ForeverMissed
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Fourth of July at my big brothers was always a blast!

July 4, 2016

 I surly miss going two exits over just to enjoy dinner and seeing everyone and watching my brother smile and be happy to be with his, family. of course you always have to have Tylenol because we all talked over each other and he's always act like the drama was a bit too much of all of us laughing or talking too loud or bickering. but you just have to know my brother to know that that's the way he acted he could never show you just how much he loves you or just how happy he was comma because he never gave his true feelings completely away. He always held back just a little bit. If that even makes sense to anyone but to the people that really knew him will completely understand what I'm talking about. But anyway... and to see him smile even more when it was time to light off all the fireworks that he would go pick by hand. To try to do the best show for us that he could. Of course we would all bring fireworks and food but he always tried to buy the most expensive and would always try to explain to us that the heavier the firework the better. So each year he would try to outdo his self, from the year before,  in doing his, final finale show 4 us, at the end of the evening. Not to mention him out doing, him self. Every year with a wonderful brisket or ribs or whatever else he chose to BBQ that evening. I can remember those days like it was yesterday. and I miss him so much it hurts, so bad inside, especially on days like this & Memorial Day!! Because unlike Thanksgiving and Christmas, when you're all running around trying to get everything done and trying to organize the children and so forth and so on. it was more relaxed in the summer for the 4th of July & Memorial Day, were we,  or should I say he... could just slowly barbecue and all get together and talk or have a beer or whatever we wanted,  had more time with each other anyway and all the kids Could hang out, & ran around the backyard and played football. Or swam in his pool.  well my mom's pool. That he inherited, when he began to buy her house, that was lost, in the long run. that really sucked, because my grandpa and my uncle Louie and my big brother, carl,  helped my mom build that house from the ground up,  after it burnt down one year. but oh well, I guess life has to go on!!!  I just wanted "you" to know, Big Brother"...  that, I'm going to miss you  having the kids line up in a single-file line tonight and come out there with you on the rocks or the boards or whatever you secured  in the backyard each year and  safely light, fireworks,  One at a  time with your supervision, except for the older kids of course. All of us women would line up in the chairs and watch you help the kids, light the big stuff... I miss those days so much. but I know we'll be together again one day. and I know it'll be, an even better life than what we already had together. and that's the only thing that gets me through on days like this!!! I love you Carl with every piece and part of my being in my soul. Happy Fourth of July, Big Brother. I was one of the luckiest little sisters in the whole entire world to have such a wonderful and great big brother like you. I love you!!!

The life of a great man. And amazing brother!!!

May 28, 2016

This man, my brother was a wonderful brother and a wonderful son but most of all a wonderful father comma he gave to everyone in need and his motto was always I'm not offering you a handout, but a hand up!! He would give the shirt off his back to anyone in need he was a true loving kind man he was the perfect example of what a loving father brother or son or cousin or friend should be. He loved riding his Harley he loved hunting and fishing he love to do things with his family he always barbecued and cooked for us on holidays he was the rock that held us together when my mom stopped having holidays he picked up where she left off. Although we were allowed family he still dealt with us and was happy to have us around as often as he could every excuse for every holiday he could make time he definitely did and never left anyone out. I know my mother was his heart and soul and I know my grandfather was his mentor and the man who guided him to be the man he became. He was someone to look up to someone to honor and someone to call a true friend exclamation point when we lost him we lost one of the best humans that God ever sit on this Earth!! People say as the time goes on it gets a bit easier everyday or every year, but I have yet to feel that or experience that... As the whole of my heart is still very empty and very deep there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of him miss him and find myself being very selfish that I can't be around him or hear him or see him, even though I know he's in a better place. As a sister I could not have asked for a better brother and I'm sure every sister feels that way but anybody that knew my brother Carl knows that I'm telling the truth that it didn't get any better than him exclamation point sometimes I pray that I can dream of him or that I can hear him or maybe just see him one more time. but to believe believe in the Lord, is to believe that one day I will be with him again exclamation point there isn't a day that goes by that I don't try to be the best person I can be for him knowing that he's watching down on me and that I love him and honor him so much that I still to this day do not want to let him down. And even when I do mess up I put my head down in shame knowing what he would say to me or how he would feel about it. He may be gone but he still very much so a part of my everyday life!! And I wish I could say that my hearts pain has became easier as the years of going on, but I would be lying. Because honestly it still hurts today just as much as it did the day I lost him exclamation point if he was just another man just another statistic just another brother it would be different. But this was the most honorable loving kind respectful hard-working brother Sun uncle and father and nephew and cousin then I and many have ever met in their lifetime. Therefore it's not as easy to move on as some would think. But I'm writing this today just to let him know that I still think of him I love him long for his voice or his wisdom every single moment of every single day. And to give his friends and family a chance to write something or say something just to maybe get the paint off their chest and their heart as I feel I'm trying to do myself with this letter and missing you Memorial post... on this Memorial Day weekend!! To my family and friends please be safe. This weekend and always Kama as our loved ones that have passed on would want us to live a full life and a happy life. And to my brother Carl... I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you proud and trying not to let you down and to honor you everyday for the rest of my life. And to do my best to look after our mother as I know you would if you were still here!!! I love you to the depths of my soul brother Kama until we meet again please give my love to Grandpa Smith to Grandma to Brian and to mom Sherry and Uncle Louie exclamation point and please brother always keep an eye after our brother Richard because I can't always and I know he need you more than ever. I love you comma bless you Kama until we meet again my sweet loving brother. Your loving, little sister, Shannon.

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