On March 13th 2014, I was going through plenty of pain. I realized, it was never going to go away and I needed help. I needed to tell someone. That night, I posted it on my blog to see if anyone who knew would have seen it. I asked Bailey to view my blog. She viewed it and said nothing to me for about 20 minutes. Than, she broke the news to everyone and her and I made up from our fight.

That night, pain was everywhere. It spread across all of our friends. We didn't want to go through missing Carol anymore. We wanted her here. Now. We didn't want to lose her. We didn't think she'd leave us this soon. It was truly terrorizing.

That night, everyone fell asleep but for me and baby Justine. We sat there crying. I told her we were going to be ok and Carol loves us. I told her that her sister is protecting her and I from bad. I told her she was with us. She looked around and asked, "where?" That broke my heart. She missed her big sister and there was truly no pain that was the same as Justine's. Nothing was right. I felt alone. So did Justine and I tried to help her get through her frightening pain. I knew how she felt about losing Carol. I was in just as much pain as she was, but very different pain. Two very painful emotional pains. Losing Carol was the biggest mistake of my life and I wish somehow I could undo what happend to us. But I can't. She's gone. I would have given anything to still have her here with us. I'd pay any amount of money. Now, the pain was on us all.

Tragedies, nightmares, hurt, pain, depression was inside my head on the morning of March 11th 2014. I knew my angel was gone and never to return. Woody nor Justine knew. Nobody but me knew the hurt. Anytime anyone said her name that day, I tried my very best to smile. But I didn't. I couldn't smile.

"Where's Carol?" Woody asked that morning. "Still sleeping," I told him quickly. I didn't want to talk about Carol. "Oh, Justine's awake and she's bored. She asked where Carol was." He told me. "Nevermind it. She's ok, I said knowing she wasn't ok. She was in the hospital... dead.

"Big sissy?" Justine asked me later that day. I forced on a smile and hugged her. "Your sister is at a playdate with a good friend." I told her and that was the truth I guess. Carol was with a good friend. God. Justine didn't mind that. She crawled off back into her own world.

Later on, I began thinking, "how did this happen? What could I have done more to prevent this?" But nothing really came to mind besides 1 thing... believe. Still, I didn't know what it was trying to tell me.

My life was terribly in pain that day. I was hurt, shocked, painful, never ok again. Did this have to happen to Carol? Did she have to be the child to save earth one day? I know I'd love to know that Carol saved so many Malaria lives. But I want to know she is here too. I guess one day I'll see, if Carol accomplished her mission of life. To cure all of Malaria.

On March 10th 2014, it was a regular Monday. I was going to school, Carol and Justine to the nursery. Before we left, Carol was scared. She didn't want to go. I asked her why. She didn't say anything. I took Carol and Justine. I told Amanda, the nursery worker, that Carol was acting weird and she might need more sleep. The workers put Carol to sleep. Carol woke up to play with her sister. Carol was making a puzzle when she began having seizure. Amanda didn't know what was happening. She thought it was normal. Carol was freaking out. Amanda thought she just wanted to go home. She did remember me warning her about Carol acting weird. Once Carol passed out, she realized something was the matter. She called Ms. Nalonan and told her everything that happend. Ms. Nalonan arrived shortly to take both Carol and Justine. She left Justine with a doctor to play in the kid's waiting room and took Carol to work on her. Ms. Nalonan thought it was like every normal time she had to work on Carol. But, once she lied Carol down, she knew there was something wrong. More wrong then usual. Carol was pale, blue and it didn't seem like she was breathing. Ms. Nalonan was freaking out too much to handle this so she called the ambulance. The ambulance took Carol to the hospital and Ms. Nalonan called me. She told me Carol was rushed to the hospital. She called me at 1:30pm. I arrived at the hospital at 1:45pm. She explained to me what happend to Carol and I was panicked too. I didn't think that this was it with our angel on earth. I waited until 4:00pm. During that time, I realized that it might be it. Nobody's worked on Carol straight for that long. Once they came out at 4:00pm, they told me that her heart had stopped after going very slowly and Carol had a seizure and a shock.

I was never ok after that day. Carol was gone. Nothing was right in the world. No sound, no touch, no Carol. Sometimes I'd sit and wonder, how? Why? Why now? Than, I realized, maybe if I had just truly believed her when she told me to, she might be here. Maybe, it was something. And I realized why she was scared that morning. Nothing in the world was right again. It never felt the same. I never got used to being without her. Never. It hasn't been that long. It feels like forever since I've seen her. I miss her so much. I never felt right again. I'm so out of place right now. I don't know what to do. Our angel has flew to Heaven early.

