listen and discuss. It was less than 2 months into his starting piano when I decided to order him a digital piano for his sophomore apartment dorm room. We set it up in his living room, and it turned out to be used by his roomies as well (one of his friends/roommates wrote about “Mad Rush” in a different story). When Bryce got home for Thanksgiving break he had the idea to fix up Trina’s parents’ spinet that was in the living room. His approach was simple, if the keys were stuck, then spray them with WD40. Whaddaya know, it worked! He started playing Glass on the piano in the living room at home. Again, beauty and the meaning of life were there in the person and the music of our son. So, I purchased Glass’ book of 20 Piano Etudes for B. He started digging in on No. 2, No. 5, No. 7, and his all-time favorite No. 16. No. 16 was challenging, but shared some thematic ideas with the short Bedroom music from “Orphée”, so I purchased that for his spring break in Feb. 2020. We played and listened. Then came the “you must leave campus” order mid-March 2020. I moved B home. He continued playing Glass on the living room piano. That piano is now silent. I try to play the music he played on my office studio digital piano. He played piano for 10 wonderful months.

It was raining this past Saturday. Every time it rains I remember how much Bryce loved rain and water. If you can, take a few minutes to watch this video of when B was only 2... the first day that Bryce had worn his new waterproof boots... and I edited this down. We would love walking in the rain, down our street to watch the water flow down to the drain at the end of the road. We’d walk out in a thunderstorm to be in the midst of it. Weather is only weather, we’d say, just layer better. And waterproof boots were the best. When we hiked and got to a small stream or muddy area I’d gingerly try to hop across on the rocks, while B would just plow right through saying “they’re waterproof, Dad”.

Not just the rain, of course, but flowing water, which he would damn up to watch the flow change, how it would absorb into the earth, how waves would propagate. Even during our last vacation to Glacier he enjoyed sitting next to a rivulet and moving the rocks around... and you know what... it really is beautiful to look at. I’ve also uploaded some pictures of B looking out over the water, or doing this kind of stuff over the years.

Love you always, buddy.  

Although the 12 hour drive kept us from being closer friends, Bryce and family would always welcome us over for games, food, and fun when we were able to come visit. From 'extreme' pingpong, to video games, to munchkin, to 'dodgeball' of sorts with all the cousins, it was always a fun time! From being pretty reserved, to loving cats, to enjoying computers, we were actually much more similar than I first thought & you will always be missed.

The fondest memories we have are of the Jenning’s boys being a part of Cub Scouts. The bond our boys developed was amazing. Trina and Mike were extremely generous with their time and dedication. It was fun times for our entire family. This is where we were able to get to know Bryce. Science museum, camping, Lake Mohegan hikes. All in our memory to last forever. Loved Getting to know Bryce, happy, quiet, extremely creative and funny too. Mike and Trina, your love for Bryce and bond you had was wonderful to see. He will be your guardian angel forever. Love to you

Bryce is my nephew -even though he is not with us on this earth now, he will always be my nephew. One of my earliest memories is reading books with Bryce when he was little. I was living in California at the time, and so he only saw me once in a while. When he got to be about three years old, I visited New York, and he couldn't remember my name. So he asked me, "Hey uh uh Aunt Sump'n, can you read a book with me?" That's how I got my nickname! 

So anyway, I sat down on the couch in the living room, and Bryce sat next to me. I don't remember the name of the book, but I do remember that he leaned against my right arm. It was also so cute, because he was also sniffing my right arm! I have sensitive skin, and I remember exactly what I was wearing that day because it was all I could use at the time - La Source by Crabtree & Evelyn. We sat there, and I read the book out loud, and Bryce leaned against my arm, sniffing my arm and helping me turn the pages. Love Aunt Sump'n.

The music people always stick together. That’s just how it is.  This story is from the year that Bryce was in fourth grade and Jordan was in third grade.  Jordan was supposed to select an instrument for orchestra for the following year.  He came home with a sheet that said, “violin.”   Jordan didn’t want to play the violin.  He wanted to play the cello. How could we be sure?  This was a big deal.

We needed help with this decision, and Jordan and I in our discussion thought that Bryce would be the person we would trust the most to ask about this.  Bryce took music very seriously, too.  And he would understand why we thought this was a really important decision. 

I asked Trina if Bryce would be willing to give Jordan a demonstration, and of course, he agreed. 

