I always loved and had a healthy fear of my Aunt Carol. Although she was not always outwardly affectionate, I knew she cared about all us nieces and nephews and it showed in how her door was always open to us to come hang out and play games or stay at her house if anyone or their friends needed a place to sleep. My memories of her include the many pieces of colored fabrics she collected and the quilts she crafted from hand. They include her willingness to let you eat her last piece of bread or drink her last cup of milk. How much she looked like grandpa to me. How different from her brothers and sisters she was, yet how much like a Nicoll she seemed at the same time. Fierce and independent is how I think of her, with a dose of melancholy. I always respected her. And because she lived in Ramah I was lucky to get to know her kids the best of all my cousins, especially Tanya who was closest in age to me and forged a close friendship with me as an adult.

My picture I am sharing is one of the only ones I have of Aunt Carol and me together, but it was a very fond memory from 2002 when I had come to town for a quick visit with Tanya to meet Tony, and to meet up with my brother Jed who I barely knew at the time. We met at Aunt Carol’s house and played Pictionary. And we  joked and told stories and laughed a lot. It is a fond memory for me and a rare moment of having my aunt sit down with us to play and feeling very close and connected. And it was Tanya that was able to get us all together for that shared moment.

I am one of the outlaws as Carols mother called those of us no longer in-laws in the eyes of the law.  I am also old enough to use the term “back in the olden days” and that is how I will start my story about Carol.

Back in the olden days winters in Ramah were harsh and snow storms came in quick leaving treacherous road conditions to Gallup.  Carol worked days and went to college in Gallup taking night classes.  I was young, maybe 21.  I recall how lucky Carol was that her girls would spend the night at her mothers where they would have a hot meal, warm fire, cozy flannel nightgowns and clean beds stacked high with blankets.  I always hoped maybe Joe went down and provided the same to the boys.  I worried about them and wondered if they were fed and warm.

This night a snowstorm blew in leaving deep snow and icy conditions. Joe worried Carol was not back from Gallup and about the time he was going to look for her she came through the door.  I remember she had enough hair for two women, it was wild and tossed by the wind.  She wore a dress and shoes not fit for the winter storm.  I remember what looked like men’s dress socks and she was wet and cold.  I recall these details because she is forever imprinted on my mind as she was that night.

Carol describe the snow packed road conditions and   coming to a stop when sheep crossed the road.  Her car was no match for the winter conditions and although she got out to try to push the car forward she could not regain traction.  Finally neighboring men from Zuni approached and pushed and bounced the rear of the car until she was able to continue home.

I was aware of Carols home life, large family, hard work and harsh living conditions and as I looked at her that night, I thought she was the bravest, strongest woman I had ever met. 

That image of her has remained with me all my life.  And years later when I had my own family and worked all night and went to college during the day if I felt a little whiny, I would recall Carol and the challenges she overcame.  A brave, strong woman who endured and persevered to better herself, Carol unknowingly was a role model for me that night and helped me find my own strengths later when I needed to also try to better my life and family 

While talking with Grandmama this year, mom asked her what her first memory was. She talked about sitting at the table at Mother's and sewing a button on her grandpa's shirt. She thinks she was 3. She said it was memorable because she didn't see her grandpa very often 'because mother did not like him, she thought he was a family deserter'.