In Loving Memory of Carol Addison Fink, brought into this world on August 4th 2010, and flew back to Heaven on March 10th 2014.

We miss you angel girl. We'll never forget you. Every day I think of you. No day goes by that I don't. I love you and miss you. Never seeing you again, is hard for me. I love you forever angel girl. Never forgotten

It was March 5th 2014 when Carol told me to believe her. I didn't know what to believe her about. One morning she just said, "do you believe me?" I said I didn't know what to believe. She began whining and almost crying saying, "please believe me!" "Ok, I believe you." I said. Deep down, I didn't. Infact, what was there to believe? I thought, "maybe it's something that she's expecting me to think she did wrong." But something inside of me was telling me that wasn't it. I was confused. Carol, somehow knew I didn't believe her and asked me again. I told her in a very serious manner that I believe her.

Carol thought I believed her. I knew she did. She didn't ask me that again. Truly, deep down, there was no belief. What was there to believe? Fairies exist? Humans can fly? What is there to believe? Carol confused me that day.

Though, on March 9th 2014, something was bothering me. I didn't know what it was, but I thought of believing Carol 4 days ago again. I re-thought, what is there to believe? I didn't know what to believe. Something about Carol was getting on my nerves. I was confused that day. What is it? What was bothering me? Maybe it was Carol passing out and fainting the other day. What else could it be? Maybe it was something with Woody? I knew for sure it wasn't that. To this day I never realized what was bothering me on the night of March 9th. But now I see it clearly. There is a true explanation for this now...

At a point, I thought it would be good to explain to Carol what Heaven is like. We decided to explain it to her because we knew she knew she was going to die. It broke our hearts to have to be doing that, but we had to. It was our only choice.

"Carol, do you know where the best place ever is?" I asked her one night. "Hawaii?" She wondered. I knew Carol. She knew what I was talking about. She just didn't want me to know. "No, it's called Heaven." When I told her that I thought I saw her do a complaining look on her face. I explained to her that when she goes to Heaven one day, but I told her a while from now, but I told her it would be whatever she wanted. She said, "candy?" "Of course!" I told her.

It scared me a little bit when she asked, "when do I get to leave?" I told her that it wouldn't be for a while. She sighed. Was Carol looking forward to die? Or was it just how I made it sound? I was glad she liked it, but I didn't want her to want to go.

Explaining Heaven to Carol was like explaining who she is to herself. She was Heavenly. So, I felt as if I was explaining her right there. I then realized something, she's mine. She was all mine. That Angel was mine. I didn't realize how lucky lucky I was to have her with us. It was a great feeling to know that she was all mine. Knowing that that isn't what life is anymore, hurts me forever.

On February 7th 2014, we celebrated my birthday by going to a swimming pool. I brought Carol who was at the doctor's yesterday on the 6th. She was returned to me with pool medications and a breathing tube attached to her face.

Carol's sweet doctor, Ms. Nalonan, came to me with Carol. "Addison, Carol needs to be in the disability changeroom for her medications and you cannot remove this breathing material from her face or else she will begin to have breathing troubles. Malaria is lot's of work. You need to know how to take care of Carol with it." She told me.

"Ok, will do," I replied and we took off to our friend's uncles to go to the pool.

When we arrived at the collicut center, I took Carol into the disability changeroom. I had to give her pills, refill her oxygen in the tube, and give her a needle. She was ok with getting oxygen, but she hated the other 2. When I gave her the pills, it tasted awful, I had to hold her up to a sink and she drank water to get the taste out. The needle, she would always scream but I gave her a bandage.

I played with Carol and Justine at the pool and we had so much fun. I enjoyed playing with them. Carol seemed to be her regular self. I knew she was. She was herself and I was glad.

When we left the pool, I had to redo everything with Carol. The needles, the oxygen and the pills. After the pool, we went home. The girls were already wearing their pyjamas because I put them in them at the pool after we swam.