I remember sitting there fixated on this talented, gentle, deliberate boy, and on his ability even at age 9 to be so incredibly musical with that cello.  He was so thoughtful in his explanation of the instrument, what he loved about it, the details...the order of the strings, how to bow, how to properly hold the instrument.  Jordan soaked it all up. Bryce patiently showed Jordan the basics of how to play the cello, too...and cemented Jordan’s decision. 

I loved that our boys knew each other as toddlers, then played on the Jennings playground, and later spent three years in orchestra in the low string section together.  Bryce’s musicianship always made me so proud.  During Bryce’s senior year Chamber Orchestra concert at GHCC, he and the cello section played a piece that he arranged for cellos.  It was amazing.  At the end, I turned around and looked up into the loft to try to catch Mike’s eye.  There was the proud, beaming papa with his video camera. 

Bryce, we will always be grateful for your music, for your thoughtfulness, and for your kind approach.  You are loved and missed.  

I met Bryce when he was a very new baby, at a La Leche League meeting. He was very beautiful. I was happy to watch him grow (up) at the Unitarian Church. I especially loved hearing him sing. He always seemed preternaturally calm and wise. I am so sorry he is gone

Snow was the perfect excuse for fun for us, from when Bryce was just a baby throughout all of his days. As if by magic, nature would tell us to go for a hike, go sledding, walk on a frozen lake, make a snow Minas Tirith, play frozen ultimate with just a few folks, whatever. Sometimes just the two of us, but often enough we’d drive by and pick up a friend or two to give them the chance to escape for a few hours. And, of course, soooo many trips to the Werner slopes for camaraderie, silly sledding and crashing, and always good food when drying off.

I’ll never forget the pure joy of the outings for both of us. Here are just a few pictures that I could quickly find.

Most people when they’re being “weird” are only weird for the entertainment of those around them. But, Bryce is a different kind of weird. He’s weird because that’s just who he is. He is himself for no one else's benefit but his own.

Lying on the floor with his arms and legs spread out like a star while staring past the ceiling, that is just his natural position. I used to lie next to him every once and a while, mostly trying to be funny. It was actually very comfortable, the only yoga position that doesn't hurt. I tried to figure out what made that position so great that he would assume it so often. I still only kind of understand.

I do it all the time now, lie down on the floor on my back and stare past the ceiling. On my own, with friends, family, concerned strangers. I’d never gotten lost staring into a ceiling before I met Bryce, just one of the reasons I’m thankful for having known him.

After thinking back, I wanted to add one of my memories that I had of Bryce. When Bryce would come over, almost all of our activities were done outdoors and in the woods by my house. Right across the street from my house was a small cliff that we used to climb, and on top was a small flat area of the woods. Bryce, Andrew C, and I used to climb up there while exploring the wilderness, and we determined that it was the perfect place to set up the ABC headquarters (Andrew, Bryce, Connor). We got to work together, first finding a good Y-shaped tree to set up the base by. Then finding a couple large sticks/fallen trees to start the construction of our headquarters (which was really just a little lean-to). We used the tree and sticks to set up the overall structure, and vines and some string to tie the ends in place. We then collected smaller sticks and leaves to cover the lean-to and use as a roof. After we completed the construction, we realized it was a bit small but that was okay, it worked anyway. Then it was Bryce's idea to try to add a door to the base. This didn't really seem possible with what we had but it ended up being a fun challenge. Andrew found a perfectly sized fallen branch that had smaller pieces coming off the sides. We used that and interlocked sticks with it to form a makeshift door. Once we had the door in place our headquarters was complete. We were able to go back and visit the lean-to whenever we wanted, and it makes me wonder if there is any remanence of the structure we created still there today.

Bryce had a full length keyboard in our dorm room in the fall of my junior year/ his sophomore year. We were in two semesters of chorus together. He was always practicing piano when I got home from work. I never understood polyrhythms on piano until he explained it to me. The piece was called "Mad Rush" by Philip Glass. It had triplets in 3/8 on top of eighth notes. I couldn't believe he taught himself how to play that- or maybe he had lessons- but he was so smart and talented. Although I had an ear for pitch, having perfect pitch, he always had a knack for rhythm and when I was playing it in cut time or something instead of 4/4 he would let me know. I had no idea I was actually playing tuplets in six. That's why I could only hear bits and pieces and not the entire motif. Anyway, he always made me laugh during stressful times, and my favorite memory is asking him what he was going to be for Halloween.