In 2014, I was lucky enough to travel with my mom to England. Although her mother's family hailed from the town of Lincoln, my mom had never before visited Britain She was excited, then unexpectedly hesitant to go. None of us fully understood why. My sister Clarice assured me that she would help to get mom on the plane no matter what, so plans were made.
It was a beautiful trip, filled with laughs and long talks, shows, dinners, tours, shopping, teas, and walks. I don't know if I ever had so much of my mom's company to myself, and found it very special. Mom was a real trouper. Her gait was a little unsteady and shuffling, something we had begun to notice recently, but now a bit more exaggerated with the fatigue that can accompany travel. She became annoyed at my frequent reminders to walk "heel-toe-heel toe", "look right" and "mind the gap" to keep her safe and on her feet as we covered much of London. She would giggle every time I told her this, and occasionally followed my advice.
Mom had an amazing appetite at this time, and loved to start each day at the wonderful spread provided by our hotel. We could take our time, which was good, because mom had trouble collecting and organizing herself for each day's activities. As we had no one else to report to, and a wonderfully open itinerary, we could take our time, and enjoy the planning and assembling for each day.
Finally we were ready to go to Lincoln. After a long train ride requiring several transfers on cold and rainy station platforms, we were relieved to arrive at a warm pub on the old town square of Lincoln. There was castle to the right of us, the tremendous Lincoln Cathedral on the left, and ancient Roman walls and streets surrounded us. I was very excited to see these sites which had been frequently described to us by my grandmother. First we went to the castle, to marvel at the towers, keep, ramparts, and dungeons. We enjoyed the stories of William the Conqueror and Lincoln's copy of the Magna Carta. Then we were off to the Cathedral where we saw the baptismal font where many of our ancestors had been christened. Of course, we had to hunt for the imp of Lincoln Cathedral which, to our delight, we were able to find in the vast array of gargoyles, arches and columns. As children, we greatly enjoyed my grandmother's stories about the imp. My mom's response to all of this? "Now I know why my family left. It’s awful here". True to her character, mom was quick and direct in her opinion.
It was apparently time to head back to London, but before we left the Cathedral, my mom paused, looked at me strangely and asked, “where am I?” My heart sank. While there were changes in her behavior, mom was able to hide things just enough to leave us wondering if she was just being ornery. In the fatigue and emotion of visiting Lincoln, this was too difficult for her to conceal, and I'll always remember this as the first time she openly admitted to being lost, and asking for reassurance.
Despite this, we were able to laugh together upon our return to London, about what an oppressively cold city Lincoln was. She would repeat how thankful she was that her family migrated to California. For a good amount of time afterwards, we could enjoy sharing details of our travels with friends and family. But it was painfully clear that mom's memory was fading. This trip will always be special but bittersweet. With hindsight, mom's excitement about taking the trip inexplicably followed by her trying to back out of things made much more sense. I can't imagine the courage it must have taken her to leave her comfortable and familiar surroundings. However, once we got under way, she no longer hesitated and took on every adventure. We had a wonderful and memorable trip!
I am thankful for my mom's sense of humor, sweet laugh, her trite clever phrases that could often mask her failing memory. She had such a peaceful, calm and trusting demeanor that accompanied her to the end. Her eyes always brightened when she saw her children and grandchildren. I'm thankful for the time I had with her on this lovely trip, and the countless special moments I was able to share with her throughout the years. She was always there at important times, when it mattered most. I want to thank my dad and siblings and their families for the incredible care and love they provided my mom as she slowly drifted from us. I hope everyone knows how fortunate we feel for the love and support of friends and families as we now say goodbye to mom.