While everyone was downstairs talking, Carol and I were upstairs in the bedroom talking. "Are you ok?" I asked her. "Yeah. I feel ok." Carol said. Her and I sat down on the bed. "Do you feel sick or anything sweetie?" I asked. "No. Only a little," she said. I picked her up and stood by the window. We looked outside and kept talking. She didn't seem open to the Malaria questions. She'd answer briefly and quietly. I was worried for her. I felt like she knew something was wrong, but she just didn't know what it was.

On January 12th 2014, I was noticing weird effects on Carol. She was dizzy and hurting for weeks. I didn't feel the need to go to the doctor. I thought it was regular childhood fevers and sickness. Puking, dizziness, extreme temperature changes, random acts of drawn blood, and violent coughing is what I saw. On January 19th 2014, I decided a doctors would be a good idea. I decided on regular check-ups because Carol seemed only sick to me. I also got Justine a regular check-up. Unfortunatly, the doctors were really busy lately so the soonest I could get appointments in was February 8th and that's what I did.

On January 25th 2014, Carol's sickness was getting worse and I was worried. She began having effects I had never seen on a common childhood cold. I was really worried about Carol so I went to the doctor and asked if there was any times before February 8th because things werent doing good. They got us in for February 4th. I kept on telling them what was happening and if we could have sooner but they didn't have anything open so I accepted February 4th.

On February 4th 2014, I told Justine and Carol they had to go to a regular doctors appointment. They were ok with it. I took them to the doctor. I got Justine's results back first which was in 10 minutes. I was told she was patient and well behaved. She was a perfectly healthy little baby. I was happy. Carol's appointment took a little bit longer because she was sick. After 30 minutes, Carol was just given pills to stay healthy and they'll re-check her tomorrow.

The next day, I was introduced to a 27 year old doctor, Ms. Nalonan. Ms. Nalonan had been caring for Carol. Ms. Nalonan told me that Carol had a life threatening disease called Malaria. I was confused with Malaria. Ms. Nalonan explained a little bit of what it was about and I realized why Carol had gotten it.

Malaria is a life threatening disease caused by the bite of a rare african female mosquito that it's spit goes inside and takes over your body.

I was upset. My world broke. Carol had Malaria and I was told she had it for a month. She got it on December 28th 2013. I was broken. My best friend was dying. When I arrived home, I went straight to research on Malaria. I found out it wasn't contagious and on February 6th, I could take Carol home.

On February 6th 2014, I took home my beautiful little girl. She looked ok. She looked the same. I was happy about that. Once I saw her, I thought her life would stay forever. But I was wrong because I didn't know what was coming up ahead for us.

On January 20th 2014, Carol and Justine started their first day at the nursery. It went well. They were good with their first day away from Woody and I. They returned at the end of the day with sparkly paintings for us. One was a flower from Justine to Woody, and one was a butterfly from Carol to me, another was a flower from Justine to me, and the last one was a butterfly from Carol to Woody. The drawings were well drawn for children their age. I was proud of them that day.

The next day on Tuesday the 21st, they went back. That day went well too. They made friends with 2 little girls only a year older than Carol. I'm not sure of their names. Carol and Justine played with them that day.

Than on Wednesday the 22nd, it went well again. Carol helped Justine go potty for the first time and Justine earned a sticker. Well, almost earned a sticker. She was embarassed to get it. So, Carol took the sticker instead. So basically what happend was Justine won a sticker and gave it to Carol. Though the sticker said "Good potty work!" Carol enjoyed wearing it around.

On Thursday January 23rd, it didn't go as planned. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I recieved a phone call from Amanda from the nursery saying, "Justine bit Marcell on his pinky toe and he's bleeding." I was ashamed. I came to pick up the girls. I was upset with Justine. She went straight on timeout. She said sorry and the next day to Marcell too. It was a memorable but awful experience to hear that my child bit another one. I was ashamed, but now I'm already looking back laughing at it.

Those days are over. There is no more happy Justine going to that nursery every Mondy-Friday. There's a depressed, negative, upset, angry little girl going to that nursery instead of happy Justine. No more happy girl at that nursery. Now it's Sad Girl. My poor baby. If Carol was here, Justine would be happy girl again. I sure hope she returns to herself again soon.

On January 5th 2014, it was time for Carol and I to come home from France. We packed and left for the plane ride back to United States. Carol loved the planes. She would always love to look out the window and seeing everything getting smaller and smaller as we took off. Soon, she'd realize it's staying the same and lean back in her seat. We played games, slept, ate, and after all of that, we were back on the ground sooner than we knew it.

