4 years

So many things can happen in 4 years.
High school, medical school, college, the all just pass by in just 4 short years.
I can still remember you at four, in preschool with Miss Mary, still learning how to translate those deep thoughts into words.
Such a thinker, so cerebral, so very much missed.

You have always been careful to consider others, observant and kind. Outside of your sisters, many girls considered you their best friend, confidant and encourager.
I think you would’ve made a wonderful father, coach and husband.

I can’t help but think about the next 4 years. Most of your friends are finishing their first degree, getting married and starting families.
In 4 more years mine will all be grown, out on their own.
In 4 years I will still be here alone and waiting for when my last 4 years allows me to be reunited with you.

Love,
Mom

Happy 21st Birthday!

The days and months rush by, in contrast to the day you passed when time was at a standstill.
Some days rapid passage is welcomed, knowing we are one day closer to reunification with you.
Other days, I wish time would pause, allowing processing of your absence with reminiscence of memories to fill the large void your silence leaves behind.
Suicide strangles, smothers and squelches hope.
It stole your sense of wonder, your spark and sniffed out your life light.
Suicide, the personification of evil, tricking your mind into telling you worthless lies, clouding your discernment, deceiving your ability to recognize your worthiness, your love, your strength to overcome.
I believe you didn’t want to leave and how I wish we were able to have known, to have helped you fight and convince you otherwise.
The responsibility and duty to carry on your wish has now shifted to those you left behind.

Sharing your story of your love of friends, your competitive spirit, your compassion for others also lost and figuring out life’s purpose.
You continue to reach out from beyond the veil to guide others and warn of worry to those you love.
It is in this Hope we cry, we grieve, but we survive. We crusade on, in your name, to be a light in the darkness, the hand to pull back a soul from the depth, a defeater of suicide. ❤️