Once we got off the plane, we called our taxi to come and take us home because I couldn't drive because my car was at home. While we waited for the taxi to arrive, Carol and I played hide and seek. I couldn't find Carol anywhere so I called security and they found her in a suitcase lounge. She thought it was funny but I told her never to do it again. Once our taxi arrived, we headed home and counted cloud shapes in the sky on the drive.

When we arrived home, Carol busted into the doors and waited to see her sister. She didn't see Justine. "Woody and Justine aren't home yet, Carol." I told her. Woody took Justine to his homeland for Christmas and New Years. Carol just hung out with me and we unpacked. 4 hours later, Woody and Justine showed up. Carol ran to her sister and hugged her and they exchanged gifts they got from the gift shop. We enjoyed the rest of our evening by watching a movie with chocolate vanilla milkshakes.

That night, Justine woke up crying. She was a little baby at that time and has changed lots since then. I got up and fed her her milk from her bottle. I put her back to sleep. I got no sleep that night and I did it for Justine. Soon after that, it was the other way around. Justine was asleep and Carol woke me up. I miss babying Justine like that. She's grown out of that. She sleeps well. I miss getting up and hushing her to sleep. All kids grow up. Some fast, others slow. Justine was definently fast and Carol was slow with the sleeping, but fast with the rest. Overall, returning home was great. I saw a bit of a change in Justine since last time I saw her. And I see more changes now. I wish I could see changes in Carol like I do in Justine. Guess we'll wait and see how she is in Heaven too. She would have changed a lot by the time I see her again.

On December 22nd 2013, Carol and I traveled to France to see my family. We stayed there for all of Christmas break. Carol loved getting to know my country and making french friends. She tried a french accent too. It was cute. We explored Fracne and got toys from the gift shop. On December 23rd, we met my friend Amber who Carol called bubby. Amber thought it was adorable. Than, we went for dinner with my parents and younger sister. My sister Michelle, loved Carol and would talk to her and baby her all night. Carol liked her. Carol loved the resturaunt we went to. The kids menues came with drawings. She colored in a blue fish and gave it to me. I still have her blue fish drawing.

On December 25th, Christmas day, Carol got me up at 6:00am and 15 minutes later Woody texted me and said Justine got him up. I said Carol got me up too. Carol spotted a big present that said Carol from Santa on it. "Addi! AHHH!!" She screamed. I picked her up to see it better. "Santa buy me something. He think I'm good!!" She was so excited that Santa got her something. My sister got up at 6:30am along with my mom and dad. We all opened our presents. Carol went first with her Santa present. It was a trampoline. She had asked that from Santa for Christmas. "Yay!! Addi look," She screamed. "Yup. Santa got you just what you wanted." She shrieked again and yelled, "thank you Santa!!!!" She hugged the box. She got me a glass dove with flowers in it. I love it and still have the dove. The flowers died. Like she did. She loved it. After presents, we set up Carol's trampoline. Carol, Michelle, and I jumped on it all day. Carol was always double bounced. It was the best Christmas of my life!

Carol Addison Fink was born to 2 unknown parents who one is dead and the other has an unknown location. I found Carol who was currently 2 years and 11 months at that moment and baby sister Justine who was 10 months old at that timing. Woody, my boyfriend, and I were put under the children's legal care. Carol and I grew very close as time went on. There was a point in her life that it seemed like I was too busy for her with Justine as a little baby. Soon, Carol and I got back to our normal selves and Woody was with Justine more often. Carol was a perfect child. There was just nothing to throw off her perfect life. She loved everything about it. She was a happy child and was usually that way. Carol loved life. She would play all day. She loved the beach and Wild Rapids Waterpark that I told her we'd go to every year. She was always excited for Summer. She was just a simple child. She was smart for a child her age. She wasn't a picky eater. She'd eat anything. I mean anything. She'd eat chocolate spread right from the bin with me. And we'd stay up all night until we knew the room was totally quiet and would eat from candy stashes. She loved life and I'm glad she did. And she was an easy girl. That was my Carol. It was just who she was. Carol was different and I'm happy with that. She was her own person and I'm glad she was who she was. There is only one thing about her life that I'd change. That she passed away. I miss her with my heart. She was my greatest miracle in life and now I have Justine to help carry her memory. How come God always takes the best angels? I'm happy for her. She's dancing in Heaven as an angel, with the angels.